Guarding the Heart
by wood-u-like-2-no
Summary: After Rachel turns down Finn's request to be back together romantically, Finn makes the decision to join the National Guard, leaving both wondering what the summer has in store for them when they don't have the other to rely on.
1. Decision

**A/N - So despite the spoilers I've heard (read), I'm still posting this on the assumption F&R do NOT get back together over the summer. Seems to make more sense to me if they don't. If this becomes A/U, so be it, but hopefully I'll entertain some readers along the way. Mostly this is in response to the fabulous Fildos community who all told me they loved my one shot, The Answer and** **when I casually mentioned I had ideas to fill in the space around it, I got encouraged to post more. So here's the first installment. JannP_,_** **you rock lady! Thanks for the very quick beta reading on this, and I love our back and forths about stories and the show. **

**Disclaimer - Don't own Glee, blah blah blah, all belongs to FOX TV and the R.I.B. triumverate, blah, blah, blah. Really, it's FanFiction, people. We should all know **

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><p>Finn groaned and turned over in his bed, ignoring the alarm that disturbed his sleep. His last exam for the school year had finished at 3:30pm yesterday and all he had wanted to do since then was hole up in his room so he didn't have to walk through Lima pretending he was fine and didn't feel like he had a sucking chest wound; like a fuckin' zombie.<p>

_"I'm…I'm sorry Finn. I – I just __**can't**__."_

The words Rachel had said to him in New York circled through his mind like an annoying thorn that just _**wouldn't**_ go away and _**wouldn't**_ stop biting. The hurt was physical, a bullet straight through his heart, aimed and fired just as he thought he had _**finally**_ figured things out. Fired just as he was taking some step, _**any step, **_to correct what he wasn't sure he could; he'd been too much of an ass, too indecisive, too self-centred to see how much his actions had hurt those around him. Now he'd just given her massive heartache at the absolute _**worst**_time of year. He had dumped Quinn right after Sue Sylvester's speech at her sister's funeral. The speech had clued Finn into how attached he still was to Rachel. Kurt had reamed him out for his attempt to set things right with Rachel, and Rachel, after New York, hadn't given him more than cursory and polite greetings of either hello or goodbye. He noted with slight dismay that, other than Puck, no one had even bothered to text him about his absence the night before from the Glee end-of-year party.

After thinking about how he'd acted for the last six months, he couldn't say he was surprised. He'd fucked up this year-royally fucked up. He hadn't thought it was possible to fuck up more than Puck had sophomore year, but he'd definitely proved he could be just as big of a douche, if not a bigger, than Puck was ever capable of.

_**What were you thinking? **_His mind asked him as he lay there, squinting at the sunlight pouring through his windows. His immediate answer to his mind was _**I wasn't! **_And that was part of the problem, he concluded in a rare moment of early-morning insight. Nothing he did was really thought through. He didn't really think about trying to forgive Rachel for her indiscretion with Puck at Christmas, one that he had partially caused due to his dishonesty. He didn't really think about if getting back together with Quinn would be a good idea given their history; didn't really think about if attacking St. Jackass at prom was worth the consequences, and didn't think or even consider the possibility Rachel would _**not **_want to try again with him.

Now he felt isolated, lonely, and just plain _**stupid**_.

_**Maybe everyone is right about me, **_Finn thought to himself gloomily as he sighed and covered his eyes with his arm. _**Maybe I am just too fucking dumb to get out of this place. Too fucking dumb for girls – no – STARS like Rachel. Too fucking stupid to do anything worthwhile. **_

The door to his room opened and his step-father, Burt, walked inside a couple steps, arms hanging loosely by his sides. He already wore his standard dress; jeans, button shirt, vest jacket and ball-cap on his head. "Finn, come on, buddy. Time to get up."

"What for?" Finn responded lackadaisically. "School's out, summer's started. Hooray for summer holidays." His head dropped back on its pillow.

Burt sighed. "Yeah, you're bummed out. I get it. I know you loved her, Finn, but…"

"Not loved- _**love **_her. _**In love**_ with her," Finn corrected quickly.

"…but shit like this happens sometimes. We can't force people to be with us. You have to just respect her wishes, get up and get on with _**your **_life."

The quarterback made a derisive raspberry sound. "Pffft. Doesn't feel like there's much point."

He heard Burt walking further into his room, and expected his somewhat gruff step-father to pull the sheets off his bed or something, but instead Burt just went to the blinds and drew them up, allowing the sunlight to flood his room full force. Finn grimaced as the bright rays struck his eyes and he turned over in his bed, more to keep the light out than to ignore Burt. He felt the weight on the bed behind him shift slightly, cluing him into the fact Burt had sat down.

"Look, just because Rachel's said no right now doesn't mean it'll always be that way. You think Kurt's mom agreed to go out with me the first time I asked her? You think we got married without any problems along the way? We broke up three times, Finn. I can tell you from experience…if it's gonna happen, it will. "

"Don't really want a pep talk right now, Burt."

"Too bad, Kid, 'cause you're gonna get one anyway." Burt then turned and did exactly what Finn expected. He yanked down the covers and exposed Finn to the bedroom's cool air. "Part of the pep talk is to tell you to get your ass out of bed and come with me to the shop. I've got a ton of work to do, and if you plan on moping through the day, you might as well do something useful and help in the shop. I'll even pay you under the table for your time. Now come on. Carole's already left for work and Kurt's off doing some spa thing with his friends, but they're coming back here after lunch."

Finn flinched a bit and looked away. He knew what Kurt's plans were and he knew which friends he was with: the two he had been hanging around with increasingly since Christmas had come and gone.

Mercedes and _**Rachel**_.

He didn't really want to see Rachel right now. Well, that wasn't entirely true…he _**did **_want to see her, he just wasn't so sure it would be a good idea for his wounded heart. Seeing her reminded him what he'd had, what he'd lost, and wasn't able to get back; reminded him of the last six, horrible months of his life where he couldn't figure anything out, wasn't sure what he wanted, and was then rejected when he tried to make amends. The more he rolled the thought around in his mind, the surer he was seeing Rachel right now would _**not **_do him any favours. He was already thinking about her too much and feeling far too many horrible feelings.

Reluctantly, Finn nodded to Burt. "Yeah, I don't think I want to be here when they get back. I'll come with."

Burt nodded in return before heading towards the bedroom door. "Wise decision…let yourself heal. I'm leaving in fifteen, so if you get up now, you should have just enough time to use the washroom and get dressed. See you downstairs."

Finn rolled off his bed and quickly washed and dressed, choosing clothes he wouldn't mind getting dirty in the auto-body shop. It was actually a relatively safe plan to pass the day…he had never seen any of the other Gleeks in there other than Puck and Kurt. Puck was likely off doing something with Lauren (or waiting outside 7-11 for someone to buy him beer…again). It also let Finn do something he always enjoyed: work with his hands. It was a love he'd had since before he was even in Glee, before he'd ever met Rachel, heck, before he had even _**gone**_ to _**high school**_. It would almost be like going back to his roots, when everything was simple and uncomplicated.

Yeah, he could definitely use that right now.

**XXXXX**

"So, what are the plans for the summer, Kid?" Burt asked as he plunked down two Subway sandwiches on the shop's lone staff/lunch table. Finn grabbed his foot-long steak and cheese sandwich and unwrapped it hurriedly. His stomach was aching for food since he'd unwisely skipped any sort of breakfast in his haste to get out the door with his step-father. Burt had chosen a simple six inch turkey and honey mustard sandwich for himself, one that also sported every kind of vegetable available. Finn knew Burt had to be careful with his diet since his heart attack, and he was definitely loading up on the vegetables to abate his hunger.

Finn chewed a large bite of his sub and took a giant swig of his cola, thinking a bit about the question before he responded. "I hadn't really decided," he mouthed around his lunch. He shrugged and wiped his hands on a napkin before opening his bag of chips. "I guess I figured I'd be with Rachel and didn't want to commit too much aside from that, but now…" Finn looked at Burt with sad eyes and shrugged again, sniffing a bit before grabbing his sandwich and devouring another large bite.

Burt leaned back and wiped his own mouth, taking a sip of water from the bottle he had purchased with the subs. "Well, ya gotta do something, Finn. Kurt's found some summer work with the community theatre doing costuming, and your Mom and I are gonna be busy with our own jobs. And I hate to say it but I can't pay you to come in here everyday."

Finn nodded. "I know, I know. I just…really didn't plan to have a summer like this. I figured I could make things up to Rachel…to everyone really, but…I don't even know where to begin. I hurt so many people this year. Rachel, Sam, Quinn, Kurt…even Puck since I wouldn't talk to him when he tried to apologize for what happened at Christmas. I've just…I don't know what to do about everything."

"Maybe you're worrying too much 'bout them," Burt said after swallowing another bite of his turkey sub. "Sometimes it's not the other people you need to worry about, Finn. Sometimes it's yourself you need to focus on. You haven't seemed real happy 'bout anything since you guys won that football championship; even at Regionals you seemed out-of-sorts. "

_Out of sorts. That's a nice way to put it, _Finn thought silently. Out of sorts didn't even begin to _**describe **_how he'd felt after Regionals, or since. How do you put a name on feelings that just continued to fight back and forth with each other? How do you sort through strong feelings you have for one girl and conflicted feelings for another at the same time and then battle with yourself to decide which one is "the one"? How do you describe the sheer rage at seeing some asshole about one step away from hurting the girl, _**the same girl**_ you saw him hurting last year and who means almost everything to you?

The main entrance opened, ringing a bell that could be heard in the small staff room, and Burt smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Finn, I have to…uh…"

The tall boy nodded at his step-father. "Yeah, I get it Burt. Customers are money. You go ahead."

Burt returned a small smile before exiting the staff room, heading towards the front counter to see how he could help the person who walked in. Once Finn had determined it really was a new customer based on the bits of conversation that filtered through the open doorway, he took one more bite of his sandwich and sighed before standing up and walking towards the window to turn the blinds open and allow some daylight to enter into the staff room. He noticed across the street was the usual view from Burt's auto-body shop: a small grocery store which held the Subway restaurant where they'd acquired their lunch, a home care medical store which catered to just about all kinds of medical needs, a nail salon he knew almost nothing about (save a time or two Quinn had decided to get her nails professionally done), and then beside that, the National Guard recruitment office.

For some reason he couldn't understand, his eyes focused on the office with the U.S. flag and Ohio National Guard colours out front, both blowing lightly in the breeze. He watched as a couple of uniformed men made their way outside, their steps sure and their uniforms clean and crisp. They spoke for a minute or two more, and then one of the men saluted the other, which was immediately returned, before they both went their separate ways. Finn watched the one soldier as he walked past the window where he was observing, focused on his given task and allowing nothing to deter him from it. He wondered idly how he'd do if he decided to pursue something like that…drop out of school, join the Army, following in his father's footsteps, maybe head overseas and work in difficult or dangerous situations. Would he be able to help? Make a difference? Be all that he could be?

Without realizing it, and unsure how he'd gotten there, Finn suddenly found himself outside staring straight at the recruitment office across the street. He couldn't say what it was or how his feet had carried him from behind the window in the staff room to where he now was, but his eyes soaked in everything about the office. The colours of the flags, the navy blue sign above the doors and the U.S. military insignia all seemed to be screaming something to him about how right this would be.

"_...sometimes it's yourself you need to focus on."_

Burt came up and stood beside him outside the shop, his eyes and facial expression as serious as Finn's. He took another sip of his water bottle and then regarded Finn with a small smile. "Should we go over there?" He asked. Finn turned to regard him and Burt's face was nothing but a reflection of his encouragement and pride. His eyes told Finn everything the tall quarterback needed to know: he had his step-father's full support.

Finn frowned as another thought hit him and he shrugged a bit. "I don't know. I like the idea, but...I don't think Mom would like it if I did."

Burt took a breath and then turned back toward the National Guard office. "Finn, you're becoming a young man now, and sometimes that means making decisions based on what _**you **_want, not what your parents want. " He smirked and looked at Finn. "Besides, we're just getting information for now, right?" Burt raised his fist awkwardly, trying to mimic the standard greeting Finn and his friends gave each other.

Finn considered the situation briefly. If he decided this was something he wanted to do, it would definitely get him a severe tongue lashing from his mother. She made no secret of her distaste for almost anything related to the military after his father had died, often scoffing at the news or rolling her eyes at the number of military type celebrations there always seemed to be. "Warmongers" is what she often called them. But then, his father had been a part of that system. He'd served willingly and ably in whatever capacity the Marines had deemed necessary, and had made the ultimate sacrifice with his life, saving three others in the process. Maybe, just maybe, this would be a way of Finn being able to connect with his father. A way to somewhat understand what his Dad had gone through, and why he had been so dedicated to such a life, dangerous as it was.

Deep down in his heart, he knew this was something he could do...and do _well_. He was sure of it. And odd as it was, he almost sensed a nod of approval over his left shoulder where he knew no one was standing. He wasn't sure, but it almost felt like his Dad had approved of his decision, too.

The tall boy smiled and then bumped Burt's fist. "Right. It's just information."

**XXXXX**

"Are you out of your _**freaking **_mind?" Carole shouted across the kitchen, causing both Finn and Burt to wince slightly. In front of them were the information packages and parental admission forms which Finn had acquired in regards to enlisting. She had now abandoned her efforts at making a simple hamburger casserole dinner and was glaring at both her husband and son with fire in her eyes. "The Ohio National Guard! It isn't bad enough I lost your father to the army, now _**you **_want to join?"

Finn took a breath before going through the information again. All the kept him from moving forward was for Carole to sign the 'Parental Consent' column in the application form, a prerequisite for any recruit under the age of eighteen. Burt would have signed it himself, but given Finn and Kurt's ages when he and Carole married, they had agreed it wouldn't have made sense to legally adopt each other's sons. As a result, for all legal matters and documentation, only Carole had the right to give such consent for Finn. Burt grimaced slightly. He'd been thinking his wife might react like this. He couldn't blame her, really, knowing how he'd feel if it was Kurt's decision to do something like this.

The high school quarterback spoke quickly. "Mom, it wouldn't even really be joining the army, alright? Not full time. It's the National Guard. The guy at the office told me they're, like, part-time military. I could go do basic training this summer, come back, finish high school, and then do my trade training next summer; that's two summers of full employment. And there are a ton of scholarship and pay benefits to help for college, too. I'd have a job to go to _**while **_in my last year of high school, and a job during college, but because it's only one weekend a month, I'd have lots of time for everything else too. It's...it's like a perfect fit for me, Mom."

"If it involves a uniform and a weapon, Finn, it is _**not **_a perfect fit for you. You'd be at the government's beck and call; it's a job you _**can't **_just say no to. If they order you into some God-forsaken country in the Middle-East and tell you to kill people, do you think you'll be able to just walk away?" She shook her head disgustedly and turned towards her husband. "And I can_**not **_believe you're encouraging him to think this way. Just because he broke up with a girl-"

"Rachel was not _**just **_a girl!" Finn declared angrily, starting to come to his feet before Burt pulled him back down again by yanking on his arm. His outburst, however, did quiet his Mom down to let him talk further. "And she's _**not**_ the only reason, Mom. This is something I could be good at...really good at. I already meet the fitness portion of it, and the recruiter said if I'm passing most or all of my high school courses then I shouldn't have any problems with how the army teaches." Finn ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Mom, I...I sucked this year, okay? Sucked bad. I hurt a lot of people and I kind got lost wondering what it is I want or need in school or just what I need for myself. I let a lot of people push and pull me without me giving any thought to anything, and I _**hate **_feeling that way! I need something else than just what everyone tells me I should do. I need to...just know I _**can **_do something else; that I'm not just another high school football hero who turned around and wasted his years as a Lima loser."

"You know I hate that phrase," Carole spoke dangerously as she crossed her arms.

"But you also know what I mean," Finn said pointedly. He was about to say more when Burt put a hand on his shoulder and motioned towards the door with his head.

"Finn, why don't you go play some of your X-Box games for a bit and calm down, okay? Besides, your Mom and I need to talk."

Confusion etched his face but Finn swallowed and then shrugged slightly, sighing as he got up from the kitchen table and headed out the door. Burt sighed himself and took another swig of beer before looking up to see his wife wipe tears away from her eyes. "He's seventeen, honey."

Carole shook her head. "He's just a kid."

"No, he's _**seventeen.**_" Burt emphasized the word, causing Carole to look at him again. "He's becoming an adult now, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. You can't protect him all his life. At some point he's going to want to take flight and try something you're not sure he's ready for."

"I _**know**_ he's not ready for something like this, Burt. Honestly, you saw the mess he was in after he and Rachel broke up at Christmas. He didn't have to talk to us for us to see it."

"That's kinda why I think this would be good for him," Burt continued, getting up and coming to stand beside Carole where she leaned against the kitchen counter. "He needs to know the world is more than just this high school; more than just the friends he has now and more than just _**Rachel**_." He again emphasized his word. "He needs something to focus on and honestly I think this would make him use that head of his in a way McKinley never really does. The Guard will take care of him, too- he won't want for anything. He'll have his clothes provided, be given three square meals a day, and have shelter over his head. He'll be learning stuff he can use the rest of his life; teamwork, discipline, self reliance... And really, how many part-time jobs around Lima can offer this kind of experience?"

Carole sighed and cast her eyes to the floor and Burt could see her struggling with the decision. A lone tear escaped and trailed down her cheek as she breathed in deeply and turned back to Burt. "He's the only son I have, Burt. Kurt is a wonderful step-son and I love him with all my heart, but Finn's my _**baby**_. And he's...he's all I have left of Chris."

Burt hugged her quickly, letting her sob into his shirt. "I know, Carole. I know. But Finn is also becoming a man, and he needs to be _**his own**_ man, honey. He can't and won't stay with us forever. How often has he said that his biggest dream is to get out of Lima? Even through all the problems he's had this year, he's always said that. He needs to know that, if he wants to, he _**can **_leave. And he needs to know we're there for him no matter what he chooses."

"But _**all summer**_?" Carole asked him, looking into his eyes as she rubbed more tears away. "Why all summer?"

"We'll miss him, I know." Burt nodded at her. "But that's how the military does things, Carole. They aren't going to use kid gloves on him. And he needs to know he'll be okay when they start throwing serious...well...serious _**shit**_ at him."

She closed her eyes and bowed her head in defeat, swallowing back yet more tears. Before Burt even knew what she was doing, she suddenly turned to the kitchen table, grabbed a pen, and furiously scribbled her name in the parental consent column. She stared at the form for a moment afterwards, as if not really sure what she'd done or what caused her to do it, before she clicked the pen closed and took the form in her hand. She sniffed again and gave a wan smile to her husband. "I'll go tell him," she said simply as she began ascending the stairs to Finn's room, wiping the last of her tears away and putting on a brave face.

Burt was never more proud of her or his step-son than in that moment.

**XXXXX**

"I assume you've told everyone already?" Kurt asked, leaning against the doorframe to Finn's room.

Finn looked up from where he was folding clothes into his large duffle bag, carefully checking each item from the list the National Guard had given him. After his mom had given him the signed form allowing him to submit his application, the Guard unit had fitted him for everything and given him all of the basic gear that he would need while training. All he had to do was pack it accordingly and ensure none of it was missing. If all went well, he'd be leaving the following afternoon for the first week of pre-combat fitness training, tests that the recruiter assured him he'd easily pass given his already athletic abilities and experience.

"No, I haven't," Finn admitted, carefully placing another shirt into his duffle bag and shuffling a few items around to make it fit better.

"Not even Rachel?"

Finn snorted. "Especially not Rachel."

"I thought you guys were still friends, at least."

"With friends like me, she doesn't need enemies."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "No need to be overdramatic just because she didn't want a romantic relationship, Finn."

The taller boy shrugged. "Besides, other than you and Mom and Burt, no one knows."

"That won't win you many friends with Glee," Kurt argued.

Finn shook his head as he packed a couple more items. "I don't think I have many left, Kurt. No one seemed to care that I wasn't at the Glee party a few nights ago."

"They_** were**_ curious," Kurt said with a small smile as he walked into Finn's room and made himself at home in Finn's leather computer chair. "But I think they all assumed someone else was going to call to try and persuade you to join us. Puck told them he thought you'd hooked up with one of the girl's volleyball players."

The tall quarterback chuckled at the comment. "Leave it to Puck to start _**that**_ rumour just because one of them smiled at me; I barely even know those girls. And I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate, especially not that way." Finn admitted, grabbing a pair of pants and packing them next.

"Was it because Rachel was at the party? Is that why you opted out?"

Finn stilled for a moment, and then shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. "Partly."

"You have to stop letting her rule your actions, Finn. You don't rule her, you know."

"I don't wanna talk about her, Kurt. I need time away from all that...and from her."

"Alright," Kurt said with a dismissive wave of his hand, flipping his bangs off his face in the process. "Then help me understand _**why **_you've decided to drop everything here with your life and friends to go camping and shooting and whatever else it is they do in those poorly coordinated, vomit-green uniforms. Can't you get enough of that on the paintball course?" Kurt scrunched his face up at the mere thought of it all.

"Because I don't _**feel right**_ with myself, Kurt!" Finn turned on his step-brother as his arms went wide with exasperation. "I feel like a douche, okay? Everything was fine up until Karofsky started harassing you and I didn't step up to stop it. Then you transferred and everything..._**everything**_... went the fuck downhill. Santana spilled the fuckin' beans about us in Glee, and then Rachel kissed Puck, we broke up, I convinced Quinn to cheat on Sam, got back together with her _**knowing **_it was a bad idea, hurt Rachel even more by rubbing it in her face for weeks, then ruined both hers and Quinn's night at the prom. Then when I finally figured out what the fuck I want, Rachel pulled away and told me she can't. After all that I can't even blame her because I'm a fucking asshole, alright?"

A loud bump on the floor echoed through the room. "Watch the language up there!" Burt called down from the main floor where the two boys knew he was sweeping out the hallways.

Kurt sat silently in Finn's chair, legs crossed and his hands clutching his top knee while he pursed his lips at Finn's outburst. Finn turned and continued packing his list as he checked items off the printout of what to bring. After another minute, Kurt spoke again. "You're not an asshole, Finn. You're also the one who helped convince Rachel to not have a nose job. You lead the football team to a conference championship. You helped Sam out by donating your old clothes and gave toys to his siblings."

Finn shrugged off the praise. "Too little, too late," he replied. He sighed and turned to face Kurt fully. "This may sound weird, but this is also a chance for me to kinda know my Dad. He went through everything I'm about to; basic training, core values, all that stuff. The only stuff I have in common with him is what Mom tells me I have. Now...now I have a chance to share something of his Mom never did...I can share experience; maybe get to know or understand why he liked this so much."

Kurt nodded a bit, and then shrugged slightly. "Well, you seem to have made up your mind, brother dear. Far be it from me to stop you on your quest." He looked disdainfully at the uniform shirts Finn had been issued earlier that day. "Are _**all**_ the colours green and camouflage?"

The tall quarterback laughed at him. "It _**is **_the military, Kurt."

"If there's ever an opening for a new design specialist, be sure to tell me so I can drop in a resume." Kurt stood from where he was sitting and looked up at him. "I'll miss you, Finn."

Finn smiled and playfully punched Kurt's shoulder. "Hey, it's just for two months. I'll be back on September fourth."

"Yes, but still, I've gotten used to having you and your gorilla-like ways around this house." He rubbed his shoulder where Finn had punched him as if proving how gorilla-like Finn was. "And it's going to be hard to not have a wardrobe to critique every day."

"You've always got Burt," Finn replied. They smiled at each other before they exchanged a brotherly hug, and Finn stepped back to regard the smaller teen fondly. "I'll miss you too, man."

**XXXXX**

"You make sure you write to us, okay?" Carole said as she hugged Finn a final time before he made his way over to the group of recruits standing by the large green bus, waiting to take them to Camp Grayling in Michigan.

"Yeah, Mom, I will. Sounds like that's about all I'll have time for anyway if the schedule they give is true. And I'll email as soon as we're allowed to use the computers but that won't be for a couple weeks." Finn shouldered his gear and took a deep breath in near disbelief that he was here, about to embark on a journey that even a year ago he never would have imagined himself taking. There would be no get-togethers with friends from Glee, no lazy summer days spent by the side of a pool, and no impromptu jam sessions with Puck and Artie.

And no romantic nights with a certain small brunette whom he still loved with all his heart.

But he would have one thing that all of that wouldn't or couldn't give him: a chance to follow in the footsteps of his father, and maybe gain some idea as to why he had loved this lifestyle so much before his far-too-early demise. And that was what he clung too, even as he felt pangs about leaving his friends and family for the next two months.

Knowing that he was about to be grouped together on orders of their Sergeant, he quickly pulled out his cell phone and sent a mass text to everyone in Glee and football. After a few keystrokes, he smiled and handed the phone over to Burt. "Can't take that with me, so I guess I'll let you take care of it."

Burt nodded and pocketed Finn's phone. "You take care of yourself, Finn. And don't forget, work on _**you**_ this summer and forget all the rest of that crap you went through. This is a chance to start fresh. Make it a _good_ start."

"I will. And thanks for everything, Burt."

"Attention, recruits!" A loud voice, belonging to an imposing looking black man with several stripes on the upper arm of his uniform, suddenly rang through the parking lot. "Fall into ranks here for transportation to Camp Grayling. On the double! Move it!"

Finn waved quickly to Burt and Carole and hurried over, quickly falling into line alphabetically after a few last names were exchanged between the other soldier recruits. He fell right between "Graham" and "Kent" and easily towered over both of them by about four or five inches. He followed the others up the line until he came to the Sergeant, who looked him up and down with a menacing stare. "Hudson, I presume?"

"Yes, Sir!" Finn nodded at the Sergeant.

The black man sneered and pointed at him in the chest. "You don't call me 'Sir', maggot! I'm a Sergeant and I fucking well work for a living. Remember that or you'll be doing push-ups until you puke, understand?"

"Yes, Sergeant!" Finn replied automatically, biting back a grin. It felt like football summer camp all over again (with a few additional swear words thrown into the mix, of course.)

"Good. Now get your lanky ass on the bus and get ready to ship out."

Finn nodded and hurried on the bus, selecting a seat near the back where he could stretch his long legs a little easier. He turned towards the window and gave a small wave to both Burt and Carole, who waved back, and then before long the bus lurched forward and pulled away. Finn sighed as he watched the streets of Lima roll by through the bus' window and eventually give way to sprawling countryside, focusing on the words his step-father had said to him just a few days before.

"_...sometimes it's yourself you need to focus on."_

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) <strong>


	2. Time & Space

**A/N - So, as usual, the show messed up my ability to write in canon and now this is A/U, but such is the way of things. Hopefully I've garnered enough interest to have readers follow this little adventure of how things might have turned out had Rachel remained adamant about being on her own for a bit. Again, _JannP_, you are a machine when it comes to all things writing, reviewing and skyping. I'm very grateful for your help with this. To everyone who read and reviewed the first part, thank you very much, and hope you enjoy this segment as well. **

**Disclaimer - See the first part, if necessary. **

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><p>"How do you know?" Rachel casually asked her father, Hiram, one evening as they both were watching television, the sounds of <em>America's Next Top Model<em> coming through the speakers. Rachel was only partially hearing it as thoughts ran through her mind. She sat next to her father, knees up on the couch and clutching a pillow to her chest.

"Know what, Sweetie?" Hiram asked after taking a sip of his tea, then setting it back down on the coaster on the coffee table.

"Who the right person is?" Rachel asked, turning towards her father. "How do you know they're right for you?"

Hiram smirked a bit and muted the television before facing her fully. "Still having second thoughts about Finn, aren't you?"

"No...yes...well..." Rachel's shoulders slumped with defeat and she collapsed back into the couch. "Maybe."

Hiram shook his head. "Personally, Rachel, I think you guys just need some time away from each other," he said again. "Don't get me wrong, I _**do**_ like Finn. He's good natured and kind to you, and he always respected you when you were together. But from what you tell me he made some poor choices, Rachel, both while with you and afterwards."

"So did I though," Rachel said, hugging herself tightly. "If I hadn't just given into my need for revenge..." she trailed off, not wanting to give voice to the still painful memory.

"Kissing another boy while with Finn was definitely a bad decision, Honey; Noah Puckerman was the worst person you could have chosen to hurt Finn. I won't sugar-coat that, nor will I sit here and say I can't understand why he ended things with you after you told him. How often have your father and I taught you that two wrongs don't make a right?" Hiram took a breath and then smiled at her, his hand resting on her arm. "But Finn didn't do himself any favours by going back to an ex-girlfriend who had treated him _**and **_you so badly. Nor did he help himself by trying to play you and her off each other, or by attacking your date at Prom. He may not have done it intentionally, but Finn was _**not **_behaving acceptably. You stood beside him as a friend far longer than most would have, which shows how much you really do care for him. But after all that both of you did to each other, I do think you need to be apart for now and understand yourselves. Maybe someday in the future you'll be ready for each other again, but not the way things seemed to be going."

Rachel sighed and a lone tear escaped. "Then why do I feel like there's still this vast pull towards him? Like my heart won't accept the fact he's not beside me? Does that ever stop? Does it ever end to the point where he's just a friend and I don't want or see him as something so much more?"

"I can't answer that, Sweetie." Hiram shrugged a bit. "It did for me and my first boyfriend, whom I can now simply call a good friend, but it _**never**_ went away with your father. Even after we broke up the one time, I couldn't stop that connection I felt with him. It's probably why we only broke up for a month before we were together permanently, knowing it would be forever. " He squeezed Rachel's shoulder. "It may just become friendship with Finn, it may turn back into love; it's hard to say, Ray-Ray. Time will tell. For all you know, Finn may decide to move on completely himself. Who knows how this summer will change both of you?"

"That's what I'm afraid of," Rachel admitted as she pushed her way into her father's arms and curled against his chest, another tear escaping. "What if we both change so much we aren't even friends afterwards? He still hasn't called or texted me to say why he wasn't at the party, and I know it shouldn't bother me after New York, but Daddy, it...it does. It _**really **_does. "

"He's hurt, Honey. He needs space, that's all. Let him have it if you still want to be his friend. He's letting you have yours by not phoning and texting constantly. Take advantage of it."

"But it hurts. It hurts _**so much**_!" Rachel said, tears coming forth even more now than before. Hiram rocked her back and forth for a minute before speaking again. "All I feel is pain. It's almost worst than when he broke up with me at Christmas. Seeing that look of hurt and rejection on his face when I said I couldn't, it just..." Rachel stopped talking and began sobbing, the action wracking her body with heaving bursts of tears into Hiram's sweater.

Hiram soothed her as he held her in his arms paternally. "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, Rachel. And if you and Finn _**are **_going to try again later, you both _**need **_to be stronger so the same mistakes won't be repeated. And no matter what happens, trust me; things have a nasty habit of always working out for the best."

**XXXXX**

The phone beside her blipped once to indicate she had an incoming text message. Rachel stopped organizing some paperwork (for her first music lesson the following week at her synagogue) to take a look at who could have sent it in case maybe Kurt or Mercedes had changed plans for the evening. She glanced at the screen on her phone.

Text Msg: Finn Hudson

She swallowed, not sure if she wanted to read this or not. It had been hard enough walking away from him and his offer of a renewed romance in New York. Sometimes she still wondered if she should have accepted, despite her fathers' approval of her decision not to rush head-first into another relationship after all the turmoil of the last six months. Her feelings for Finn were still there; perhaps a bit more subdued, more cornered in her mind and soul, but there nonetheless. Just like last year, it would have been _**so easy**_ to allow them to come back full force, to wrap him in her arms and agree to start again, to forgive and forget everything before.

Perhaps that was why she had decided not to. It would be just a repetition of the cycle.

But she had _**always**_ said she'd be his friend.

She moved her thumb over the text message icon and pressed down on the touch-screen to open the message, sighing and hoping fervently that this wasn't a plea to try again; she really wasn't sure she could ignore or refuse a second time

**[ Gone 4 summer. C U all at school Sep 6. Take care. ] **

_What? _Her mind asked in confusion as she blinked and re-read the message. _What does he mean, gone for _**the summer**_? Where could he go to be gone _**all summer long**_? _

She was about to call him, her finger held directly over his phone number and ready to dial, but she stilled it. Would it really be wise to call right away? To demand what it was he meant by saying he'd be gone all summer when she'd already hurt him by rejecting him in New York? She didn't want to play with his emotions like that, like he had done hers in the last few months (whether he did it on purpose or not.) No, a line had to be drawn, and she had already drawn it. They were friends. If he wanted to tell her something more than he had, or if he was making a major change in his life he wanted her to know about, he'd have approached her. That he didn't spoke volumes to her about needing some time and space; two things she had asked for herself in New York.

She nodded to herself about her decision. Reluctantly but resolutely, she put the phone back down on the desk.

Yes, that's what she needed, too: time and space.

**XXXXX**

"So what the hell was that message Finn sent to us three days ago?" Mercedes asked Kurt as she and Rachel sat on either side of the small teen, the three of them sharing a large bowl of popcorn for their movie-marathon sleepover of classic Disney cartoon musicals. Rachel kept her face a mask of neutrality as she munched on a few kernels, dying with curiosity herself about the cryptic nature of the text message but refusing to give voice to the question personally. She was just starting to come to terms that she and Finn might no longer share all their personal decisions with each other, and she didn't want to admit to anyone (or herself) that she was actually concerned that Finn hadn't called her directly. Relief washed through her like a wave that Mercedes was going to ask the question for her.

Kurt looked at the African-American girl with a slight scowl. "If you wanted to know, Mercedes, why didn't you call Finn?"

"Uh, did you ever think that maybe I tried and all I kept getting was his voicemail?" Mercedes responded with a similar scowl, her tone condescending.

Kurt stilled a bit, but then sighed and shrugged a bit. "Finn found a job that required he be away for the summer, that's all." He swallowed a sip of his cola before putting a few more kernels of popcorn in his mouth.

"Mmm-hmmm, sure. C'mon, Kurt. You know I can read you like an encyclopedia, so spill the details. What job? Did he decide to become a forest ranger or something? Get a job at some kids camp on the far side of Ohio?"

Kurt shook his head and rolled his eyes. "No, nothing so mundane." Kurt glanced to both of the girls before clearing his throat and continuing. "He...he actually joined the National Guard."

"_**What**_?" Rachel blurted out, the popcorn in her hand falling to the mattress. Her eyes went so wide even she could feel the expression of surprise that flashed across her face. "The...The _**National Guard**_? As in, the _**military**_?"

Kurt shrugged in response. "Yes, I'm afraid so. When he said he was going to be gone for the summer, he wasn't joking. He doesn't get back until the fourth of September."

Both Mercedes and Rachel looked at each other, completely stunned. Kurt's eyes didn't look away from the television screen, however, and he shrugged a bit again to indicate that was all he could tell them.

"But...but _**why**_?" Mercedes pressed.

"Two reasons, but I think the main reason was to try and understand his Dad a little." Kurt responded, deciding to turn down the volume of the movie just as the Sebastian the crab was singing _Under the Sea_. "He never knew his Dad, and I think Finn feels this is a way he can try and connect with him by going through the same experiences. And also...well..." Kurt swallowed and remained silent, taking another handful of popcorn and eating a bit.

"It was me, wasn't it?" Rachel asked, though her tone was more a statement than question. Her stomach sank at the thought she had driven him out of his own hometown. **Of course**_ it was me, s_he thought regretfully. _He's trying to escape from his pain just like I am. Only for him it manifested into physical escape, too. This isn't what I wanted, or intended. _

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before turning to his friend. "Finn didn't think he could handle seeing you every few days, Rachel. He still feels like an idiot for how he acted and he's extremely remorseful."

"Well, he should be," Mercedes said a bit bitterly as she leaned back against her cushions on the bed. "That boy had the worst case of memory lapse I've ever seen in my life. Don't get me wrong, Quinny's my girl and I love Finny, but I and everyone else know Finn was ten times happier with Rachel than her. The reunion was all wrong from the word 'go'." Mercedes flashed Rachel a big smile that stretched across her cheeks. "I'm proud of you for standing up to Finn, Rachel; really, proud, especially after how he acted at Prom. He doesn't deserve you; at least not right now."

"Maybe, but he's hardly the only one at fault between us. _**I'm**_ the one who couldn't just accept what happened between him and Santana and had to kiss Puck _**while **_dating Finn still." Rachel shook her head and cast her eyes skyward in frustration. "So many things we both could have done differently and we might still be together. I so wish we could go back in time and correct things."

"Which is why I agreed with Finn's logic for once," Kurt said as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "You both need to figure yourselves out first. Besides, there's plenty of fish in the sea. As much as I love my step-brother, Rachel, he's not the only boy available to date here in Lima; maybe a summer romance is just what the doctor ordered."

Rachel shook her head. "No, I don't want to date _**anyone **_for a while. It wouldn't be right."

Mercedes and Kurt exchanged a knowing glance. "Right for whom, exactly?" Kurt queried.

The petite brunette saw the looks both her friends were giving her and scoffed at them. "Right for _**me**_, of course! It has nothing to do with Finn or me being hung up on him."

"Even though you are." Mercedes shot at her before having more popcorn.

Rachel ignored her friend's comment. "It's because I need to figure some things out and decide what it is I even _**want**_ from a guy. I've gone back to two boyfriends now and each time it's ended badly. I need to stop this ridiculous behaviour and clue into exactly what I want . "

"I'll tell you what you _**want**_, girl, because it's what you've _**always **_wanted. He's tall, handsome, lumbering, and usually wearing a big number 5 on his chest!" Mercedes said with a giggle.

Rachel made a face and swatted her friend on the shoulder. "There was more to Finn than that-much more-and-"

"And yeah, you can stop right there, because I don't want to know how _**much**_ more there was to Finn than that," Mercedes quipped with her palm out towards Rachel.

"MERCEDES!" Rachel looked at her friend with outrage. "That _**wasn't **_what I was talking about."

"Only what she was _**thinking,**_" Kurt fired back without looking, more popcorn being munched while watching the film. Mercedes burst out laughing at Kurt's comment, and Rachel blushed furiously, deciding not to acknowledge the verbal jibe (or admit that it was mostly true.) She still had a rather steamy, romantic dream of her and Finn at least once a week that, when she finally awoke from it, left her hot and bothered **_and_** heartbroken all at the same time . It was yet another way she knew she needed time away from the dating scene; if her subconscious kept wandering back to tall, handsome, number 5, her conscious thoughts had to be kept free of such distractions and focus on her herself for a while.

Rachel sighed a little. "I won't lie. There will _**always**_ be a place in my heart for Finn. But I got so wrapped up in everything last year it wasn't funny and made such a big deal out of something that really _wasn't_ one regarding him and Santana." Rachel leaned her head back against the headboard she was sitting against, her eyes cast to the ceiling. "My therapist said I need to figure out me first before I can share myself with anyone. She told me something similar last year when I was with Finn and I didn't listen. I think this time I better try."

Kurt smirked as he and Mercedes shared a knowing glance. "It's so wonderful to see our little Rachel growing up right before our eyes!" He said, wiping away mock tears. "Soon she'll become a beautiful young woman who'll make all the men's hearts go aflutter."

Rachel and Mercedes giggled at Kurt and threw popcorn at him, and then the three settled down to watch their musical in earnest. Rachel was proud of herself for almost successfully banishing further thoughts of Finn from her mind for the rest of the evening.

**XXXXX**

"The National Guard?" Leroy asked as he and Hiram both looked up in surprise. The three members of the Berry household were eating a simple dinner of differently prepared vegetables and fruit, with Hiram and Leroy having a plate of cold-cut roast beef between them. "Well that's...unexpected. I wasn't convinced Finn had it in him to do something gutsy like that."

"That's not nice, Dad," Rachel scolded him as she cut up some more herbed-and-seasoned broccoli on her plate. "It's actually a very mature decision of his, surprised as I was when Kurt told me. Anyway, he'll be gone for the summer, so I guess I don't really need to worry about bumping into him."

"Good," Leroy said around a bite of cold roast beef off his fork, which forced Rachel to subdue a shudder at the sight of him consuming meat. "He's not worth your time, anyway."

"Dear," Hiram admonished with a slight scowl. "There was nothing wrong with Finn. He was very respectful of our daughter and never pushed her to do anything she wasn't ready for. He was kind and gentle and helped her, and us, whenever we asked."

Leroy grunted around a bite of his own broccoli. "He's a boy and boys aren't good enough for Rachel."

Hiram laughed outright. "Well, considering Rachel is a young heterosexual woman, you better get used to the idea that _**boys**_ will be around for a quite a while longer."

"He made her cry. That alone puts him in my bad books," Leroy added, not looking up from his plate, but his tone having an undercurrent of humour.

Rachel sighed and spread some all natural peanut butter on a slice of vegan bread to add extra protein to her meal. "I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one crying. _**I'm **_the one who turned him down in New York, after all, and the one who cheated on him. "

Leroy shook his head. "You **_kissed_** another boy while dating Finn, and while certainly not something I condone, I'd hardly call it 'cheating'." He pointed his fork at her for emphasis. "Quinn last year? Now _**THAT **_was cheating on Finn."

Rachel waved her hand about it. "Regardless, I could tell Finn was having trouble keeping it together on the plane ride home. It was all I could do to not sit beside him and just..." She sniffed and wiped another errant tear away. "Well... maybe with him gone and not worried about seeing me and me here not worried about seeing him...maybe that's the best thing for us both right now."

"Amen!" Leroy agreed, raising his glass of grape juice to her. "You just worry about yourself, let him worry about himself, and hopefully by summer's end that'll be that."

Hiram smirked as he cut into his own roast beef. "I somehow doubt it'll be quite _**that**_ easy." He glanced at Rachel knowingly, who looked away quickly while stuffing her mouth with a piece of peanut butter bread. "But, we'll see."

**XXXXX**

"**_Don't be stupid!" the soldier said, aiming his rifle at the crazed man waving a pistol around. "You're surrounded on all sides. Surrender is your only option." _**

**"_It's not the _only_ option," the man returned with a malicious gleam in his eye. He then turned quickly and raised his arm, pointing his weapon. _**

**_A flash of muzzle fire erupted. _**

**_A shot echoed through the air. _**

**_The man with the pistol collapsed to the ground, his eyes staring up blankly at the heavens ._**

**_The soldier fell over, crying out in pain and clutching his shoulder. _**

**"_Medic!" An unfamiliar voice called out over the noise of screams and panic. "Man down! MAN DOWN!" _**

**_Two others rushed over to the fallen soldier. They turned him over and began working frantically to stop blood from dripping from the upper body. _**

**_The first medic pulled the large, protective helmet from his head. _**

**_Brown hair. Cinnamon eyes. Dimple marks. _**

**_A look of intense pain etched on his face. _**

**"_FINN_!"** Rachel yelled out and awoke with a start, breathing heavily and feeling sweat pour from her forehead. She swallowed and glanced around herself.

She was in her bedroom. Posters of famous Broadway musicals adorned her walls. Her stuffed animal collection sat unmoved at the foot of her bed. Beside her on the night table stood her glass of water with gold stars adorning the side of the glass. She collapsed back into her pillows, breathing out noisily.

_A dream; that's all it was, Rachel,_ she told herself, focusing on breathing evenly and calming her erratic heartbeat. _Just a dream. Just a bad dream. He's fine. He's safe. They'll take care of him. _She sat up just a bit and drank a deep gulp of water before sighing again and turning over, closing her eyes and trying to go back to sleep, repeating soothing words to herself over and over again for the next hour.

_He'll be fine. He will. _

_He _**has**_ to be. _

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) <strong>


	3. Teamwork First

**A/N - Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited or put this story on their story alerts. It's satisfying to know there's an audience out there for it. So now we head back to Camp Grayling to see how Finn is doing during boot camp. Before anyone says anything, I realize there's a lack of Finchel in this story, but if you read the description, you will hopefully understand why. Thanks to JannP again for her wicked-fast turnaround times in beta reading. Thanks to everyone else for being in the audience. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

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><p>"Alright Maggots, form up!" Sergeant Banks told them. Finn and the others raced out of their barracks after changing quickly into p.t. gear. They lined up in front of their sergeant, who stood in front of them in his own physical training gear. He was imposing despite the slightly greying hair at his temple, standing 6' 1' and looking like he had about twenty pounds of muscle on even Finn. The sun beat down on them as the sergeant walked back and forth, giving them the once over and ensuring all the military issue gear was correctly worn by each recruit.<p>

"This afternoon will be your first test at working as a unit. It's a simple exercise every group of new recruits goes through and will introduce you to one of America's favourite pastimes if you're not already familiar with it." Sergeant Banks turned and was tossed something from his corporeal which Finn couldn't see. Suddenly Banks turned and held the item in his hand. "Football!"

Finn's unintentional grin went a mile wide. Unfortunately, he was directly in front of the Sergeant, who saw him just before he was able to remove it successfully from his features. "Why so damn happy Hudson?"

"No reason, Sergeant!" Finn called out, loudly enough for everyone to hear, though his tone of voice cracked slightly as he was still trying to suppress his grin. A couple of his new friends, Graham and Marquez (being only the second week they still all referred to each other by their last names), snickered slightly but then each went quiet themself.

Sergeant Banks walked up to Finn, eyeing him carefully before looking him up and down. "Let me guess...you play _**high school**_ football don't you, Hudson?"

_Damn. Gotta be better at hiding those tells, Finn. Really! _"Yes, Sergeant."

"What position?" Banks asked, passing the football back and forth between his hands, almost in a taunting manner.

_OH FUCK! He'd _**have**_ to ask me that, wouldn't he? SHIT! _Finn cleared his throat. "Quar...Quarterback, Sergeant."

Sergeant Banks raised his arm in victory. "Halle-fucking-leuia! Another quarterback! Thank fucking _**God**_ we have someone here who can call plays for the opposition. I haven't played against another quarterback in fucking _**years**_. How far did your team get, Hudson, and don't even fucking _**think **_of lying to me."

"No, Sergeant. Ohio Western Conference Champions, Sergeant," Finn declared, feeling a bead of sweat breaking out on his brow at this point.

Sergeant Banks spiked the football then stood up with a shit eating grin, while his corporeal behind him chased down the football. "Fuckin' rights! THAT's what I'm talking about. I lead my high school team to the Tennessee State Championships. Two decent quarterbacks going at it. This will be fucking great. Recruits, you will gather around Hudson and he will be your captain. You will play against our team of corporals, sergeants and our two junior officers. We play for two hours, and the team with the most points wins. Any questions?"

"NO, SERGEANT!" The group all called out in unison.

"Good. Now huddle up. Being the new guys, you get the first ball. AT-TEN-TION!" The group all stood to attention in front of the sergeant. "COMPANY, DIS-MISSED!" The group all relaxed and started to gather together around Finn as Sergeant Banks reacquired the ball and tossed it to him. "Give me a challenge, Hudson, or you're gonna be on K.P. for the next two nights. Understand?"

"Yes, Sergeant," Finn said, turning the ball around in his hands, his throat slightly dry at the prospect of having to lead the whole unit against older and more experienced soldiers; but… if there was anything he would feel he could lead the group well in, it was definitely football. He gathered the others to him and spoke quickly. "Alright, who here has _**any **_experience playing football in school?"

There were thirty in the group. Two raised their hands.

_**Oh, fucking SHIT!**_Finn thought to himself, even as he outwardly smiled at the group, remembering a little lesson Mr. Schuester had taught him about not letting those under his leadership ever get the idea he was less than prepared for the current scenario. "No problem. We'll start with a simple play."

**XXXXX**

Finn grunted as he was sent sprawling to the ground for the third time in as many plays. The corporal got up off him and pumped his fists in victory, turned, and started giving high fives to his teammates while Finn slowly climbed back to his feet. His team of recruits were down eight points and there wasn't much time left in the game. The simple plays he'd been able to coax out of his mostly inexperienced teammates had worked quite well for the first few plays, but the senior ranks got wise to the simple game plan Finn had concocted and now had a defensive system designed to shut down anything he tried. As he motioned for everyone to gather around, he huddled them up and bent down, talking quietly so the other team of higher ranks couldn't hear. "How we all doing?" He asked quickly, a trick he learned as quarterback to allow teammates to blow off a bit of steam before plunging back into the play.

"This fucking _**sucks**_!" Kent said with disgust etched on his pasty white and pale features. His hazel eyes were burning with anger. "If they wanted to embarrass us, they could have just had us clean the fuckin' latrines or something."

"Or mop the mess floor," Marquez, one of two Hispanics in the group, ground out between his teeth. "And I'm a goin' loco at the fuckin' taunts these guys keep givin' us, like we're beneath them."

Finn shrugged a bit. "We _**are**_ beneath them. They're corporals and sergeants and officers. We're just green recruits. See?" He indicated his green p.t. gear, which caused a few of the others to laugh. He looked up to gauge how far the senior ranks end-zone was, then ducked back down. "Time to pull out the big guns. Who here can run fast? I mean, really _**fucking **_fast? "

Graham put up his hand a bit, and everyone looked at him. "I can. Did the 100 yard dash in 10.8 seconds. Not Olympic worthy, but good enough to win my school's track and field meet."

Finn nodded. "Think you can chase a football and catch it before it lands?" He flexed his arm and shoulder a little. "I'm gonna be giving you a bomb, and you need to get under it quick. Got it?" Graham nodded, and Finn turned to the others. "We haven't done a deep play even once, so here goes nothing." He clapped his hands and the others assumed their positions, Marquez turning and grabbing the ball on the ground ready to snap it up to Finn.

Finn rattled off a fake play code to try and confuse the other team. "Journey DSB! Journey DSB. 10, 6, 18, 24. HUT!" Finn grabbed the ball from Marquez, and then quickly stepped back, knowing he had to protect the ball for at least four seconds to give Graham enough of a head start and pick up momentum. He scanned the senior ranks team to see if anyone was getting through, but he reached three seconds before finally he saw Sergeant Banks get to the other side of his players' defensive huddle. Knowing he had about two seconds before he was tackled, he smiled, cocked his arm, and then shot it out like a canon, watching a perfect throw start to spin downfield like an arrow before feeling an immense tackle from his sergeant.

"Gotcha, Hudson. Whatcha think of your 'skills' now?"

Finn smiled up at Banks. "I think you're too late, Sarge." He showed the imposing black man a pair of empty hands before both he and the sergeant got up to look downfield.

Sergeant Banks groaned and clasped his head in both hands as he saw Graham catch the ball (just barely) and then run into the end-zone. Finn grinned widely and Banks nodded in approval. "Okay Hudson, you're making a serious fucking game of this, I'll give you that. But you're still down by two points, we have the ball, and there's only two minutes left in the game. So you better be ready to peel some potatoes on KP, 'cause I'm a hungry man and can eat about three helpings." Banks grinned and headed back to the senior ranks side, getting ready to receive the kickoff from Finn's team.

Finn turned to the others as they began gathering around him again, everyone bumping fists or high-fiving Graham for catching the ball. The quarterback turned to everyone and had them huddle again. "Alright, we have two minutes to play, and they have the ball unless we can force a fumble." He scanned the team for the next tallest guy outside of himself. It happened to be a large Native-American recruit who could almost match Finn physically and was one of the two other boys who had played football in high school. "Omeasoo! Think you can tackle hard enough to cause a fumble? "

The boy smiled and nodded. It was a little unnerving, but Finn and the others knew he hardly ever spoke unless necessary. Finn smirked in return. "You and I will run him down, the rest try to come at them in a v-formation to narrow where they can run."

The plan worked perfectly as both Finn and Omeasoo managed to tackle the junior officer who had been returning the ball, with Finn knocking it out of his hands while Omeasoo threw him to the ground. Finn covered up the ball on the ground and forced the play to stop. He looked at his watch as he carried the ball back to his team. One minute to go.

Again, they huddled around him. "Okay guys, we're gonna go for broke here. I'm about to try the cheapest football play that's ever been created." Finn swallowed as he outlined exactly what he expected, earning grins and nods of approval from everyone. Omeasoo laughed a little, and Marquez shook his head in disbelief.

"You pansy-asses ready, or do you plan to huddle in that gaggle-fuck all day?" Banks called out, his team of senior ranks spreading out over the field.

The group lined up, with Finn coming up behind Marquez. He started off with his call. "Journey DSB! Journey DSB! 16, 8..._**what the fuck?**_" He cried out loudly enough to still the game as everyone in his team looked up at him.

Banks and most of his teammates stood up from where they were positioned, all of them with a look of askance on their faces. "What's the problem, Hudson?"

Finn swallowed as he motioned towards the football. "I...I think the ball is _**broken**_, Sarge."

"Broken?" The black man's face sneered up. "What the fuck are you talking about? How the fuck can a football be broken?"

Finn glanced at him in amazement. "I know, right? Marquez, give me that thing."

Marquez stood up casually and handed the football to Finn almost nonchalantly over his shoulder. Finn grabbed it and began looking at it in complete and utter confusion like he couldn't believe what he was seeing on the ball. He sauntered between the players on both sides, heading towards Sergeant Banks. All the senior ranks players let him pass while staring at the football themselves, wondering where or how the football could possibly be broken and what Finn was talking about. As Finn walked past each of them, he headed towards Sergeant Banks with his arm outstretched, football in hand. "Here, see for yourself, Sarge."

Banks rolled his eyes and shook his head, but just as he reached for the football, Finn pulled it away from his sergeant and blew past him, pumping his long legs furiously and running towards the end-zone of the senior ranks team.

He had walked right past all of them before they had realized his intentions, and no one was going to be able to catch up.

"_**HUDSON!" **_Sergeant Banks cried from behind him, his voice filled with rage and disbelief at the play Finn had just tricked him with. He saw a couple of the senior ranks players run towards him, but Finn was already well past the point where they could catch someone as quick as himself. He heard the cries and cheers of a victory celebration from his teammates as he crossed the end-zone and then spiked the football triumphantly, raising his arms in a V shape to indicate their victory.

They'd won by four points on the last play of the game.

The senior ranks team all started shaking their heads in disgust and incredulity at how they'd been overcome by a group of green recruits. The recruits, for their part, had all gathered around Finn and started hugging and celebrating, giving him high fives and fist bumps all around, even starting a chant that was swelling loud enough to be heard across the camp's football field. "Hud-son! Hud-son! Hud-son! Hud-son!"

Finn turned to regard his sergeant, hoping the senior ranking member wasn't too upset with the play Finn had pulled off successfully. Sergeant Banks, for his part, simply stood with crossed arms, an evil smile, and a cold gleam in his eye.

Finn should have known better than to think his victory would be rewarded.

**XXXXX**

Another large Dutch-oven filled with potatoes was unceremoniously placed in front of Finn. He had already spent about forty-five minutes peeling potatoes to be served in the mess hall that night, and with the added pot, he could probably add at least that much more time to the given task. He groaned slightly as he finished the spud he was working on and then handed it over to Graham, who was busy cutting and cubing them. "I should have known we were gonna get assigned KP anyway." Finn shook his head, unable to believe he'd been so naive as to think if they won the game they wouldn't have to do the work anyway.

Graham shrugged slightly before positioning his knife over the potato Finn had given him and started to chop. "Probably just because we won by completely embarrassing the Sarge. If you hadn't cheated, we might have gotten out of this."

"I _**didn't **_cheat," Finn clarified before continuing with the next potato. "I used a cheap play that's totally insulting to the other team, but it's still a _**legal**_ play. I can't help it if Sergeant Quarterback from Tennessee didn't see it coming."

"Ah, 'twas worth it, Hudson," Marquez chuckled from behind him, also busy peeling potatoes. "We got the upper hand on those douches and you schooled 'em six ways from Sunday. If my Mama had been there, she would have baked us all enchiladas after and told us we kicked some senior ranks tail."

"It was a good play. Sergeant Banks deserved to lose. Hudson proved he was better," Omeasoo chimed in, causing them all to turn and regard him curiously. Normally the Native-American recruit kept quiet but when he did speak, most everyone in the troop turned to listen to him. He continued his steady rhythm of chopping potatoes and then glanced up with a questioning look. "Why'd you stop? Potatoes starting to peel themselves?"

Finn laughed outright at Omeasoo's comment before returning to the task at hand. Graham and Marquez each rolled their eyes, but also turned and continued with the food preparation. Omeasoo's steady rhythm with his own chopping hardly slowed down the entire time he spoke.

"Ten Hut, you cockroaches!" The four of them instantly dropped their respective kitchen tools and spun, standing at attention at the sound of Sergeant Banks' voice echoing through the kitchen. He walked over, his eyes glinting with mirth as he looked over the preparations of the food. "Are you enjoying your just rewards, Maggots?"

"Yes Sergeant!" The four of them echoed loudly. They all knew that the question was rhetorical, and none of them dared to answer it honestly for fear of being told to do yet more push-ups or worse.

Sergeant Banks rolled his eyes. "I can't fuckin' stand it when my troops lie to me. I'd tell you all to drop and give me twenty, but then you'd have to wash your fucking hands again and dinner will take even longer than it already is because of your fucking incompetence in the kitchen." Banks shook his head then inspected the work absently before turning to Finn. "Hudson! Have fun during the football game?"

"Yes, Sergeant."

Banks nodded. "Good. Now I'm pretty pissed off at you for pulling that God-damn retarded play out of your ass, but I'll admit you bested me. So if you want, you can delegate the rest of KP to your lousy team-mates here and take off for some R and R before meal time. Whatcha say?"

Finn was tempted by the sudden generosity of the Sergeant. His hands were extremely sore from doing so much work in the kitchen, and his feet were begging to sit down for a few minutes after all the standing, running and marching during the day. Just as he was about to take advantage of his Sergeant's offer, however, he noticed one of the regular cooks walk in with another two large pots of unpeeled potatoes and place them on the counter.

For some reason, upon seeing the additional work being brought into the kitchen, his mind flashed back to his sophomore year of high school when he had almost abandoned his Glee team-mates right before the Sectionals contest. He had good reasons then, for sure; the last thing he wanted to do at that time was be _**anywhere**_ near Puck or Quinn. But he couldn't let Rachel down at that time, and Mr. Schuester had convinced him that sometimes being the bigger person meant sucking up whatever discomfort you might be feeling and pushing forward for the greater good. Looking at the volume of food still needing preparation, he knew the other three members of his troop would practically be overwhelmed at the sheer volume of it all, and he quickly concluded he wouldn't win any points with them if he abandoned them now. They had helped him win on the field, so he _**had **_to help them here in the kitchen.

Glancing at each of his friends, he stood a little straighter before returning to look at Banks. "Thank you Sergeant, but my team didn't abandon me playing the game. I don't intend to let them down when they could use my help."

Graham's eyes went wide with surprise, and Marquez coughed slightly before coming back to standing at attention. Omeasoo, for his part, stood stalk still, his face betraying no emotion.

Banks' eyes narrowed and he bit the inside of his cheek a bit before giving Finn a curt nod. "Fine. Stay in the kitchen and suffer with the rest of these fuckers. Your choice." He turned and headed towards the door before turning back to them. "Dinner is in 90 minutes, so you better fucking move it with that food prep." He pushed open the door and walked out at a brisk pace.

Once the four of them were sure he was gone, they all turned back to their respective tasks. "Hudson, you're a fuckin' loco-crazy- bat-shit dumbass." Marquez spouted off before he started peeling his next potato. "You shoulda gotten the fuck outta here."

"I would have been gone in a fucking flash, that's for sure." Graham agreed as he cut up another spud.

Finn turned to them with a scowl. "Yeah, you're all fucking welcome, assholes." He bit out sarcastically. Both Marquez and Graham laughed a bit, not looking up from their work. Before he went back to peeling another potato, however, Finn and Omesoo's eyes met, and the Native-American recruit smiled a big smile and nodded in approval before turning back to his station. In that moment, Finn knew despite what they said, his fellow recruits were appreciative, and the warm glow he felt inside at having done something correctly _**the first time**_ filled him with pride and satisfaction.

Yeah, that was a feeling he could definitely get used to.

**XXXXX**

"Have you noticed?" Marquez asked after their duties for the evening were completed and he and Finn were changing into their regular civilian clothes. They only were in civvies for about 90 minutes before lights out, but it was such a relief to get out of the uniform for a bit that all the troops took advantage of the break and hung them to dry out the sweat and moisture collected during the day. The two boys were roomed together in barracks with both Graham and Omeasoo, which probably explained how the four of them became such fast friends.

Finn shook his head. "Noticed what?"

Marquez grinned at him, his deep brown eyes sparkling in amusement. "Recruit Wayfor, my man. She's a fucking beauty!"

"Oh, yeah… I saw her," Finn said offhandedly. Wayfor was _**definitely **_worth noticing with her long, chestnut brown hair, well developed bosom and standing a leggy five foot nine. She was as tall as or a bit taller than most of the guys in the troop, actually; Finn and Omeasoo were about the only two who could be said to tower over her. But despite how attractive Finn found her, all he could do was shrug and notice how her beautiful features just didn't compare to the brunette he was still helplessly in love with back in Lima. The one who's eyes and smile meant everything to him, who's small breasts fit perfectly in his hands, who's short legs made him smile at having to walk only half as fast as he was capable of, and who's hair was so soft against his skin and smelled so good when he hugged her that he could have stayed hunched over in her arms for hours at a time. Finn shrugged to his Hispanic friend. "Not interested, I'm afraid."

Marquez gave him a look as if he'd grown a second head. "Well that's a good thing, you dumb as shit-for-brains idiot, because she ain't been giving _**you**_ the fucking moon eyes anyway." He leaned in a bit closer to speak as though the two of them were conspiring. "But _**Graham**_…I don't know what the fuck he's got going on, but it has her _**seriously**_ fucking interested."

Finn smiled a bit, almost relieved to _**not **_be the centre of attention for the hottest girl around for a change; he'd had more than enough of that shit in high school the last two years. "You don't say? When did you notice all this?"

The Hispanic recruit rolled his eyes as he pulled on a short sleeved button shirt. "You kidding? How can you _**not **_fucking see it? She sits beside him every chance she gets. She's been in the mess last three nights during free time five minutes before him, and she's always sending signals. He's just being a typical fucking jackass and not noticing." Marquez grabbed his wallet and headed towards the door. "You comin'? I'll show you what I mean."

Finn nodded before standing up, grabbing his own wallet and following Marquez out the door. The two of them threaded their way through the barracks until they came to the mess just a couple floors down from their quarters. Upon entering the mess hall, he quickly sought out his friend Graham and caught sight of him playing pool on the far end of the hall.

Playing pool against Recruit Wayfor.

Marquez slapped Finn's shoulder and motioned with his head. "See what I mean? Now let's sit down and watch the fucking show, because you won't believe how stupid our dude is around women."

Finn raised an eyebrow at his friend before nodding. "He's not responding, I take it?"

Marquez barked out a short laugh in response as he approached the bar. "Two Cokes and two chips, por favour!" After paying for and receiving their snack, Marquez and Finn threaded their way to an empty table and sat down to watch their roommate engage in the pool game. "Not responding is a fucking understatement, Hudson. He's completely fucking oblivious! Watch the Master of Disaster as he almost ignores all her signals."

Finn and Marquez opened their drinks and snack and began watching in earnest. Graham lined up a shot and let his cue fly, striking the white ball where intended. It hit its intended target and sank into the far corner pocket of the pool table. Overtop of the general noise and music of the mess, Finn watched as Graham lined up another shot, fired, but then frowned, indicating his shot hadn't been successful. Wayfor smiled a dazzling smile at him as he turned to her and he shrugged slightly, but she shrugged as well and then walked around him to line up her shot, placing her hand on his shoulder as she did so. The tall quarterback noticed that the shot Wayfor had decided upon was actually on the other side of the table, meaning that it would have made more sense if she _**hadn't **_walked around Graham to get to the correct position on the pool table. Graham, for his part, hadn't taken his eyes off the billiard balls and seemed to be hoping that his opponent would miss her shot. He was completely clueless to the sultry look the female recruit cast at him before lining up her cue, licking her lips, and then firing her shot straight into the side pocket.

"Man, he _**is **_blind to what she's doing," Finn said incredulously around a mouthful of chips. He and Marquez looked at each other in amazement and laughed a bit at their friend, continuing to watch events unfold. Finn wasn't able to suppress further chuckles at seeing Graham be unaware of the girl's sidelong glances, her breathy laugh when he said something offhandedly, or the way she would lean over in her low cut top so that, if he wanted, he could get a view straight down her shirt. The worst and most obvious was when Wayfor chalked up her pool cue; she slowly rotated the chalk over the tip of the cue while staring at Graham, licked her lips, and then blew lightly across the edge of the tip to remove the excess blue powder, all the while her eyes glued to Graham's face.

None of this was noticed by their friend. Instead, Graham was lining up his next shot.

"_**Fuck me!**_" Marquez slammed his Coke down on the table while almost doubling over in laughter. Finn, for his part, was staring open mouthed at Graham and wondering how the _**hell **_a guy could miss a signal that was _**so **_obvious it was like failing to notice a red firework exploding in the night sky. Finn had missed his share of signals in the past (or overlooked them for various reasons) but something that _**blatant **_couldn't possibly be ignored. It reminded him distinctly of when Rachel had walked out of her private bathroom in the _**Grease **_inspired cat-suit (and he stopped that thought right there as he was still trying to work on himself and not spend every spare moment thinking of her). Had it been any other guy, he was sure Wayfor would currently be heading towards the door for some kind of romantic rendezvous.

Omeasoo suddenly joined them out of nowhere, plunking himself down beside Finn and opening up his own bag of chips and drink. His eyes never left Graham as he continued to play pool with the female recruit, and occasionally Omeasoo would shake his head or grimace. Finn noticed the native recruit was making all of his disapproving facial features at every single moment when Graham had again missed some sign she was sending him. It was almost as comical to watch the reactions of Marquez and Omeasoo as it was to see how poorly their friend was interpreting the not-so-subtle messages Wayfor was throwing at him.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Finn, their pool game ended and Graham held out his hand to his troop mate for a game well played. Wayfor, for her part, took his hand in her right one and then pulled him in for a hug that pressed her entire body against him. Graham returned it awkwardly, pointed at the table Finn, Marquez and Omeasoo were at, then waved to her and headed over to them. As he approached, all three of them regarded him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Hey guys," Graham said as he sat down and leaned forward to bump each of their fists. "How's it hanging?"

"Are you gay?" Omeasoo asked Graham without any warning or preamble. The sudden comment caused a mouthful of chips to be spewed out by Marquez as the laughter erupted from him unexpectedly, and Finn quickly pushed his hand to his mouth to keep from spitting out any of the Coke he had just taken a drink from.

Graham scowled at him in a disgusted manner. "No, of course I'm not gay. The hell you asking me _**that **_for?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Omeasoo asked plainly, his straightforward questions causing another round of laughter to come from both Finn and Marquez.

Graham frowned a bit as he regarded each of them in turn. "No. Haven't had one since October or so."

Omeasoo's face was a mask of confusion as he thought about what Graham had said to him. "Do you not like sex?" He asked suddenly.

Finn and Marquez were barely able to hold themselves together after that last question.

"Yeah, of course I like it, you idiot." Graham rolled his eyes as he stared hard at Omeasoo. "Why the super personal questions, douche-bag? Need some advice on girls or something?"

"Not me," Omeasoo said, shaking his head. "You though?" The native recruit shrugged, motioned towards Recruit Wayfor, and spread his hands open in a questioning gesture.

Graham's eyes shifted back and forth between Omeasoo, Finn, and Marquez before shaking his head and turning directly towards the other two. "Do either of you have a fucking clue what the hell Chief Sitting Bull is talking about?

"Si, senor," Marquez responded, grinning hugely at his friend before clapping him on the shoulder with his right hand. "Recruit Wayfor has been eye-fucking you all during your pool game and you've completely ignored her, man."

"What?" Graham shook his head again and scoffed. "You guys are imagining things. She's just being friendly."

"_**Very**_ friendly," Omeasoo agreed with a nod before having another bite of chips.

Finn leaned forward towards Graham. "Dude, seriously, she's practically hanging a sign around her neck asking you to take advantage of her. Don't tell me you couldn't see it. I'll admit I'm normally slow on the uptake, but even _**I **_could tell she wants you bad."

Graham sighed and got up from the table. "Please, just because a girl gives you a hug doesn't mean she wants you as more than a friend. Excuse me now so I can get my own drink." He smirked at his friends as if they'd all just ingested a stupid pill before he turned towards the canteen's counter.

Marquez laughed before having another sip of his drink. "Can you believe him, man?" The Hispanic asked after he swallowed. "He's more blind to her than Stevie fuckin' Wonder! What's it gonna take?"

Finn shook his head at his Graham's obliviousness and then turned towards Marquez and Omeasoo. "We've _**got **_to help him see the light."

"Sure, Hudson, but what the fuck do you suggest? Pick Wayfor up and throw her at him ourselves?"

Finn rubbed his chin in thought. He didn't have much matchmaking experience, but he reasoned out that, given Wayfor's overly strong signals to his friend, it wouldn't be too hard to get them together alone for a little while. It was just a matter of either recognizing the right situation or creating it themselves. Once the situation was in place, things could take their natural course. He and Rachel had successfully brought Sam and Quinn together, after all, and even though that ended after a while (at his own urging, he recalled with remorse), it had still been a successful plan that got them working and…_**playing**_… together initially.

No, if their barracks-mate wasn't gay and Wayfor was directly in front of him, willingly to take things further, he doubted very much his friend's libido would allow him to ignore Wayfor in private the way he seemed able to in the mess when surrounded by others.

Smiling a bit, Finn turned back to his friends. "If he won't walk towards the light willingly, we'll just have to get behind him and push."

Marquez and Omeasoo shared a knowing glance and each of them smiled at Finn. "Alright, Cupid, what the fuck you think we should do?" Marquez asked after swallowing another bite of potato chips.

"Guys," Finn announced loudly as he held up his drink for the others to toast. "It's time to man up and assist our fellow troops; that's what the military is about, isn't it? We've gotta have each other's backs, so it's time we start planning." Finn thought for a moment before he grinned and raised his drink for the others to toast. "I propose it be named Operation…Graham-Wayfor!"

Omeasoo raised an eyebrow at Finn as Marquez laughed boisterously. "Bad name." Omeasoo said with a slow smile. "Good idea, but bad name."

The three of them clicked their soda cans together and grinned at each other before starting to toss around ideas for how to get their friend a piece of the action.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	4. Rebuild

**A/N - Not a lot to say about this one, so please just read and hopefully enjoy. If anyone is wondering how real all of this is, to date, each of these chapters about the National Guard are based on similar experiences I had in the Canadian Military Reserves as a 17 year old teenager (if you wondered where the idea came from), so while maybe not completely accurate, they're as real as I can express with just a little bit of embelishment for dramatic purposes. I have no idea if this is how things would actually be done in the Guard nowadays, though. Again, thanks to _JannP_ for all her help and beta work on this story of mine. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>"This is the M4 Carbine," Sergeant Banks said as he hefted the black, automatic weapon in front of him for the group of recruits. "It employs NATO standard 5.56 by 45 millimeter ammunition. It is a gas-operated weapon with rotating bolt action and fires its bullets at a speed of 2900 feet per second. Designed as a high velocity weapon, its sole purpose is to inflict maximum bodily damage on the enemy troops. One hit from this baby and your enemy will be face down in the mud in about a half-second flat."<p>

He glanced up at the group in front of him. "By the time you are done with basic training, you will be able to properly use this weapon in the field, know how to tear it apart, clean every inch, and put it back together—blindfolded. This weapon is your life, and your fellow soldiers', so treat it with the respect it deserves."

He handed the unloaded weapon around to each of the recruits so they could test its weight and check the sights. "We're lucky to be one of only four National Guard units receiving this weapon, which is slowly replacing the M-16 you may know from movies and television."

Finn was handed the weapon once Graham was finished looking at it and his hands immediately seemed to know exactly where to go on the grip, trigger and barrel stock. He held it comfortably against his shoulder, aiming it at the top corner of the ceiling and away from everyone else as instructed. It was a bit heavier than he would have guessed and he realized there must have been a lot more metal inside the weapon than he had initially thought.

Sergeant Banks nodded in approval. "Not bad, Hudson. Seems you're a natural at handling the weapon. Your grip is almost textbook perfect."

Finn smiled widely at his senior non-commissioned member. "Thank you, Sergeant." It was a rare day indeed when Sergeant Banks complimented anyone in their unit, so he wasn't going to turn away any praise directed towards him.

Banks nodded then turned to the rest of the group. "So, everyone, this is the weapon that will be issued to you later this morning. Once issued to you, it will be your responsibility to care for it until it is returned to the armoury tonight. Does everyone understand?"

"Yes, Sergeant," they all said in unison.

"I can't hear you, Recruits. Does _**everyone understand?**_" Banks yelled out in a commanding voice as he held his hand to his ear.

"YES, SERGEANT!"

Finn smiled a bit and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He had always thought Rachel was the most over-dramatic person he'd ever known; even despite how much he loved her. Sergeant Banks, however, was quickly proving to him that overdramatic tendencies weren't limited to petite brunettes with an eye towards singing on Broadway.

"Good. Now, Corporal Antho is going to go over the basic safety issues you need to be aware of before we head out to the firing range tomorrow. Listen carefully and take notes because I don't want to have to fucking repeat everything tomorrow morning. There'll be enough going on handling live ammunition and all that other shit. Are we clear?"

"YES, SERGEANT!" The group echoed in unison, learning quickly that they'd have to yell or else go through the same requirement to repeat themselves as before.

"Excellent. One thing I love about this group is your ability to learn quickly. Now grab your pens and notebooks, and listen carefully. Corporal Antho, take over please."

"Yes, Sergeant!" Antho agreed, coming to attention and walking quickly to the front of the classroom, taking over the duties at the lectern. With a remote control in his hand, he pointed it towards an overhead projector which came to life, displaying on the large screen behind him a Power-Point presentation. The highly original title of **Firearms Range Safety** flashed on the wall. "Listen up, 'cause I'm only saying this once!"

Finn and Graham settled down at the table beside each other, taking notes and listening to the Corporal's lesson.

**XXXXX**

"I fucking _**love **_these box lunches!" Marquez laughed as he, Finn, Graham, and Omeasoo sat down together at the picnic table outside their classroom to dive into their meals. It was often the case at Camp Grayling that for lunch they would be given a box of food about the size of a large binder that was stuffed with sandwiches, juice, cookies, chocolate bars, fruit, cheese, potato chips, and just about anything else a typical young adult (or teenage) male would love to eat.

Finn settled down with his food and, after a sip of his juice, tore off the wrapper for the first ham and cheese sandwich. He bit into it and just about swallowed before chewing when he noticed something not quite right with the taste. Quickly, he opened his mouth and pulled out the bite of sandwich, still sticky with what saliva had already moistened the bread.

"Dude, really?" Graham complained, quickly looking away from the bit Finn had spit out. "That's just gross. Eat the damn thing once it's in your mouth...don't show us!"

The quarterback scowled at him. "Piss off, man. Something's not right with this." Finn set aside the bitten portion and looked at the rest of the sandwich. The bread seemed okay, maybe just a touch stale but nothing inedible. He grabbed the two pieces of bread and pulled them apart to see what the ingredients looked like.

The lettuce was a bit limp, but again, this being the army, it didn't surprise him (and he wasn't fussy like Rachel in insisting his vegetables be of the 'very best quality'. They were vegetables...deal with it). The ham seemed okay, and he sniffed it quickly to see if there was anything wrong, but it smelled like ham. Next, he moved the lettuce to look at the cheese.

"Holy fuck!" Marquez said as he stared hard at the piece of cheese stuck in the sandwich. It was slightly green with mould in the centre and hardened around the edges. Had Finn not had a cast iron stomach when it came to food and gross things, he was sure he would have been as repulsed with the sandwich as his Hispanic friend. Finn watched as Omeasoo, Marquez, and Graham all started ripping their sandwiches apart to see if the same fate had befallen them. Luckily for them, it hadn't as the cheese in their sandwiches seemed fine. Finn wondered what he'd done to be lucky enough to earn such a gross meal.

"Better luck next time, Hudson," Graham said, putting his sandwich back together and taking another big bite, smiling at the taller boy out of sheer spite and mockery.

Omeasoo pointed to the other sandwich in Finn's lunchbox. "That's why you get two," He said simply, eating his own lunch quickly as if afraid Finn might try to steal it or something.

Finn picked up the other one before he threw it back in the box in disgust. "It's egg salad. I can't stand egg salad. Anyone get something different as their second sandwich?" After he received three shakes of the head to indicate they all had an egg salad sandwich as well, Finn shrugged and grabbed the chocolate bar out of the box. "Guess I'll stick with food they can't fuck up too much, then."

"You know," Graham began, picking up a small piece of paper out of the box. "We do have these comment cards we can fill out and send back to the mess where these were made. Maybe you should mention they need to check their cheese a bit more carefully next time."

"Better idea, man!" Marquez said excitedly around a mouthful of food. "Send the cheese back to them! Wouldn't that be fucking hilarious?"

Finn smiled and grabbed the card and envelope out of his box lunch then pulled the pen out from his uniform pocket and began to scribble down some words.

_Name: _**Finn Hudson**

_Rank: _**Recruit**

_How would you rate your lunch? _**Would YOU eat this shit? **

Once finished, Finn pulled out the return envelope, opened it up, and dropped in the card. Then, much to the utter shock of his fellow troops, he picked up the cheese to stick it in the envelope, and then licked the glue to seal it all closed.

He glanced over to the Latino recruit. "Thanks, Marquez. That was a _**great **_idea."

Finn then quickly stood and jogged over to the mail box just ten meters away, depositing the envelope before he could even think about things, before returning to the picnic table. He sat down and began chewing on his chocolate bar again while the other three stared at him with open mouths. He glanced at all of them mid chew. "What?"

"You are completely fucking _**loco**_, man!" Marquez said after swallowing his bite of sandwich. "I was only kidding. Don't you think you'll get in trouble for that? I mean, you think the Chief in charge of the mess hall is gonna want that sent _**back **_to him?"

Finn shrugged. "If he didn't want any comments, he shouldn't have given us the comment cards. Besides, sometimes you have to be dramatic to get dramatic results."

Graham shook his head before sipping his own juice. "Recruit Hudson. Soldier, quarterback, high school student, and shit-disturber all rolled into one."

Omeasoo grinned at him. "Gutsy." He said, his head motioning to the mailbox. "Stupid, but gutsy."

**XXXXX**

Graham and Finn were again sitting side by side in the classroom, this time each of them having their M4 Carbine rifle completely disassembled and laid out in front of them. They had followed Corporal Antho's instructions to the letter regarding how to disassemble the weapon.

"Now, it's time to see how well you learned your lesson," Corporal Antho said, his hands behind his back as he walked between their tables. He pulled out a stopwatch and then looked up to them. "You weapons are in pieces before you. I want to see who can get it back together by memory and how much time it will take you." He raised his stopwatch above his head.

"Ready? Set? GO!"

Finn looked down to his weapon, taking just a second to ensure all the pieces were laid out in order. Sergeant Banks' words bounced around through his mind as he continued to regard the firearm.

"_**This weapon is your life and your fellow soldiers'..."**_

For some reason the words their Sergeant had drilled into them before they received their rifle gave Finn pause to reflect on the scrambled mess of parts before him. He wasn't normally a deep-in-thought kind of person and his mind didn't normally make connections in a para...parell...apperall...side-by-side sort of way but for once in his life, it did.

This weapon looked exactly like how his heart felt when he remembered Rachel's words to him in New York City.

"_**I'm...I'm sorry, Finn. I – I just can't." **_

He literally could feel the weight of her decision smash his heart into what, at the time, he thought was a million pieces, and he was left to pick them up and try to put them back together. At the time he really didn't have any idea how he could possibly do such a thing; she was his world, his dream, his desire all rolled into one. She was his _**life**_. Even when he tried dating Quinn (both times), he worried how it would affect Rachel. When she suggested original songs, he backed her up (though he should have done it publically instead of just privately). When they sang their songs at Nationals, he tried to convey every single emotion and feeling of longing into each word and look he cast at her.

In the end it just wasn't enough to convince her, so here he was, trying to fix himself in a different surrounding.

Sighing, he looked down at his weapon. It, like his heart, was broken down into several pieces.

And his life wouldn't be safe until it was put back together.

He took a slow, deliberate breath and began putting the pieces back together from memory, in reverse order of how he was instructed to tear it apart. First, he worked on the lower receiver group assembly of the weapon, replacing each part as he remembered where they all fit together, sliding the pins and mechanisms into the correct spots. Next, he moved onto the bolt carrier, ensuring each bit was fitted together, pinned in place, and slid home into the top part of the bullet passage chamber along with the charging handle. Next was the upper group assembly, where he re-attached the plastic hand grips on the barrel and ensured the sights were lined up correctly. Once finished, he affixed the upper and lower sections of the rifle together and secured it properly. Without even thinking about it, and oblivious to the surprised looks being given him by the Sergeant, the Corporals and his fellow recruits, he threaded the sling through the correct fasteners, secured it, and placed the weapon down in front of him before standing to attention in the classroom. "Task completed, Corporal!" He declared loudly.

Sergeant Banks came around to inspect Finn's weapon. Picking it up, he turned it over in his hands, then released the two assembly sections to look inside and make sure everything was put together properly. Once satisfied, he locked the sections back into place and set it on the table. "Excellent work, Hudson. You have a real talent for handling these weapons. Guess we'll see if it translates to the firing range, too."

"Thank you, Sergeant!" Finn replied, feeling both elated and saddened as he mulled over the words his superior had given him. Although he was happy he was easily grasping the abilities to handle his firearm, something extremely important regarding the tasks assigned in the military, it seemed hollow next to having the ability to handle or fix his broken soul. He wished fervently it was as easy to mend things with Rachel and undo the damage caused, to fit it back together the way he had his weapon, but the way things had worked out since their breakup at Christmas didn't seem to leave any room for possibility.

He wasn't able to go back. She had closed that door right in his face.

Wasn't that part of the reason he was here in the first place?

He looked at his weapon again, staring at it as the wheels in his mind turned. Two weeks ago, when he had arrived at Camp Grayling, he had never before handled a weapon. Two days ago, he had never studied a weapon's manual. Two hours ago, he had never disassembled and then rebuilt one. But now he had done and learned all of those things.

He learned how to _**rebuild**_ it.

_Maybe that's the key! _Finn thought, smiling as he turned the weapon over in his hand. _I can't return to the relationship with Rachel. That old relationship is done; gone and dead. I have to _**rebuild** _the relationship. I have to start from scratch and show her I'm serious about her; about our friendship and about _**us**_! And we'll have to learn again; learn what happened and what we really want. And it'll be new –for _**both**_ of us. _

He mentally patted himself on the back for his moment of insightful wisdom before hearing his Sergeant bark out his name. "Hudson!"

Finn turned and stood at attention. "Yes, Sergeant!" He responded automatically.

Banks turned and waved his hand at some of the other recruits. "Don't just stand there like the village idiot, start helping those less fortunate than yourself with their weapons. I can't help every fucker in here, 'kay?" He turned back to Recruit Wayfor and again pointed to the bolt carrier assembly, speaking too low for Finn to hear.

Grinning a bit at his Sergeant's command, and still feeling somewhat energized by the sudden realization he had about needing to restart things with Rachel, he kept his lopsided smile plastered on his face before facing some of the others. "Okay...who needs help?" He called out to his fellow troop-mates.

**XXXXX**

"So let me get this straight," Graham said as he tossed the football back to Finn during their fifteen minute break from the classroom. The four of them were currently all standing outside the building of classrooms on the green area, throwing a football around to work out the stiffness so much classroom time was inflicting on them. "You figured out how to mend things with your ex-girlfriend by putting a weapon back together?"

"It was like I had an effigy," Finn replied with a big smile, throwing the football over to Marquez.

"Your weapon is an effigy of your ex?" Marquez asked in confusion, tossing the football over to Omeasoo.

"Yeah, you know, like a sudden realization of what I have to do?" Finn responded, still grinning.

"Not effigy. Epiphany!" Omeasoo said simply, also smiling. "Words fail you. Stop talking. Throw the ball." He launched it back over to Finn, who caught it and then fired a middle-finger salute over to his Native friend before tossing it back to Graham.

"So what exactly do you think you have to do?" Graham asked, catching Finn's pass after a few running steps and then turning and sending the ball back to Marquez.

Finn shrugged as he watched the other three pass back and forth, biting back comments about how they could improve their throwing and catching techniques and focusing instead of the main topic of conversation. "I need to let go of what we had, that's all; just let it _**all **_go, you know? I can't go back to it. I have to start again and relearn everything about her."

"But how new is _**that **_going to be?" Graham received the ball again from Omeasoo and then turned and chucked it to Finn. "You guys already know each other, right? I know you aren't seeing each other for two months, but you won't be changing _**that**_ much. If she said no in June, what's going to change her mind in September?"

Finn smiled a bit as he received the ball easily, already having considered this question and answering it for himself, too. "That's the beauty of it, though. What she said no to in June was an offer to get back together and, like, forget about what had happened in the past. But we can't do that. We can't forget what happened, nor can we get back what we lost. The only way I can win her back is to actually rebuild it from the ground up...just like our weapons today. Once it's in pieces, you can't just pretend it isn't. You have to put it back together a piece at a time. That's what I have to do with Rachel...a piece at a time. I won't be asking her to restart in September. I won't be asking her _**anything**_. I'll just start getting to know her again…whoever she is at the moment, and letting her get to know me. And then, we move on and rebuild it, piece by piece, and hopefully it'll be love that develops again once the pieces are in place."

Omeasoo smiled as Finn passed the ball to him again after explaining his plan. "Rebuild and relearn. Good plan, Hudson." Omeasoo tossed it over to Marquez, who jumped up to catch it and pulled it into his body.

"I ain't sold," Marquez said as he regained his balance. "Ladies are like elephants, Huddie; they don't fuckin' forget _**anything**_ for shit. You can't ask her to just forget everything that's happened. She ain't gonna be willing to ignore that stuff."

"No, I'm not going to ask her to ignore it; I'm just not going to mention it, just like I'm not going to mention anything that she did that hurt me because like I said, it's in the past. Neither of us can dwell on it. We just need to figure out where it goes in the future, from this point on."

"Yeah, maybe," Graham said after catching the ball from Marquez's straight pass. "But it sounds like an awful lot of trouble, dude. Why not just go fishing and see what else you can catch? You've only had two girlfriends so far; you might prefer someone else altogether. Play the field, right?"

Finn rolled his eyes as he easily reached up with one hand to catch Graham's too-high toss and pulled it back into himself. "I've tried _**that **_approach already. All it did was land me a one night stand with a super-bitchy Latino cheerleader who was more interested in fucking me to boost her rep than if we had any real feelings for each other."

Marquez laughed boisterously at his friend. "Seriously, Huddie, you're the only dude I've met who was concerned about _**feelings **_for a girl willing to fuck your brains out. So what if she just wanted you to boost her rep. You take advantage of the situation, get that bitch under the covers and give it to her 'till she can't fuckin' walk straight." Marquez mimicked grabbing a woman's hips from behind and thrust his pelvis forward luridly a couple times while Graham barked out a short laugh at his friend's sudden actions.

"That's just sex. Sex is selfish." Omeasoo shook his head and caught Finn's throw and then almost as quickly sent another pass out to Marquez, which the Hispanic recruit barely caught. "Hudson wants _**love, **_not sex."

"Can I meet this Latino cheerleader then?" Marquez asked with another laugh as he fired the ball over to Graham. "Sounds more like she and _**I **_would be on the same page."

"Break's over, Recruits. Back to your desks!" Sergeant Banks called out from the classroom door. The recruits who were outside started filing back towards the door with Finn and his friends bringing up the rear.

"I think your plan might work," Graham said after handing the ball back to Finn and getting into line behind him. "You need an ace up your sleeve, though."

Finn turned and regarded him, curious as to what his friend was implying. "An ace?"

"Well, yeah. So say you manage to rebuild this whole thing with Rhonda-"

"Rachel."

"That's what I said, so quit interrupting. Say you manage to rebuild this whole thing with Rachel and get her right to that point where you _**know**_ things could go further. Then what? You need something that's gonna launch it into the stratosphere and back into _**'love'.**_" Graham used air quotes over the word and rolled his eyes a little, "Something that she wouldn't be able to say 'no' to if her life depended on it. Got any aces you can dish out?"

The tall quarterback considered Graham's words as he slowly shuffled along the line and into the classroom. Just before they had to separate to move to their desks, Finn smiled widely at Graham and clapped him on the shoulder. "Yeah, man. Now that you mention it, I think I do."

"Good," Graham said as the two of them walked between the desks. "'Cause I _**don't **_want to have to hear about more fucking heartache in out barracks. Save that shit for Ann Landers or something, 'kay?"

Just as they reached their desk and sat down in their chairs, Finn reached over to retrieve his weapon to prepare for the next lesson regarding accessories and multi-uses for the rifle.

His hand came against empty space. Finn looked up curiously.

His weapon was missing.

"What the fuck?" Finn looked around frantically, wondering where his rifle might have gone. He looked underneath the desk, scanned the front of the room, then even stood and leaned over Graham to check near the wall of the classroom.

"What the hell, dude?" Graham said, pushing him back a bit. "Ever hear of personal space?"

"My rifle is gone," Finn said, ignoring his friend and checking against the wall anyway.  
>"Where the fuck could it have-"<p>

"Ten Hut!" Sergeant Banks voice called out and immediately the classroom came to attention. The Sergeant's footsteps were heard echoing loudly as he walked between their desks and then turned to the recruits once reaching the front of the classroom. He nodded at them. "Be seated."

The class did as they were told, and once it seemed that Sergeant Banks was going to take a minute to leaf through some paperwork at the lectern for the next lesson, Finn doubled over in his chair and began looking underneath the desk table he and Graham shared.

"Hudson!" Banks addressed him without looking up from his papers.

Finn sat at attention abruptly, but not before smacking the back of his head against the table, causing a round of stifled laughter to come from his fellow recruits. "Yes, Sergeant."

"Is there a problem?" Banks said again, still leafing through some loose papers.

"Uh..." Finn swallowed and then glanced at the desk and surrounding area a final time. He sighed slightly and then turned to face his superior. "Yes, Sergeant."

Banks eyed him from the lectern and then leaned on it with his left arm, a serious look crossing his face. "And what exactly _**is **_the problem, soldier?"

Finn glanced at Graham quickly, who simply shrugged and raised his hands in a questioning manner to indicate he couldn't help. Deciding to simply be honest, Finn again turned and addressed Sergeant Banks. "My...my weapon seems to be missing, Sergeant."

"Missing?" Sergeant Banks face turned into a slight scowl. "What the fuck do you mean, missing? How the fuck do you lose a weapon that's almost three feet long?"

"I'm...I'm not sure, Sergeant." Finn gulped and held his hands out helplessly. "When we went on break, it was right here at my desk, but when we got back it-"

_**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **_

Finn and the others all spun towards the gunfire which echoed right outside their classroom window. Quickly, Finn ran over to the window to see what had happened, and was greeted with the sight of Corporal Antho holding an M4 Carbine aloft while three other corporals lay on the ground completely lifeless.

Had their corporal just shot three other soldiers?

Wondering what exactly was going on, Finn stared hard at the rifle, positive it was his, and felt a sickening feeling wash over him. He turned and regarded Sergeant Banks. "Sergeant, was that-"

"All of you outside. _**Now!**_" Banks ordered, pointing towards the door even as he himself walked towards it. The recruits glanced at each other curiously before following their Sergeant out of the classroom and over to the green, grassy area beside the building. There, Corporal Antho still stood, weapon held at the ready for further action, while the other three corporals lay on the ground, motionless. Banks walked up to Corporal Antho and took the weapon out of his hands with no resistance before the Corporal turned to face the recruits just a step behind the Sergeant, crossing his arms.

Banks held the weapon by the barrel-stock, displaying it to the recruits in front of him. "You've just learned a valuable lesson. _**Never**_, and I mean _**never**_, leave your weapons unattended or unguarded. This is how quickly one of the military's firearms can be stolen, loaded, and used against us. In our line of work, we _**cannot **_afford to allow _**anyone**_ to do such a thing. When the weapons are going to be left alone, one of your unit must either volunteer or be assigned to guard them _**at all times**_. This time it was merely blank ammunition and a demonstration of what _**could **_happen. Remember, _**lives**_ are at stake anytime you have a weapon in your possession, both yours and those around you." Banks turned towards the soldiers on the ground. "Corporals, thank you for your time." The three Corporals on the ground who had remained motionless suddenly clamoured back to their feet and put their military issue head wear on, nodding at the Sergeant. Banks turned back to the recruits. "Hudson! Front and centre."

Finn took a big breath of air before stepping forward to face the Sergeant face to face. Banks practically shoved the still warm weapon into his chest with a slight push and leaned in close. "This weapon needs to be cleaned, soldier, and don't _**ever **_let it out of your sight again unless you're _**sure**_ someone you trust is watching over it. Understand?"

The tall quarterback nodded quickly as his mind whirled through all of the horrible possibilities and fates that could have befallen people had something like this happened in a less secure setting. "Yes, Sergeant."

Banks didn't let go of the weapon and his hard, menacing stare continued to bore into Finn to drive home the point. "By _clean_, Hudson, I mean so fucking spotless I could use it to eat a bowl of soup. Am I clear?"

Again, Finn nodded with wide eyes. "Crystal clear, Sergeant."

Banks nodded and finally let the weapon go before turning to the rest of the recruits. "Enough gaggle-fucking, troops. Back inside. We have more lessons planned for the day. Who's sitting beside Hudson in class?"

Graham stepped forward hesitantly. "I am, Sergeant."

Banks nodded as he walked past him. "Make sure your notes are clear and legible. Hudson will need to copy them later since he's going to be cleaning that weapon."

"Yes, Sergeant." Graham agreed immediately, nodding to Finn as well that he'd take clear notes. After another moment, he turned and followed the rest of the troops inside to the classroom. Finn sighed and looked down at his weapon, noticing that it was _**just **_starting to cool off from having been fired three times. He wondered how long it would take him to give it a thorough cleaning.

_Well, at least with it firing rounds, I know I was able to rebuild it _**properly**_, _Finn thought to himself. And if he could rebuild a rifle after it was broken down into pieces, maybe rebuilding a relationship with Rachel would also be within his capabilities. The thought gave him hope as he removed the cleaning kit from the butt end of the rifle and set to work.

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) <strong>


	5. Shed Some Light

**A/N - Thank you again to all the great reviews and comments and favourites and story alerts for this, guys. I appreciate all of them. Thanks also to _JannP_ for still beta-reading this collection despite having a family, a job and about 100 stories currently on the go all at once. I understand people want to know what Rachel is doing while Finn's gone, and I also had some requests for Finchel interaction (let me tell you, that's tough when they're supposed to be apart all summer) but if those requesters included you, then you'll be very happy with both this and the next chapter. Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if necessary.**

* * *

><p>"Okay, so we'll see you all tomorrow then, won't we? Have a good night!" Rachel smiled at her group of nine and ten year old kids as they grabbed their music crafts and began filing towards the door of the synagogue's piano room, chatting animatedly amongst themselves about the day's activities.<p>

She turned and began collecting her piano music off the sheet music ledge of the upright piano and began organizing it alphabetically, as she always did. Teaching at the music day camp of the Lima Community Synagogue was proving to be a much more rewarding job than she had initially believed, and she was pleasantly surprised children of other religious denominations had also been encouraged to sign up. With all of the political and religious chaos in the world, it gratified her to know people of radically different religious beliefs could, indeed, work side-by-side and get along with few problems.

She glanced around the room to see a lone boy in her class hadn't gotten up from his spot at the crafts table yet. Instead, he had his head leaning on his left hand, cast down. His eyes seemed sad and he slowly doodled on a scrap piece of paper. Glancing around to ensure there were no more parents come to collect their children, Rachel assumed this boy's mother must be running late, so she took it upon herself to watch him for the time needed.

"Hi Kale." She moved over to sit beside him. "You okay?"

Kale nodded, not moving his brown eyes from the doodle he was doing. Rachel looked over to see what drawing and was impressed at the image on the paper. It appeared to be a large bird of prey of some sort; the detail and realism put into the picture truly astounded her considering the boy was so young.

"That's an incredible drawing," she remarked with a big smile. "Where did you learn how to do that?"

The young boy looked up to her and shrugged a little. "My brother taught me how to draw like this. He's really, _**really **_good. He's even sold some of his work at the farmer's market."

"If he's the one who taught you how to do this, I imagine his work would be exceptional." She paused and watched as Kale started colouring in some of the empty spaces with black ink, adding texture to the already impressive drawing. "Does he live with you?"

"Normally, but he's gone this summer. Said he had to work, or something. I don't know why he took a job that makes him gone all summer." Kale sniffed a little.

Rachel felt a sharp pain in her heart suddenly as Kale's sad words struck through to her core. She swallowed and looked away to gain some composure. She wasn't sure why her heart and head united _now_ to remind her of the ache she felt if her thoughts wandered to a certain tall, handsome quarterback who had also disappeared for the summer…_**without **_telling her where. (No matter what happened when Finn got back, she was definitely going to have strong words for him about _**that **_little stunt). Putting on a brave face, she turned back to her day camper.

"I have a good friend who decided to work in a job away from Lima all summer, too."

Kale turned and smiled a bit, happy to have a companion who might understand what he was going through. "Really? What's she doing? My brother joined some group called the National Guard."

Rachel's eyebrows went up in genuine surprise and she smiled, too. "So did my friend! Only it's a he, not a she."

Kale frowned a bit at that new piece of information. "But…I thought once you become a teenager, girls and boys can't be friends."

"Who told you that?"

"Travis did—he's my brother. He said stuff happens to you after you're about twelve and you start seeing girls differently, or they start seeing you differently. I didn't get it, though. I mean, girls are girls, aren't they? Just like boys are boys?"

The petite brunette laughed heartily at Kale's comments, remembering how naïve she had been about the subject until she'd turned eleven or so and _**definitely **_began seeing boys differently. She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Yes, they are, Kale. It's just…I think what your brother means is after about twelve, girls and boys start seeing each other in terms of romance."

Kale scrunched up his face. "Like hugging and kissing and stuff? That's just _gross_."

She gave him an amused smirk. "You may not think so in a few years. And even though that _**does **_happen as you get older, it doesn't mean boys and girls can't be just friends. The boy I know who went away for the summer is just a friend."

"And he was always just a friend?"

"Uhhh…" Rachel hesitated, unsure how this young boy had jumped ahead so quickly into territory she wasn't sure she should be discussing with him. She swallowed before plastering a fake smile on her face and trying to ignore her racing heart. "Why do you ask?"

The young boy shrugged a bit. "You had a funny way of saying he was your friend, like you were kind of, I guess, _**forcing**_ the word out instead of just speaking normal-like. It made me think maybe he wasn't really your friend."

"No, he is; it's just…well…" She sighed deeply. "To be honest, he _**was **_more, but we both made some bad mistakes and couldn't stay together."

"Why?"

Rachel resisted the urge to roll her eyes. How often had she gone over this story… with her Dads, Kurt, Mercedes, or even with Finn himself before he left? It seemed fate or karma just _**wasn't**_ going to let her out of this easily and would forever force her to acknowledge what was and could no longer be. She looked at the young boy and repeated words from her fathers she'd sworn as a child she would never use herself.

"I think you might be a bit too young to really understand, Kale. It's kinda grown up stuff."

Kale had no reservations about rolling his eyes. "Travis and my Mom say that to me _**all **_the time. I don't get it. If you want to be with someone, just _**be**_ with them. When I want to be with a friend, I don't let other things stop me."

Rachel almost laughed out loud but put her hand over her mouth to stifle herself. Instead, she smiled genuinely at the young boy. "I really, _**really **_wish it were that easy. I do."

"Grown ups are weird!" Kale shook his head and turned back to his drawing. "I mean, Travis kinda gets me, but he gets weird too. He sent a letter home saying how he and his friends in this Guard job are trying to get a guy and girl together but the guy doesn't know the girl likes him. Like, just let them be, right? Why would Travis care?"

Rachel smiled again. "Because Travis wants his friend to be happy with someone. When a boy and girl do get together for romance and both _**want**_ to be together, nothing is better than that. It brings so much happiness."

Kale looked at her, confused. "But if it brings happiness, then why aren't _**you **_still with that friend of yours."

"Because…" Rachel paused, wondering to herself _**how **_she could explain this so Kale would understand. She closed her mouth and swallowed before turning to him. "I guess because the problem is when it's romance, not only can you be very happy with a person, you can also be very hurt. He and I hurt each other too much to stay together, no matter how happy we might have been before."

Kale considered that for a moment, staring hard at the bird-of-prey picture he had just drawn, before turning to look at her earnestly. "But after a while you don't hurt anymore and are just happy again, right? I mean, my Mom and Travis sometimes do or say things that hurt me or make me cry, but after a while or just some talking the hurt goes away and I'm happy to be with them again. Isn't it the same thing?"

Rachel buried her face in her hands, overcome with her frustration. _How the hell am I, a straight-A high school student, being out-talked by a ten year old?_ His arguments were so simple and straightforward she was starting to even wonder herself what it was keeping her from reuniting with Finn.

No, that wasn't true. She knew what it was and tried to answer Kale's question honestly.

"The problem is, I think, he and I don't really know ourselves. When you get to be a teenager, a lot of what you think about things and life changes. Suddenly things you think you know and understand aren't very clear. He didn't know what he thought about things with me anymore, and once he figured it out, I suddenly didn't know what I thought about things with him. Until we both know, and both know what the _other_ thinks, it's hard to be more than just friends."

The young boy's face looked at her with complete confusion. "That kinda makes sense, I guess. Travis never had that problem, though. He really likes a girl and she knows it, and she likes him back and he knows it. They sometimes spend time away from my Mom and me, but it's okay because they also always come back and spend time with us later."

"Travis sounds like a wonderful brother, Kale. I hope I get to meet him someday."

Kale's face lit up. "Oh, yeah. He gets back on the fourth of September. Maybe I can bring him by."

Suddenly, a woman of about forty walked into the classroom with long, raven black hair, a form fitting business suit and glasses perched on her nose. Her brown skin seemed to sweat just a little bit as she smiled apologetically.

"Kale! I'm _**so **_sorry I was late." She glanced apologetically at Rachel. "Thank you for watching him, Miss Berry. I really owe you-"

Rachel shook her head. "You owe me nothing. I was happy to watch him, and I know traffic can be bad during this time of day."

Kale turned and ran over to give his mom a hug. "S'okay, Mom. Miss Berry and I were just talking about Travis and grown-up stuff, that's all." He showed her his music craft proudly. "See what we did today? It's the notes of the scale. The top one is the treble clef scale, and the bottom one is the bass clef scale."

His mom smiled appreciatively. "That's wonderful, Kale. Now you'll be able to figure out the notes when you play guitar."

Rachel's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Kale! You play guitar?"

Kale nodded. "Travis taught me. I'm not as good as he is, though."

His mom ruffled his hair. "But you _**are **_a better singer. Travis couldn't sing if his life depended on it."

"Well, this _is_ a music day-camp, Kale. Would you like to bring in your guitar and play something for us tomorrow?" Rachel suggested, standing and straightening her blouse a bit.

Kale's face lit up like a sparkler. "Yeah! That would be totally wicked!"

Rachel chuckled at the boy's unintentional reference to one of her favourite Broadway shows. "Okay. Pick any song you want. You can sing first thing in the morning."

"Cool!" Kale smiled. He turned and grabbed his drawing of the bird-of-prey. "Here, Miss Berry, I want you to have this. You're the first person to say how good my drawing was."

Kale's mother scoffed at him. "What do you mean? I tell you _**all the time**_ and put them up on the fridge."

"Yeah, but you're my _**Mom**_!" Kale said to her, using a tone of voice that seemed to suggest his simple statement had explained everything. "Miss Berry is the first person who wasn't _**family**_ to say something."

Rachel took the proffered drawing and smiled herself. "I'd be honoured to take it as a gift, Kale. Though you should sign it so years later I'll remember who drew it for me."

Kale nodded in agreement. "Okay." He grabbed the pen he had been using, found a small white space near the bottom, and carefully printed his name. Once done, he inspected the drawing again before handing it to her. "See you tomorrow, Miss Berry." He and his mom began to walk towards the door.

"Have a good night, Kale." Rachel said, nodding to both him and his mother. She smiled a final time before turning and placing the drawing at the top of her music folder, inspecting the signed name before she put the folder in her wheeled carry case. Upon reading the name, she concluded it was unusual enough she'd be unlikely to ever forget it. Signed on the picture in clear letters was her student's full name:

_Kale Omeasoo_.

**XXXXX**

Dusting! She hated dusting, especially when she had improper tools for the job or, in this case, wasn't allowed to use them. She kept a Swiffer duster in her closet to run it over the furniture in her room, but more often than not forgot the shelf in the closet. As a result, the dust had gathered up there over the last six months and she was currently trying to clean it properly. After all, it wouldn't do for this dust to remain in her room and possibly affect her breathing or vocal chords. She needed to do everything possible to protect them.

She removed the old photo albums and box of toys from the back corner and began working with moistened paper towels, gathering up the dust and then depositing them into the nearby garbage. She continued along, squinting a bit to see clearly enough to the back of the closet, and then her hand bumped against something hard and solid. Frowning, she reached towards the back end of the closet and her hand clasped around it.

It was a box of some sort. A small, hard box. What had she put up there that was so small and all on its own? Pulling it down, she sighed in frustration as some dust clung to her hand and the edge of the paper towel, disgustedly throwing it away, and then turned to almost rip the box open without really looking at it.

Her heart froze, and her breath hitched in her throat. She closed her eyes, not believing she had forgotten about this piece of jewelry. Swallowing and fighting back the urge to shed yet more tears, she slowly opened her eyes and regarded it sadly.

In the box was a simple gold necklace shaped into a single word.

"_**Finn" **_

How long had it been since she'd worn this? Seven, maybe almost eight months? She remembered how proud Finn had been the first time she wore this over her simple, black sleeveless button-down shirt. The word stood out both as a beacon of whom she was with and a shield behind which her heart could hide, protected from the rest of the world. At the time, she never imagined that he'd have been part of that world trying to hurt her in almost unimaginable ways.

_That's not fair, Rachel_**, **she chided herself. _Yes, he hurt you, but he never _**tried **_to hurt you. He thought he was protecting you, however dysfunctional his version of it was. _

She traced the edge of the necklace with her finger, her eyes closing as her memory snapped her back ten months to when she had first put this on.

**-X-**

_They were both lying down on the bed in her bedroom, ostensibly studying for a Spanish test of his. They had done a fair bit already, but were both starting to get to the point where the attention was turning more towards each other than their respective books. In this case, Finn had practically rolled her right on top of him (not that she minded) and kissed her senseless—a long, slow, deliberate kiss where his tongue melded with hers and he poured every ounce of feeling and passion into it. After breaking their kiss so they could both breathe, he noticed the new necklace; it had fallen out and was dangling in front of his face as he gazed up at her. _

"_What…" Finn's grin was a mile wide as he peered at the necklace adorning her neck. "When…when did you get this?" His removed his hand from her hair and cupped it gently behind the charm, inspecting it a little more closely. "Really…when did you get this?" _

_She smiled a bit. "The night after I sang you 'The Only Exception'. I…I didn't want you to think I was going to keep trying to make you jealous by dressing provocatively, or I wanted other boys to flirt with me. I thought this might make it-"_

"_Rach," Finn said gently, moving his hand from behind the necklace to cup her face. "It's fine. I mean, I love the necklace, but I…really, I'm sorry if you think I need to put my name on you somehow. That's not fair to you." _

"_It's not that. I'm happy, Finn. I'm happy to let people know I'm your girlfriend and you're my boyfriend—especially when I actually had the unmitigated gall to ask you to choose between me and football." She sat up from him and bit her lip remorsefully before their eyes met again. "That wasn't fair of me." _

_Finn shrugged casually. "It's over now. You said you were sorry. I forgive you." _

"_But still, I hurt you by even asking." She reached up with her right hand to grip the gold 'Finn' charm between her thumb and forefinger. "This…this is also a metaphor, Finn. The charm sits above my heart because you need to know that you and _**only**_ you have my love. And it helps remind me not to hurt the one who holds my heart because I know _**you**_ would never hurt me." _

_Finn closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deep and glancing out the window. He swallowed and his demeanor seemed to change, becoming quite serious for a moment, but he turned back to her and smiled that dopey, disarming half-smile of his. _

"_I'd never hurt you, Rach. _**Ever!**_" _

_Before she could ask about his sudden change in expression or demeanor, he suddenly grabbed her wrist, pulled her to him and crushed his lips against hers, kissing her and causing all other thoughts to vanish instantly. _

**-X-**

_How? _She asked herself, still gazing at the necklace. _How could we have forgotten so easily the promises we made to each other? How did we wind up _**denying**_ each other happiness instead of embracing it all like we planned? _

She couldn't help it anymore. The tears started streaming down her face as emotions pent up from weeks of denial and disregard suddenly wracked through her, clutching her heart and bringing a wave of nausea to her stomach. She collapsed on the floor against the wall by her closet, still crying, the necklace in her hand instinctively brought up and placed against her heart as if trying to will her emotions to just let her be in peace.

How long she was there, tears still falling from her face, she didn't know; her conscious self suddenly recognized a strong arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a paternal embrace. She glanced up to see her Dad, Leroy, sitting beside her, his eyes soft and sad for her, but a look of understanding across his face. He nodded and let her cry some more against his shoulder, simply sitting beside her and offering her comfort by presence alone.

After a long while and several tears, Rachel's sobs turned into hiccups. Leroy's left hand smoothed her hair as his right hand gingerly pried the item she clutched to her. He gazed upon the necklace with a somber face, maybe just a slight frown, before turning to look down at her. "You still love him as much as always, don't you?"

Rachel hesitated to answer, but after a moment, allowed herself to simply accept what she had felt all along; what had consumed her entirely since that first kiss in the auditorium. There was no longer a point in denying it. "Yes. I don't think I'll ever learn how to _**not **_be in love with him."

Leroy was silent for a moment as he embraced her and held the necklace aloft. Rachel wondered what was going through her Dad's mind at the moment. She knew he had reservations about Finn, especially since Finn didn't seem to have much in the way of focus or ambition save for playing football professionally (which would probably prove harder than making it in show business).

After another long moment and heavy sigh, Leroy handed it back to her. "It's just a bit tarnished."

Rachel frowned and inspected it a bit more closely before realizing that her Dad was right. The upper top left corner of the charm was starting to turn slightly brownish green.

"But the great thing is," Leroy continued as he gazed at the necklace with her, "is that it can be remedied. If you're not afraid of a bit of work, use the right ingredients, and don't ignore it for too long, you can work the tarnish off. And then, before you know it, it's as good as new. Sometimes better."

Rachel smiled a bit, turning her head to look up at her father. Their eyes met and she knew, instantly, that he understood everything she was going through and was, in his own way, offering sage advice on what to do next.

The necklace was merely a metaphor.

"Thanks Dad." She hugged him tightly before wiping away another tear.

Leroy nodded, his face still stoic as he returned her hug. "Anytime, Ray. Anytime."

**XXXXX**

Kale tuned the guitar carefully on one knee. The rest of the music class was either standing, seated around him on chairs or the floor, whichever they wanted. (Rachel had hated sitting on the floor in elementary school so refused to insist her campers do the same.) He tuned a few strings, turning the white keys at the top of the guitar's neck, before settling down and looking up at everyone else.

"Hi there…uh…Miss Berry and I were talking last night and I told her I play guitar, so she asked me to come in and sing a song for everyone."

"You're not going to sing Raffi, are you?" Berton, one of the other boys in the class asked. Rachel gave him a disapproving look, arching her eyebrow up in that parental way her fathers seemed so good at, and it must have worked because Berton frowned and shrugged but didn't say anything else.

"N-no. I thought I'd pick a song that my brother likes. I was telling Miss Berry I miss him because he's gone for the summer, just like a friend of hers is gone, too. They both joined the National Guard." Kale smiled a bit as he looked up at his camp instructor. "Wouldn't it be cool if they're friends now, Miss Berry?"

"It's entirely possible, Kale." Rachel smiled at her student. How well the two boys now knew each other was up for debate, however, since it seemed Finn didn't want to be too close to **_anyone_** before he left. His last two weeks at school had seen him rather sullen and withdrawn save for the odd impromptu lunch jam with Puck, Artie and Sam (which she was sure he only did because drumming always relieved his frustrations). She had refused to try coaxing him out of it because she knew in order to get him talking, she'd have to corner him alone…and she could never, _**never **_trust herself around him when they were alone.

Kale began strumming the guitar, and Rachel's smile slid off her face as another wave of intense and painful emotions surged through her. She _**knew **_that song. It was a song Finn had practiced repeatedly and often used for warm-ups, singing it at full volume and usually before the two of them rehearsed their duets in the auditorium at school.

But never before would the lyrics mean as much to her as they did now.

_**I'm falling apart, again.  
>And I can't find a way, to make amends.<br>I'm looking in both directions  
>But it's make believe; it's all pretend, so<strong>_

_**Shed some light on me,  
>And hold me up in disbelief<br>Shed some light, on me  
>And tell me something that I believe.*<strong>_

Again, before she could even think of about it, Rachel felt another tear running down her face. Kale's voice was untrained, but it reminded her distinctly of Finn's voice when he first joined Glee club: powerful, raw, full of emotion, and showing the world more talent than he knew he possessed. She bit her lip and wiped the errant tear away, intending to focus on the rest of Kale's performance than continuing to relive her heartache.

_**It's innocence within the maze  
>but I have chosen the wrong way.<br>I'm still getting over, who I was.  
>There's no sense of trust, no definition of love. <strong>_

_**So, shed some light on me  
>And hold me up in disbelief<br>She some light, on me  
>And tell me something that I believe.*<strong>_

Kale continued to play the guitar, modifying the song from its original version and playing the cello solo instead on the guitar in between some chords. He plucked the last note of the solo and turned to continue singing in perfect time from his established tempo.

_**I know now it's not who you are, it's who you know,  
>And I see clearly now which way to go.<br>I remember, the way I fell from above,  
>And I recall, the way I was. So,<strong>_

_**Shed some light, on me  
>And hold me up, in disbelief<br>Shed some light, on me  
>And tell me something I believe.*<strong>_

The young boy's eyes made contact with her as he sang the last line of lyrics, and he nodded, smiling at her and non-verbally communicating for her to take over the chorus section. It sparked in her the memory of Finn also inviting her to join him at their last duet rehearsal; the last rehearsal they had before Mr. Schuester changed his mind regarding Sectionals and triggered all the relationship drama that had washed through the club afterward. It had also been the last time she and Finn had sung together as a couple rather than just as colleagues.

Smiling sadly, she stood up straight and began to sing, and even as she picked up the words, she could hear Finn's voice echo beside her in her mind, strong and powerful.

_**Shed some light, on me  
>And hold me up, in disbelief<br>Shed some light, on me  
>And tell me something that I believe,<br>Tell me something that IIIIIIIIIIIIII***_

Rachel held the last note effortlessly, letting Kale sing and repeat the line underneath before continuing.

_**Belieeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvveeeeee.***_

Again, Kale echoed the last line underneath her, grinning before he stopped strumming his guitar, letting Rachel sing the very last line _a capella_.

_**Something that I believe.***_

The young boy plucked the final notes to the song on his acoustic guitar before all the campers erupted into a wave of applause for both him and their teacher, each of them smiling and showing appreciation for the performance.

Soon after, Rachel heard applause from the doorway as well, and she turned to see the synagogue's secretary, Mrs. Sherman, grinning from ear to ear at the performance. The elderly widow had worked in the synagogue's office for nearly twenty years and was every inch the Jewish mother-figure to the entire congregation, a role she had assumed more vigourously since the passing of her husband. She came into the class and gave Rachel a big hug unexpectedly. Rachel returned it a bit awkwardly before Mrs. Sherman pulled away and smiled a toothy smile.

"Rachel, my dear, I've known you since you were a small child, and I don't think I've ever heard you put more emotion into _**anything**_ you've sung than you did into those few lyrics. That was simply beautiful."

Rachel shrugged slightly and returned the smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Sherman. I appreciate that. "

"It seemed those lyrics meant a lot to you, dear." Mrs. Sherman pressed on, one hand still holding Rachel's in a maternal way. "Did they remind you of someone? Or something?"

Rachel smiled again, thinking back to when she and Finn had finished singing the song at that last rehearsal. She remembered the lopsided grin he gave her while looking down into her eyes, conveying everything within him at that moment; love, admiration, respect and just plain, wide-eyed _**awe **_of her talent came through those cinnamon eyes in a heartbeat. Rachel breathed deeply and turned back to Mrs. Sherman.

"Yes. It reminded me of…happier times."

* * *

><p><strong>*Lyrics are from <strong>_**Shed Some Light**_**, written and performed by Shinedown. **

**Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. **


	6. How You Remind Me

**A/N - So, Rachel insisted she had more to say. Hope that's okay with everyone. I've learned that I could argue with her, but it's usually more trouble than it's worth, so I just shrugged and went with it. _JannP _should again be thanked for all the work she puts into this story editing and commenting since, unlike some of the other authors who she betas, I don't ever seem satisfied with a chapter until it surpasses the 4K word mark or so. But, hopefully that'll be a good thing for the readers here. Again, thanks to everyone following this story, and a very special thanks to those who take the time to review. It's appreciated. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if need be. **

* * *

><p><em><strong>A flash of muzzle fire erupted. <strong>_

_**A shot echoed through the air. **_

_**The man with the pistol collapsed to the ground, his eyes staring up blankly at the heavens.**_

_**The soldier fell over, crying out in pain and clutching his shoulder. **_

**"_Medic!" An unfamiliar voice called out over the noise of screams and panic. "Man down! MAN DOWN!" _**

_**Two others rushed over to the fallen soldier. They turned him over and began working frantically to stop blood from dripping from the upper body. **_

_**The first medic pulled the large, protective helmet from his head. **_

_**Brown hair. Cinnamon eyes. Dimple marks. **_

_**A look of intense pain etched on his face. **_

"**FINN!" **Rachel cried out in terror, awaking suddenly in a cold sweat and looking around while gasping for air. The surroundings seemed at once strange and yet familiar; it took her mind a moment to register that she was sleeping in Kurt's basement over at the Hudson-Hummel household. The two would-be Broadway divas had proceeded with viewing their Celine Dion concert video despite Mercedes' decision not to join them, and thus she was sleeping beside Kurt on the queen size pull-out bed in the basement. She glanced over to him, but fortunately it seemed her outburst hadn't woken him up.

Breathing heavily, she closed her eyes and flopped back onto the pillow underneath her. This was the seventh time in almost four weeks she had been plagued by the vivid nightmare of Finn being mortally wounded. Why she was so worried about his safety she really couldn't say with certainty; it wasn't like he had volunteered for duty in the Middle-East or decided on making the U.S. Army a permanent career. Nor was it likely he, as a green recruit, would ever be ordered into harm's way before he had received the proper training, and that training lasted at minimum until two days before his return.

Obviously, her subconscious, emotional side paid no attention to her logical side. She supposed she shouldn't have been surprised. The two sides of her mind battled often for dominance. Unfortunately, her feelings and desire to have everything she could want in life usually precluded any adherence to logic and reason.

Realizing there was no way she would get the graphic image of an injured, possibly dying Finn out of her mind anytime soon, she sighed and pushed the sheets off herself, deciding to try a warm glass of soy milk (thank you, Kurt for ensuring there was a full carton in the fridge). She quickly threw a housecoat overtop of her knee length nightshirt and ascended the stairs to the kitchen. She turned the light above the stove on, leaving off the main kitchen lights in favour of the subdued brightness cast from the lone, forty-watt bulb. She quietly grabbed a small sauce pan, measured out a large glass-full of soy milk, poured it into the pan, and set it on the stove to heat. As she slowly stirred the milk, her mind flashed back to the last time she had performed such actions in this kitchen.

**-X-**

**This is how, you remind me of what I really am,  
>this is how, you remind me of what I really am,*<strong>

"_Finn!" Rachel chuckled but pulled away from him as he tried to dance with her (poorly, she might add; this _**was**_ Finn) in the kitchen, singing along with the music on the radio. She shook her head and put her hands on her hips as she regarded him. "This isn't really _**dance **_music." _

_Finn shrugged, his arms circling her waist. "Why not? It's in four-four. It's catchy. All you have to do is…" His hands wandered down to her buttocks and he pressed her against him, slowly rotating their hips in time (or what he thought was 'in time') to the music. How he could be so metronomic while playing the drums and so offbeat when dancing was beyond her, but it was part of his charm. She sighed and smiled a bit as he ducked his head and continued singing along in her ear. _

**And I've been wrong. I've been down, to the bottom of every bottle.  
>These five words in my head scream "Are we having fun, yet?"*<strong>

"_No!" Rachel declared in amusement, gently pushing him away with her hands on his chest. "We are _**not **_having fun. The tempo of this song is all wrong for dancing, and you stepped on my feet twice." _

"_Well of course I did!" Finn countered with a smile. "You're trying to lead. You're supposed to let the _**guy **_lead." _

"_If I did that, you'd _**lead**_ me straight to the hospital." Rachel grinned, and then turned down the volume on the radio. "Focus, Finn. We're trying to make hot chocolate." _

_Finn sighed as he shook his head. "And I thought _**I **_was the one obsessed with food." _

_She noticed him watching her as she pulled out a sauce pan and placed it on the stove, then opened up the soy milk and measured out a portion in the measuring cup. After throwing a smile in his direction, she turned to pour it into the pan. _

"_Why on earth would you do that?" Finn asked with a laugh as she continued making the hot chocolate, reaching over and turning on the stove burner before adding in sugar and cocoa. It was now almost midnight and they had just escaped the wedding of Finn's mom to Kurt's dad. The Hudson-Hummel household was empty save for the two of them. Carole and Burt would be staying overnight in the hotel where the reception was held, and Kurt had graciously allowed Rachel to steal Finn away before the wedding cleanup commenced provided she promised him her next Glee solo. A small price to pay for some much wanted alone time with her boyfriend. _

_Rachel turned to Finn, looking up at him. "Do what? And can you get me the vanilla and cinnamon, please?" She pointed absently to the kitchen cupboard's middle shelf, which was just a bit above her reach. (Damn her shortness.) _

_Finn rolled his eyes even as he dutifully (and easily) retrieved the required ingredients for her, handing them over one at a time. "Heat it up on the stove. I mean, really, there's this big, like, white electronic thing over there with a bunch of buttons. It heats things up a lot faster. They call it a 'microwave'." _

_Rachel turned from adding the extra ingredients into the sauce pan and pointed the wooden spoon at him in mock irritation. "This is hot chocolate I'm making for you Finn, not a Pizza Pop! To properly prepare hot chocolate, one must _**gently**_ heat the milk to the appropriate temperature lest the entire flavor of the beverage be compromised." _

"_You've already _**compromised**_ the flavor," Finn bit back humorously and sarcastically, complete with air quotes as he leaned against the island of the kitchen. "You're using _**soy **_milk. Oh, sorry," he held up the container and read the label at eye level, "soy _**beverage!** _…my mistake. Seriously, Rach, if the main ingredient isn't from a cow, it's _**not **_gonna be hot chocolate." _

"_Oh, ye of little faith," Rachel intoned haughtily while expertly stirring the liquid. "I'll have you know I memorized this recipe from an online vegan website. It's by a lady who's won awards for her vegan cooking, and in particular for her hot chocolate." _

"_Pretty sure that was because she was squaring off against other vegan cooks." He scrunched up his face even as he came over and looked at the contents of the pot over her shoulder. "I'm skeptical of any hot chocolate that has no actual milk in it." _

_Rachel smiled and shook her head. "Are you saying that because you really have reservations about this recipe, or did you just want to use the new word you learned yesterday for the fifth time in my presence?" _

_Finn shrugged. "Yes." _

_She burst out laughing even as she turned and playfully swatted his arm. "Give the recipe a chance. You might like it. And I'm very happy you now know the word 'skeptical'. Truthfully, I'm skeptical you'll actually stop saying it in my presence. You seem to believe impressing me with your academic prowess will afford you some kind of affectionate favours later on." She stirred the milk again, pleased to feel it starting to increase in temperature. _

_The quarterback's face took on a look of concentration as he mulled over her complex sentence. "Uh…if you mean I think you'll be willing to make out with me because I got a B+ on my last English quiz, then yeah, that _**is**_ what I thought." _

_He gripped her around her waist from behind and pulled her into him; she gulped a bit at feeling him already aroused against her buttocks, his manhood clearly evident through four layers of fabric. His lips suddenly descended on the curve of her neck just above the shoulders and he began to lightly suck, just barely grazing the skin between his teeth. The hand holding the spoon began to tremble slightly and she could feel her body start to respond. _

"_Besides," he said, low and huskily in her ear, as his lips lightly and gently pulled on her earlobe. She gripped the counter in her left hand so as not to reach behind her and grip something _**else **_that was rubbing suggestively along her leg and buttock. "You seem to like it when _**you**_ receive some 'affectionate favours'. Fair's fair, isn't it?" _

_She groaned and turned, temporarily surrendering to her carnal desires and capturing his lips in hers, opening her mouth and eagerly accepting his tongue inside. Her hands came up and gripped his shoulders tightly as she fervently returned his passionate kiss before allowing one hand to stray down his chest and then further south. She grinned impishly against his lips as her right hand brushed ever so gently along his abdomen and then left his stomach entirely, only to come directly, fully and deliberately in contact with his crotch and begin to lightly massage. _

_Oh yeah, she was totally feeling him up. And she reveled in every moment of it._

_Finn's eyes flew open widely and that intense look of both pleasure and worry crossed his face as his mouth formed a silent 'o' shape, even while his arms tightened around her waist and pulled her in close. She knew he was embarrassed by his manhood's overzealous reactions to any of the attentions she bestowed on it, but really, this was a very private, intimate side of him she loved seeing; a private thing that he trusted her and her alone with. How could she not love it, and love him, in the process? Especially when it worked so well in her favour at times like these. _

_His eyes momentarily took on a faraway look before he swallowed, closed his eyes, and quickly breathed in deep; he breathed slowly and deeply twice more (in through the nose and out through the mouth), then smiled slightly. She knew he had just employed his 'Mailman' technique to control his arousal, and she couldn't help but feel extremely pleased with herself to know she could do this to him. He opened his eyes and regarded her with a mixture of pure sexual desire and complete love. "_**THAT **_was completely unfair and-" _

"_And maybe just a hint of what's to come in the coming weeks?" She asked saucily, which caused him to regard her in complete and utter shock. They hadn't ever intentionally made each other orgasm yet or shared in mutual masturbation, but she was convinced such a deepening of their relationship would be starting soon. It had been almost six months and Finn had been very respectful of all her wishes regarding her sexuality. All she wanted to do was get past Sectionals and mid-term exams so, when she and Finn did inevitably start exploring more pleasurable sexual territory, there would be no distractions or pressures looming over their heads. It would be total, complete, and honest communication of the most intimate kind._

"_Are….are you sure that's what you want?" Finn asked gently, almost as if afraid to believe she was being sincere. _

_Rachel nodded. "Once Sectionals and exams are done." She took his hand in hers. "I love you Finn, and I want to share that with you. Not full sex—not yet; but other, you know…intimate ways of bringing ourselves to fulfillment… yes, I'm sure." She looked at him seriously, a sudden slightly panicked thought occurring to her. "That is, if _**you **_want to…uh…"_

_Finn swallowed and took another deep breath, but cupped her face gently in his right hand and smiled. "Of course I _**want**_ to. I just don't want to force you or you to feel like I'm pressuring for that. This is your call, Rachel. Whenever you think you're ready to go further, its fine; I'll be there." _

_Rachel nodded and kissed him again before pushing him firmly, back against the counter. "Well, not right now, obviously. Right now we have hot chocolate to drink." She turned and regarded the saucepan with the beverage in it and was relieved to see it hadn't burned during their conversation. She deftly poured it into the two waiting mugs on the counter, dropped the pot into the sink, and poured some water into it. Rachel turned to hand one of the mugs to Finn. "Enjoy." _

_The quarterback sighed in reservation and took one of the proffered mugs. "I'll try." He said in resignation. "But I think I preferred your neck." _

_Rachel shrugged, her eyes dancing with amusement. "Maybe it'll be on the menu later if you're a good boy and drink it all up." _

_Finn gave her that little boy grin of his before sipping his drink. His eyes widened in surprise at the taste. "Rach…this is…this is…_**awesome**_! Like, really and seriously!" _

_Knowing it was cheesy to say, but deciding to do so anyway, she smirked and looked up at him with love in her eyes. "Of course! My awesome boyfriend deserves only awesome recipes." _

"_I mean…wow…this is four now: your lasagna, your banana bread, your sugar cookies, and now this? Who knew eating healthy could be so good?" _

_Rachel grinned at him. "Stick with me and you'll see just how good it can be." _

_Finn's face turned very serious and he regarded her with complete trust and love. His voice became thick with emotions and he took her small hand in his before speaking words she'd never forget. "I plan on sticking with you for a _**long**_ time, Rach." _

**-X-**

And right after Sectionals, it had _**all**_ come crashing down. Rachel felt her eyes moisten at the thought before shaking her head and focusing on the task before her. She poured the milk over into her cup, thankful her sudden inattention to what she was doing on the stove had no ill effects on her drink. While pouring, she resolved to sit at the table and enjoy the heated beverage, trying to forget her dream, forget her memories, forget the overwhelming heartache that overtaken her in the last few days.

Without even realizing how it happened (she passed it off as habit) she was suddenly standing directly outside Finn's room, peering in and foolishly allowing even more memories to flood through her. Her attempting to help him move into this room, barely able to lift boxes he seemed to pick up with ease; him standing in the centre, then spinning around like a kid, arms out at either side, and laughing like a little kid at his inability to hit anything off the shelves like in the tiny room he had before; the last study session they had together, both lying on the floor and pouring over history notes, her asking questions randomly to him and Finn struggling to remember dates and times.

_Why? Why didn't he tell me the truth? Why did I have to act so irrationally? Why couldn't we have been _**adult**_ about it all instead of just being typical, stupid _**teenagers**_? _

She sipped her drink and then moved into the room, her eyes taking in each and every detail: the drum-set alarm clock on his nightstand, the Xbox and stack of games in the corner by his bean-bag chair, the barely used desk in the corner of his room with a messy stack of _Modern Drummer_magazines on it along with some papers underneath. Her favourite blue hoodie of his was hanging off the back of his desk chair.

Her nose was tickled by the unmistakable _**Finn **_smell of the room, and she scoffed at the absurdity of how it seemed to make her heart skip a beat (again). His scent was his scent, and she resolved it wouldn't affect her in any manner anymore. It was ludicrous to think it would—preposterous, even! It was so ridiculous she actually dared herself to _**prove**_ how it no longer had any effect on her. She could control her emotions; _all_of them. She determinedly set the drink down on his desk, clasped the hoodie in her hands, and brought it to her face. She buried her nose into the fabric and allowed his natural, soapy, decidedly _**Finn **_scent to wash completely over her once more.

Her heart raced faster, and more tears began to form. _Oh no! Bad idea, Rachel. Bad idea!_Why she was torturing herself this way, she had no idea, but it felt _**so good **_and yet _**so heartbreaking**_ to allow his scent to intoxicate her senses and almost make her believe they were still together. Once again, her mind raced back several months as she gripped the blue hoodie in her hands.

**-X-**

"_How are you _**not **_freezing right now?" Rachel asked as she shivered and scooted closer to Finn while studying for their history test. "You're only in a polo and jeans! I'm in a sweater, a cotton blouse, a skirt, leggings, socks, and I'm _**still **_cold." _

_Finn shrugged absently, not lifting his head up from his notes. "Don't know. Just not cold. Don't feel it all that much." _

"_Ugh!" Rachel grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders even as they were laying down, both their heads reading the same history book. "I wish I had your body temperature so I could be warm all the time. At least it gives me an excuse to cuddle next to you." _

"_Like you need an excuse." Finn smiled and snorted all at the same time, drawing her in a bit closer. "Anytime you want to cuddle with me, feel free to bury yourself in my arms. In fact," Finn looked at his watch and then turned to look at her with smirk on his face. "We've been studying for over two hours. Like, _**real **_studying. I say it's time for a break." _

_Without asking any permission, he suddenly flipped her onto her back, spinning her around by the shoulders. She squealed as his strength caught her off guard and she made sudden contact with the floor, but then laughed as he pounced on top of her. His lips dove onto her neck and he made pretend gobbling sounds of Cookie Monster on Sesame Street. _

_She let his lips linger on her neck, knowing his current actions would likely leave a small bruise, but she could hide it under a turtle-neck with no one the wiser. It was almost winter now anyway. She giggled a bit and then pushed him off. "I agree with the break, definitely, but if I let you do _**that **_all night, my neck will be one giant bruise." _

_Her boyfriend snickered wickedly at her, his eyes giving her a knowing look. "Like you weren't thinking about how your turtleneck would hide it for you." _

"_ACH! I was _**not**_!" She declared, batting him across his chest in mock annoyance. Finn's gaze didn't waver, so she rolled her eyes and shrugged slightly. "Okay, fine, maybe a little. How did you know?" _

_The quarterback chuckled as he stretched his arms over his head tiredly. "What can I say? I know my girl. So I also know your idea of a break is to go downstairs and get something to drink." _

_Rachel shrugged. "Or we could do a coffee run." _

_Finn nodded enthusiastically. "That sounds even better. I'm in." He stood quickly and pulled back the blinds to look outside. "Uh, Rach? Did you wear your winter coat?" _

_Rachel shook her head even as she tidied up the books on the floor, folding them into each other to save their spots and putting them on the (surprisingly clean and made) bed. "No, why?" _

"_Well….." Finn glanced over at her a bit worriedly before motioning with his head towards the window where he was standing. _

_Rachel frowned and moved beside him, then gasped as she saw the volume of snow that had somehow accumulated between when she had arrived four hours ago and the present. "I…I don't have anything appropriate for this weather, Finn. I'll freeze if I go out there in nothing but my wind-breaker. Why wasn't this system being tracked by the weather centers?" _

_Finn looked down at her, and then his eyes shifted to the closet. "Maybe you won't freeze." He moved over to closet doors and slid them open, then rummaged around amidst the hung up articles before pulling out an old, blue sweatshirt. "Here. Put this on." _

_She crossed her arms and looked at him skeptically. "Finn, your hoodies are a double-x! It's going to come down to my knees!" _

"_It should keep you warm with your other clothes under it. And we're just getting coffee. It's not like I'd ask you to walk around school in it." He smiled a bit. "Although, if you want to…"_

"_I'd rather wear your letterman jacket the way Tina wears Mike's, but that thing would probably drag on the floor if I tried." She sighed dramatically. "I suppose I can wear your sweatshirt." _

_Her boyfriend grinned even as he gathered the length of the fabric up in his hands to slip it over her head easily. She squirmed her arms inside the massively long sleeves, pulling them up so her hands would come out the ends, and then pulled her hair out of the back so that it splayed across the shoulders. Looking down at how the sweatshirt sat on her, she noticed that her original conclusion had been correct; the sweatshirt went almost to her knees. She looked up at him, unimpressed. "Told you!" _

_Finn laughed. "I think you look cute." He flashed his infectious lop-sided grin at her. _

_Rachel tried hard to act annoyed, but her tone of voice betrayed her. Still, she kept her face serious and crossed her arms. "Cute is _**not **_a description a woman wants to hear from her beloved, Finn." _

"_Really?" Finn picked up on her play-acting and decided to imitate the mock-seriousness of the conversation, looking towards the ceiling as though thinking while tapping his chin in thought. "Hmmm….how 'bout pretty?" He asked, taking a slow step towards her. _

"_That's better," Rachel agreed one eyebrow arched, watching him approach._

"_Or, lovely?" Finn took another step, his eyes locking with hers. _

"_I _**do **_enjoy being called that." Rachel swallowed, her eyes never leaving his for a moment._

"_Or, stunning?" He took another slow, predatory step as he came within arm's length of her. His right hand slid up her arm slowly, then, the calloused hand pushed her hair back off her shoulder and brushed her skin along her collar-bone. She shuddered involuntarily. Slower than before, his hand slid back down her arm before his fingers snaked into the palm of her hand. _

"_That's…that's…a good word too." Rachel barely managed to get the words out as she felt the tip of his middle finger ever so gently trace the centre of her palm. She felt goose-bumps begin to rise on the back of her neck. _

"_I know the perfect word," Finn half-whispered as he moved another step closer, the heat radiating from his body but doing nothing to stop the goose-bumps descending along her arms. He brought her hand to his mouth and tenderly kissed the back. His tongue just grazed between her knuckles before he pulled it away to say the last word. "Gorgeous." He closed the gap between them, his lips now just a hair's breadth away from hers. _

"_Yes…" she breathed, closing her eyes and waiting for him to kiss her fully on the mouth, her skin tingling in anticipation of his touch. He lightly grazed her lips with his, being slow and seductive about everything. Rachel's libido was screaming, wondering _**where **_exactly this mood and flirting of Finn's had come from but also enjoying every moment of it. She knew she'd be pulled into his arms roughly at any second, and both would be consumed by their passion. _

_Finn's kiss had become a little more firm when, suddenly, they heard Finn's phone blare Beyonce's "Single Ladies". Finn sighed as he turned, grabbed his phone off the desk, and pressed the 'accept' button. _

"_Kurt! _**Really **_bad tim-." He paused. "Yeah, fine, we'll go for coffee with you. That's what we were thinking of anyway." Pause. "No, it's…whatever. We need to study some more anyway. Yeah, just…just give us a couple of minutes. Okay." _

_Finn hung up the phone. "Sorry," he said to her, shrugging slightly. _

_Rachel had groaned at the interruption, but shrugged a bit with a smile and headed towards the door, hand in hand with him. "It's fine. Maybe we can pick things up again this weekend after Sectionals?" _

_The tall quarterback grinned. "Yeah, definitely. I'm _**so **_there." He moved in and gave her one last, long kiss before they exited the room to meet up with Kurt. _

**-X-**

Needless to say, they didn't spend any time together after Sectionals that weekend.

Another plan down the drain. Another promise unfulfilled.

Rachel sighed and collapsed on Finn's bed. It seemed so much larger—empty and almost unfamiliar—without him beside her on it; she missed his weight pushing down the springs on one side, causing her to always roll into him. More tears threatened to escape, but she closed her eyes and fought back; she was determined this time—she wouldn't cry about it. She wouldn't allow her memories to carry her away the rest of the night.

Never mind his scent still invaded her senses…or his pillow was so comfortable and felt so _**right **_under her head…or his favourite bedroom items and gadgets were almost as familiar to her as they were to him.

No, she _**wouldn't**_ succumb to more memories. She _**couldn't. **_

She would control this.

**XXXXX**

The sunlight streaming through the open blinds awoke her; she frowned slightly, wondering how the sunlight was making its way past the small basement window to hit her directly in the eyes. _Had she fallen asleep on the loveseat in the basement instead of the pull-out bed?_ Squinting a bit, she turned her head to check the time.

The drum-set alarm clock read 10:02am.

_Hmmm…was I up so long during the night that I had to sleep in this long? _She tiredly as rubbed sleep out of her eyes.

Then suddenly, it hit her. She turned her head slowly to look at the clock.

The _**drum-set**_ alarm clock.

She bolted upright, pushing the comforter off and staring around the room in wide-eyed terror.

Posters of famous drummers and football quarterbacks adorned the walls. An X-Box and shelf of games sat in the corner with a bean-bag chair. A mess of _Modern Drummer _magazines were stacked on the desk.

_Oh, my God! _Her mind wailed loudly and she covered her eyes in sad embarrassment. _I fell asleep in my ex-boyfriend's room! On his bed! How pathetic am I? _

Rachel sighed and removed her hand from her eyes, rubbing the back of her neck to try and relieve the sudden knot as it began to form. Her eyes suddenly widened in horror as she noticed a piece of blue fabric poking out from underneath the generic beige comforter on the bed where it was still covering the lower half of her body. Two conclusions slowly dawned on her still sleep-addled mind.

First, someone had covered her up with the comforter.

Secondly, someone had done so while she still held Finn's blue sweatshirt in her arms.

Yes, it was now clear to her how truly wretched she was, and though she hated the word nothing else aptly fit the description: she was _**fucking **_pathetic.

"Breakfast?"

"Aaaah!" Rachel squealed and spun at the sound of the voice which startled her. She saw Carole leaning in the doorway, a slight smirk on her face, sipping from a cup of coffee. The way she carried herself and leaned on the doorframe instantly made Rachel think she knew where Finn had gotten _**that **_stance of his; it looked almost identical to the way he leaned on his locker.

Their eyes met before Rachel abruptly looked away. She slowly pulled her legs out of the comforter and placed her feet on the floor, but remained seated on the edge of Finn's bed. "Mrs. Hudson, I'm…I'm terribly sorry for crossing a line here and inappropriately sleeping in Finn's room. I have no excuse to give which—"

"Oh, Rachel, relax with the overdramatic tendencies, please." Carole dismissed with a small smile. "I'm not mad or upset… definitely _surprised_ to see my son's ex-girlfriend clutching his sweatshirt in a death grip and sleeping in his room at 6:30 in the morning… but not upset." She stepped into the room, sitting in Finn's desk chair and placing her coffee on his desk. "How have you been?"

Rachel's eyes met Carole's briefly before she looked away again. Finn's mother was being, had always been, very nice to her. It unnerved her to be treated with such kindness and respect in spite of all the garbage between her and Finn. True, Finn had made his own share of ridiculous decisions in the latter half of the year, but Rachel always doubted Carole would see those transgressions as the greater ones. She stammered through her response. "I'm…I'm fine Mrs. Hudson- I mean -Mrs. Hummel – I mean…uh…" Rachel turned back to her and regarded her in askance. "What _**is **_your name now?"

"Carole," Finn's mother answered swiftly before taking another sip of coffee. "I've told you before you can call me that. I frankly have no idea why you decided to address me by my last name when you and Finn broke up."

The small brunette shrugged. "I just…I didn't feel right about addressing you so casually after things ended between Finn and I."

"Just because you and Finn aren't together anymore doesn't mean _we_ aren't friends." Carole smiled genuinely at her. "Besides, you seem to be close friends with Kurt, so if nothing else, I'm sure we'll still be seeing each other from time to time."

Rachel conceded Carole's point with a nod of her head. "Yes, that _**is **_true, I suppose." Rachel saw Carole's eyes glance down to Rachel's lap before returning to her and giving her a knowing smirk. Rachel frowned and looked down at herself to see what Carole had noticed.

Her hands had somehow reached over and clutched Finn's blue sweatshirt.

Again.

"I take it Finn's absence is bothering you?" Carole asked, leveling a serious gaze at her.

Rachel withered under the gaze after a few seconds and looked back down at his sweatshirt, swallowing and nodding slightly. She carefully, almost delicately, put the sweatshirt on the bed beside her and forced herself, reluctantly, to let go. "It…I was okaymostly at first, but then…" She sighed and decided to be honest. If she and Carole _**were **_going to be friends, there was no point in lying to her about how Finn affected her. "I've had nightmares." Carole nodded; her facial expression clearly asked Rachel to continue, so Rachel did. "The same dream, seven times since he left; Finn gets shot." She swallowed and then turned to Finn's mother.

Carole sighed deeply as she reached over and had another sip of coffee before looking at Rachel sympathetically. "How much sleep have you lost?"

Rachel shrugged. "It's not every night, thankfully, but when I do get it I…I'm usually awake for at least an hour, sometimes two. That's why I tried to have some heated soy milk last night. I knew if I didn't do anything about it, I wouldn't have been able to get back to sleep; not that I really did anyway."

Carole thought about Rachel's answer, biting her lip as she gazed over at the Pantera calendar hanging above Finn's desk. Rachel looked up and followed her eyes, noticing with regret that Finn had put the calendar in the same place he'd kept the 'date night' calendar _**she **_made for him in September. Not that she could really blame him, but the knowledge still pierced her heart like an icicle.

"It's hard," Carole finally said, looking back to Rachel. "Being away from someone you love and care about. It's-"

"I didn't say I-" Rachel started to reply before her defensive response died on her lips. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply before opening them.

Carole's smile played on her lips even as she arched an eyebrow. Her eyes bored straight through Rachel's, opening and exposing Rachel's heart and soul all in one moment. Rachel looked away guiltily; she _knew_ Carole knew she was on the verge of lying.

"It's hard being away from someone you _**love **_and care about; it's especially hard for such long periods of time." Carole swallowed and she wiped away an errant tear, but continued with an even voice. "And it's even more difficult when you know for a fact it's possible they won't return. The day I got a visit from some random Marine telling me Christopher had been killed in action, I almost shut down completely. My mother had to stay with me for weeks, and sometimes she was the only reason Finn was even fed or bathed or got to bed on time at night. I cried for hours at a time, every day, for weeks. Finn was far too young to understand, but everything I had thought my future would be suddenly changed.

"I was very much against Finn joining the Guard for that exact reason. I know how hazardous the conditions can be that these men, and _**boys**__, _find themselves in. Everything they're doing in a seemingly safe environment can suddenly change into a very dangerous situation. That was why Christopher died. His unit was on patrol and they were ambushed. My nightmares came true, unfortunately; my husband was taken from me, too soon after Finn's birth. It wasn't fair, and we never got to be with him again."

Carole suddenly got up from the desk chair and moved to sit beside Rachel, putting a motherly arm around her shoulders. "I can't tell you what to do, Rachel. But I know one thing; no matter how logical or rational it may sound or be in your mind, _**don't**_ deny yourself the people you love. You never, _**ever **_know when they will stop returning. If you love him, don't fight yourself or him about it. Accept it for what it is and be with him as long as he'll have you."

Rachel wiped another tear away; damnit, would they just _**stop **_already? She briefly considered pulling a Sue Sylvester and having her tear ducts removed, even if it might cost her roles. "It's just…it's just not that easy. All the hurt…all the pain we caused each other. And I have goals and dreams of a future in New York, Carole. I…I don't know if Finn would ever want to leave Lima. He seems very much at home here and I'm just…._**not**_."

"He's always wanted to leave Lima, Rachel. Being with you gave him the push to believe he _**could **_leave. It never went away, even after you two broke up; _**you **_gave him the desire to think outside of Lima and outside of a small-town Midwestern life. Whether he's by your side in New York, or with the National Guard on assignment…he won't stay here. This will always be his home, but it's not his dream or his life."

She swallowed again and mulled over Carole's words. She realized rather suddenly how, despite everything she had learned and all the ways she had grown in the last year, she still had a tendency to only think of how it all related back to herself. Rachel felt almost guilty at not considering the possibility Finn would find his _**own **_way out of Lima; actually, in a way, he already had.

Wasn't _**he **_the one at Camp Grayling? In _**Michigan**_?

"I'm…I'm sorry I hurt him, Carole," Rachel said with a slightly quavering voice. She faced Carole fully, deciding to accept whatever harsh words or admonishments Finn's mother could possibly throw at her. "I…I acted foolishly, and I did something that-"

"You made a mistake, Rachel," Carole interrupted her, her eyes serious. "I won't pretend I wasn't disappointed by it. It's really not something I'd have expected from you."

_Ouch! _Rachel thought silently to herself while wincing, and she could feel her bottom lip start to tremble a bit, but then, like with her own father, Carole's face softened a bit and she sighed.

"But you're not the first person to ever make that mistake, and it's not like Finn's actions, or lack thereof, didn't help precipitate it. Finn made his own share of blunders, too."

"I wasn't sure what exactly Finn had told you."

Carole laughed a bit and she shook her head. "_**Finn **_didn't tell me hardly anything at all. Just that you and he broke up at Christmas because you kissed Puck. It was Kurt who filled me in on the fact that Finn slept with Santana and failed to tell you for the six months you were together. It was Mrs. Fabray who informed me Finn and Quinn were dating a second time—when Quinn is perhaps the _**worst **_person for him. It was Puck, of all people, who let it slip in front of me how disappointed _**he**_ was the guys all helped Finn plan your date in New York but it didn't work and you turned Finn down. My son may think I don't know what's going on in his romantic life, but I have my sources and I keep tabs on him." She smiled a bit.

"A parent always knows far more about their children than the child thinks they know, Rachel. And I knowyou're still in love with my son, just like I know he's still in love with you." Carole leaned forward and placed a motherly hand on her shoulder. "Neither of you should deny that to each other so long as you both forgive each other your respective errors, okay?"

Rachel nodded a bit before swallowing and glancing back to Carole. "That's…pretty sage advice."

Finn's mother smiled as she squeezed her shoulder. "I have my moments. And I've been there. Teens often think their parents don't know what it's like, but we do. We went through it ourselves. And we all desperately hope our children don't make the same mistakes we did."

Rachel smiled and hugged Carole tightly, then pulled away and regarded Finn's blue hoodie where it had been pushed to the floor. She picked it up and held it aloft. "Do…do you think Finn would mind if I…uh…"

Carole winked at her. "It'll be our secret. If you want, you can give it back to me or Kurt before Finn gets home. He'll never know until you're ready to tell him."

Rachel smiled and resolutely folded the hoodie in half over her arm. Carole grinned at Rachel as Rachel stood up and glanced back at her. "Thank you, Carole… for everything."

Finn's mother nodded as she stood herself. "Of course, Rachel. Between Kurt and Finn, you're practically family here anyway. So, breakfast?"

* * *

><p><strong>*Lyrics are from <strong>_**How You Remind Me**_**, written and performed by Nickelback. **

**Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) **


	7. Morning Mess

**A/N - Again, this took a bit longer than I'd hoped, but hope it's worth the wait. JannP continues to astound me with her beta prowess on these fics, and they wouldn't be nearly as good without her input and suggestions. Thanks to all he read, alert, favourtie and review this story of mine. It's greatly appreciated. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if necessary. **

* * *

><p>His foot was kicked. Finn awoke with a start and looked down to where his feet were sticking slightly overtop his assigned bunk bed. He saw the serious face of a tall, African-American man known as Sergeant Banks standing there, dressed in p.t. gear and had a sheen of sweat on his forehead.<p>

"Sarge?" Finn muttered sleepily, but quietly.

This wasn't the manner in which he was normally brought to consciousness; usually that involved an alarm bell twice as loud as the one at school and had Omeasoo, Graham, Marquez, and him leaping up from their beds to get everything done in the thirty minutes before morning inspection.

"Rise and shine, Hudson," Banks growled in a subdued voice. "You and I have a date. Get dressed up in your gear and be out front of the building in ten." Banks turned and exited the room, barely making another sound.

Finn frowned and looked at his watch (he learned the hard way to keep that on him at all times), groaning a bit to see it read 4:45am.

_Fuck—it's Sunday, too, _his tired mind reminded him sharply. _Why the hell is Sarge demanding I wake up and be out of bed this early on a Sunday while everyone else is still sleeping?_

Griping a bit under his breath, Finn nonetheless did as he was told and pulled himself out of his bunk. After rubbing his eyes free of sleep, he opened his locker quietly and quickly put on his p.t. gear, then turned to the in-room sink and splashed some water on his face. The cold liquid helped to wake him up a bit and made him feel marginally refreshed. He turned and straightened his bunk sheets, trying to make the bed quickly (another thing he had quickly learned at Camp Grayling was to _**always**_ keep his bunk area tidy, even on Sundays). Once finished, he exited the room quietly.

As he slowly descended the steps from the barracks' building main entrance, he noticed Sergeant Banks standing on the grassy area beside the road, doing some lunges to warm up his muscles. Uncharacteristically, he nodded to Finn with a slight grin and pointed at his watch.

"Do a quick warm up, Hudson. We start running in five."

Finn made sure he focused on his legs and lower back muscles, and after the allotted time, Banks motioned with his head and started running at a pace that caught Finn off guard. Normally morning workouts with the troop were somewhat pale in comparison to his football camp drills, but this pace wasn't nearly as slow as he'd expected. He picked up his natural running pace to pull even with his sergeant and then settled in a bit before being pushed a bit faster by the other man. Being almost as tall, Banks used his long legs to carry him a bit ahead of Finn, but Finn pumped his legs just a bit faster to match his superior. The two smiled a bit at each other and continued to run together.

They ran side by side for what seemed like forever; with it being across the barracks, down the road, and then onto a path around the lake, Finn didn't mind a bit. The calm, soothing sounds of early morning inactivity helped him clear his mind and calmed his soul in a way he couldn't describe. He hadn't felt that much at peace in _**months**_; not since before all the turmoil and crap he had gone through after Sectionals. There was a soft rippling of water from the brook by which they ran, a few birds chirped in the early morning sunrise, and a few leaves rustled from the trees as the wind blew. Through it all was the steady, underlying cadence of two men jogging side by side at a pace few could keep.

Eventually they came into a clearing, and Sergeant Banks held him up by lightly tapping him on the shoulder. "Five minute rest."

They both stopped and breathed in deeply, Finn hunched over slightly and resting on his knees while Banks unscrewed his water bottle and pulled back a small sip. He wiped his brow before tossing another bottle over to Finn. After securing the bottle cap on his own drink he turned back to his recruit.

"I'm impressed, Hudson. I usually have to slow my pace down for green recruits. Not many can keep up."

Finn grinned at his sergeant before standing and taking a few deep breaths to regulate his airflow. "I play a lot of sports in school. Football, basketball, baseball, and a bit of track, so..." Finn shrugged before swallowing some of his own water and continued to try and get his breathing even.

Banks nodded in approval before looking out towards the lake, where the orange colours of the rising sun were just coming up over the horizon. "So, what made you decide to join the Guard, Hudson? Hmm? Why did you decide to fucking waste your last summer before high school's over?"

He considered the question a bit before answering. "Two reasons, I guess." He sighed. "The first is my Dad. He was a Marine killed while on assignment in Iraq; his patrol was ambushed. I never knew him aside from what my Mom always told me. I...I guess I thought this might be a way to kind of understand what he went through. Why he chose this as a career."

Banks nodded. "My grandfather was killed in the Korean War. I always wondered why he chose this life, too. It's why I joined initially. Just didn't think it would take over my life, but..." He shrugged himself before turning back to Finn. "What's the other reason?"

Taking a breath, Finn glanced at his sergeant. He wondered how much his sergeant would really want to hear about Rachel and what details he should reveal. But unlike during normal training hours, Banks didn't seem to have a scowl plastered on his face or anything. Instead, he seemed honestly curious. So Finn began with a nonchalant shrug.

"A girl broke my heart. All that sorta shit."

Banks smiled knowingly as he stretched his legs a bit. "What was her name?"

"Rachel. We'd dated for about six months last year, but well…it ended badly. I thought maybe we might be able to try again this summer, but she turned me down. I...I didn't figure I had anything to gain by sticking around Lima and running into her every three or four days. All of our friends are mutual, so I just…." Finn took a breath and swallowed, trying to keep his emotions, even in front of his superior. "This just seemed like a good way to try to restart and refocus." He rolled his eyes at himself. "This is probably a story you've heard a hundred times from other recruits, isn't it?"

"A few times," Banks admitted, shifting his stretching over to his other leg as he did so. "Nothing I'm not willing to hear again. Each story is different. Some guys come here trying to forget 'the bitch'; some come here with the hope of moving on and never going back." He cast a serious gaze at Finn. "Which is it with you?"

"I don't hate her," Finn responded, wiping more sweat off his brow and rotating his shoulders to loosen up his back muscles. "I'll probably always love her. I just...I broke up with her because she hurt me, but she tried to say sorry about twenty different ways and I just wouldn't accept it. Then I did a lot of stuff to hurt her back. When we both finally stopped being idiots with her chasing me and me pushing her away, I did ask her to come back, like, for real; but it was too late. She...she didn't want me anymore." His voice was thick with feelings (again), so he stopped and instead began mimicking the stretches he saw his sergeant doing, focusing on his body's movements instead of replaying deep emotions through his mind yet again_. __Haven't I done enough of that?_

Banks smiled thinly at him. "So, you're the third type. Hoping for it to work out in the future, right?"

Finn shifted on his feet to stretch the other leg. "Well, yeah…absolutely. I mean, I wouldn't be against it working out if we can get back to what we used to have. But I...I need to have some kind of focus for myself too, whether that happens or not.

"She knows what she wants and I always loved that about her. She can sing and act and dance and she wants to be on Broadway with her names in lights on the signs and just...all that stuff. But me? No idea and no clue. I mean, I'd like a football scholarship and to play in the NFL, but they don't choose or accept a lot of people. So then what? I need to know I have more going on in life than just my girlfriend and football. I need to know what Plan B is, and I'm not sure I even have one."

Banks motioned with his head for the two of them to restart their run, so they continued down the trail around the lake. "I think," Banks said as he maintained his even pace, "you have an awful lot going for you, Hudson. I've watched you around the troops. You're a natural leader, whether you think so or not. I've read your file. Aren't you Captain of the football team, basketball team, _**and**_ the Glee club at your school? You don't get saddled with responsibilities like that unless people have faith in you." They rounded the corner and back onto the path to start taking them back to their barracks. "_**You**_ should have more faith in your ability to figure things out. What other things do you like besides football and this girl? There's gotta be something that gives you wood, right?"

The taller boy shrugged a bit. "Singing. Performing. Playing drums. I wrote a song for the first time at our last Show Choir competition. I'm not super fantastic at any of it though, and the chances of making a career out of it are pretty slim."

"Not necessarily," Banks said, slowing his pace down slightly as they came to a hill which they'd have to jog down. "Think outside the box, Hudson. Sure, maybe being the next Ray Charles or Paul McCartney might be a stretch, but for every one of those guys, how many were working behind the scenes? Producers, technicians, advertisers, lawyers, record executives, agents...the show business industry is larger than you think. Even if you're not the star on stage, doesn't mean you can't make a living in it. It might just be in a less obvious way." He paused and sucked in a few breaths before speaking again. "Same with sports; there's a lot of background people supporting what's going on around the main event. Would you be happy doing something like that if you aren't the star?"

Finn mulled over what his Sergeant had said, surprised to be getting such advice about his future from a man who had, to this point, only been interested in how well he could shoot and how clean his bunk area was. Everything Sergeant Banks had said seemed to make sense, and truthfully Finn figured he _**would **_be happy to be around an environment of sports or entertainment, even if he wasn't the star. He'd never really _**tried **_to be the star like Rachel had, he'd just filled the role because that's what was needed of him. He was sure, however, that he'd be equally happy if he was the guy helping other stars get to where they wanted or needed to be. All he wondered now was how to go about doing that.

They veered across the grass and took another path that lead over to the main road they'd need to follow back to their barracks. Finn smiled a bit and turned to regard his Sergeant. "That...that's a pretty awesome idea, Sarge. I never even thought about looking at what I could do behind the scenes. That could be a lot of fun, now that I think about it."

Banks nodded. "Sure it could. If you can't do exactly what you want, sometimes even just working in the right field can go miles towards helping you be happy and fulfilled in life." He motioned for them to set a walking pace and uncapped his water bottle, pulling back another sip. "Take it from one who knows."

Finn regarded him curiously, drawing a small drink from his own water bottle. "You work behind the scenes?"

Banks nodded. "Mostly. I'm a paramedic in my full time job. I didn't have the money needed to become a doctor, but being a paramedic still allows me to work in the field of medicine and do a lot of things that make a real difference in people's lives. The Guard wanted me to transfer to one of the medical units originally but I refused. I get enough of it in civilian life. And I enjoy the training of new recruits, which I can't do if I'm always in a military ambulance."

Before Finn knew it, they were suddenly back at their barracks, and Banks looked at his watch. "Alright, Hudson, you've got twenty minutes to shower and change and meet me back here. The two of us have KP for the breakfast crowd, so step on it."

The tall quarterback turned to regard his superior with a questioning gaze. "Yes, Sergeant; but…uh…why KP? Isn't it Sunday?"

Banks nodded. "Yes it is. Unfortunately, some green recruit of mine had the fucking brilliant idea to mail back a piece of mouldy cheese to the Mess Chief. I was told in no uncertain terms by said Chief both that Recruit and I had better get our asses in gear and be at the mess hall at oh seven-thirty to assist in the making of breakfast." He smiled a bit viciously at Finn. "Apparently I need to get better control of my recruits, and my punishment is to stand side by side with the recruit so we can both experience how much work goes into the food preparation on a base of this size. Personally, I think the mess Chief deserved it and I applaud your boldness. But as your Sergeant, I have to whip you into shape for your insubordination. So get a fucking move on, Hudson, before I really _**do **_feel the need to rip you a new one."

Finn swallowed a bit but followed his sergeant's orders and dashed inside. He burst through the door to his shared quarters and grimaced a bit to find his bunkmates all still sleeping. After grabbing his toiletries and towel, he ran to the showers, rushed through washing himself over, dried off as quickly as possible and then ran back to the room to get into his uniform.

"Fuck, Huddie," Marquez griped as Finn pulled on his boots and loudly stomped his feet into them before tying them up. Marquez reached down to grab Finn's pillow on his bunk and then tossed it into the face of the quarterback. "It's fucking Sunday and our only chance this week to sleep in. Keep the noise down, you 'tard!"

"Fuck off!" Finn caught the pillow after it hit him and threw it back onto his bunk. "I have to do KP for breakfast because of your dumbass idea to mail the cheese back. Thanks a ton, you douche."

"What?" Marquez sleepily laughed a bit even as he shifted on the top bunk to look at him. "You're blaming _**me**_ for that shit? I just gave you the idea, man. You're the asshole who decided to actually _**do **_it."

Finn sighed because he knew his friend was right, and that old saying of his Mom's popped into his head at the same time. _And if your friend jumps off a bridge, does that mean you will, too? _

"Whatever." Finn tossed over his shoulder as he grabbed his military issue ball cap. "I have to go. Enjoy your bed time, and keep your jizz off my sheets and mattress."

Marquez smiled at him. "Shit, Huddie, you know that stuff has a mind of its own."

Finn shook his head and waved him off as he exited the barracks again to meet up with Banks. How the big, black man had managed to already be down there and waiting for him in his own uniform, Finn had no idea, but he wasn't going to enquire about it. He was told to do something by his Sergeant, so he did it, no questions asked. Banks nodded to him and then the two proceeded over to the mess hall.

Once inside, Banks lead him through the kitchen area and into the back office where the mess Chief was sitting a work desk, immersed in paperwork and hidden behind a large, leather chair. Finn walked in behind his Sergeant and followed suit, standing at attention and removing his head gear.

"Sergeant Banks and Recruit Hudson reporting for KP as ordered, Chief," Banks declared firmly but quietly.

The person turned in the chair, and Finn was somewhat surprised to see the mess Chief was an African-American woman of medium build, shoulder length curly hair, and wearing a pair of wire-rim reading glasses perched on her nose. Her eyes seemed to dance with mirth as she dropped her pen in front of her and leaned back in her seat. The name tag on her uniform apron read 'River'.

"Well, well, Sergeant Banks. It's been a long time since you've been assigned to do kitchen patrol, hasn't it? Of course, you also usually have a better handle on your recruits by this time, too."

"Yes, Chief River." Sergeant Banks nodded curtly, still standing at attention. "I promise it won't happen again." He cast an annoyed glance at Finn before returning his eyes forward.

The Chief turned her stare towards Finn, and her brown eyes narrowed as she sat up a bit straighter. She had a sip of her coffee and then tapped her pen in her hands, regarding him in silence and seemingly oblivious to any sort of discomfort he might be feeling from it. After a moment's more thought, she finally spoke. "Have you ever made a mistake, Recruit Hudson?"

Immediately getting a sinking feeling in his stomach he knew which direction this conversation was about to go, Finn nonetheless nodded while still standing at attention. "Yes, Ma'am."

"And do you appreciate it when someone not only tells you how you made a mistake, but goes out of their way to publicly present evidence in regards to it so everyone can see?" She asked slowly, another sip of coffee being sipped. Her gaze never left his face.

Finn immediately had a flashback to McKinley High's football field where he convinced Sam to run a play opposite to what Coach Bieste had ordered. The result was Sam getting nailed by a kid almost twice as heavy and being unable to play for the next six weeks due to a shoulder injury. Bieste had unceremoniously tossed him the ball and told him, _**loudly**_, everything was now in his hands…**_i_**_**n front **_of all onlookers. Although he _**had**_ wished for the quarterback position again, the manner in which his wish was granted was less than ideal.

He answered her slowly. "No, Chief. I prefer to be told privately."

"Good. You understand then why I'm pretty fucking pissed about what you did. Now, what do you normally do with garbage, Recruit?"

Finn sighed quietly before answering. "Thr...throw it in the trash, Ma'am."

The Mess Chief smiled a bit. "Excellent. So we've established you're housetrained and also you prefer your mistakes not be broadcast to the general public. Now that _**that's **_settled," she reached over several items on her desk and pulled out a greasy looking envelope that was limp and soggy, "would you care to explain the logic in mailing _**back **_food that failed to meet your standards? Did it say somewhere on the comment card this was the correct procedure?"

His eyes closed and he looked down towards the floor a bit. "No, Ma'am," he mumbled quietly.

"Speak up, Recruit!" Her voice was suddenly sharp and commanding.

Finn cleared his throat. "No, Ma'am," he repeated more clearly.

With a flick of her wrist, the Chief tossed the envelope towards Finn, and he barely caught it in his hands before the greasy mess stuck to his otherwise clean uniform. She eyed him with an almost maternal look. "Where. Does. That. Go?" She asked menacingly.

"I…in…in the garbage, Chief," he stammered. She motioned with her head to the large garbage bin in the kitchen, and Finn nodded quickly, running over and throwing it out before returning to her office and continuing to stand at attention.

"I trust you understand the implied message?" Chief River looked at him in an unimpressed manner over her wire-rim glasses.

Finn nodded. "Don't embarrass people on purpose. Yes Ma'am."

Chief River nodded approvingly. "You're learning, Recruit Hudson. But more importantly, don't embarrass your _**superiors**_ in public, _**ever!**_ This is the military, Soldier; _**not**_ _**high school**_. Adjust your thinking accordingly."

She turned briefly from the two soldiers standing there to look at some more paperwork, and the way she settled herself into her chair seemed to indicate he and Sergeant Banks were going to be standing there for a more than reasonable amount of time awaiting their assignment and dismissal. He took the opportunity to regard his surroundings like he'd been taught in his second week of training. There was a fire exit door at the back of her office; it led straight outside. There was a lap-top computer on the far end of the desk, currently displaying some kind of military-based menu or something. Beside the computer seemed to be the Chief's wedding day picture of her and her husband.

The husband looked familiar to him. _**Very**_ familiar.

It was..._holy shit! _Finn thought to himself. _Really? They're…_

The large, smiling groom in the picture beside her had the exact same features as the tall, black man standing beside him right now. He couldn't believe it.

Chief River and Sergeant Banks were actually _**husband and wife**__! _

_That must create an interesting dynamic on the home-front, _Finn thought to himself.

_Wait._ _What did my mind just think?_ _Did I just use the word 'dynamic' like it was second nature? When the hell did that start? _

"So, onto your duties this morning," Chief River's sudden movement and words pulled him out of his errant thoughts and forced him to focus on the task at hand. "Sergeant Banks, you'll be working on the egg mixtures. We'll be serving scrambled eggs this morning, so you make damn sure we don't run out of mixture for the cooks to use. Understand?"

"Yes, Chief!" Sergeant Banks replied.

"Recruit Hudson." The Chief turned to him. "Since you're such an expert on all things cheese, you'll be working with several different kinds this morning. I have blocks of cheddar, mozzarella and edam needing to be sliced, cubed, and set out for general consumption. When we've got enough for breakfast, you'll need to shred the rest on the grater so I can use it for the lasagna dinners tonight. Do I make myself clear? "

"Crystal clear, Ma'am," Finn responded.

Chief River nodded and then, after another moment of silent regard, continued. "This had better not happen again, gentlemen. _**Dismissed**__._"

Both Finn and Sergeant Banks nodded and turned into the kitchen, both proceeding to the large stainless steel sink to wash their hands. Finn waited patiently as his sergeant began lathering the soap between his fingers.

"I…I didn't know you were married, Sergeant," Finn said, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the silence.

Banks turned and gave him a hard look before frowning and turning back to rinse off his hands. "No harm done, Soldier. I didn't tell you."

Finn washed his own hands quickly before pulling out some paper towel from the dispenser above the sink. "Permission to speak freely, Sergeant?" Banks nodded to him. "Does Chief River have anything to do with you enjoying your work with recruits at the base?"

Sergeant Banks smirked a bit before his face again became a stoic mask. "Just like you, Hudson, I have more than one reason for my actions." He pointed over to a massive pile of cheese blocks on one of the large counters while handing Finn a sizable kitchen knife. "I believe your duties have been assigned, correct?"

Sighing a bit at the sheer amount of cheese in front of him, Finn squared his shoulders and took the proffered utensil. "Yes, Sergeant."

**XXXXX**

He collapsed into the large sofa-like chair in the canteen, a soft drink in one hand and a bag of chips and a chocolate bar in the other. His duties in the kitchen had lasted pretty much until 13:00, meaning only half his day off was left, but he didn't mind so much. Neither Sergeant Banks nor Chief River had any complaints about his work in the kitchen, and cutting and grating cheese was definitely a better task than peeling potatoes for hours on end. He'd even managed to sneak in breakfast for himself in that time.

As he sipped his drink and munched on his snacks, he suddenly heard some guitar strings being plucked on the other side of the canteen. He raised his eyebrow in curiosity as he turned his head in the direction of the music and was surprised to see Omeasoo sitting at one of the collapsible tables, guitar in hand and paper in front of him, alternatively plucking strings melodically and then jotting some notes down on paper. Happy to see his friend and bunk-mate was also in the canteen, Finn leaped out of his seat and headed over towards the large Native-American recruit. He walked up and clapped his friend on the shoulder, only to be given a nod of acknowledgement before Omeasoo returned back to strumming the guitar and then writing a few more notes on a page.

"So," Finn said after washing down a few potato chips with his drink. "I didn't know you could play guitar." He wondered where exactly Omeasoo had acquired it since none of the recruits were allowed to bring anything but their duffle bags, but figured it didn't really matter in the long run.

Omeasoo shrugged and smiled a bit. "You never asked." His fingers danced over the strings and then a few more notes were written on the page. Then he sat up straighter and looked at Finn. "Want to hear?"

Finn nodded and pushed his food out of the way so there'd be no distractions while he listened. He wiped his hands on his jeans and then motioned towards his friend. "Please. From the top."

Omeasoo smiled again as he started the music from the beginning, and Finn found himself smiling a bit and tapping his foot along to the tempo as set by the guitar. It was an interesting guitar arrangement, alternating between plucking lone notes in an accented manner and then weaving in chords around the rest of the melody. If he had to pick a genre, he would categorize it as country or folk or both. Yeah, country-folk seemed to be the way to go. And did his mind _**seriously **_just use the word 'categorize'? _Like, what the fuck? First 'dynamic', and now 'categorize'?_ _What the hell other words is my head gonna just start randomly using out of thin air? _He turned his attention back to Omeasoo, who was just finishing up with the melody.

"After that, it repeats," the Native recruit said with a small shrug. "Don't have a bridge yet."

Finn nodded and then pulled the papers Omeasoo was writing on across the table to look at them, expecting to see words on the page. He frowned when all he saw was a lined chart with different circles and notes across it. "No lyrics?" He asked.

Omeasoo shrugged a bit. "Not good with words." He smiled a toothy grin and motioned with his head towards the tall quarterback. "Just like you."

Finn scowled at him and then reached over and grabbed the pencil. "I may not be good at speaking, but I can write lyrics just fine. I told you I wrote a song for Rachel for our show choir competition, right? I also helped write the group songs."

"And you placed twelfth?" Omeasoo gave him a smirk and applauded mockingly. "_**Outstanding**__!_"

"Hey! Twelfth out of fifty isn't _**bad**_. It's like in the top…whatever percent, okay? I don't have a calculator right now, but I know it's not bad. And how many songs have _**you **_written?"

Omeasoo pursed his lips and sighed a bit. "One," he admitted, and motioned towards the guitar. "This one."

"Okay so…no worries. We'll figure out the words. What do you want to write about?"

"Love." Omeasoo returned his attention to the frets of the guitar and strummed a bit more. "For my girlfriend, Katy." He pulled a picture out of his pocket and handed it to Finn. The Glee captain accepted the picture and turned it to see an attractive Native girl with long, raven-black hair and seemingly black eyes. Her face was very round and her cheeks seemed high set, but her smile was warm and genuine. Just as he was about to hand the Native boy back the photo, he saw Omeasoo holding a ring in his hand, still attached to a chain around his neck.

"I want to give her this with the song."

Finn whistled low. It was a jade engagement ring, not too large, but it was polished to a brilliant shine. Omeasoo was holding it proudly, almost as though it was a personal trophy, before taking back the picture from Finn and regarding it fondly.

"You sure about this?" Finn asked as he leaned back in his chair. "I mean, you're only a year older than I am. You really want to be engaged already?"

Omeasoo shrugged. "When you know, you know. You know?"

_Oh yeah, do I ever know, _Finn thought bitterly as he glanced out the window, biting his cheek and remembering the words of rejection which echoed over and over in his mind every time he thought about _**her**_. He wasn't sure he would have been ready to ask her to marry him, but he knew she was the right person for him. She understood him like no one ever had. In fact, the little speech she'd given him in January of their sophomore year still haunted his memories and reminded him of just _**how well **_she knew and understood him. And she was right on so many levels; for so long, he'd just been a scared little boy. About everything.

_But I wasn't scared to ask her to try again_. _Maybe it's time I apply that courage to _**everything**_in life. I'll be damned if I'm going to _**keep **_acting like a scared little boy. My Dad wasn't scared when he joined the Marines. He knew the dangers involved and it didn't keep him from doing it anyway. So shouldn't I follow his example? _

_Time to man up and be a man on _**all **_levels. _

Finn nodded to himself and grabbed the pencil. Sure, love songs were a bit of a sore subject for him right now, but after a moment's thought he came to realize maybe he could approach this as an exercise. First, he could confront his own turmoil about it and remember that just because he was heartbroken didn't mean _**everyone**_ was. Second, he'd never tried to write a song from another person's point of view, but if he wanted to pursue something in a field he liked (such as music) then it would be worthwhile if he could write songs not only for himself but also for other musicians.

He squared his shoulders and smiled a bit. "Okay, let's go over how you guys met and stuff. Maybe we can work it out from there?" Finn raised his fist out for his friend.

Omeasoo returned Finn's smile and the two boys bumped fists before beginning their song writing in earnest.

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	8. Kosher Lunch

**A/N - Shorter chapter this time, but hopefully no less enjoyable for your readers. Thanks again (and always) go to _JannP_ for being my beta on this story and encouraging me onwards. Thank you to all readers, writers, reviewers and those who favourite/alert me or the story in one manner or other. But it's really late as I post this, so I'm gonna keep the comments brief and stop right here. . **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

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><p>"'S'up, Berry?"<p>

Rachel turned towards the voice which had called her name, then smiled genuinely as she saw Noah Puckerman leaning in the doorway. He was dressed surprisingly well in a pair of khaki slacks and a white button shirt. She immediately went over to him and the two embraced each other in a fond hug. She raised her eyebrows at his clothing before looking back at him. "Summer job?"

Puck shrugged. "Sheets N' Things. Beats picking up garbage through the youth detention centre, though. And it's not nearly so bad now that Mrs. Bat-Shit-Insane-Ex-Schuester moved to Florida. How 'r ya?"

"I'm good, Noah. What brings you to the synagogue without your Mom, though? You usually avoid this place like the plague."

"Dropping off Hannah for your music day camp." Puck shrugged nonchalantly about it all, his head motioning back out towards the hallway washrooms. "I told her I could teach her everything 'bout it, but she insists on learning 'bout all the girly music stuff like Broadway and shit, too. She'll be here in a few. How's your summer been?"

The small brunette shrugged as she walked back over to the teacher's desk, grabbed her clipboard, and marked Hannah Puckerman down on the attendance list. "It's been okay. I've had some wonderful times teaching students here and my Dads are taking me to see a show on Broadway for the second last weekend of summer. "

Puck nodded absently as he looked around the room. "Been keeping in contact with Finn?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, then sighed and dropped the clipboard on the desk. She turned to look at him pointedly while placing her hands on her hips. "_**You're**_ going to bug me about this too, aren't you?"

Puck shrugged slightly. "Fair question. That _**is **_his sweatshirt hanging up there."

Rachel frowned, even as she followed his eyes over to the coat hook on the far wall where she had hung up the blue, double-x sized sweatshirt. She bit her lip a bit before her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Alright, fine. His mom said I could have it 'till he got back. It...it's comfortable, okay? That's the only reason."

"Sure. And I'm a real nice guy who's never taken advantage of a girl, too." Puck's returning gaze was decidedly skeptical.

A young boy with almost raven-black hair and a medium complexion suddenly walked into the room, his eyes wide and a smile on his face. "Miss Berry, I found someone in the halls who said she got lost but was signed up for music camp." He turned towards a girl his own age who had walked in just at that moment. It was Puck's little sister, Hannah.

Puck cast an annoyed glance at his sister. "Whadda-ya mean, you got lost? You've been comin' here since before you could crawl!"

Hannah turned and glared at her brother in a way Rachel had only seen a couple of times; it was the glare of a girl who was infuriated at someone for interfering with her personal business. "I. Was. Lost. Okay, Noah?" She spat out from between clenched teeth. She turned back to Kale and beamed at him, a coy, almost shy smile on her lips. "Thanks for showing me, Kale."

Kale nodded, oblivious to her look, but still smiling. "No probs. Hey, I'm working on transcribing a song I like for guitar. Wanna come see?" After Hannah nodded, Kale motioned over to a corner of the room. Hannah cast another dangerous look at Puck before ambling off after her new friend.

In a split second, Puck glanced from her to Kale and then back to her, speechless at what exactly was happening right in front of him. Rachel wished she had a camera for the look on his face, because it was quite obvious he had absolutely no idea Hannah had developed thoughts of those type yet. After another moment of stunned silence staring at his sister, Puck turned back to her.

"The fuck kinda program you got going here, Berry?" He asked quietly so the kids couldn't hear his swearing.

Ignoring his profanity, Rachel plastered a smile on her face. "The kind that sometimes has kids entering puberty early. I wouldn't worry too much about him, though. Kale's a nice kid."

"Sure you won't mind if I come back at lunch time then to keep an eye on the 'nice kid' then," he said quickly, pushing himself off the doorframe. "I'll buy you something for lunch, how's that?"

Rachel smiled and shrugged a bit. "Sure, Noah. You can get me a big salad then. You don't _**have **_to come over if you don't want to, though."

Puck smiled. "'Course I do. Gotta make sure the squirt behaves herself if she's gonna start looking at boys _**that **_way and all…'sides, our conversation ain't over. " He nodded at Hannah and then left.

Rachel sighed as she watched him leave, wondering if this was perhaps yet _**another **_sign regarding her and Finn. Had she truly been so ridiculous to deny Finn a relationship in New York? If even Noah Puckerman, the very person involved in helping her hurt Finn in the first place, was now actively campaigning_ for _it, perhaps God or fate or _**something **_was trying to get a message across.

Deciding to forget about that topic until lunchtime, however, she turned to her day-campers. "So, let's start with what everyone's favourite song is, shall we?"

**XXXXX**

"What's wrong with _Baby Got Back_?" Puck asked around a too-large mouthful of food.

Rachel levelled a gaze at Puck as if to non-verbally tell him that he was a complete and utter moron. Puck, for his part, continued chewing his fries and sloppily slurped on his milkshake. His face was still scrunched up in confusion as to why this was an issue.

"You're actually going to sit there and tell me you see nothing wrong with the fact that's your sister's favourite song?"

"Who'd ya think played it for her? Sir Mix-A-Lot for the fuckin' win, baby!" Puck responded, opening both of his burgers and then smiling while rubbing his hands appreciatively.

Rachel gasped as she saw the hamburgers in question. "You've _**got **_to be kidding me! Noah, how could you?"

Puck froze in reaching for one of his burgers and then cast an annoyed look at her. "What's a' matter now?"

She dropped her fork back into her salad and pointed at the sandwiches in question. "Those are _**bacon cheeseburgers, **_Noah. Do you know how many kosher violations you're committing right now? I highly doubt that hamburger was butchered properly, for one thing. Then you go and add cheese to them? And last but not least, you're throwing bacon, _**a pork product**_, into the mix. How can you eat those and still call yourself Jewish?"

He stared hard at Rachel for a moment and then glanced back down at his burgers as though he was re-considering his decision. Then, just to spite her (or so she believed), he lifted one of the burgers to his mouth with one hand and bit off such a massive piece that half of it was hanging out of his mouth. He chewed vigorously and noisily, lips smacking and soft moans of pleasure from his food escaping from his throat. "Mmmm...buhttits _**sooo gooooodddd!" **_

"You're disgusting." Rachel shook her head even though she couldn't help a small smile escaping at his juvenile antics. Puck shrugged and shoved in the part of burger still hanging out into his mouth, followed by a sip of root beer.

"So, what's up with you and Finn, exactly?" Puck asked after a noisy swallow and loud belch to clear away the gas from the root beer. "You do or say something after New York to make him run away to the National Guard?"

"_**No! **_That was completely his decision. In fact, he didn't even tell me about it. I found out from Kurt." She played with her salad a little, then looked up to Puck's face and asked her question before she could even think about whether she _**should**_ ask it. "Why? Did he tell _**you **_before he left?"

The mohawked teen shook his head. "Found out from Mercedes few weeks back. She came into the store with her Mom to get some candles or some shit and filled me in; said she'd just found out. I'm kinda pissed I didn't think of it myself, really. Shooting targets and blowing shit up would be a lot more fun than folding sheets and towels all fuckin' day…or helping Mr. Ryerson find some weird-ass shade of pink no one's ever heard of before." He shrugged. "Not sure they'd let me when I still have a few months of probation left, though."

He glanced over to where Hannah was busy eating lunch with Kale and a couple other boys. She glared at him and then turned slightly away to indicate her displeasure with his presence there. Puck chuckled at his sister's actions. "She has no idea what's in store for her."

Rachel smiled a bit more after swallowing another bite of her salad. "That's when it's at its best, really. It's just blind infatuation with none of the emotional stuff that you have to try and wander through afterwards. I wish it were so easy, sometimes."

Puck rolled his eyes. "It _**is **_easy, Rachel. You just gotta grab it by the balls and _**go! **_Fuck if we didn't make it _**extra **_fucking easy for you in New York. And before you ask: yeah, I'm still pissed about that." He sipped his root beer quickly before leaning forward and kept talking before she could even form a coherent argument. "That dude _**loves **_you. Like, honest-to-fucking-God _**loves **_you and will hand over the keys to his manhood anytime you ask for it. Why the fuck did you walk away?"

Rachel crossed her arms and shook her head. "Because at the time, Noah, I wasn't sure love was enough, okay? I'd been so wrapped up in him all year, first because being with him just set my heart on fire and made me feel so loved and accepted, and then because I felt so guilty about what I did to hurt him and tried to apologize for it; I literally went almost _**all year**_ without even thinking about why I'm in Glee or what I want for myself after high school. He was _**all **_I thought about—constantly. And I didn't want to go back to that."

Even as she finished saying it, she could hear the counter-argument in her head. Sure enough, Noah Puckerman knew what it was as well, judging by the way he looked at her like she was completely stupid. "Okay, so _**don't **_go back to that. Be with him but make time for you, too. I don't see the issue. Finn did it when he was with you and playing football; why can't you do it, too?"

"Because that's how it was with Jesse, okay?" Rachel fired back harshly, causing his eyes to go wide with surprise. She threw her fork back into her salad and viciously pulled the water cap off her bottle before chugging a few sips. She recapped the bottle and almost slammed it back on their picnic table. "Jesse and I were together but we kept doing all our other activities, too. We were both so focused on those activities we barely spent any time together on dates; maybe once every couple of weeks, if we were lucky. And even then, the dates were always centred on him, doing something to further his eventual performing career. It was always something such as singing for the homeless during Valentines or attending a clinic held by some musician or Broadway star. We were never just Rachel and Jesse, and when Finn and I finally agreed to be together, I wanted to be just Rachel and Finn. I wanted to be there to see him do well with football, or have fun at Halloween, or just enjoy a nice dinner on Valentine's Day, even if _**that**_ never happened. It...I didn't only want something partial with Finn. I wanted to focus on having a _**real **_relationship, but I even screwed that up."

Puck eyed her carefully as he unwrapped his second burger. "You know, I'm no fucking expert in real relationships, but it seems to me it's all give-and-take. Sure, you're gonna go to his games and cheer him on, but don'tcha think he'll do that for you, too? I don't think you have to give yourself up to be committed. I mean, shit, how many musicians and athletes are married? They don't give up being a musician or athlete just because they're married or in love or whatever. "

"But a lot of those relationships also fail because the person puts so much time and energy into their work and leave nothing for their marriage. And Puck, I...I _**cannot **_go through a breakup with Finn like I did in December or watch him run off to Quinn again. I _**can't.**_" She hugged herself a bit. "It hurts far too much."

Puck snorted as he swallowed a bite of his completely non-kosher burger. "No need to worry 'bout Quinn. That's one ship that hasn't just sailed, it's sunk to the bottom of the fuckin' ocean. They're never gonna get back together now."

"That's what I thought after her pregnancy was exposed, too."

"The thing with Finn is this: he's _**all**_ about the second fucking chances. And third ones too, sometimes. But he didn't have any baby drama or fucked up best-friend-betraying-him shit this second time around. He dumped Quinn for one reason and one reason only: you."

Rachel stirred her salad a bit, her appetite decreasing as their conversation carried on. "So once again, I'm the 'other woman' who comes between them. Noah, I've been in that position before, and it didn't end well that time, either. What's to say, if Finn and I were together, it would work this time around?"

Puck rolled his eyes. "Who's to say you're even gonna make it on Broadway? You might piss off every single fucking director out there and _**never**_land a leading role. Is that gonna stop you from trying? If you don't get the lead on a song in Glee, you don't stop singing…do you?"

She frowned at him. "You're comparing apples and oranges, Noah."

Puck shook his head, another bit of burger hanging out between his lips before he chewed it all back into his mouth. "Nah, Rachel, I'm just changing out Finn for Broadway. You love 'em both and my point is that there's no fucking guarantee on either. But you love it and want it and you should go for it, or him, or whatever. Even with me, I mean I-" he unexpectedly stopped and looked away, quickly grabbing some fries and stuffing his mouth. He seemed to realize that he'd suddenly said too much.

Rachel's eyebrow went up in surprise. "Even you what, Noah?"

All of a sudden there was a loud honking horn and Puck's brown truck was driving across the parking lot. It stopped abruptly (a bit _**too **_abruptly) and the driver seemed to jerk forward in the seat. Rachel scrunched up her face in confusion as she saw a slight figure bang the steering wheel in frustration, then shove the door open forcefully and step out of the cab.

Her blonde hair shimmered in the sunlight as she turned quickly and slammed the door shut with more force than necessary. "Puck, this truck of yours is a bloody death trap!" She yelled across the parking lot to where he and Rachel were sitting. She advanced across the green space of the synagogue, green eyes flashing dangerously at the mohawked teen.

"You just don't have the right touch, babe," Puck drawled out, immediately moving over on his picnic seat bench to give her room to sit down. "Besides, it's not like I have a fleet of vehicles just waiting for you to borrow."

"When you said I could borrow it, I assumed it was in good repair. You're _**such **_an egghead!" She bit out sarcastically as she grabbed his root beer and drank a long sip before taking her sunglasses off and casting Rachel a small smile. "Hey, Rachel."

Rachel nodded and kept her face as neutral as possible, though couldn't help the mirth in her eyes as she looked between Quinn and Noah. "Hi, Quinn. Didn't think I'd ever see you driving Puck's truck, honestly. " She raised her eyebrow at Puck, and he actually _**blushed **_a little.

Quinn shrugged a bit, not noticing Puck's features changing. "I didn't have much choice. I needed the large bed of the truck to move some stuff for my sister's wedding, and Puck's the only one I know who has a truck. Well, the only one still in town, at least, and...well, yeah."

Rachel smiled tightly, and she and Quinn exchanged a glance that communicated the rest of the unspoken message, then both nodded about it. Finn _**did **_have a truck she could have borrowed (had he still been here) but the chance of Quinn asking Finn for a favour like that was slim to none given their recent break-up.

"Say, Rachel, can I use the washroom here? The ones at the garden centre were filthy." Quinn seemed to bite her lip a bit nervously, unsure how the request would be taken given the usual tension, but Rachel wasn't going to aggravate the truce that had developed between them since Nationals.

Well, not for anything short of a tall, handsome quarterback, at least.

"Sure, Quinn. Just inside the door. Turn right, then left. It's the first door on the right hand side."

The blonde girl nodded and walked off, filching a few of Puck's fries as she passed by. Puck smiled at her, a mix of affection and playfulness. Rachel noticed how his eyes were still glued to her back as she walked up the steps and into the synagogue.

Or were they glued to something _**below **_her back?

Rachel raised her eyebrows at him when he turned back around. "What?" He asked, returning to his food and stuffing another huge bite of burger in his mouth.

"How long has _**this **_been going on for?" Rachel asked with amusement as she returned to her salad.

Puck sighed a bit and shrugged. "'Kay, fine. Lauren and I broke up shortly after exams ended. That is, she dumped me 'cause she got into some wrestling school in Cinci for the summer. It sucks, alright, but Quinn kinda ran into me at Sheets N' Things and we were talking and sharing break-up stories and...and I've got no idea what I'm doing because I don't want to push her and I know we have a past, but I want to be around her, 'kay? I'll take whatever I can get. If that just means friendship, then fine. If it means more later, than fan-fucking-tastic."

Rachel regarded him with a sad smile. "You still love her, don't you?"

Without hesitation, Puck shot her a look. "Always have, always will. And you breathe even a word of that to _**anyone,**_ I'm going _**back**_ to giving you a weekly slushie facial."

"My lips are sealed," Rachel confirmed, eating another bite of salad. "May I ask a question though?"

"You just did," Puck responded in his most smarmy, smart-ass voice.

"Is that why you stopped things with me and not with Quinn?"

Puck sighed heavily and blew out another breath. After glancing at his sister again to make sure she was still only sitting and talking with Kale, he turned back to her. "You didn't want me, Rachel. I knew that. You were just pissed at Finn, and as much as I thought he deserved it for lying to you 'bout Santana, I...I just couldn't do that _**again**_. I won't lie or feed you bullshit but between you and Finn, Finn's the one I'd choose in a heartbeat. We've been friends forever and I was, and still _**am**__,_ damn lucky to be his friend after all the shit we've been through these last two years. But between Finn and Quinn?" He shook his head. "No contest_**.**_"

Rachel nodded slowly and had another sip of water. "Have you told Quinn how you feel?" She asked, re-capping her water bottle.

"Sorta." Puck shrugged nonchalantly about it, though Rachel could tell his face had just become his 'Puckmeister' mask of stoicism. "I told her when... when Beth was born. I'm not sure she believed me though—guess my reputation precedes me."

Rachel reached over and squeezed Puck's forearm in comfort. "I think it'll work itself out if you're just patient enough to wait for her."

Puck smiled genuinely at her. "Isn't that what I've been saying to you all during lunch?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically, eliciting a laugh from him, before they continued eating their respective lunches in silence. She didn't say she thought he was _**right **_with just about everything regarding Finn. She _**had been**_ patient, and it _**did**_ work itself out. In the end, Finn chose her over Quinn.

And then she'd rejected him.

Well, no one said she wasn't going to make mistakes in life. She worked hard to overcome the one with Puck. Now, she'd just have to work hard to overcome the one in New York, too.

"I think you should write to him," Puck said as he finished his second burger and began collecting the wrapping paper into a ball.

Rachel's eyes went wide. "Write to him? I...I don't even know what I'd say, Noah. How do you write a letter to the guy you love but rejected before he left for the summer?"

"Well, personally I'd start with a computer, 'cause pens and pencils are for fucking lame-ass old people who can't use technology." Puck shrugged when she gave him a strained look over his lame attempt at humour. "I dunno, Berry. But he needs to know how you feel, right? He needs you to be truthful and forthcoming and all that B.S. Isn't that what a relationship is about… honesty? Maybe start with the fact you're wearing his hoodie even when it's four sizes too big for ya."

Rachel smiled, then bit her lip in thought. She _**did **_want to hear from him and know how he was doing; to know _**what **_he was learning in the Guard. And knowing for a fact that he was okay might put to rest that horrific, almost weekly nightmare of him getting shot by some insane lunatic. Maybe Puck was onto something. Maybe she _**should **_write to Finn. True, it might all explode in her face; but as Puck said, nothing was guaranteed. She was pretty sure Finn would respond if he got a letter. She nodded to Puck.

"You know Noah, for once, I think you're right. I will send a letter."

Yes, she could do this. She _**would**_ do this. She would write to Finn and start repairing both of their broken hearts. She would reclaim him, and their love.

After all, she was Rachel Barbara Berry. And she didn't give up easily.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) <strong>


	9. Michigan Adventure

**A/N - Thanks always to the ever increasingly busy _JannP_ for her beta work (and especially on this one which never really felt finished to me). As always, hope everyone enjoys the next chapter for Finn's and Rachel's little A/U mis-adventure. Thanks again to those who read, favourite and review this piece. This may seem a bit out of place in the scheme of the story, but the event is similar to what happened to me in the Reserves (the amusement park day, at least) so I didn't think it was impossible. Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>Finn, Omeasoo, and Marquez raced to the back of the bus to grab the three seats at the very back. This was a very unexpected surprise—to be given an extra day off during training to relax and unwind, even if Sergeant Banks had termed it 'ordered recreational activity'. It was six o'clock in the morning and the three boys were dressed in casual civilian clothes; each carried a small backpack with swim clothing, a towel, and toiletries. Finn had never heard of the <em><strong>Michigan's Adventure <strong>_amusement park before, but once the terms 'rollercoaster' and 'waterslides' were bandied about, he was _**in**_!

There was another reason the three boys grabbed the three seats at the back of the bus. With all three of them occupied, Graham would be forced to sit beside the next closest person he knew at the camp: Recruit Wayfor. Finn certainly hoped his friend hadn't yet caught onto the fact that his three bunk-mates were trying to play match-maker, but the bonus was Graham didn't seem to have figured out their intentions. Once he saw the three back seats all occupied, he grinned a bit, gave them all a middle-finger salute, and then just smiled and headed over to Wayfor when she gestured towards the empty seat beside her (just two rows down from the back of the bus). Omeasoo, Marquez, and Finn quietly chuckled over their inside joke before Finn pulled out the amusement park map so they could plan their day.

"We have to try the big coasters, man." Marquez said, pointing out the largest one on the map. "Shivering Timbers first. Then we can move onto the Wildcat."

Omeasoo shook his head. "Corkscrew first; closer to the entrance." He pointed at the coaster on the left of the map with his finger. "Same with Zach's Zoomer."

"Whatever, dudes." Finn looked at his watch. "It's only 6:10am and this place is three hours away. I say first order of business will be food."

"Eat? Fuck Huddie, they're giving us those box meals on the bus again and you want to _**eat**_ when we get there, too?" Marquez shook his head and poked Finn in the gut, making the sound of the Pillsbury dough boy. 'You're gonna pack on the pounds if you keep horkin' down food like this."

Finn slapped Marquez's hand away with a glower. "Piss off. You try being my size and active in sports. I need the fuel, 'kay?"

The Native recruit shrugged. "Marquez is little. He wouldn't understand."

"Not little where it counts, my man." Marquez grabbed a hold of his crotch and motioned once with his hand. "In fact, I think I need to upgrade to XL underwear."

Omeasoo shrugged. "Remove the potato down the front—no new size needed."

"Up yours, Tonto." Marquez punched his friend on the shoulder while Finn burst out laughing at the exchange.

Once the bus had rolled out of Camp Grayling and was on the road to the amusement park, Finn kept a close eye on the seats where Graham and Wayfor sat. They seemed to be getting along pretty damn well, from Finn's perspective, and a couple times Wayfor would flash that smile towards his friend (he knew exactly what a woman meant when she flashed _**that **_smile). About an hour into the trip, Graham suddenly got up to use the washroom, and he nodded to the other three as he opened the door to the small compartment in the back and went inside.

Marquez looked over at Finn and then motioned with his head towards Recruit Wayfor. "Now's your chance, Huddie. Fill her in on our plan."

Finn raised an eyebrow. "Fill her in? Who the hell ever said that was _**my **_job?"

His friend scoffed at him. "Excuse _**me**_? Who was the one who said we have to help Graham see the light? Who was the one who wanted to let Graham experience all the joys of coupling?"

"Couple_**dom**_!"

"Same difference, Huddie. Besides, weren't you the one who came up with the idea for us to always try and push them together whenever possible?" Marquez directed a pointed look at the tall quarterback.

Omeasoo clapped Finn on the shoulder and shot him a wide grin. "With great power, comes great responsibility."

After rolling his eyes at his two 'friends' (and he was using that term loosely), Finn pulled himself up from his seat and carefully made his way along the bus aisle to Wayfor and Graham's seats. Since she was sitting by the window, he easily plopped himself down into the chair beside hers, causing her to jump a bit.

"Hudson!" She exhaled sharply and shook her head. "Are you _**trying**_ to scare the shit out of me?"

"Nah, I figured leave that to the Sarge. But how're you doing? We haven't talked in a bit, so I just thought I'd drop in and say hi."

Wayfor raised an eyebrow and her lip curled up into an ever so slight smile. "Did you now? Well, _**hi**_. Now that's out of the way, don't let me keep you from your little frat party back there." She waved absently in the direction of the back seats and turned to look out the window again.

"Aww, don't be _**like that**_. I have honest intentions, really. In fact, I was hoping to invite you along with us. We can make it the five…dom. Whadd'ya say? You okay hanging out with the champion quarterback and his posse?" He flashed his most disarming grin at her.

Wayfor turned from the window and looked at him square in the face, then burst out laughing. Finn wasn't entirely sure if it was a good or bad thing, so kept his face relatively impassive and waited for her to speak. After a few more chortles, Wayfor turned to face him fully. "Hudson, I appreciate the offer. And I'll admit, you're cute - _**really **_cute. But I could see from a mile away that you're damaged goods, so if it's all the same to you, I think I'll politely decline any romantic offers from you."

"Wha-_**WHAT?**_" Finn sputtered, completely caught off guard. Once he caught up with everything she said, he burst out laughing himself, this time causing her to look confused. "You think I'm trying to ask you for…for _**me**_? No, no, no. Just…_**no**_!" Finn motioned with his hand to indicate the finality of his answer, even as he chuckled about the whole idea.

"And why not? What, you don't find me attractive enough or something? Do they all have to be beautiful, blonde cheerleaders for you to be interested?"

"Been there, done that, and no thank you to another helping."

"Oh, so there are _**other **_standards to which I don't measure up?" She crossed her arms and arched her eyebrows.

Now Finn was just getting annoyed. Really, one minute she's saying she's not interested in _**him**_ and when he's okay with that, suddenly she wants to know _**why**_? _Can't women ever just pick a side and stick with it?_

"It's not that I wouldn't be interested if I was in a different head-space, Wayfor. You're really pretty and very nice. It's just…well…I'm probably the first person in the world who'd agree with you that I _**am **_'damaged goods'. "

Wayfor's look softened slightly and she uncrossed her arms. "Rachel, right?"

Finn's head snapped towards her, his eyes questioning. "Graham told you?" When Wayfor shrugged absently, Finn blew out a breath. "This is what I get for being honest around my room-mates."

"You mean _**whiny**_ around your room-mates?"

"Nice to see they're so _**loyal**_."

Wayfor laughed genuinely. "Oh Hudson, chill out. I didn't mean to offend you. It's obvious that she means or meant a lot to you, so I'm not going to rip open any scars, okay? Maybe I can even help a little."

The quarterback considered her words before shrugging a bit. "Well, it couldn't hurt. It's not like I have anyone around me to explain the girl side…and I could help you with Graham, 'kay?"

This time it was her turn to be surprised. "You…you know I like Graham?"

"I think it was pretty obvious with the whole pool cue display thing."

Wayfor's eyes went wide and she blushed slightly before pursing her lips, casting her eyes down and smoothing out the fabric on her jean shorts. "Not my most subtle moment, I'll admit." She spoke the words in an embarrassed manner. "I was just trying to see if I could any reaction out of him at all."

Finn shrugged a bit. "Well, you got a reaction out of half of the _**other **_guys there that night, I know that. And the fact you're the first person Graham looks for when he walks into the mess means you've already got one foot in the door, I think. "

She grinned a bit at him and then grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Thanks, Hudson. I didn't know that. If that _**is**_ the case, I just need to get some more time with him, then. So I think I will take you up on your invite. Just to warn you, though, I'm likely going to steer him away to spend some time alone since it's almost impossible at the base." She smiled coyly. "You think you three can manage without him when I do that?"

"Sure," Finn agreed and nodded, but then had a thought. "What if we come across you after you're on your own, though? How will we know if we should stick with you guys for a ride or two or if you want alone time again?"

She thought about that for a moment, then pulled her long hair up and held it over her shoulders. "I'll hold my hair up like this and say how I wish it wasn't so hot outside. That'll be your cue for you three to go in another direction."

Finn gave her the thumbs up and then started heading back towards his seat. Just before he escaped earshot, however, he heard her speak up. "Hudson?"

He turned back to her. "Yeah?"

"More than anything? Confidence. A woman _**loves **_confidence in her man. Even if you don't really feel it, pretend you do—especially around Rachel." She winked at him before turning back in her seat.

It was something Finn had heard before, about how women were always attracted to confident men. The thing was he _**did **_feel more confident now, unlike at the beginning of summer; confident he was going to be able to handle the Guard, handle school, handle his future… hell, he even felt confident he would be able to handle Rachel as only a friend if that's all she wanted. It would definitely hurt, and it would _**really**_ suck, but he knew (somewhere way deep down) if it made her happy, he could do it and move on with his life.

It didn't mean he was going to give up easily, though.

He smiled at the advice and turned to head back towards his seat, plopping himself down beside Omeasoo and Marquez, who were busily engaged in a rock/paper/scissors war. They looked up as he approached them. "What's the plan, Huddie?"

Finn grinned at them, then turned to face them and spoke quietly. "Simple. Push them together and let her womanly wiles do the rest. She'll give us a cue if she wants us scarce."

"Think it'll work?" Omeasoo asked as he shifted in his seat.

Graham suddenly opened the door to the small washroom cubicle right beside their seats and smiled at them. "Hey guys, how's it goin'?"

The three of them looked at each other then back up at him before Finn responded. "Good. How 'bout you? Everything okay sitting with Wayfor?"

"Couldn't be better. What's not to like? She's smart, pretty, fun…it's all good!" Graham nodded and gave a dopey grin.

It was the goofy type of smile Finn had seen on guys who liked a girl and talked about her. _Come to think of it, I remember seeing that grin on my own face in my mirror locker when I thought about Rachel._ Finn wasn't sure what had happened between Graham and Wayfor since that first night in the mess hall, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Graham's interest in her had quickly escalated from 'friend' to 'more-than-friend'. He smiled at his bunk-mate. "Don't let us keep you, man."

Graham nodded and gave Finn a mock salute, then headed back to his seat a little _too _quickly. Finn, Omeasoo, and Marquez watched as Graham sat down beside Wayfor and, a second later, elicited a genuine laugh from her.

The three of them smirked at each other knowingly. "To answer your question, Omeasoo, I think it's _**already**_ working," Finn answered.

**XXXXX**

_Yeah, it definitely worked_, Finn thought, half nauseated as he turned away from watching Graham and Wayfor playing tonsil hockey in the Ferris wheel seat in front of him. He knew he shouldn't have agreed to go on after them, but it's just kind of how the seating ended up. Marquez and Omeasoo jumped on the first one, and ever since had been taking pictures with a couple of disposable cameras they'd purchased in the souvenir shop (he imagined a few would be at Graham-Wayfor 's complete and utter expense). Graham and Wayfor had sat down just ahead of him, which meant he currently had a Ferris wheel seat all to himself. They had gone around a couple of times now, and then the wheel stopped to allow the next group of customers on. It just so happened when it stopped, he was perched at the very top of the wheel.

He looked out towards the west to see the sun just starting to set across the landscape. It was a beautiful and peaceful image he was sure he wouldn't soon forget. The noise and hubbub of the amusement park was muffled by the height at which he sat. In addition, the bright colours of the various rides and booth awnings elicited happy memories from his childhood, times when his Mom had taken him to the fair.

"So…are we together now?"

Finn closed his eyes as his heart suddenly clenched inside his chest. It was Wayfor who had uttered those words to Graham, but his mind transported him back one year to when an entirely different girl had asked _**him**_ that very same question.

**-X-**

"_So…are we together now?" _

_Finn stopped midway through his sip of milkshake, his lips still around the straw, and he turned slowly to the girl sitting beside him. They were sharing a ride on the Ferris wheel at the small fair that passed through Lima every summer, and the question threw him for a loop; Finn had _**thought **_it was already clear they were now in a relationship. _

"_Of course we're together, Rach. Don't _**you**_ think we are?" He stretched his right arm behind her on the edge of the Ferris wheel seat and left if there, rather than pull her into an embrace. He wanted her to know he _**wanted **_to embrace her, but didn't want to push things too fast before she was ready. They had snuggled and exchanged a few kisses here and there, but they hadn't yet become truly physical with each other. They hadn't even had a serious make out session, now that he thought about it. _

_Rachel shrugged slightly before she turned away from his direct gaze. Her hands played a bit with the straw of her lemonade. "Well, I…I didn't want to assume anything, yet, or this time. I mean, we…well…we've kinda been here before, in January, and then you decided-"_

"_-to be a jackass?" Finn interrupted her quickly, knowing where this was going. Her eyes turned up to his from her lap and she gave a soft smile in agreement. _

_He blew out a noisy breath and nodded. "Look, Rach, I…I just wasn't ready to be with a girlfriend in January. I'd just dumped Quinn after thinking I was gonna be a dad and all this freedom just totally opened me up for everything else and every_**one **_else in the school and…" Finn sighed again and ran a hand through his hair before continuing._

"_Mr. Schue was the one who suggested I find my 'inner rock-star' because now suddenly I was free of all the baby stuff and could do whatever I wanted. It was actually really bad advice he gave, for once, which is so _**not**_ like Mr. Schue, but I didn't know it then. And then when I knew it was you I wanted, for real, you'd already found someone. But that desire to be with you never went away, even when you were with…Jesse," the name still felt poisonous on his tongue and he stopped to choke a little. _

_(Just for the record, he didn't think he'd ever like that name again.)_

"_So when I got the chance and you were free and I was free, I just…I just knew something good could happen here, so there was no doubt I wanted whatever you would give me. And I know you've kinda just broken up with Jesse a couple months ago, and if you need more time, then that's cool. But I'd…I'd like to call you my girlfriend, if that's okay with you." He looked at her and noticed her big, brown eyes were staring at him with awe. "Is that okay?"_

_In response to his question, she leaned over and kissed him soundly, her tongue grazing his bottom lip in request for him to open his mouth. He complied and allowed their tongues to explore each other's mouths, all while the fingers on their free hands interlaced and squeezed each other affectionately. When they both needed some air, they broke apart and rested their foreheads against each other. "More than okay," Rachel whispered to him, holding his hand in hers and close to her heart. "As long as I can call you my boyfriend." _

"_I'd be honoured. For real this time. No freaking out… no running out...no backing down. I'm here. I'm yours." Finn cupped her face in his hand and looked at her seriously. "Promise." _

**-X-**

And then he ran out.

No, not just ran out, he _**stormed **_out.

He shook his head at his slightly younger self. God, he seemed so _**stupid **_now when he really, _**really **_thought about it. Breaking up wasn't needed; he could have just asked for some space from her for a bit to sort out how he felt about her indiscretion, some time to just consider what exactly was happening to them, and then maybe try to work through it with her. They would have still been together, at least. Hurt, but still together and still committed to each other. But no, he had to go with the knee-jerk reaction and just dump all the blame on her, without even acknowledging his own role.

_Stupid, stupid, __**stupid **__Finn! _

Well, there wasn't anything to be done about it now. He'd forgiven her and tried to rekindle their romance in New York, but to no avail; he'd waited too long and not done nearly enough.

So here he was, in the Guard, alone and away from home.

_No, I'm _**not** _alone, _he thought to himself. _I don't have Rachel, but I do have new friends. Graham, Omeasoo, Marquez, even Wayfor…I never would have met them if it hadn't been for the Guard. _And he had something else too; something that his Sergeant, of all people, suggested to him.

He had a purpose and direction.

He knew making it as a star might be beyond him, but he could learn all the ins and outs of succeeding behind the scenes, whether that be in sports or entertainment…he didn't care. He could be a cameraman, or perhaps an agent. Maybe he could learn enough about the technical side of music and television production to be a producer of some kind. Whichever way he decided to go, at least it was something to work towards_. _It was a _**goal**_. Something other than just finishing high school with Rachel beside him. Now he had his own futureand he never had to face it alone.

And that, he concluded suddenly, was _**exactly**_ why his Dad had joined the Marines and what his Dad loved about the military. Even if he was forever working _**in **_the military, it gave him a _**future and purpose **_in life.

"Hey, Huddie, you gonna just sit there all fucking day or are you gonna get off your ass?"

Finn looked up and realized he was now at the bottom of the Ferris wheel and the operator was looking at him, bored out of his mind, waiting for him to get off. Marquez, Wayfor, Graham, and Omeasoo were off to the side, all of them looking at him oddly. He blushed a little then climbed out of the chair. "Sorry."

Wayfor laughed easily, even as she and Graham held hands, their arms interlinked with each other. "Where were you up here?" She tapped Finn's forehead lightly.

He scowled and shooed her hand away. "Not on the Ferris wheel, okay?"

"Hey, guys!" Marquez pulled them all out of their conversation and pointed over towards a large sign. "They have karaoke here at the park! That could be _**awesome**_!"

"Sure, if you want to hear some caterwauling American Idol rejects." Graham scrunched up his nose at the idea, even while Wayfor playfully slapped him across the arm as she held his hand.

Omeasoo grinned at them all. "Hudson sings. Male lead in Glee club, right? Nude Erections?"

"New Directions!" Finn corrected quickly while emphasizing the correct syllables and shooting Omeasoo a withering look. He groaned and buried his face in his hands when he saw all other eyes suddenly turn towards him. "Aw guys, don't make me do this. Please?"

"Why not?" Wayfor asked, seeming genuinely surprised he didn't want to sing in front of them.

"Because I do it all school year long. _**Literally**_. Every fucking week we have another assignment and another song to sing. And almost _**all **_of them take me back to memories I don't want to have right now."

"You know Huddie, in a way I understand." Marquez nodded quickly and held his hands up so everyone else would remain quiet while he spoke. "You don't want to admit you have 'performance anxiety.' But it's okay, man. Lots of guys suffer from that."

Finn's face and eyes flattened at his fellow recruit. "Oooh, alright, fine! Them's fighting words, my _**little**_ Hispanic friend. Tell you what—you go sing and I'll do a song right after. We'll let the group decide who's best and loser buys the winner supper tonight. How's that?" Finn grinned a bit at Marquez, who's eyes suddenly got very wide after he swallowed. "Or are you not _**man **_enough for a real challenge?"

The group collectively gave a round of "ooohs" and "aaahhs" as the gauntlet was thrown down by Finn, but Marquez squared his shoulders and held out his hand. "Alright, dude. It's on."

The McKinley quarterback grinned and shook his friend's hand.

**XXXXX**

"Fuck, Huddy, flash that pizza-eating grin some other fuckin' place, 'kay?" Marquez waved him away as he, Omeasoo, and Finn sat at the park cafeteria, devouring their respective meals. Wayfor had decided she and Graham needed to have dinner as just the two of them; the other three knew better than to question her about it. Finn, of course, had completely blown Marquez out of the water in the karaoke contest. Marquez had chosen the reasonably safe (for him) song _La Bamba _by Ritchie Valens, which although not an easy song for Finn to sing, proved quite suitable for Marquez (who was equally fluent in Spanish.) His performance, however, was completely destroyed when Finn had chosen to sing _What I Want _by Daughtry and managed to hit the high-B _**twice**_ throughout the performance.

Finn shrugged as he swallowed his bite of food. "Sorry, was I rubbing pizza- I mean **_salt_** –into the wound again?" He smiled at his friend before having another sip of his root beer.

Marquez made a face at his friend. "Yeah, yeah. Fine, you beat me—soundly. Now shut the fuck up before I give you a knuckle sandwich to go with your pizza."

"Sore loser," Omeasoo remarked to Finn, his head motioning towards Marquez. "…can't handle it he didn't get hit on after."

"Did you see the number of girls flocking to Hudson after his little show?" Marquez asked in amazement, saluting Finn with his drink. "I would have been handing my number out left, right, and centre if I had a group of college girls offering _**me**_ a place to stay for the night."

Finn rolled his eyes. "We have to get back on the bus in about two hours, dude. What would have been the point? And I'm not gonna head back home in September to have my Mom and Step-Dad ask why they've been taking calls from girls for weeks about some karaoke show I did in an amusement park."

Omeasoo shook his head even as he had another bite of his own food. "_**Real **_reason's only one word, isn't it?"

"Not a word," Marquez said around his burrito. "A _**name**_!"

Swallowing his food, Finn shrugged again while wiping his hands on his napkin. "Well, if you guys already think that, why bother asking me the question?"

"Huddie, you're throwing away an awful lot of chances to be 'happy' here, man. There were some serious college hotties givin' you the eye. And what if this Rachel chick _**never **_wants to get back together with you? You gonna deny all the girls after that, too?"

"One step at a time, Marquez," Finn countered, annoyed. "I'm gonna give it until Christmas. If we aren't together by then or she says no again, then…well, I guess it'll _**really**_ be time to move on."

"Will you be able to?" Omeasoo asked pointedly.

"I don't think I'll have much choice." Finn sipped again at his root beer. "At some point, we all have to move on. Even me."

**XXXXX**

Finn and Wayfor had been talking for almost ninety minutes about what Finn could do to try and win his way back into Rachel's heart, mainly because Wayfor would actually _**talk **_about the issue rather than gripe and complain when the subject was brought up (much like his bunk-mates did). She also provided a feminine perspective on the issue, which Finn knew he sorely needed. So he'd laid out the entire history of his and Rachel's relationship for her, and even though she often rolled her eyes and stared at him for awkwardly long amounts of time (he got the impression she thought some of his behavior was completely absurd), she didn't judge him or back down in her offer to help.

They continued to talk, sitting across the bus aisle from each other; Graham was on her side and sleeping peacefully, while Marquez was on the window side where Finn was sitting, snoring softly himself.

Wayfor collapsed her face into the palms of her hands. "You haven't even written her a letter?" Her voice was subdued but strained in the darkness of the bus they were on, trying to keep from disturbing the other recruits, most of whom were asleep.

Finn made a face. "What's to say? She pushed me away after I went to all the trouble with our date in New York… how is me saying anything else about my feelings going to change her mind _**now**_?"

"Sometimes it's just a matter of them knowing you haven't given up, Hudson." Wayfor shook her head. "Another trait women admire is persistence. She needs to know you're serious about wanting to be with her and not just asking her back because it's comfortable or because you're no longer with this blonde cheerleader."

"Rachel's the whole reason I _**broke up **_with the blonde cheerleader. I realized I couldn't go back to how things used to be."

"See, that's the type of thing you need to tell _**Rachel**_. You can't just take her on a date and expect her to jump into your arms, even if it was at an expensive restaurant in New York and she met an idol of hers." Wayfor wrinkled her nose a bit in confusion. "How were you even able to afford that?"

Finn rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Used about half my savings on it. I guess I kinda put all my eggs in one basket, didn't I?"

"At least you did it in style and not over a hamburger at McDonald's." Wayfor shuddered after she said that, and Finn raised an eyebrow. He got the feeling she was referring to a past experience of some kind. "In any case, she needs to know these things. How often you think of her, what it feels like when you do, why and what about her you miss…all that sort of stuff."

He nodded, going through Wayfor's list in his mind. "Yeah, okay. I think I can do that. I'm not really good with words, though."

"Well, I can always read it for you first if you're that unsure. I don't think the guys would want to." She yawned and stretched her arms above her head. "Anyway, I'm tired. So you go ahead and write that letter, and we'll carry on from there, okay?" She squeezed his forearm in a gesture of friendship before turning towards Graham and leaning her head on his shoulder, also trying to get some sleep.

Finn turned in his seat to face forward, resting his back against the bus seat and closing his eyes. He smiled a bit at the thought of Rachel reading a heart-felt letter from him and then launching herself into his arms upon his return back home, saying everything was forgiven; somehow, though, he doubted this quest of his to reclaim her heart would be quite so simple. _Real life_, he reminded himself, _hasn't played out exactly as you've imagined_. He highly doubted it would start to anytime soon.

But maybe writing a letter would be a start; a first step in the direction he wanted to go.

And every quest began with a first step.

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) <strong>


	10. Letters

**A/N - Next chapter up. I hope this makes fans of the story happy, as writing the letters themselves was no easy task for me. Still, I'm happy with the end results. Thanks again to JannP for the beta reading and all the suggestions/changes...they always add new dimensions to the story that I love or don't ever think of myself. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed and made the story their favourite. It's really great to know people like this little journey of "What if?" **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary.**

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><p><em>Dear Finn,<em>

_I can't believe I'm writing you a letter after so long. You've been gone almost four weeks and I should have done this sooner, but I was worried I was the main reason you had left Lima. I'm sorry if I played any role in your decision to leave for the summer, as it truly wasn't my intention to drive you away from your home or friends. As the hot male lead/popular quarterback/drummer extraordinaire, however, I imagine that you would have no trouble finding more friends. _

_Have I ever mentioned how jealous I am that you're able to do that? Or how much I admire your ability to walk into almost any given social setting and make friends on the spot? Your ability to be affable and amiable to anyone with whom you converse puts everyone around you at ease and never ceases to astound me. I wish I had even a fraction of that ability as all I seem to do is annoy people. It takes a long time for me to make friends. Actually, I think you were the first person it was ever EASY for me to form a friendship. Ours is a friendship I try never to take lightly and if I somehow ever made you feel as though I did, then again, I apologize. _

_But we aren't 'just friends', are we? We've always been more, even when we weren't allowed to be. There's a pull between us, maybe magnetism for wont of a better word; it's extremely hard to resist. You seemed so intent on keeping me at an arm's length for a while and I was convinced I could resist it in New York. It really hurt me, though in truth I felt I deserved every ounce of that pain for all the suffering I caused you before Christmas. I will never again believe such actions are warranted and I still pray daily you'll be able to say you completely forgive me for it. _

_I worry about you. I have a frequent nightmare that you've been shot and are bleeding on the ground while your fellow soldiers are trying to perform first-aid. When I last had a sleepover with Kurt, your Mom discovered this; she told me such dreams are common for those worried about loved ones in potentially dangerous situations. And no, I'm not hesitating to use that term. You are a loved one of mine. Most importantly, you are a love of mine. You're perhaps the biggest love I'll ever have outside of performing. _

_I don't want to imagine a future life without you, Finn; as much as I want New York and Broadway and the glamour of fame and Tony Awards, everyday it becomes harder to imagine that dream without you beside me in it. Any adult I know would say I'm crazy or foolish to think that I've already met and found the love of my life, but with you, I truly feel like I have. _

_I hope you'll accept a third apology here when I say I'm sorry I declined your offer in New York. I should have taken a chance on you. Unfortunately, it took me a while to realize I would never truly be taking a chance on you, Finn. You've always held my love and my heart. I know after all we've been through, any relationship between us would now be strengthened by the knowledge it can all go wrong if we're not careful. I know I'd be so much more careful with you and I hope you'll take a chance on me in allowing me to show that when you come home._

_Yes, I'm rambling on and on, detailing every errant thought running through my mind, so I'll try to condense it simply into this: I love you. I want to be with you. I'm hoping you'll respond to this letter with the word yes and when you come back we can pick up where we left off. These last six months have been nothing short of torture for me and I don't want to limit myself in my final year of high school. Not professionally, not personally, and not romantically. We can be __us__ again, and we can be better. Finchel version 3.0 will be infinitely better, if for no other reason than I will absolutely make sure you never regret being beside me in any way, shape, or form. _

_Please, say you'll be mine again. I miss you. I love you. I want __you__, and only you. _

_Love, with all my heart,_

_Rachel. _

_P.S. – I borrowed your blue hoodie for the summer. I know it's four sizes too large for me, but it smells like you, and that helps me after I have that horrible nightmare. Please be safe in all you do and come back to me soon. XOXO_

Kurt finished reading and leaned back in his desk chair, drumming his fingers in thought. Rachel glanced nervously between the letter and him, the quiet seeming all at once too noisy and distracting.

"Well?" Rachel blurted out finally, her arms going up in askance.

The small teen turned towards her, his eyes serious. "It's a lot to say in so few words, Rachel. Just…everything is so honest and seems so heartfelt." He gave her a small smile. "I think Finn will love it, truthfully, even if he is going to need a dictionary to figure out the more complicated words. You might want to put that in at the top that he better have one handy before he continues to read this."

"Noted." Rachel jotted that down before she stood up and accepted the letter back from Kurt, then re-read certain passages to make sure they said exactly what she meant. "Do…do you think this will work?"

"I find it highly unlikely he would have changed his mind, Rachel, considering _**he**_ was the one asking _**you **_to be his in New York." Kurt pulled out an envelope for his friend to use. "Ordinarily I'd say you're being ridiculous for sending a handwritten letter, but I'm sure I'm unaware of some type of metaphor you've concocted about it all."

Rachel smiled as she grabbed her perfume bottle out of purse and sprayed it once on the paper. "I can't send a scent over email. Besides, there's something romantic about him holding the same paper I did and reading my actual handwriting." She tucked the letter into the envelope and then sealed it shut. She and looked at it again, swallowing as the full weight of her decision came creeping up on her. She looked up to Kurt, her eyes betraying her emotions.

"I'm scared, Kurt. If this all backfires, then-"

"It won't," Kurt assured her, coming to his feet and embracing her. "And on the one percent chance it _**does **_backfire, you won't have to worry too much because both of you will be going to the same school, living in the same town, and you'll have all year to break down his defenses. Aren't you a master at that by now anyway?"

"But I _**don't **_have all year. I'm probably going to be leaving to go to Juilliard or NYU after next summer. What…what happens then between Finn and me?"

"We worry about that next summer. You need to plan your professional life a year in advance, not your romantic one. Also, chances are good I'll be there with you. If nothing else, Finn is going to _**have**_ to come visit his brother, so it's not like you'll never see him again. Besides, he may just wantto tag along, even if it _**does**_ mean he'll have to lift all the heavy stuff." Kurt rubbed her shoulders and lifted her chin so she would look him in the eyes. "Men have an astounding ability to compartmentalize all the areas of their life into segments, my dear, and while I usually don't understand how they do it, I have _**seen **_them do it rather effectively. You just need to borrow a page from their book; college is college and what happens there does not mean _**anything**_ about what happens between you and Finn. But _**nothing**_ will happen if you don't send this letter. So grab Finn's sweatshirt and let's get you to the post office, shall we?"

Rachel sighed and scooped up Finn's sweatshirt in her arms before turning back to Kurt. She gripped the letter tightly in front of her, looking at it with hopeful eyes, then turned back to her best friend and nodded.

"Let's go."

**XXXXX**

_Dear Rachel,_

_Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing writing you this letter. I couldn't even bring myself to call you or let you know where I was going for the summer. I feel retarded contacting you like this. It seems kinda old fashioned, but my friend Wayfor said you would appreciate the effort of something handwritten more than an email. Since she's a girl, I figured she knew better than I did how to get in touch with you, since you're a girl too. (Wow, that reads bad. Sorry.) _

_Anyway, I don't get why writing is better. Words are words, and no matter how I send them to you, I'm sure somehow they'll be wrong because I suck at them—like it's always a total epic fail…kinda like my very own Darth Vader and..well, y'know…like everything that's against me or whatever. (Sorry, we totally watched _**Star Wars**_ for movie night and now basically everything comes back to that. I think I get how you think about movies all the time and how they look like life now…)_

_Anyway, I thought you should know that, well, I miss you. I miss __us__. I think about you every day. I was so stupid to ever break up with you. It was just such a mess, but I know I'm at fault for an awful lot in there too, and if I was smart I would have caught on sooner. Of course, you of all people know I'm not quite as smart as you are. Our times together were the happiest ones for me, way more than playing football or being with Quinn or Puck or anything. It was so much better with you, Rach. I felt like even if I didn't know everything in school or class or at home, at least I had one person by me who always got me and knew what I was thinking. You were right in sophomore year, you know. You really do know me better than anyone, even better than I know me sometimes. I felt like so much more of a person, a __man__ even, when you were with me. I was just whole and the best me and I miss that most of all, I think. _

_I know you said no in New York and I think I get it. I didn't really do anything after our break-up to make you think I needed you as more than just someone for after I dumped Quinn, even though that's not how it is. Maybe if you know why I need you, you might understand why no one else will ever be the one for me. So here's why and all the stuff I should've said before. I hope you're listening and you can hear it and feel it because again, it's me with words. But here I go. _

_It was the funeral for Jean that convinced me finally. Remember when Mr. Schue and Ms. Sylvester were talking about tethers? Like how everyone has one person you'll always be tethered to, no matter what. And as much as I tried to think that never happened to me, it did. It's YOU. You are that person I always feel tethered to. You get me when other people think I'm dumb. I get you when other people think you're crazy. We know each other's hearts and minds inside out. It all makes sense to me now because we have a tether between us and nothing can break it. Even if we're never Finchel again, it'll never break. It's a chain between us, and I know when one of us pulls, the other will respond, no matter what. _

_I know I've been a jerk and could do so much more for you. All I can say is I'm sorry for all I didn't do. I guess that's why I freaked out when you kissed Puck. I just felt like again I couldn't measure up for you. I already know I'm not good enough for you, Rach. You'll be a star on Broadway and you'll make all your dreams happen, and it's only with all this stuff this summer I feel I might have a real shot at that too. Before this summer, I never thought I'd get out of Lima. Now I know I will, even if I don't know exactly how yet. If I'm lucky, it'll be with you but if not, then I'll have to find my own way._

_It was shitty and completely unfair that I hid the truth about Santana. I was dumb about that. I just always thought that you don't hurt people you love, but being here I learned that's not totally true. You will hurt the people you love at some point—even if you don't mean to. What I didn't get, though, was that you have a choice on how to fix it when you do. Do you try to hurt them less and tell them what you did wrong and why, or do you be mean and hurt them even more by trying to hide your mistake? You got it right, Rach. You told me right away what happened with Puck, and told me what happened with Jesse before we got too physical. I wish, so SO much, I had done that about Santana. It wasn't fair to you, and I can't ever take that back, and believe me, that sucks worse than a slushie facial. There is so much I would take back, and so much I would change. _

_I know one thing above all else, though. I want to be with you. There are no other girls I want. No cheerleaders, no athletes, no dancers, no anyone else. It's just you. You're the only one I want to be with and committed to and follow and lead and just everything in life. I want it to be you it's done with, now and forever and always. I know people might think I'm stupid, that a seventeen year old guy just kinda knows already who he wants that one person in his future to always be, but I DO know. I know it's you. I just hope with all my heart and head and everything else I have that you know it's you, too. If you let me be with you again, I'll do whatever it takes to convince you of that. _

_Please let me be yours again. I asked before but I hope your answer is different this time. Take a chance on me. Please? (See, I even asked nice this time.) I know I don't deserve it, but I also promise you won't ever regret it. _

_Love _

_Finn. _

Wayfor leaned back in her chair and handed the letter over to Graham, who also read through it. The three of them were lounging in the mess after yet another day of training and still had an hour before lights-out was called through the barracks. Marquez and Omeasoo had just started a game of darts, and Finn knew they would be occupied the rest of the evening with the way the two of them played. It gave him the perfect opportunity to ask for the opinions of the only two people in the troop currently in a relationship.

"So?" Finn asked.

She blew out a full breath, knowing he was asking about the letter Graham was still reading. "It's…well…quite touching, all things considered. For someone who claims to never have the right words available, you seem to do quite well with the ones you can use. I certainly didn't have any trouble understanding the depth of your emotions for her."

Finn nodded slowly and then rubbed his face with his hands. "I just hope I don't totally blow this out of the water. She's already said no once; I'm not sure what I'd do if she does a second time."

"You move on," Wayfor said, her eyes a bit misty and a lump in her throat. She sighed slightly and then looked at the tall quarterback. "It's not easy. You might want nothing to do with anyone for a year or two, but eventually you'd meet someone else." She glanced to Graham, who was still reading the letter and oblivious to the conversation between his two friends. "Sometimes what you find afterwards is better than what you had before."

He smiled at her and nodded at both her and Graham. "In your case, yeah. In my case, I think it'd be pretty hard to find someone better. Rachel's…well…_**everything **_I've ever wanted and needed; even before I knew I needed it."

"Oooh, that's good, Hudson." Wayfor clicked the pen on the table and wrote that down on a clean napkin. "You should totally add a post-script to your letter using that line."

Graham suddenly blew out a breath himself and handed Finn his letter. "Wow…I mean, I know you said you loved her, but just…wow. She's got your nuts in her purse already, doesn't she?" He received a backhand to the chest from Wayfor for his comment. He threw his hands went up in askance, wondering what it was he said that offended her.

"It's okay. I'd be the first to say it myself." Finn nodded and then added the post-script to the letter like Wayfor had suggested. After he added it, he re-read the letter quickly before dropping it on the table and throwing himself back in his chair. "God, what the fuck am I _**doing**_? I'm not good at this shit! Writing letters? Begging for a second chance?" He glanced back up at his friends. "Am I being desperate here?"

"No!" Wayfor said, in all seriousness.

"Yes!" Graham answered jokingly at the same time. They looked at each other and both chuckled before Graham continued. "No, seriously dude, you're not being desperate, you're trying to salvage something you believe in. Being desperate would be following her around everywhere like a puppy when she's already said she doesn't want you near her. And from what you've told us, she's never said _**that**_. All she's said is she didn't want a romantic relationship. You haven't spoken to her in weeks now, so for all you know, she may have changed her mind. Really, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by sending her this letter. The worst thing she can do is say _**no**_."

"Again," Finn muttered discouragingly.

Wayfor smiled at him. "If she does, then she's not ready for you, Hudson. You're a good guy who's obviously head over heels for her. If she can't recognize that, then she's deranged and you need to find someone better suited to you."

Finn smiled tightly. "Thanks, Wayfor. But if anything, it's _**me**_ who's not worthy of _**her**_."

"I don't believe that." Wayfor shook her head. "She must see an awful lot in you to have been with you for six months and then try to win you back after she admitted her indiscretion, right? Did you ever think maybe _**she**_ feels unworthy of _**you**_?"

He turned over his friend's statement in his mind and frowned. "Not really. I mean, she knows her talents and abilities and smarts. She has to know she could do better than me, right?"

"Oh, my God!" Wayfor leaned her head in her hand on the table, closing her eyes. "Hudson, you have a _**lot **_to learn about how women _**really**_ think, especially about themselves."

"Yeah, but see, we men try to never really get inside the female mind," Graham answered for his friend before taking another sip of his cola. "It's scary enough watching it work from a safe distance."

"Talk like that is not endearing you to my heart, _**Jordan**_," Wayfor fired back as she gave him a stern look. She turned towards Finn, ignoring the smiles and bumped fists the two men were exchanging. "Women can be as talented as possible, Hudson, but at the end of the day they're all still just girls hoping to be loved by a guy who can see past their faults—and most girls are fairly critical of their faults. Hasn't Rachel ever told you she doesn't feel pretty or feels like she can't measure up to other girls?"

"Uh, well…yeah, now that you mention it." Finn pulled on his ear in thought. "And there was this one time she wanted to get a nose job." Finn's shoulders fell slightly in defeat. "I told her right away I thought she was beautiful as she was. We all finally talked her out of it, but…"

"I rest my case." Wayfor leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, a smarmy and smug look plastered on her facial features. "She's feeling the same unworthiness towards you as you are towards her, Hudson. You both need to get out of that cycle and start assuring each other that you like each other beyond all those supposed faults. So step one is this." She pointed at the piece of paper in front of Finn. "_**Mail the fucking letter**_."

Graham turned back towards her and smiled hugely. "God, I love it when you talk dirty like that."

Wayfor giggled a bit and winked at Graham. Finn knew that was their silent code for kissing each other when in public. Base regulations stipulated such carnal activities and public displays of affection could _**not be done **_while training, but Finn was convinced they somehow found a way to continue it when not in mixed company. Either way, it was definitely something he avoided thinking about whenever possible.

Finn nodded and tucked the letter inside the addressed envelope. "Okay, I'll mail it tomorrow when we have our free time."

"Won't be much of that, I'm afraid," a voice suddenly called out over his shoulder.

Finn looked up in confusion to see Corporal Antho standing there, still in uniform and holding his cap formally under his arm. He held up a hand as a signal to the canteen server to kill the music, which prompted all eyes to turn towards him. Once sure he had the attention of the entire group, Antho cleared his throat and spoke again.

"All of you are to proceed to meeting rooms for an immediate briefing."

"Briefing? But it's lights out in less than an hour." Finn motioned towards his watch.

Corporal Antho nodded. "I'm aware of the time, Hudson; Sergeant Banks has called the briefing for 2300 hours."

Silence continued in the canteen and Antho took a big breath before speaking his next words.

"Orders have come in from headquarters. We're being deployed tomorrow morning."

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	11. Life and Death

**A/N - Sorry for the brief hiatus, my friends, but life sometimes gets in the way (a lot this time, but, meh...what can you do?). Thanks again to JannP who was crucially instrumental in this chapter due to all the radio jargon that she looked at more than once, I'm sure, and added in a couple of lines here and there which added some humour. A big thank you to those who've hung in so long on both my stories. I know, I don't write short stuff...just not in my blood, I guess, but I really love all the feedback, alerts and such. **

**This chapter is dedicated to a fellow FF friend of mine who had to endure this horrific ordeal - you know who you are. For the purpose of the story, this event didn't occur until much later in the year than it did in real life. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>They all stared at the images on the video screen in shock—the entire city looked like it had been demolished by a giant bulldozer. There was a general sense of defeat and desolation coming through the facial expressions of those still in the devastated city as they worked quickly to find people trapped in the rubble of buildings and houses. Debris lay scattered across the roads and parks, cars were overturned or lying crumpled on their sides; trees lay across the tops of houses, completely uprooted from the ground; fires were blazing from too many different locations to count.<p>

The troops sat in the briefing room, all dressed in casual, civilian attire despite the official nature of the briefing. Sergeant Banks indicated the screen and spoke. "This is the city of Joplin, Missouri. It was struck with an F5 tornado, as measured by the Fujita-Pearson scale, less than ten hours ago. As you can see from the footage before you, the tornado pretty much destroyed everything in its wake. The damage is extensive, and both the federal and state governments have declared the entire region a disaster area. The Missouri National Guard units were activated just a few hours ago, and they have called in for assistance from nearby states. Headquarters have assigned all Ohio units to assist with the clean-up and security duties." Banks turned and cast a serious gaze in their direction. "This isn't a drill or an exercise, Recruits. This is a legitimate deployment. We're going into the region to help however we can. Martial Law has been temporarily declared in the area and you'll all be armed with loaded weapons while you perform your duties. You are expected to _**behave accordingly;**_ that is, as troops of the National Guard who are serious about their assignments. Can I trust that all of the recruits sitting in front of me will serve their state and national governments with pride and purpose?"

"YES, SERGEANT!" The group responded loudly in unison, as trained.

Banks smiled at them all. "I don't doubt you'll do us and yourselves a great service. I suggest all of you return to your quarters and get some sleep. We fly out to Joplin at 09:00 hours tomorrow morning. AT-TEN-TION!" The group all quickly stood from their seated positions with their arms going straight down their sides. "DIS-MISSED!" Banks quickly grabbed his laptop computer and file folder and headed out of the meeting room, followed by Corporal Antho.

Finn blew out a noisy breath as he continued watching the horrific images on the screen in front of him. He swallowed a bit nervously as he glanced at his other friends, noticing all of them had looks of either fear or anxiousness at the prospect of being dropped into such a volatile situation. Trying to lighten up the suddenly tense mood, he flashed them all a disarming half-grin. "Guess our training is taking a slight 'twist' from normal, isn't it?"

Nervous laughter erupted from Marquez and Omeasoo, but Wayfor just groaned and rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Hudson? That pun was completely lame. Like, not even lame; just plain sad."

Graham chuckled. "You'll have to forgive Candi. She's lost her sense of humour lately." He turned to his girlfriend suddenly, his face scrunched up in confusion. "And really? Your parents named you Candi Wayfor?"

"Can_**dace **_Wayfor." She scowled at him even as she pulled her long hair back and secured it behind her head with a hair elastic. "And it's not like I had any say in the naming process at the time."

Finn suppressed the urge to ask what would happen if her and Graham's eventually got married. Would she have the nerve to change her name to Candi _**Graham**_? In a way, it was kind of a lose-lose situation for his newest friend.

_And Quinn thought _**I**_ was stupid for wanting to name the baby 'Drizzle'? _Clearly he wasn't the only guy who liked unusual names. Maybe Quinn's opinion about that little issue could finally be dismissed from his mind without further thought—not that he thought about it much anymore anyway.

He turned and focused on the images of the nearly destroyed city in front of him, drawn to the video footage. It seemed almost like some made-for-TV disaster movie. Never in his life had he ever been face-to-face with the reality of such ruin, but within twenty-four hours, he'd be right in the middle of it. His stomach rolled nervously as he wondered if he could handle everything he might see. Generally, his life had been pretty easy on the eyes, even if he had his own issues to deal with. He'd never had to deal with his entire house and all his belongings being scattered to the wind; he'd never suddenly realized he had no clue if everyone in his family was still alive or victim of some random force of nature.

His hand brushed up against something sticking out of his back pocket. He looked down to see his letter to Rachel. He frowned at the video one more time before he sighed. His romantic troubles with his ex-girlfriend suddenly seemed so small compared to those who'd survived through a tornado and had no idea what the future held for them.

Finn knew in that moment that Rachel would have to wait until he returned to the base from this deployment. He'd already gone more than five weeks without contacting her, so he was sure another week or so without communication wasn't going to harm anything. He turned to the others and swallowed.

"Looks like we're going to be busy once we get there. I say we turn in so we can get up early and pack our gear. "

"City looks pretty bad, Huddie." Marquez motioned with his head towards the video footage. They watched as the image changed to show a girl standing on the shore of a nearby lake, watching as boat crews cleared wreckage from the water. "How long you think this deployment will take?"

"Doesn't matter," Finn said, eyeing the same images. "They need our help. It takes as long as it takes until we leave them better off then when we got there."

The others nodded as they followed him out of the meeting room and towards their barracks.

**XXXXX**

If Finn thought the destruction as he saw it on the video was bad, nothing prepared him for what it was like when he confronted it head-on.

News programs obviously chose the cleaner areas of the city to film and broadcast, because they'd failed to show the car dealership where three had died after being crushed by a flipped over pick-up truck. There were no images of the elderly couple who had been in their apartment building and subsequently pulled out through their window to fall ten stories to their death. And nothing could prepare him for the site of the children's wing of the hospital that had been clipped by the tornado, completely destroying the top floor and possible killing four kids, though three couldn't be confirmed until their bodies were found. The one that _was_ found nearly made Finn lose his lunch.

He'd never seen such complete and utter devastation, nor met so many people who looked so lost and hopeless.

With these thoughts in mind, Finn pulled the hood of his military-issue rain jacket over his head, making a face as the rain and wind continued to whip around him and Wayfor. The two had been dropped off at a large intersection designated for general traffic in and out of the city (or what was left of it). All they had to do was direct it accordingly. At 1700 hours when they had been dropped off (right after an early dinner), the intersection had been abuzz with all sorts of traffic: people returning to check on what was left of their homes, emergency vehicles trying to get in and out of the area to care for civilians, and the large supply trucks or military vehicles which seemed to come and go constantly. By 2230 hours, however, the traffic had slowed considerably, and the two recruits were left with only their rain gear and reflective vests (which had been provided by the police department.)

"You know, when we were told we were being brought in to help, I didn't think they meant to play traffic cop," Wayfor grumbled a bit, waving at a van belonging to one of the county's fire marshals.

The tall Gleek shrugged a bit and adjusted his coat. "Orders are orders—and it could be worse. They could have ordered us to help clean all the port-a-potties set up around the town. Would you _really_ rather be with Marquez and Omeasoo right now?"

Wayfor rolled her eyes. "No, I'd rather be with Jordan right now."

Finn cleared his throat and looked away. "Yeah, well, at least you get to _**see**_ him tomorrow."

The female recruit frowned at his sudden change of voice, which caused her own to go soft and apologetic. "Sorry, that was insensitive of me."

He waved her off, scoffing. "Whatever, Wayfor. It's fine; you didn't mean it like that."

"Still." Wayfor sighed a bit, and Finn got the impression she was coming up empty of anything else to say.

The two recruits waved through another emergency vehicle, this one an ambulance with a silent alarm. After letting it pass, a silence surrounded the two recruits; only the sound of the rain hitting the asphalt accompanied the quiet. Finn checked his watch and grimaced when he figured out they still had another hour to go before they were relieved of this particular duty. His stomach groaned in protest that food was still a while off.

"Have you mailed the letter?" Wayfor asked suddenly, her voice sounding curious.

Finn wanted to be snotty about it, but he couldn't. Wayfor was the only company he had for the next hour, and she was helping him as much as possible with everything regarding Rachel, so he bit his cheek to keep his annoyance in check.

"No, not yet," he replied, sounding more calm than he felt. He patted the left side of his chest. "Inside pocket though. It's always on me. There just hasn't been much chance to get any mail out, and it's not like there are mailboxes here on every corner these days."

Wayfor nodded. "We've been busy the last seventy-two hours, that's for sure." She wiped some water away from her face. "Reminds me of an ancient Chinese curse I learned about in school. 'May you be forced to live in interesting times.'"

"Shit!" Finn barked out a short, gruff laugh. "The ancient Chinese had it out for me."

His female friend smiled at him. "Depends on how you define interesting, I suppose."

He returned her smile with his lopsided smirk before turning back to survey the vast road in front of them. He noticed another pair of headlights far off in the distance heading towards them, Wayfor stepping onto the road and into the vehicle's path to stop it. After turning back towards the headlights, Finn frowned to see the beam the lights cast wavering slightly. Normally, headlights stayed aimed straight at them and then gradually the shape of the car or truck came into view behind it, but this time that wasn't the case; the headlights jostled frantically from side to side, and the sudden, unmistakable sound of squealing brakes and tires echoed through the blackness surrounding them. A small SUV suddenly appeared, like maybe a Geo Tracker or something similar, swerving all over the road. And despite how the vehicle was veering and sliding on the slick road, it was still coming straight for his partner.

"_**WAYFOR!**_"

Finn's arms suddenly shot out of their own accord and latched onto her arm, then pulled with such strength and speed that she was yanked right off her feet and collapsed onto the road beside him, both of them falling out of harm's way as the SUV careened onto its side and travelled right through the space where they previously stood. What came next were some of the worst sounds Finn had ever heard in his life: the heavy impact of steel as it smashed into the solid concrete of the road, followed by the complete shattering of glass that broke against the buckling car frame in which it was secured. Sparks flew off of the automobile as it connected with the road again and again, bouncing along the asphalt and flipping over itself. The Tracker turned over a couple more times, rolling with its momentum, before suddenly coming to a stop on the wrong side of the road and on its roof. The silence that followed was eerie and deafening.

Finn pulled his hood off to see, ignoring the rain soaking his hair and skin. The smell of gasoline was in the air, but other than that, the scene remained quiet.

The tall boy turned to his traffic partner. "You okay?"

Swallowing a breath, Wayfor shook her head and sat up slowly, cradling her left arm. "I...I think I hurt my wrist somehow. Sprained it, maybe." She pulled herself up to stand beside him, then made a nervous but falsely disgusted face at him. "Figures I'd have to owe someone for saving my life this summer."

"Be careful with your wrist, okay?" Finn pulled out his flashlight, shining it against the overturned automobile now sitting about a hundred feet away from them. As he cautiously walked towards the SUV, he grabbed his radio and pulled it up to his face to speak with his superiors. "Hotel Quebec from Tango Sierra One."

"Tango Sierra One, go ahead."

"Will you start police and medical for a single vehicle accident at 71 and Newman Road?"

He and Wayfor approached the vehicle cautiously, wondering why they weren't receiving an immediate answer from their Corporal. Antho was scheduled to be on HQ switchboard duty until they got back at midnight, but right now there was nothing from the radio but the occasional crackling of static.

The two Recruits shone their flashlights around, and Finn hissed when he noticed gasoline dripping out of the gas tank on the now top-exposed underside of the small SUV. He motioned to Wayfor to join him in kneeling by the driver's side window. "There's leaking gas, Wayfor. We gotta get 'em out right now."

Wayfor looked wide eyed at Finn and swallowed. "Do...do you know how?" Her hands started shaking slightly, even as she held her flashlight at the now broken side window Finn was kneeling down beside.

The tall quarterback made a face as he noticed a young woman behind the wheel of the vehicle. She failed to respond to Finn's hand on her shoulder. "Ma'am? Ma'am?" He shook her slightly, to see if that would elicit any reaction. When no response was received, Finn bit his cheek again and removed the utility knife from his webbing (or BFK as his Sergeant always called it; Finn didn't need any explanation for _that_ one). He handed his flashlight over to Wayfor and she clipped it to her webbing with her good hand, then used it with her other hand to illuminate where Finn worked against the seat belt. He deftly –with more grace than he actually thought he possessed—sliced through the shoulder harness of the seatbelt, then put an arm around the woman's torso and pulled her awkwardly until her back rested on his outstretched legs. Reaching up again with his hands, he cut through the lap belt portion of the seatbelt and grunted as the full weight of the woman rested in his lap. He handed the knife to Wayfor and then wiggled his way out of the vehicle's window, dragging the driver's dead weight (bad words –he could tell she was breathing at least) with him.

As gently as possible, he twisted her around and pulled her out of the overturned car with a gentle tug under her arms. She was surprisingly heavy to him, given that she looked relatively slender, and he struggled a bit before he was able to pull her across the road and out of any danger from the car in question. "Wayfor, anyone else inside?"

The young woman shook her head. "No, I already checked. " She handed the knife back to Finn, who accepted it and re-sheathed it quickly. He turned back to the victim of the accident and quickly began the necessary first-aid checks they'd learned just a few weeks prior (ABCs- another thing he didn't need help with and it helped him remember what to do—airway, breathing, circulation.) He laid her flat on the pavement and tilted her head back gently, moving slowly in case of a neck injury. Her breathing seemed normal and steady. Next, he measured her pulse by holding his middle and third finger against the artery in her neck, breathing his own sigh of relief to find it strong and stable.

Now that it was clear she was alive and breathing, he began the next task of checking over for injuries and lesions to see if there were any more than the obvious gash in her forehead that was still flowing with blood. When none made themselves apparent, he looked up at Wayfor, who was still holding a flashlight on the woman.

"Any response from HQ?" He asked as he pulled off his rain jacket and placed it over the woman's torso in an effort to keep her as dry and warm as possible.

As if in answer to his question, his radio suddenly blared to life, and Finn was a bit surprised to hear the voice of his Sergeant on the other side rather than his corporal, who normally assumed the night shifts. "Tango Sierra One from Hotel Quebec."

Finn accepted the walkie-talkie back from Wayfor while the female recruit bent over to double check for any kind of non-visible injuries the young woman could have incurred in the roll-over, all while still favouring her left wrist.

"Go ahead."

"What's your status?"

Finn sighed and swiped his eyes over the truck before he squeezed the side button and raised the radio to his mouth. "Vehicle rolled with a single occupant. She's out now. I'd say a mid-40s-year-old female, probably Charlie minus to Delta condition…unconscious and breathing normally. Several lacs and contusions, negative serious bleeding. "

There was silence for a moment before a crackling response came back on Finn's walkie-talkie. "Tango Sierra One, PD and Medical are en route. Do you have any further details?"

Depressing the button, and sighing in slight relief as he heard a low moan of pain from the driver, he took another look at the upside down SUV. "Vehicle is overturned and leaking fuel…break." His entire train of thought was cut off by a sudden, fiery explosion erupting from the vehicle. A shockwave slammed into his chest, knocking him off his feet and landing heavily beside Wayfor and the vehicle's driver. He looked in awe at the now burning vehicle and swallowed a bit, his mind barely processing what was happening right in front of his eyes. Another sudden fireball erupted from the vehicle, shooting straight into the air, and then the vehicle simply sat there, burning and emitting noxious fumes as rubber and gasoline were consumed by the blaze.

Wayfor and Finn exchanged a stunned glance before Finn swallowed again and spoke back into his radio, trying to find the words and compose himself. "Hotel Quebec from Tango Sierra One, be advised vehicle has exploded and is fully engulfed; start fire this way also."

There was another pause before Sergeant Banks' voice responded. "Tango Sierra One, I copy. We're starting additional. Also, your relief is en route with a ten-minute ETA. "

"Tango Sierra One copies." Finn lifted his hand away from the button of his radio, and his mind swirled with thoughts of what had just happened. He and Wayfor had, without knowing it at the time, just saved someone from a horrible death. Had they not removed the driver from the vehicle, she and possibly they would have been consumed in the explosion. With one glance to his traffic partner, it was clear that Wayfor knew that, too. He rolled back and laid his head on the ground to allow the rain and wetness to seep through to his skin, relishing in the feel of it as confirmation he had actually survived the entire ordeal.

"Are we done being all we can be yet, Wayfor? I'm not sure how much more 'be-ing' I can handle tonight. "

**XXXXX**

"Recruits Hudson and Wayfor, reporting as ordered." Finn stood at attention after walking into the HQ tent, following Wayfor and letting her speak for him in this instance. The female recruit had indeed sprained her left wrist by landing roughly on the pavement after Finn had yanked her clear of the oncoming SUV, and now sported a large wrap-around bandage to add some support for her injured arm.

Sergeant Banks nodded at them and then motioned towards two free chairs by the table where he was working on a laptop computer. "Have a seat, Recruits." After they were seated, he finished up his typing on the computer and then turned to the two of them. "How are you lucky-as-fuck rookies feeling after last night? You two okay?"

Finn and Wayfor exchanged a quick glance and then both shrugged a bit before Wayfor spoke. "A bit rattled, Sergeant, but nothing we can't cope with while we're here, if that's what you're worried about. We can still do our shift at the intersection from 5:00 to midnight."

The sergeant thought about her comment for a moment but then shook his head. "No, word about last night has already gotten out to the media. We don't want to waste the publicity of two heroes going back to doing exactly what they were doing before when they could do something a bit more useful to the public."

The tall quarterback couldn't suppress the surprised expression which he knew was now etched on his face. "Heroes? _Us?_" He scoffed at the idea, a slight grin at the corner of his mouth. "Whatever. We pulled that lady from the vehicle, like, five full minutes before it exploded. If we moved a guy in a hospital room five minutes before his room caught fire, it wouldn't be, like a…co…coin…a…a thing, right?"

"Coincidence?" Wayfor suggested with a smile as Sergeant Banks smirked a bit.

"Yeah, right. Coincidence." Finn shrugged again. "Besides, what's so special about us doing something for the public? Weren't we doing that by directing traffic? I mean, the public _**makes up **_the traffic, right?"

Banks smiled genuinely this time before pulling over a folder in front of him and opening it up. "New orders have come in from my officers, though. They're the ones who released your names to the newspapers and TV stations last night about the woman's life you saved. Her name was Laura Jatea, just in case you wanted to know. She couldn't seem to stop gushing to the reporters about how thankful she was for the people in uniform who pulled her from the blazing inferno."

"_**What?" **_Finn began laughing at the seeming absurdity of the comment, but when Banks held his gaze against his seriously, he quickly stifled it down. "Really? She thinks we pulled her from a massive fire or something?"

"Well, you'll both be meeting her later today at the hospital for a PR shoot, so you can clear it up with her after the reporters are done."

"We need to meet with reporters?" Wayfor's eyebrows went up in surprise. Finn was speechless at this point because the whole idea of him and Wayfor being hailed as 'heroes' for such a simple act as pulling an unconscious person from a wrecked car seemed totally ridiculous to him. He was just doing what his first-aid training had taught him: get the person clear of potential danger and then administer any first-aid as necessary. It was nothing any of the others—Marquez, Graham, or Omeasoo—wouldn't have done themselves.

Banks shrugged a bit. "It's a good human interest story, and the type of thing reporters flock to right now considering the massive amount of suffering and turmoil that's befallen this city. You two won't need to say much; the Captain can handle most of that. Just say how happy you were that she's alive and well and how you were happy to help; you know, the typical kind of shit the public likes to read." Without any hesitation, he pulled open a program on his laptop and turned it around. "Another new assignment has come in for you two, though, so that'll have to wait. Apparently, we need people to go around to the neighbourhoods that were hit by the tornado but not quite as severely affected. The houses are still standing, but there's damage to their property or some other such plight. We have to get the word out about where they can go and what services are available to them should they require assistance. Obviously, with both phone lines and internet connections currently out of service, there's really only one way to ensure they receive this information."

Wayfor sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Door-to-door, right?"

Finn bit his cheek to keep from saying that the assignment sounded about as exciting as watching grass grow or watching _**The Notebook**_ again (unfortunately he'd watched it twice: once with Rachel, then once again with Quinn. It just figured about the only thing they shared was an absolute _**love **_of that movie—and y'know…apparently **_him_**. Whatever.)

Quickly snapping himself back to his Sergeant's voice, he heard Bank's next words. "...you'll be taped in the news video passing out the information and such in a few days. After that, I doubt the media will be too interested in you guys and they'll move onto other stories. So once this week is done, it should be business as usual. Also, you'll need three others to help you with the information stuff. Know of any troops that wouldn't mind tagging along with you on information dissemination?"

Wayfor and Finn turned towards each other, and after exchanging nods, they both grinned in a slightly evil, sadistic manner. "Yeah, we can think of three troops who'd _**love **_to join us."

**XXXXX**

"Are there many more houses?" Omeasoo asked with a pained expression as he followed behind Finn, shifting his weapon across his shoulder to make it more comfortable. The five of them had been doing this assignment for the last five days and it was every bit as exciting as Finn had imagined; that was to say, _not at all_. The two continued on with their duties as ordered anyway.

Finn knocked on the door of the next house in front of them before turning around. "Just this street, then we meet up with the others down the road. Why?"

Omeasoo grimaced a bit and shrugged, waving a hand in dismissal. "Nothing."

"What the hell, man? Don't do that," Finn chastised his friend. "Something's up, so _spill_. You're normally pretty chill but you've been weird all morning; even _**I'm **_noticing, and I _**never **_notice that shit. _So_?"

The native recruit made a face and rolled his eyes. "Just...uneasy; feels like danger."

"_**What**_?" Finn scoffed at his friend. "You got some sorta Native mojo thing happening?" Finn started chuckling at his own joke until the smile fell off his face as Omeasoo didn't join him in the laughing. The darker skinned boy held Finn's gaze for a moment longer.

"Be...careful here. Please." Omeasoo's eyes seemed a bit worried and they darted back to the door as soon as they heard a locking mechanism turn. Finn swallowed and put his right hand on his rifle butt rather than the strap across his shoulder where it was secured.

The door opened to reveal an elderly lady, about five feet in height, with large, round glasses. Her body was slender and slightly hunched over from age. Her hair was styled in what Finn always thought of as 'old lady' style: sitting like a big ball of grey wool on her head.

The lady smiled when she regarded the two Recruits. "Well, bless my heart. How are two of America's finest soldiers doing this afternoon?"

Finn visibly relaxed and let go of the butt of his rifle. Really, he had been starting to wonder why the hell Sergeant Banks had insisted they carry loaded weapons on such routine jobs as passing out information to people in suburbia. He was more likely to get bitten by a dog or scratched by a cat than some random citizen demanding he get off their property.

"Hello Ma'am. I'm Private Hudson, and this is Private Omeasoo. We've been sent in by the National Guard to ensure everyone has the information they need regarding where to go and what services are available to anyone who might have suffered property damage or personal injury. Do you need any assistance, Ma'am?"

The lady smiled at them in that motherly way all old ladies seemed to have. Or was it grand-motherly? Great grand-motherly? Whatever. "No thank you." The lady continued with her smile. "We were very fortunate and only had some damage to our fence. It will be easily repaired by my son-in-law when he and my daughter come in a few days."

Finn smiled and nodded in return. "Very well Ma'am. Here's a flier with the locations of the relief organizations just in case. "

Omeasoo pulled out a flier from his pocket and handed it to the lady, who accepted it with yet another smile. _Geez, this is the first old person I've ever met who actually smiles,_ Finn thought to himself. _Most of them just get angry with us 'kids'. _

"Have a good day, Ma'am." Finn saluted her smartly, as did Omeasoo, and she nodded again before disappearing back inside, closing and locking her door.

Finn looked to his partner with a raised eyebrow. "Wow. You were right, Omeasoo. That lady just had 'trouble' written all over her. I mean, even my nuts were starting to sweat."

The native recruit made a face at him. "Fuck you. It could have been bad."

"From _her_? I'm more likely to get struck by lightning than get hurt by some little old lady in Joplin, Missouri."

"That's what people here thought of tornadoes," Omeasoo countered pointedly; Finn shrugged in response as they walked over to the next bungalow.

"Just relax. We'll be done in a few-" Finn's words were interrupted by the sudden crashing of dishes they could hear through the door of the next house. Both boys frowned as the glanced at each other, before they walked—a little faster—up the two steps to the front door and knocked loudly.

No response.

Sighing a bit, Finn knocked again on the door and rang the doorbell. Both he and Omeasoo knew there was at least one person inside after hearing the commotion, so Finn didn't think it was right to simply leave at the first sign someone might be unwilling to open the door for them. After all, what if the person _**couldn't **_open the door for them? If someone was badly injured and they walked away, it wouldn't look really good for the National Guard. If there was anything Finn had learned from his brief interview with the local newspaper reporters, it was that appearances were quite important to the military.

After glancing back at Omeasoo, who nodded, he rapped his knuckles on the door again. "Hello? We're with the Ohio National Guard helping with the tornado relief efforts. Is everything okay in there?"

The door suddenly flew open in front of them and an angry looking man in his late forties stood there, starting them down. He was balding on top and what hair remained around the back of his head seemed scraggly and unkempt. His wild eyes were narrowed at them both and seemed to hold a great deal of hate and anger towards two people he didn't even know.

"What do you want?" He bit out viciously.

Finn and Omeasoo drew themselves to their full heights, weight supported on both legs, to try and level out the sudden attitude and angry manner in which they were greeted. Since they both stood several inches taller than the gentleman in question, it worked, and he seemed to take a half step back, realizing that he was not going intimidate either of them.

"I'm Private Hudson, and this is Private Omeasoo." Finn motioned to his friend with a nod of his head before locking his eyes on the man in front of him. "We were sent in by our superiors to-"

Suddenly the living room window beside them broke with a loud cracking sound. Another such noise and the window shattered, a chair flying through it from the other side and onto the front lawn. Before any of the three men could react, a woman about the same age as the man in front of them emerged, and Finn winced to see her arms and legs get cut on some of the glass as she clamoured out of the window. Omeasoo's eyes widened as he glanced between her and Finn, and the tall quarterback nodded quickly to him to assist the woman trying to climb out and down to the lawn. As the native recruit ran after the woman, Finn noticed in a half-second glance the large, purple bruise across the woman's right cheek.

The man in front of him growled softly and moved to intercept both Omeasoo and the woman, but Finn's arm suddenly shot out across the doorframe and barred his way. "Something we should know about, Sir?" Finn's eyes narrowed suspiciously at him, already coming to certain conclusions about why this woman would go to such lengths to exit her home.

The man turned and glowered at Finn with a spiteful glare. "None of yourbusiness, _**Private**_." His voice sounded cruel and nasty. "And get off my property. I never invited you."

Finn kept his arm where it was before turning to Omeasoo, who was currently helping the woman down to the ground out of the window. Once she was secure and stable on her feet, the woman looked up at Omeasoo with fear in her eyes. "Protection. I'm asking for protection." She turned and cast sad, fearful eyes at the man standing in the doorway. "He's trying to kill me."

The two recruits looked at each other briefly, neither wondering what exactly should be the next step, when suddenly the man standing in front of Finn screamed out himself. "I am _**not**_! She's _**lying**_."

Omeasoo touched his fingers gently to the giant bruise covering the woman's face before turning back to Finn and the man at the door. "Face isn't lying. That's not makeup."

Nodding, Finn quickly decided what to do next. "Sir, you're hereby under citizen's arrest for-"

Finn was interrupted as suddenly the man grabbed him by the lapels of his uniform and, with much more strength than the quarterback would have expected, pushed him forcefully down the two stairs from the front door. Finn tripped over his own legs from the suddenness of the forceful shove and landed painfully on his back, but quickly righted himself to at least kneeling with his rifle in hand and pointed towards the door, right eye lining up the sights of his rifle with the man on the steps. The man stood on the steps of his home with a 9mm pistol in hand (where the hell did _that_ come from?), aiming it at Finn.

They were in a standoff, both pointing weapons directly at each other and only ten feet apart.

Strangely, Finn wasn't scared or even nervous about the fact that a probably-loaded handgun was aimed directly at him, or that he might suddenly find himself in the middle of a deadly fire-fight. He wasn't sure why, but it was like a switch flipped and completely shut off every single emotion or fear which could possibly run through his mind. Events also began to unfold at a ludicrously slow pace, and he felt an odd, cold detachment from them. It was like his mind had decided to view this dangerous situation as just a scene from an action movie or something.

"Drop the weapon now!" Finn heard himself command, without even processing the thought necessary to say such a thing.

"Or what?" Sneered the man.

"You know what will happen." Again, Finn's mouth seemed to say the words of their own accord. "Even if you kill me, police and army personnel will find you. You're in a no-win situation. Surrender is your _only_ option." Finn's thumb switched off the safety on his weapon.

The man seemed to consider Finn's words and his weapon wavered, now pointing more towards the ground. Finn watched as the man's eyes glanced away from the pistol's sights as his eyes took on a far-off look. Then, after a couple of seconds that felt like hours, the man turned back to regard him.

"It's not the _**only **_option."

In what appeared to be extreme slow motion, Finn watched the man pull the pistol back up and take aim. Finn felt a surge of adrenaline go through him while the mental command to squeeze his trigger raced from his mind to his right index finger. His rifle recoiled against his shoulder, surprising him as Sergeant Banks had said it should.

A flash of muzzle fire erupted.

A shot echoed in the air.

The man with the pistol collapsed to the ground_**. **_There was an obvious bullet wound just left of centre on his chest.

Over the ringing in his ears, Finn absently heard the woman crying out towards the man in front of him. "CARL! _**NO!**_"

Finn didn't move, but instead remained kneeling, his weapon still held at the ready and aimed.

The quiet of the air around him seemed odd and out of place, and Finn wondered why it was that nothing seemed to make a sound; all he could hear was his own heartbeat and breathing which were _**quite**_ loud in his ears. He maintained his aim until Omeasoo ran over to the fallen man while quickly speaking into his radio.

"Hotel Quebec from Tango Sierra Nine, _priority_."

"Tango Sierra Nine, go."

"Shots fired. I say again, _we have shots fired_. Start medical for one with a GSW to the chest, possible echo. Additional for one civilian witness. One soldier, Privaterank, is still maintaining aim."

(It was the longest string of words Finn had ever heard his friend say. He wasn't even sure Omeasoo was _**able **_to say that many words all at once. Finn thought it was quite interesting to know his Native friend actually _**chose **_to use only a few words at a time rather than talk normally like most others. And _why_ was he so focused on that at the moment?)

Slowly, he started to hear _other_ sounds and then his other senses kicked into high gear. He smelled the gunpowder from his own weapon; he felt a small pinch of pain in his right shoulder where his rifle had recoiled against him; he could feel his jaw slowly unclench from where he had ground his teeth together from the tension of the situation; his mouth tasted dry and like it was packed with sawdust, having almost no moisture or saliva left; his ears cleared themselves of the gunshot sound and picked up the general hubbub of a neighbourhood suddenly checking in on what had happened at the home he was still facing. The man, Carl, was still lying on the deck of the house, sprawled and lying abnormally still while Omeasoo and Graham were doing CPR. Marquez and Wayfor stood beside Finn. Marquez reached over and re-engaged the safety on Finn's weapon before pulling the M4 Carbine out of Finn's hand.

Suddenly, Finn saw movement in front of his face. He blinked and turned to see it belonged to Wayfor. "Hudson, you need to lie down, okay? "

"Lie down?"

Her words didn't seem to make any sense. He looked around to where another hand was gripping his right shoulder. Marquez looked at him seriously.

"Dude...you've been shot."

"Shot?" Finn followed Marquez's eyes down to where the fabric of his uniform was torn right along the left shoulder. Blood was slowly dripping out of the wound. He moved his shoulder to look at it better–how could this happen and he not feel it?

A screeching pain ended his attempted shoulder rotation, and suddenly a wave of nausea kicked him in the stomach faster than he'd ever thought possible. He doubled over slightly, but Wayfor and Marquez both caught him and, as gently as possible, turned him over to his back. Marquez pulled out his knife and began slicing Finn's uniform shirt off of him while Wayfor unbuckled Finn's helmet and quickly removed it. Before he knew what exactly was happening, he felt the stabbing ache of a bandage or cloth against his shoulder, pressing into the wound, and he curled up and hissed a bit in pain. After a moment, the nausea stopped being so bad, but his shoulder was screaming in agony and his ears were ringing again. Finn winced as his two friends continued working on his shoulder. He leaned back and let them work, forcing his mind into only one thought that he tried cast out towards the heavens with all of his will.

_Rachel...I'll always love you. Always!_

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :)<strong>


	12. Left Uncertain

**A/N – Again, thanks go to **_**JannP**_** for her tireless efforts in regards to this story. For this chapter though, she wasn't just my beta, she was quite literally (pun intended) a full-on Editor. Not that I didn't have direction here, but we had serious discussions regarding parts of this entry and I loved just about all of her suggestions. If you have not read her work, go do so. Her Finchel stories should be required reading for anyone who wants to understand how complex these two characters can be around each other. **

**Thanks and kind thoughts go out to all who have reviewed or favourited this story. I wish I could say it's close to being done, but those who have followed my fiction since '7 Steps' know that, for better or for worse, I'm just not good at writing short stories. I did one one-shot and look what's spawned from it! Anyway, enjoy. **

**Disclaimer – See Chapter 1, if necessary.**

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>FINN!" <strong>_Rachel awoke with alarm and jerked herself into a half-sitting position, sweat pouring out of her pores and her heart beating rapidly. Her now-wide-awake mind frantically scanned her surroundings looking for the tall, handsome quarterback currently gasping from pain at being shot.

Instead she saw yellow walls, posters of famous Broadway shows on the walls, and a stuffed animal collection painstakingly arranged at the foot of her large queen bed.

She swallowed and took another breath before collapsing on the bed again. Having just had this dream three nights ago, she didn't expect it to happen again until next week sometime. Unfortunately, this time was much more vivid. Unlike the previous times when she had been an abstract witness to the entire event, this time she had an entirely different point of view in the dream. Somehow, the dream had changed to make her see the entire incident in the first-person point of view, staring down some insane gun-waving maniac and being forced to pull the trigger on him to save himself. Save _**her**_self? Well, however one categorized it, she felt like she was seeing everything through the eyes of a soldier—a specific soldier.

The eyes of Finn.

_It's just a dream, Rachel, _the logical side of her mind said. _You should be used to this, by now. You're worried about him, but he'll be fine. The National Guard wouldn't let anything happen to him. Relax! He's a big boy and can handle himself just fine. He'll be back and in your arms before you know it. _

Well, truthfully she wasn't still sure he'd leap into her arms once he got back home, but after the repetitive nightmares, she'd still settle for just having him back and safe as her friend if nothing else. At least then she could give him a hug and just be sure he was in one piece.

Noticing that her alarm was set to go off in under twenty minutes, she opted to just get up and get on with her day. She'd call Kurt later to see if he had any news about Finn; it was unlikely, since Finn had only sent one letter and a couple of emails to his family in the almost six weeks since he'd been gone, but she could hope. And it wasn't like she became _**too **_worried if there wasn't any news from Finn. Sometimes that alone relaxed her.

After all, no news was good news, right?

**XXXXX**

"Get up!" Burt kicked Kurt's bed roughly, causing the mattress to shake a bit.

The formerly-sleeping young man cracked open one eye to glare disapprovingly at his father. "Does the term 'beauty sleep' mean nothing to anyone in this family?" He groused tiredly.

"Not when _**you**_ asked me to make sure you didn't sleep in past your meeting this morning. You've only got an hour and a half to get there. Knowing how long it takes you to get ready, that's barely enough time. Unless you _**want **_to be late and kicked off the show, I'd say it's time to get a move on." Burt placed a cup of coffee on the night table beside Kurt's bed. "Even got you some coffee."

Kurt sleepily pulled himself up and took the proffered c up, drinking deeply. He made a slight face and then glanced up at his father. "You don't seriously expect me to accept this swill as _**coffee,**_ do you? "

"You're welcome. Yes, it _**is **_a beautiful day outside…and it's not my fault you don't like _**real **_coffee," Burt said with a small smile. He turned at the sound of the house phone ringing. He quickly walked over to answer it, but not before looking over his shoulder back at Kurt. "Up and at 'em, Kurtsie."

The small teen made a face at his father. This morning was just getting better and better. Being kicked awake, starting the morning with hot swamp-water swill, and then being referred to by his childhood nickname. Oh yes, Kurt just _**loved **_mornings. "Must you refer to me as that? You do know a _**curtsy**_ is an honorific bow a woman gives someone of royalty, right?"

"Well, you _**are **_acting like a princess right now," Burt returned evenly. Kurt rolled his eyes but held his tongue as he heard Burt answer the phone. "Hel-lo!" Burt responded happily into the receiver. "Yes, she is. Just give me a minute and I'll see if she's finished. One second." His dad suddenly disappeared into the master bedroom. "Carole, phone's for you."

Kurt rubbed his eyes and downed another gulp of the not-coffee to try and caffeine-jump his system; he sighed and pushed his sheets off. Since he was still wearing his blue silk pajamas, and the house was quite warm with middle of summer temperatures as they were, he opted to proceed to the bathroom without his customary house-coat. Once he got to the doorway, he smiled wearily at seeing Carole, wearing a housecoat, smile, and mouthing a 'good-morning' to him before picking up the receiver of the house phone.

"Carole Hudson-Hummel speaking." She smiled a bit wider. "Yes, I am. Is he-" Kurt watched as Carole's face instantly changed from happy to suddenly horrified as her eyes went wide. "_**WHAT**_?" She practically yelled into the phone. "When? _**WHEN?**_" She swallowed and her hand went straight to her mouth. Her tears started and her eyes took on a far off look, her entire self focused on the words from the caller.

Kurt felt his adrenaline suddenly start pumping through him in worry as he watched Carole lean against the wall and breathe heavily, wet trails of tears trailing down her cheeks. "In _**Joplin, Missouri?**_ What the-"

Burt was suddenly at the door, one hand on Carole's shoulder and a serious look on his face. He and Kurt exchanged a quick glance between each other, and a silent message seemed to pass between them as they watched Carole's horrified expression get even deeper.

_**Something's happened to Finn.**_

Her expression suddenly changed to one of slight relief, and she closed her eyes and nodded. She then found a piece of paper and pen on the small telephone table in the hallway and jotted a few things down. "Yes...yes, I understand. I'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you, Sergeant." She slowly replaced the phone into the cradle and turned to Burt, her eyes wide. "Finn's been hurt. He's in the hospital. I...I have to see him, Burt."

Although his face betrayed almost all the questions he wanted to ask, Kurt watched as his father simply swallowed, adjusted his ball-cap a bit, and then nodded. "Whatever you need, Honey. Just say it."

Kurt watched as his step-mother quickly wiped her tears from her face and went into her walk-in closet. A moment later, she returned to the bed and put a small, rolling suitcase on the bed. "I'll be gone for just a couple of days. I have to sign some papers and make sure he's okay and...once everything is-"

"What's going on, exactly?" Kurt asked from the doorway of the master bedroom. Carole stilled and turned up to see her step-son, then took a deep breath and stood straight.

"Finn was hurt during a deployment to help with tornado relief efforts in Joplin. He's in the hospital and just out of surgery. He's fine, _thank God_, but the National Guard needed to inform me of what happened to him because he's underage."

"How was he hurt?" Kurt asked. Even Burt looked up at Carole in askance.

The older woman stopped from pulling clothes out of her dresser and turned to both of them. "You have to promise not to say anything to anyone. _**Anyone!**_ The National Guard investigation is still ongoing and they're trying to keep this from hitting the news out of state. Burt: _**nothing **_to anyone at your shop. Kurt: _**not a word **_to any of your friends, not even to Blaine." She stopped and began to wring her hands a bit. "I'm _**serious, **_okay? Not a word."

Kurt grew much more alarmed, and he stood to his full height, all traces of sleep vanishing instantly as he swallowed and held his breath, waiting for his step-mother's attention. After Burt nodded, Kurt did also. "I promise."

Carole took a breath and nodded. "Finn came across a domestic dispute. It ended with shots being fired. Finn was hit under his arm, but luckily it wasn't bad; he just came out of surgery."

Kurt reeled at the information, all at once worried for his step-brother but relieved Finn would be okay. After collecting his wits about him, he looked at Carole. "So...what's this about an investigation?"

Carole was breathing rapidly as she spoke, her voice wavering. "Because...Finn returned fire and it...he shot the other man in question."

"_**WHAT?**_" Kurt's jaw dropped open in astonishment. "Finn _**shot **_him? _**Finn?**_ But he wouldn't..."

"I don't know more than that," Carole said. She continued packing clothes frantically, wiping another errant tear off her cheek as she went. "But he's in the hospital in Joplin and I have to get to him. "

Burt exhaled loudly and then turned into the walk-in closet to grab a small suitcase. He came back out and put it beside Carole's, then began pulling clothes out of his own dresser. Carole looked at him in askance and stopped packing momentarily. "What about the shop?"

Her husband shrugged. "Family emergency, Honey. I'm gonna be there for Finn while he's healing from a gunshot wound. Milton can run the shop for a day. He did it last year while I was out with my heart attack." Burt suddenly turned to Kurt and walked over to him. "Can you handle being by yourself for a couple of days? "

Kurt made a face at him, crossing his arms. "Of course!"

Burt nodded and clapped his son on the shoulder. "I'll leave some money on my dresser should you need it. I'm counting on you, Kurt. And remember what Carole said; not _**a word **_of this to anyone. Hopefully Finn will be cleared of any wrongdoing and simply go back to training." Burt turned back to his dresser and began pulling together some undergarments and t-shirts. "We'll be driving there, so if you need something, call us on our cells."

Kurt bit the inside of his cheek as he considered the situation. If the military was still investigating, it must have been very recent, likely within the last twenty-four hours or so. They hadn't even been informed that Finn's unit had been deployed to assist in the relief efforts in Missouri, and that tornado had hit there almost two weeks ago (he remembered because it was the same day Rachel and he had mailed Rachel's letter to Finn).

He felt sick, angry and helpless all at once that his new step-brother-in-arms was lying somewhere, injured, and there wasn't anything he could do for him. For one of the very few times in his life, he prayed silently to keep his step-brother safe during this difficult time for him, hoping _**something**_ would hear him.

Suddenly, another though occurred to Kurt as he absently watched his Dad and Carole get their suitcases quickly packed with some clothes. If Finn's unit had been deployed soon after that tornado struck, that likely meant Finn had absolutely no idea that Rachel had sent a letter, let alone had he sent one in return. Once Rachel failed to get a response, she was going to be an emotional wreck. And given the circumstances of Finn's incident, there was now nothing Kurt would be able to say to alleviate her doubts or concerns without improper disclosure.

Kurt groaned inwardly and put his hands over his face. It was clear that between his stint as the costuming assistant with the community theatre and trying to keep Rachel sane regarding his step-brother that he was going to be ass-deep in drama for the rest of the summer.

He'd been stupid before to think he was on _**break**_.

**XXXXX**

Finn awoke in a white room. Well, it was actually just big, concrete bricks painted white. He felt strange; sluggish and slow and dizzy and everything else. He blinked a couple of times to try and clear some of the haze out of his eyes, then slowly turned his head to the side to see where exactly he was. For some reason, his brain wasn't acting as quickly as it normally did (not that many thought it was quick at all, of course). Was anyone else here with him?

"Ah, I see someone is awake finally." A pleasant female voice came from just below where he was looking. He lifted his head up slightly and saw an elderly lady furiously writing something on a clipboard chart.

"Am I dead?" He asked without preamble. If he was, he was definitely going to suggest a much more pleasant welcome into the afterlife; a bed in a white concrete room wasn't cutting it for him, and _**he**_ was usually pretty relaxed about that kind of stuff.

The elderly lady laughed a bit, which highlighted the laugh lines along her face, and then shook her head. "You're in the Freeman Hospital Surgical Recovery Room. And no, you were never in any real danger of death—the bullet clipped under your arm. All things considered, it was probably the best bullet wound one could hope for…other than being shot in the ass, of course."

"But then everyone would call me Forrest Gump, and Frankenteen is bad enough," Finn groaned and let his head fall back into the pillow behind him, a touch of nausea coming to him as his shoulder flared in pain when he shifted himself. "Fuck, this hurts."

The nurse shook her head and retrieved a needle from the table beside him. "Language, my young friend. Never a need for _**that **_word."

_Bet _**you've **_never been shot, have you? _Finn grumbled inside his mind. The nurse had complete control over is well-being, though, so he kept his thoughts to himself.

He watched as she approached with the needle, but then (much to his relief) she suddenly turned towards his I.V. and used that line for the injection. "I thought, given your size, we'd need a stronger dosage than normal. Let's see if Mr. Demerol can take care of your discomfort, shall we?"

Finn nodded a bit, then settled back down and anxiously waited for the painkiller to work. He had been given Demerol when he had sprained his ankle in football camp two years ago, and it had worked wonders for him. Just as he felt the drug quickly work through his body (and make him feel extremely tired in the process), he heard the nurse absently speaking to one of her colleagues before drifting peacefully off to sleep.

"Yes, he'll be fine. Unlike the other one."

**XXXXX**

Hours later, Finn found himself staring out the window of his hospital room, thinking he was quite possibly the luckiest person alive. Not many people could claim to have gotten shot and come through it to the other side with what was essentially a flesh wound (though a _**major flesh wound**_, as the nurse had explained). His left shoulder and under his arm still hurt like hell, but he couldn't complain too much when he thought about it. He still had the full use of his left arm (or he would once it healed), he was still able to walk, and what he was most grateful for was the fact he was shot on the _**left **_side; well away from his throwing arm for football. Had the bullet taken a different direction, his football days could have been eliminated altogether.

Yeah, he was one fucking lucky asshole.

So why did he feel nervous and unsure about everything now? Why did it feel like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders? Like, somehow, things were about to take a drastic turn for the worse? Hadn't the worse already been dished out and flown by him without more than a slight tap on the left shoulder to mark its presence? What was this crushing sense of dread and warning running through his mind and heart right now? _Why was he so uneasy and worried?_

"Next time you wanna get hurt, jump out of a tree or something, 'kay Huddie?"

Finn looked over and smiled genuinely to see his short, Hispanic friend, Marquez, standing at the door with Omeasoo right behind him. "Marquez! Omeasoo! How are ya?"

"Better now that I've seen you awake, you lucky son-of-a-bitch." Marquez nodded to him. Both he and his Native friend smiled at the quarterback before coming in and plopping themselves on the visitor chairs. Omeasoo sat respectfully in his chair, back straight and only leaning slightly against the backrest. Marquez, however, threw his feet automatically onto the corner of the bed beside Finn's prone form.

"Everything okay?"

"Oh, you know," Marquez began in a nonchalant drawl, "just getting interrogated seven fucking different ways 'bout your shoot-out at the 'Suburban Corral' and all that shit. It is what it is, these days."

The tall Gleek grimaced at hearing this. "Sorry 'bout that. It's not like I _**wanted**_ to exchange bullets with someone, though."

Omeasoo smiled a bit himself. "Tried to warn you, Hudson; never mess with Native mojo."

Marquez laughed genuinely at Omeasoo's comment, and even Finn chuckled at the response, but another flare of pain suggested he be careful just how hard he laughed. His new friends in the Guard always seemed to have a way to make him feel better. Whether it was some snide comment, genuine concern, or just a desire to lighten the mood, they always seemed to know how to get him to smile and relax.

"So, where are Graham and Wayfor?" Finn asked.

"Right here," Graham said as he walked in, also dressed in civilian attire. "Well, _I_ am. Candi will be along in a few." He started shaking his head as he gave Finn the once over while standing at the side of his bed. "You look like shit."

"And feel about the same," Finn replied, using his right fist to bump knuckles with the other boy. "I'm kinda surprised you and Wayfor aren't sneaking off somewhere for some… _**alone**_ time."

Graham made a face. "Sure, we're gonna worry about _**that **_while you're lying here in a fucking hospital bed with a gunshot wound. That would have been real mature."

Omeasoo nodded in agreement with Graham. "That's more Marquez's style."

Marquez shrugged casually. "Depends how hot she is; not like Huddie's going anywhere for a couple days." This brought forth another round of laughter from the foursome and Finn could feel himself relax a bit in the company of his friends.

"So, how does it feel to take a bullet for king and country?" Graham asked as he sat down on the only remaining chair in the room.

Finn shrugged with his good shoulder. "Could've been worse; I don't want to do it again. But, like, four inches to the right and I might not even be talking to you guys, right?" His tone was light and playful.

"Right." Graham and Omeasoo shared a quick glance between each other and then looked away quickly. Finn frowned at the seemingly secret message passed back and forth between the two, wondering what exactly they meant, but before he could ask another figure entered in through the door to his hospital room.

"Surprise!" Wayfor said, coming over to Finn's bedside and leaning down to give him a fond hug which he returned with his good arm. Once she pulled away, she grinned and put a gift bag on his bed. "I got you something to make you feel better; had it made special. A new t-shirt you can add to your collection."

Finn raised an eyebrow at his friend before removing the tissue paper on the top of the gift bag. He reached in to find a white t-shirt with black letters, not unlike the one he wore during the Glee assignment a few months ago. The message on this t-shirt was decidedly different, however. In big black letters across the front, he read clearly and out loud.

"_**JUST SHOOT ME!"**_

The other four burst into laughter as Finn rolled his eyes and tossed the t-shirt at Wayfor. She laughed genuinely and then folded the t-shirt for him and put it back in the gift bag. "I remembered you told me about your Glee assignment and-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Finn shook his head in mock irritation, even as a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth enough to give away the fact he wasn't really bothered by it. After all, Marquez and Wayfor _**had **_been the first to administer first aid on him until the ambulances arrived like seven minutes later (it'd felt more like a lifetime—or longer.) He passed out just after hearing they had arrived at the hospital and hadn't woken up until in the recovery room. "Can't dance. Can't duck. I get it. Not good moving my body around, I guess."

"Which is strange because you rocked the football game," Graham mentioned offhandedly as Wayfor settled herself on his leg.

Finn grinned wickedly. "Football's not the onlyplace where I can use my _**size**_ to my advantage."

"Ahhh!" Wayfor immediately put her fingers in her ears and closed her eyes. "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! T.M.I.! T.M.I.!" She said over and over again as the other four all began laughing yet again. Well, Finn tried to laugh, but his injury stabbed through his shoulder muscles again. _Stupid bullet-hole. _He thought as he winced and moved a bit to get more comfortable.

After a few more moments of playful banter and one nurse's visit to check on his progress, Finn saw a large black man in full uniform walk up to the door with a folder and his military cap under his arm. The other four soldiers, immediately stood at attention upon seeing their Sergeant, but he waved them off almost immediately.

"At ease, maggots," he said, more out of habit than insult. "I know you're all on your day off…but I need you guys to beat it so I can talk to Hudson alone."

The others all nodded and smiled or waved to Finn as they exited the room. Sergeant Banks waited for them all before closing the door to Finn's hospital room. He sighed and placed his cap on Finn's rolling dining table. "How've you been, Hudson? Feeling holy yet?"

Finn bit his lip to keep from laughing again at the joke, but he really didn't want to show his pain to his superior. After a smile, he shrugged again with his good shoulder. "I'm okay, Sergeant. I guess we need to talk about the...incident…for a report or..."

Sergeant Banks nodded. "Yes, but I'm happy to report the investigation has all but concluded already."

"Investigation?" Finn asked, his eyebrows going up in surprise.

"Whenever an incident involves gunfire outside of hostile territory, the Military Police conduct an investigation." Banks explained as he sat down in front of Finn. "It was very quick this time because all eyewitness stories match. They still have to formally question _**you**_, of course, but at this point it's more of a formality than anything else. You were obviously acting in self defense. It's good news to hear the decision has been all but made official even before they got around to talking to you."

Finn sighed quietly in relief, grateful to hear that he wasn't going to be interrogated the way his friends had. Now all that was left was to heal and get back to working on this deployment. He had only one question left, really, about the whole ordeal. "Sarge, is that Carl guy who clipped me in custody now? I just need to know they got him away from that lady he hurt. "

Banks frowned at him, and was quiet for a long time. Finn felt the tension in the room suddenly grow thick, and he continued to stare at his sergeant, waiting for an answer.

"Sarge?"

"How much do you remember, Hudson?" His sergeant leaned back in the chair, regarding him with slightly narrow eyes.

"Uh...I know we were in a standoff, and we exchanged gunfire. I know he went down about ten seconds before me. But Omeasoo called it in right away, and then he and Graham were on top of him doing CPR. There are so many ambulances in Joplin right now that-"

He was cut off as he caught Banks' gaze at him, never wavering. The big black man sighed quietly and then leaned forward in his chair, looking at the floor for a moment before turning is eyes back up to Finn's.

"His full name was Carl Waverly. He was a low-level manager at a security company here in the city. Apparently, the police have responded to his home for domestics before." Banks shook his head slightly and spoke gently. "He didn't make it."

Finn scrunched his face up in confusion as he looked long and hard at his superior. "Didn't...what do you mean? Didn't make what?"

Banks pursed his lips a bit before saying words which would haunt Finn for the rest of his life.

"He's dead, Hudson. You killed him."

No words in his young life had_** ever**_ coursed like venom through his veins; they chilled him to a complete and utter degree. All at once, he felt sick to his stomach and dry in his mouth, and every part of his body went completely numb. His mind recoiled as the words replayed through his ears and across his eyes at light speed to the point where Finn could hardly focus on anything else. The words all but consumed him completely.

_**He's dead, Hudson. You killed him.  
>He's dead, Hudson! You killed him.<br>He's dead, Hudson. You killed him!  
>He's dead, Hudson! You killed him! <strong>_

His breathing grew rapid and he swallowed back the poisonous feeling that washed up the back of his throat in an icy wave, but he was too frozen with dread to move. Nothing could have prepared him for the shock of being told that he had taken a life.

_**A life! A person's LIFE! YOU TOOK A PERSON'S LIFE!**_

_**He's dead and you killed him.**_

_**He's dead.**_

Finn mind whirled faster and faster, the storm building like a tornado as he sat there, staring blankly at the wall of his hospital room. The grief he felt for his victim washed over him utterly; he couldn't swallow it back down and he finally gasped as the intense nausea built up inside of him. He quickly threw off the covers of his bed and tried to raise himself, but just as soon as he had attempted to get up off the bed, Banks was there and stopped him with a steady hand on the chest, gently pushing him back to a sitting position on his bed. In his other hand he held a garbage pail, and no sooner did Finn recognize it than did he vomit the contents of his stomach into it. After retching a couple of times, all he felt were dry heaves, and he pushed the pail away. With Banks firmly gentle hands guiding him, Finn collapsed back onto his bed, ignoring completely the pain it caused his left shoulder. He couldn't help but feel he deserved the same seven times over. It would be nothing compared to what he had done to Carl. Carl Waverly. His wife with the wild eyes. None of their lives would ever be the same – and one of them. Well… apparently, one of them was gone entirely.

He was just trying to _**help**_. He didn't…had he made everything worse? It kinda felt like it.

"I...I...I..." Finn stammered, but couldn't find any words to adequately express every feeling and emotion running through his mind. He tried to swallow again, but couldn't and coughed in the attempt. Banks handed him a small glass of water, which Finn sipped at quickly; it didn't do any good, either, really.

"Slowly, Hudson. Like football practice, 'kay?" Banks pulled the cup out of Finn's grasp after he'd had about half the contents, but Finn didn't feel like drinking anymore anyway. His mind was still swirling, a storm of grief, anger and regret. _How in the hell had it all come to this?_ All he had wanted to do was get away from Lima, get away from his heartache and maybe try to understand his Dad a little.

This? This was _**so much worse**_ than any kind of pain he might have had staying in Lima. This was worse than anything.

_**He's dead. It's my fault. I killed him. I killed someone. Like…dead. Really dead. Not coming back dead. Dead. **_

_**He's dead, Hudson. You killed him. **_

"I've seen a friend go through this before," Banks said to him, still standing beside him, his expression gentle and understanding. "It's called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. There's a debriefing team…Critical Incident Stress Management…should you want to talk to someone. I highly advise you take advantage of it when you're ready." Banks nodded and then grabbed his cap and file folder. He turned to leave, but turned back to Finn to look at him before exiting. "You're a good soldier, Hudson. Best recruit I've seen in a long time. You made a difficult decision with no time to think it through. For what it's worth, you did the right thing, _**no matter the consequence**_."

Finn checked his breathing, fought to keep his voice steady. He tried not to blink because who knew what would come out if he did? He narrowed his eyes instead.

"How can you say that? Have you ever had to…?"

Banks frowned, before glancing away. "No."

"Then how? How can you stand there and say you _**know**_ it was the right thing to do?"

The big black man smiled a bit before securing his cap back on the top of his head and then shrugging. "Simple. _**You're**_ still alive."

Sergeant Banks crisply walked out of the room, leaving Finn to wonder if he could ever share his superior's belief, but somehow doubting it. And _**really**_ doubting he could ever talk enough to get himself there.

**XXXXX**

Returned! Rachel could still scarcely believe it. Her long thought out letter, her painstakingly crafted masterpiece of heartfelt pleading and honest emotional revelations had been _**returned unopened. **_But what she didn't understand was _**why **_it had been returned. She had checked address closely with what Kurt had provided and of course it matched. There was no reason as to why it should have been sent back to her with nothing but a red stamp on the outside declaring in big, bold letters

_**RETURN TO SENDER**_.

_Is that really _**it**_? _Rachel thought morosely to herself outside of her synagogue as she tried to eat her lunch, glancing up now and then to ensure her campers were behaving at their picnic circle. _Is that the official end of any hope to be with Finn again? Should I see this as a sign that things between us will never work out and simply move on? _

"Hi, Miss Berry."

Rachel was pulled out of her sullen thoughts and looked up to see who had spoken. She smiled a bit when she noticed Kale standing there, watching her curiously. "Kale, hi. Do you need help with something?"

Kale shook his head. "No, I just thought I'd see if you're okay. You seem sad today."

She swallowed a bit and turned from his penetrating gaze, one that seemed to see past all of her acting skills and defences; it reached right down into her soul to reveal her true self. Was she this obvious to everyone? She truly hoped not. "I'll be fine, Kale. I just...I miss my friend in the National Guard."

Kale glanced down to the envelope in her hands, then looked back to her and smiled. "Oh, yours was returned too, was it?"

Rachel regarded him sharply. "Uh...what do you mean, 'too'?"

"We got back something we sent to Travis." Kale spoke quickly and then sat down beside her on the picnic bench, putting his juice box on the table in front of him. "A little box with some stuff in it, like a picture I drew and some trail mix my Mom knows he likes – you know with the M&Ms in it? That was all sent back home to us, too."

The young brunette scrunched her face in confusion. If Kale and his Mom were getting stuff back from Travis, that meant it wasn't just Finn who was returning her letters; it meant his troop was probably unavailable and not at Camp Grayling. And if they weren't at Camp Grayling, that meant they could be anywhere; anywhere the U.S. military deemed necessary to send them.

_But where would that be? _

Rachel nodded and then pulled her cell phone out from her pocket. "Thanks Kale. That makes me feel a bit better. I was thinking my friend didn't want me to mail him a letter."

Kale scoffed at her before getting up and grabbing his juice box. "Wouldn't be a good friend then, would he?" Before Rachel could respond, Kale was already running over to where Hannah Puckerman was playing hacky sack with some of the other girls.

Rachel smiled at his 10-year-old's insight before turning her attention to the cell phone in her hand. She quickly dialed Kurt's number before bringing the phone to her ear.

He picked up almost immediately. "Rachel, darling. How are you this fine Friday afternoon?"

She sighed a bit. "I'd be better if I hadn't found my letter to Finn returned to me."

The pause on the other end of the phone raised the hackles on the back of Rachel's neck; she wasn't sure if her friend was still there and not answering or if he had maybe put his phone down and walked away for a moment. Finally, after a long few seconds and just before Rachel was about to confirm his presence on the other end, Kurt spoke. "Is it in Finn's handwriting where it says 'return to sender'?"

Rachel shook her head, even though she knew Kurt couldn't see her actions. "No, it's just stamped in big letters with red ink, like it's from a large mailroom or something."

"Hmmm." Kurt was obviously eating his own lunch, so Rachel waited until he finished chewing before expecting an answer. After a moment, Kurt continued. "Well, maybe his unit is unavailable for some reason."

Her eyebrows went up in surprise at Kurt's voice and inflection. She had gotten to know him quite well since January. They had bonded over their love of Broadway and confided in each other the pains both were experiencing in their love lives; him trying to start one with Blaine, and her trying to win back Finn. She felt she knew Kurt better than probably anyone—other than a certain tall, lumbering male lead in Glee—and the tone of Kurt's words left her to believe he knew more than he was letting on.

"What aren't you telling me, Kurt?"

She could feel the sudden tension on the other end of the phone, and his chewing stopped completely. After another long, multi-second pause, Kurt sighed quietly. "Please drop it, Rachel."

"Drop _**what**_? What's going on?"

Kurt took another heavy breath. "I can't say."

"Can't, or _**won't**_?" Rachel shot back, a bit more harshly than she intended.

"Can't _**and **_won't." After another long moment, Kurt spoke again. "I can tell you Finn never received your letter and doesn't even know you tried to mail him one."

Rachel sucked in a breath. "Where is he, Kurt?"

Kurt's voice came through stressed but firm. "Please don't ask me, Rachel. I can't answer; not the least of the reasons why is that I promised Carole and my father I wouldn't."

Dread and fear began coursing through her mind and settling into her stomach. This was the first time Kurt had ever intentionally hidden something from her, especially in regards to his step-brother. Whatever had happened to Finn, it was serious enough to be kept within his family. And there weren't that many things which could have happened to anyone that required the entire affair be kept so quiet.

"Can you at least tell me if he's okay?" Rachel asked weakly, circumnavigating many other direct questions she'd rather be asking her best friend.

After another pause that seemed like an eternity, she heard Kurt's voice. "Yes. As far as I know, he's fine."

Relief flooded through her, and she released a breath she didn't even know she was holding. She wanted _**so **_much more information that she had been given so far, but she also knew Kurt was being adamant about keeping his promise to his parents, and Rachel couldn't imagine herself ever asking anyone to break a familial promise. For now, she'd have to accept what little information Kurt had given her.

Finn was no longer at Camp Grayling and had left before she mailed her letter. But wherever he was and whatever had happened, he was still alive and his family was informed. She could deduce from that he was in good health but involved in something either _**he **_didn't want to share, something _**the family **_didn't want to share, or something the _**National Guard**_ didn't want to share.

The question running through her mind now, however, was _**why**_? What could possibly have happened that would be of such magnitude that only Finn's immediate family could know?

"Look, Rachel, I'm sorry but I have to go. The Director wants me to help with a costume fitting for the two leads. I'll call you later, okay?"

Rachel sighed. "Okay, Kurt. Let me know more if or when you're able, please?"

There was another pause, but then Kurt spoke again. "I will if I can, Rachel. You'll be the _**first**_ to know." With that, she heard the call disconnect, leaving her wondering just one thing.

_**What happened to Finn? **_

Well…one thing that, she had a feeling, was _**everything**__._

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	13. Feelings

**A/N - Okay, so obviously this will be the last thing I post before S3 starts, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for it. Guess we'll all see how it goes, right? Anyway, thanks to all who've kept up with this story and especially those who've reviewed. Also, thank you to my Editor (no, not beta reader, _Editor_) JannP for all of her work on this so far and the back and forths regarding scenes and chapters which haven't been coming to me easily lately. This story is better due to her work and input. So, my friends, please enjoy. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>"Finn! Thank God!"<p>

The tall quarterback looked up from his dinner of roast beef and vegetables to see his Mom and Burt walk through the door of the hospital room (all he was able to do was pick at it since he learned the horrible news from Sergeant Banks anyway). He gasped in shock even as a smile graced his features and he raised his good arm to accept his Mom's hug. It had been far too long (almost 6 weeks) since he'd seen his mother and the feeling of being in her arms and comforted was enough to make his heavy thoughts temporarily vanish. He clung tight to her with his right arm and smiled slightly.

"Really great to see you, Mom," Finn said as she pulled away and ran a hand along his cheek. She was openly crying, tears streaming down her face, but he guessed they were more tears of joy at seeing him alive and well. She kissed him on his forehead before turning to put her purse and light wind breaker into one of the visitor chairs, then came back and took his left hand in hers, holding it almost too tightly. After another squeeze and smile, Finn turned to look at his step-father. "Hey Burt."

Burt raised his fist awkwardly, and Finn grinned slightly, bumping it with his right fist. "Good to see you, Kiddo. We were worried 'bout you the whole drive in."

"You _drove_?" Finn's eyebrows went up in surprise. "That's a long time, isn't it? Like, gotta be over ten hours."

"Twelve and a half, but who's counting?" Burt chuckled as he pulled off his hat and vest coat and collapsed into one of the visitor chairs. "It's not bad when you can share the driving between two… especially when one's a speed demon."

"I am _**not**_!" Carole cast an annoyed glance at her husband.

"Says the lady who did fifty in a thirty-five."

Carole sighed and turned back to her son. "Maybe I was a bit worried. We'd just gotten a call from your sergeant."

Finn swallowed visibly as he regarded his mother nervously. "How...how much did he tell you?"

"Just that you had to fire your rifle at someone. That's all he could tell us this morning."

Blowing out a breath of relief, Finn rested his head back against the pillow of his bed. He silently thanked God or Grilled Cheesus or whoever it was that 'exchanged gunfire' was everything she'd been told. She'd been through enough in regards to him and his stupid antics and she didn't need to know anymore.

"How's the shoulder?" Burt asked from where he was sitting, his eyes serious and his lips forming a tight line.

Finn slowly (very _**fucking **_slowly) moved it to see if the muscles had loosened up a bit from the morning. "It still bugs me, but the nurses keep saying it could have been worse. It only went through skin and muscle; totally missed all the bones." He smiled a bit himself. "Guess McKinley still has their quarterback—or will once I'm healed."

"I don't give two shits about the football team." Carole embraced him again, almost roughly and causing a small pinch of pain on his injury. Finn almost coughed at hearing his Mom curse, but before he could say anything, she continued. "You're _**alive! **_That means more to me than anything else."

Again, Finn swallowed as he felt his heart drop to his feet at the mention of being alive. Grief and guilt washed through him again as he remembered that although _**he **_was alive and well, Carl Waverly certainly wasn't.

Someone had died by _**his **_hand.

"Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you, Finn?" Carole asked as she stepped away, still holding his left hand tightly in her two hands. Motherly concern and love radiated from her and reflected in her eyes as she regarded him, causing him to shift a bit uncomfortably when he noticed yet more tears leaving wet marks down her cheeks.

"No, Mom. I'm good. Really."

"You're sure?" Once Finn had smiled to reassure her he was fine, she nodded and grabbed her purse. "Okay. Well, if that's the case, I'll be right back. I need to use the washroom and then I want the nurse to come in and check your vitals."

"They do that every couple of hours," Finn protested as his mother turned and collected her purse.

"Yes, and they'll do it again because your mother asked. " The determination and authority in her voice didn't leave room for any arguing, and Finn and Burt exchanged a brief smirk, acknowledging they both knew one simple truth; what Carole Hudson-Hummel wanted, Carole Hudson-Hummel got—especially when it came to her son's welfare.

Carole kissed him on the forehead again and looked at him seriously. "Stay put until I get back, okay?"

Finn chuckled. "Where do you think I'd go, Mom?"

"Honey, make sure Finn stays here, alright?" Carole asked her husband, ignoring her son's glib remark. Once Burt nodded, Carole turned and walked out of the room, slinging her purse over her shoulder as she went.

Burt pulled the chair over to sit closer to Finn's bedside. "Well, guess you never thought your summer would be _**this **_exciting, did you?"

"I'm not sure **_exciting_** is the right word," Finn spoke solemnly as he watched his Mom turn the corner in the hallway. Once satisfied she had disappeared, he turned to look back at his step-father. "I'd rather it never happened, actually."

"Us, too. Your Mom was a wreck until she saw you face-to-face just now. I don't think I've ever seen her that worried about anything before. She's pretty calm about most things."

Finn scoffed. "You didn't see her when you had your heart attack."

"It may have been similar. " Burt nodded in agreement as he leaned back in the chair on which he was sitting. "But she's closer to you than me; I've only known her a couple years, even if we _**are**_ married. That can't beat out a mother-son bond, you know. You're her _son_. She sees you through the eyes of a mother who's done her best to raise a mature, responsible man." Burt put a reassuring hand on Finn's good shoulder. "We're proud of you Finn; proud you faced down this abuser and made sure he couldn't hurt anyone again."

The compliments rolled through Finn's mind like poison, each one stinging him and making him feel completely unworthy of any sort of praise. He wasn't able to keep a lone tear from escaping and running in a wet streak down his cheek before he brushed it away with his right hand. He took a heavy breath, and kept his eyes focused away from his step-father, instead opting to stare down at his hands where they rested in his lap.

Burt frowned, detecting his sudden change in mood. "What's wrong?"

"What if..." Finn began to speak, but had to stop to keep himself from bursting into tears. "What if I told you something that might make you _**not**_ be so proud?"

"Like what, Finn? I can't think of-"

"He's dead."

Burt paused, frowning. Finn wasn't sure if he had been heard, since he had done little more than whisper the words, but he knew his step-father understood as the cloud of confusion slowly lifted from Burt's face and Burt regarded him sympathetically.

"Finn...I...I'm...I...I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry to hear that this guy didn't make it. But you-"

Finn turned to his step-father and shook his head, tears falling feely now as he spoke angrily. "No, Burt. There's no _**'buts' **_this time. I killed him. Me! _**I killed him!**_ I...I took someone's life away from them...from their family and...and..." He stopped and took a shuddering breath, quickly slapping the tears away from his face a second time before speaking his next words softly. "I never thought I could be a killer, Burt."

His step-father bit his own lip for a moment, turning towards the wall as his eyes took on a faraway look. Finn was half afraid Burt would agree with him, and just harshly condemn his actions as those of a scared kid. Honestly, Finn felt he deserved it. Nothing would ever redeem him for this action; for pulling the trigger and ending a person's existence as easily as swatting away a mosquito.

"What choice did you have?"

He turned to look up into Burt's earnest, sympathetic eyes and his rigidly set face. The question was only five words, but they sliced through Finn like a knife through butter. He considered the question seriously, thinking a long time before finally responding. "I don't know. I just keep thinking if I had done something differently that-"

"Would you rather it was you dead, Finn?" Burt's voice cut through the whirl of emotions in Finn's mind.

He looked back to Burt and saw his step-father's hard face. "No! But, how can everyone know I did it right? Maybe something else...maybe if I _**talked**_ more, I could have convinced him to give up. Or maybe-"

"Or maybe he would have shot you more than once," Burt said, causing Finn to flinch again. He sighed and turned to face Finn fully. "Finn, you were in a life and death situation, everything was decided in split-seconds. You had to go with your gut instinct, and you came out of it _**alive**_, just like your training taught you. You get to go back home when it's all said and done."

Finn turned to look at Burt in the eyes. "But doesn't...shouldn't it bother people that Carl Waverly **_doesn't _**get to go home? 'Cause it bothers _**me **_a lot!"

"I wouldn't be proud to call you my step-son if it _**didn't**_ bother you, Finn. But self-defence, especially while on duty or in uniform, doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a _**soldier**_."

Finn blew out a noisy breath as he leaned his head back against the pillow on his bed. "Maybe I shouldn't be. If that's what being a solider is, killing people when you least expect it, then-"

"It's about a lot more than that and you know it. Would you really rather that guy keep on hurting people?"

He thought about it only for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No, of course not, but-"

"But nothing," Burt interrupted him. "As much as you might regret it, Finn, it wasn't a _choice_ for you. Your survival instinct kicked in when you had a weapon pointed at you."

"If this is your way to make me feel better, it's not working," Finn replied sullenly, looking away from his step-father.

Burt smiled slightly but looked at the quarterback seriously. "I can't help you feel better about what happened and I doubt anyone can. But it's like those guys who don't listen to the police and try to force something. The police don't hesitate to use deadly force when someone acts that way, and from what I've heard, what you did _**was **_needed; no matter how unfortunate it ended up."

It was at that moment Carole walked back into the room. She approached slowly, casting a questioning glance between both of the men to take in Finn's crying and Burt's solemn face. "Finn? Something wrong?" When Finn shook his head a bit, she turned questioning eyes to Burt. "Honey? You guys okay?"

Finn cast a panicked glance towards his step-dad, fearful Burt would reveal the nature of the conversation to his Mom. He really didn't want his Mom to know his little incident had resulted in someone's death. It was bad enough how he'd disappointed her when he'd struck the mailman and sent the guy to the hospital overnight. No way could he bear to live with the shock and disappointment his Mom might feel to know he'd intentionally shot someone to death.

Burt regarded him for a moment, but then turned back to Carole. "Just talking 'bout Rachel, Honey; Finn's still a bit upset about it all."

Carole nodded in understanding, and relief instantly washed through Finn. His gratitude must have been reflected in his eyes, because Burt gave him an almost unnoticeable nod and wink when Carole turned briefly to sit down. How his step-father had come up with such a simple explanation so quickly to cover up the topic of their conversation _**and **_his tear stained face was beyond him.

But then, another freight train of panic ran through him.

Rachel.

How in the world could he explain all of this to _**Rachel**_?

She wasn't anti-military or anything as far as he knew, really, but she certainly didn't care for violence of _**any **_sort; hell, she'd lectured him when he and Burt wanted to watch UFC. How could she possibly want anything to do with him that he'd picked up a weapon and fired it without a second thought, taking the life of another person in the process? Would she even be able to look at him the same way, smiling as he approached…or would he simply make her uncomfortable?

"She misses you, you know." Carole's voice cut through his thoughts, and he turned to regard her curiously, surprised.

"She does?"

"Of course she does, silly." Carole leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs. "You don't really think her turning you down in New York meant she didn't love you anymore, did you?"

"I...uh..." Finn was taken aback by the news, his eyes going wide in surprise. When he first came to Camp Grayling, that's almost **_exactly _**what he thought. He knew she must still have feelings for him, but he wasn't completely convinced it was the love they had shared before Santana-Gate happened. Finn knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he still loved her, and might very well love her until his dying breath. But he wasn't sure if she returned the feeling or if she only wanted to be friends from now on. He hoped it was returned. It would make things a lot easier on his heart.

It was at that moment that a nurse came in with a white plastic bag. "Private Finn Hudson?" The middle-aged woman asked, reading the label off of the bag.

Finn looked up and raised his right hand a bit. "That's me."

She nodded and came into the room, handing him the bag. "Your personal belongings. Sorry we had them down in the storage area of the O.R. for so long." Smiling a bit, she nodded once and then headed out of the room.

"Thank you!" Finn called out after her retreating form, to which she waved in response. With his left hand holding the bottom of the bag's opening, he reached his good arm in to begin retrieving things. "I was wondering where everything had gone." Finn mumbled a bit to his parents as he pulled items out. Wallet, keys, his sports watch (a relatively new item for him. At school he just used his cell phone or whatever was on the wall, but in the Army, you couldn't carry something like that). He also pulled out a wrapped up chocolate bar and a package of crackers with cheese spread.

Carole eyed the items with disgust. "The army actually gives you that stuff to eat?"

Finn shook his head. "No. Bought it from the canteen." Carole rolled her eyes while Burt laughed at his step-son's admission. Finn was about to discard the bag when he felt more weight pull down just slightly at the bottom. He frowned and reached back in to find the item in question, then secured his hand around a paper envelope.

His heart froze. He knew what the envelope in his hand was.

Slowly, almost as though afraid it would bite him, he removed the envelope from the bag. Finn discarded the plastic on the floor before swallowing as he regarded the envelope. Unfortunately, with it having been in his left inside pocket, it was now wrinkled, with a dried mess of blood staining it heavily. He turned it over a few times to regard the address on the front, his eyes not straying from the two words written directly in the centre.

_**Rachel Berry. **_

"What's that, Finn?" Carole asked as she leaned forward in her chair a bit, regarding the paper in his hand with curiosity.

Finn smiled a bit. "My friend Wayfor convinced me to write a letter to Rachel to try and get back together. She said if I really thought about what I was going to say first, then the words would be more honest." Finn shrugged as he turned his eyes up to his mother's. "I never got a chance to mail it once we got here, and then this happened." He waved his right arm absently at the hospital room.

Carole and Burt exchanged a look, and Carole smiled at him. "I see Rachel isn't the only one who misses being a part of 'Finchel'." She snickered as she used air quotes around the word, causing Finn to roll his eyes a bit.

"Want us to give it to her when we get back?" Burt asked. He held his hand towards Finn to accept the letter.

Finn stared hard at Burt's hand. This was his chance to get the letter to Rachel. All he had to do was stick the envelope into Burt's palm right now and that would be it. No mailbox needed, and no need to worry about her receiving it. It would all be laid out on the table for her—his heart on his sleeve one more time, hoping she'd take it with gentle hands and treasure it again.

"_**HE'S DEAD, HUDSON. YOU KILLED HIM."**_

He reeled a bit as Sergeant Banks' words echoed again through his mind, and they seemed to taunt him; reminding him of his ultimate failure in trying to properly do his duty arresting someone and instead ending their life. It caused him to flash back to all the other things he'd destroyed in less than a year: Sam's chance to be quarterback, Kurt's chance to walk the halls of McKinley safely, his relationship with Rachel due to his lie, Sam and Quinn's relationship with each other, Quinn's hopes of becoming Prom Queen, Rachel's entire Prom experience, New Directions' chance to make it into the Top 10 at Nationals, and finally, Carl Waverly's life and the lives of his friends and family. Everything he touched was demolished in one way or another.

The letter to Rachel he'd written was now stained in blood, destroyed by his actions like everything else. Was that a metaphor for him and Rachel somehow? He wasn't as big on metaphors and symbolism as she was (and he only knew those words because she drilled them into his brain), but this seemed to mean something.

"I...I don't know," Finn admitted, turning the letter over in his hand and regarding it sadly. "I'm not sure it's such a good idea after everything that's happened this summer. What if it really doesn't work out? And how can I ask her to read a letter covered in my own blood?"

"Well, she'd definitely be asking you questions," Carole agreed, leaning back in her chair. "I guess it depends on whether or not you're comfortable with her knowing what's happened. So far the only ones who know are me, Burt, and Kurt. We've already asked Kurt not to talk about it. Do you want to include Rachel in the group?"

Finn thought about it—really, truly, and deeply thought about it. Would he be able to handle her knowing how close to death he'd been? Would they be able to move forward after the summer spent apart if she knew what exactly he'd become? Would she be content with him now that he'd changed and become a soldier who didn't hesitate to kill another living person when put in a life and death situation? As odd as it seemed, the only answer his mind provided were Rachel's words to him back in the first semester of their sophomore year.

"_**My dreams are bigger than Lima. And they're bigger than YOU." **_

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before regarding his Mom and Step-Dad. "I...I'm just afraid what's happened changes everything. She may not like who I've...you know...who I am now and all."

"And who is that?" Carole asked seriously, eyebrows raised in askance. "You still look like the same Finn Hudson to me, though you're a bit more muscular."

"And your hair is a lot shorter," Burt added, smiling as he ran a hand over his own bald scalp. "Channelling your step-dad, right?"

Carole made a face at Burt but returned her attention to her son. "Really Finn, what's changed?"

Once again, Burt and Finn exchanged a look, but Finn shook his head slightly. He couldn't tell his Mom. She had been so disappointed in him when they both thought he'd impregnated Quinn. Then she'd been disappointed _**again**_ when he explained the whole story after Quinn's lie had been revealed and he exposed his complete and utter ignorance regarding sex and pregnancy. At least, that's what _**she **_had said. He figured by the looks she gave and tone of voice that she was disappointed he'd been so _**stupid **_as to believe everything Quinn told him. Then heap that disappointment on top of how he treated Kurt regarding the original 'move-in' plan over a year ago, then her displeasure with him about Kurt _**again**_ when he was afraid to step in and defend him in McKinley's halls, then discontent with what had happened between him and Rachel, and then again frustration regarding his decision to date Quinn again and the mess that had caused. It was kind of a wonder to him that his Mom hadn't physically kicked his ass rather than just verbally, because looking back on the last two years of life, he certainly deserved a good ass-kicking.

But none of that could possibly equal how disillusioned she'd be if she knew he'd become a killer.

"Are you having second thoughts about Rachel, Honey?" Carole asked, genuine surprise lacing her words, her expression concerned.

Deciding that a half-truth was better than either lying or purposely withholding the entire truth, Finn shrugged slightly. "Maybe I'm just having second thoughts about _**me**_ and what exactly _**I **_want. And...well...if that even fits in with what _**Rachel**_ wants."

Carole eyed him carefully; Finn felt like he was being tested or something. It was something his Mom had always been able to do, like she could tell just from looking at him whether he was telling the whole truth or not. It was kind of an eerie feeling, really, and he looked away, afraid his half-truth explanation would be revealed as just that.

"Maybe you just need to think things over, then." Carole settled back into the chair beside her son's bed and again crossed her legs. "After all, you still have a couple weeks left before you come home, right?"

Burt nodded in agreement. "Your Mom has a point, Finn. Nothing needs to be decided right now. Take your time; it's not like Lima and Rachel are going anywhere."

_Not yet_, Finn thought to himself a little sourly. _But she will be; that much is certain. Once college starts, Rachel will be off to New York. She's already told me her dreams of fame and Broadway, and she's so talented, I know she'll make them happen. They really _**are**_ bigger than me. How can I compete with that? How can I possibly hope to hang onto her when I'm just a simple guy and a soldier? Would she even want me to try after knowing what I've become? _

He sighed and leaned his head on his pillow while looking out the window. Why couldn't any question in his crazy life just be _**easy **_for a change?

"Yeah, I guess I still just need time to think about it all," Finn agreed, garnering nods of approval from both parents.

**XXXXX**

The internet was a wonderful thing.

Most of the time.

Rachel always loved surfing the web for research. Just about any questions she had in regards to projects for school, topics of conversations with her fathers, or even music she learned about in Glee club for the first time was all discovered online from the internet (the story of Fleetwood Mac's album "Rumors" had been especially interesting to her, for example). It was also how she kept up to date on the news and goings-on in New York and on Broadway.

Today she had decided to research the Ohio National Guard and quickly discovered that all units (including those training) were deployed Missouri to assist in the tornado relief efforts. That explained why her letter was returned; Finn wasn't at Camp Grayling anymore, but in Joplin. Of course, she didn't have an address to send mail to him there, and even if she did there was no guarantee he would receive it before being sent either back to Camp Grayling or home to Lima. One of her questions was immediately answered. What she didn't expect, however, was a link she found to **_The Joplin Globe _**website regarding two Ohio National Guard members saving a woman from a vehicular explosion. When she clicked on it, she did a double-take to ensure her eyes were seeing things correctly.

When the article popped into place on her computer screen, she saw a large square picture of an injured middle-aged lady and her two saviours. Next the hospital bed of the injured lady was a young woman in uniform with chestnut hair done up in a bun and a bright smile. On the left side of the bed was a male soldier kneeling down and flashing a trademarked, lopsided grin accompanying a slightly embarrassed expression as though he were seconds from rolling his eyes. Rachel put her hand over her mouth in shock and quickly read the tagline.

**L. to R.: Private C. Wayfor, Laura Jatea and Private F. Hudson. Privates Hudson and Wayfor pulled Ms. Jatea from a rolled over SUV only moments before it exploded.**

"_**Oh, my God**_!" Rachel almost squealed and bounced in her seat a little as a wide smile spread over her face. Her heart swelled in her chest and was ready to burst with pride at seeing her former (hopefully soon-to-be-again) boyfriend in the picture and lauded as a hero. After scanning the article a bit more to see if she could learn anything else about what Finn had done to save the lady in question (according to this Private Wayfor, Finn pretty much did _**all**_ the work), she turned her attention again on the photograph. It wasn't large, and unfortunately she couldn't click on the image to save it (copyright laws weren't _**always **_a good thing) but it seemed Finn had filled out a bit more since leaving Lima. Well, either that or the short, almost buzz-cut hairstyle he now sported gave him the illusion of being bigger. She certainly wouldn't be surprised to learn he'd grown another inch or something during the summer.

It did, however, leave her with another unanswered question; why had Kurt been so secretive about this? It was posted in the news and on the internet that Finn had done a heroic deed and rescued a woman from a painful death. That couldn't have been a bad thing to share, could it? Had Finn himself asked his family in an email that he didn't want this to be shared? No, Kurt said he promised Carole he wouldn't say anything, and Carole was nothing if not the poster-woman for 'proud mama.'

So, really, what exactly was the big secret?

Further research into the National Guard failed to reveal much else. They were busy in Joplin with the tasks of cleaning rubble and debris from the streets, redirecting traffic routes, running emergency shelters for those displaced from their homes by the tornado, and also managing information dissemination into the suburban areas which weren't directly hit. But there were no further mentions of Finn Hudson as a recruit in the National Guard.

Oh, there was the usual stuff that made her smile, such as his name being mentioned as the quarterback of William McKinley's Conference Championship football team, or Co-Captain of the New Directions Glee Club, placing twelfth at the National Show Choir Championships. There were some old videos of him online on youtube from when he and Puck had pulled a prank on Azimio by putting itching powder down his jock strap (Azimio had slushied her one too many times for her to feel much sympathy), and there was also his own personal Facebook page which hadn't been updated since just before exams had ended for the summer.

She had nothing else to go on, and it annoyed her a bit that the one time she really needed _more_ information from the 'net was the one time it was failing her completely. Why the hell did Kurt need to be so secretive?

A loud knock at the door downstairs burst her bubble of concentration. Frowning, she quickly looked out from the top window to see if she could determine who might be knocking on her door this early on a Friday evening. Most of her friends had plans on Friday nights that didn't include her, but even if they had included her she wouldn't have been able to join them. She and her fathers would be leaving in a few hours for a weekend in New York. Usually they spent a week there, but with demanding schedules at their law firm and her own summer job, it didn't make sense to do more than just a couple of days this time. She didn't really mind, though; after this last year of high school, she'd be moving there permanently.

Rachel raced down the stairs from her room and threw the front door open to see Mercedes standing there, seemingly panicked and close to tears with a slight frown on her usually cheerful face. Without a word, Mercedes pounced on Rachel with a hug that completely enfolded and stunned the small brunette. It also knocked half her breath from her lungs.

Rachel embraced her African-American friend in a big bear hug (or as big as she was able for her small stature). "Hi, Mercedes. How are you?" Without being privy to any further knowledge of why her friend had shown up at her door and begun to crush her like a stuffed animal, she really wasn't sure what else to say.

In response, Mercedes began crying on her shoulder, causing Rachel's eyes to go wide with shock. She hadn't ever seen her fellow Gleek in tears as far as she knew. Even their whole confrontation regarding their fundraising event night and who would sing in the final 'star' place to close the show hadn't resulted in tears shed. After a few body wracking sobs that seemed to shake through Rachel's entire being as well, Rachel began rubbing her back.

"Hey, Mercedes...it's okay. It's okay. It'll all be fine, really."

"No, it won't!" Mercedes declared as she finally released her bone-crushing hug and stepped back to wipe tears from her face. Her hand went over her mouth as she continued to regard Rachel with panic.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, closing the door quickly and coming to stand in front of her friend, taking Mercedes' larger hands in her small ones.

Mercedes gasped in a few breaths before turning to look up at Rachel. With another sob, she swallowed and finally found her voice. "Sam….Sam said…Sam said that he…"

"Okay…Sam said he….?" Rachel motioned with her eyes and head for Mercedes to continue. _Had Sam suddenly ended things with her?_

"Sam….Sam told me….Sam told me… he loved me." Mercedes wiped her eyes. "He said he _**loved **_me!"

Rachel bit her lip, unsure whether to comfort Mercedes further or to start laughing hysterically. She wasn't sure which reaction would be more appropriate because Mercedes hadn't filled her in too much on what was going on between them. After a moment of casting her eyes up to the ceiling to try and decide, she looked again at her friend. "And this is…..um….bad?"

"It's _**horrible! **_I can't….we just…_**I don't know what to say**_!" Mercedes exploded, even as she wiped her eyes and took another breath to try and calm down. "And this is all hell-to-the-nah because I'm Mercedes Jones and I shouldn't be reduced to tears over what some boy says to me, But this just came out of nowhere and I don't…." She almost started crying again and fresh tears were at the corners of her eyes.

"Okay, okay. We….uh…let's just take this one step at a time." Rachel said, linking her arm in Mercedes' and coaxing her over to the chairs in the living room. Choosing the La-Z-Boy chair in the corner, she guided her friend over to sit down and then squeezed her shoulder. "I'm just going to get us some drinks. Is lemonade okay?"

Mercedes nodded before covering her face with her hands and leaning back in her chair. Rachel quickly ran into the kitchen to pull the drinks together, wondering what it was about Sam's declaration that had upset her fellow Gleek so much. Wasn't it a _**good **_thing to be loved by your boyfriend? Isn't that why girls and guys started dating in the first place? Obviously, there was more to this story than Mercedes was telling her, and Rachel genuinely hoped she could help her friend; it wasn't like she was an expert regarding dating or boys herself. This summer so far had definitely proven _**that **_little fact to her.

Quickly coming back into the living room and giving Mercedes her drink (which she started sucking back in gulps…Rachel guessed she wasn't the only one who drank a lot when she was sad), Rachel then sat down on the couch just off angle with the chair and smiled.

"Okay…just…start at the beginning. What happened, exactly?"

Mercedes blew out a big breath but put her drink down, then wiped her eyes again. "We were on a date…started early since his football camp ended at noon. It was all going great; just the two of us doing mini-golf and then we were going to have dinner and go to a movie. But we pulled into the parking lot at Breadstix and he leaned over to kiss me, and that was all fine, but then it got real deep. I mean, toe-curling, tongue-sucking, don't-answer-the-damn-cell-phone-for-_**anything**_ kind of deep, and I swear I never was kissed like that, Rachel. He pulled away and just gave me this great look like he thought I was a queen, and just blurted out the words. I was so shocked I just sat there and didn't know what to say."

"Did you finally say anything?" Rachel took a sip of her lemonade.

"Thank you."

Rachel actually sprayed her drink out of her mouth a little, some of the drops hitting the coffee table. She sputtered a bit, choking on the lemonade, and quickly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand (something she hadn't done since grade school, but then again, it hadn't occurred to her she'd need a napkin for a simple glass of lemonade given she hadn't spilled since grade school, either ). The young ingénue turned to her friend, slightly horrified. "Really? You...you said 'thank you'?"

Mercedes groaned and leaned back into the chair, her hands over her eyes. "I messed up, didn't I?"

"Uh...well." Rachel wiped the corners of her mouth and coughed once more before setting the drink down and looked at her friend sympathetically. "It's...uh...probably not the _**best **_answer. I mean..."

"I know. _**I know!" **_Mercedes shook her head at herself even as she kept her gaze up towards the ceiling. "I've waited so long for a boy to say something like that to me and when he finally does I go and give the stupidest, _**stupidest **_answer ever. I just...God, why does this have to be so difficult?" Mercedes wiped her eyes again and pinched the bridge of her nose.

The Glee co-captain grimaced and leaned forward to take Mercedes hand in hers. "Well...what _**do **_you feel for Sam? Is it love?"

"I don't know!" Mercedes shrugged and looked at Rachel in a panic. "I mean, I love being around him. He's cute and funny and dorky and doesn't care too much what others think of him and shrugs off most shit other guys care about and likes most of the music and movies I do, even if he _**does **_need to be better schooled on black history. But love? I just...I just don't know."

Rachel sighed, feeling sympathetic for her friend. She remembered being with Finn in the theatre in Akron and feeling exactly as Mercedes did now. He had landed that bombshell on her right before they were set to do their duet. Fortunately, she was saved from responding since they had to perform, and he had never pressed the issue afterwards, saving the three words for only the most intimate of moments between them. She had finally told him near the end of their first summer together, when she was sure of how she felt, and Finn's reaction was quite expressive in all of the best ways possible.

"How did Sam respond when you said 'thank you'?"

Mercedes swallowed and cast her eyes down to the floor. "He was hurt. He didn't say anything mean or get angry, but I could tell it hurt him. And I...just didn't know how to fix that. I just made up that I wasn't feeling well and asked him to take me home, and he didn't even argue. He barely even pecked me on the cheek when he dropped me off."

"Sounds like you bruised his ego a bit." Rachel winced at Mercedes' answer. "And asking to be taken home right after definitely didn't help."

"Oh God! What have I done?" Mercedes smacked her forehead with her palm just once before shaking her head again. "I'm so_** stupid**_. I should have guessed this might happen, and did I even bother to rehearse? Did I even think of what I should say? No, of course not! I just blurt out the first two words that come to mind. I've waited since I was eleven years old for a guy to say those words to me, and what do I do?" Mercedes looked at Rachel with disgust. "I used to think you were some crazy white girl for rehearsing answers to questions, but I'm starting to see why you do. You probably had a grand speech prepared for Finn, didn't you?"

Rachel burst out laughing, causing her African-American friend to raise her eyebrows in shock. "Are you kidding? The first time he told me was about ten seconds before we had to sing '_Faithfully'_ at Regionals last year."

The larger girl's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Really? He said it during Regionals?"

"You want to talk about it being dropped on you like an anvil? Finn walked over to me and just threw it in my face when I couldn't respond or react. If I hadn't had to perform, I honestly don't know if I could have even _**thought **_of a reply."

"I'm sure you would have said something better than 'thank you'," Mercedes grumbled a bit, shaking her head at herself.

"I'm not so sure," Rachel admitted, sitting on the floor at Mercedes feet and hugging her legs close to her chest. "I always thought I was in love with Finn, from the moment Mr. Schue brought him into rehearsal and I sang _**Grease **_with him. But after everything with Jesse, and then Finn sending such _**obvious**_ signals to me that he wanted to try again after that disastrous one-week fling we had last year, it was really some kind of hot mess. I didn't even admit to being in love with Finn until more than halfway through summer last year—to myself **_or _**to him."

"I'm surprised considering how much he rocked out _**Jesse's Girl **_for you," Mercedes admitted with a small laugh.

"I know; talk about your grand gestures. Well, as grand as Finn ever makes them, at least." Rachel shrugged slightly. "Still, admitting it and focusing in on me in front of _**everyone **_in the Glee club? I'd always imagined him serenading me, Mercedes. In my mind it was wonderful and romantic and involved strawberries and chocolate and...well, the _**reality **_of it was far from what I thought it would be. So was my reaction." Rachel turned to look at her. "It's tough to plan it all out because you never know what the person you want is going to do."

Mercedes sighed and bit her lip. "Do you think I should go back to Sam and try to talk to him?"

Rachel considered the question a bit. Would Sam be willing to listen at this point? Rachel wasn't sure with him, really. She didn't know that much about Sam past the double date she'd had with him, Mercedes, and Jesse at Prom, and so much happened that night Mercedes and Sam kind of got lost in the shuffle of Rachel's own and ever increasing personal drama. But she knew that Finn, in a position like that, would want honesty and want it honestly given. And really, didn't everyone deserve that in turn?

"Yeah Mercedes, I really do," Rachel admitted, nodding her head slightly. "And don't worry about what to say or how to say it. Just tell him honestly what and how you feel."

"But I _**don't know **_how I feel."

"Then tell him _**that**_," Rachel sprang to her knees and gripped both of Mercedes' hands in her own. "Tell him you don't want him to go anywhere, but you were surprised and caught off guard and you're not sure what you feel yet. I think he'd understand if you explain it that way. But you better do it soon, because I _**have **_learned that a boy's ego is pretty fragile; if you're going to fix it, you need to do it sooner rather than later."

The two giggled a bit about that before embracing each other in another hug. Mercedes nodded and then turned to leave, but before doing so, regarded Rachel with gratitude. "You know, two years ago, we were two losers that people only looked at long enough to slushie. Now, we've both had more than one boyfriend and more drama than a Shakespeare festival. How did this happen to _**us**_?"

Rachel smiled a bit at her friend. "I don't know. I guess we just grew up a little, right?"

"Yeah, maybe." Mercedes swallowed and fidgeted with her purse a bit. "I'm scared. And nervous. Rachel, what if-"

"Don't do that!" Rachel interrupted her, pointing a finger at her. "Don't start with 'what ifs'. You don't know what will happen. So stop speculating and go find out. I promise I'm just a call away if you need me."

Mercedes smiled widely and hugged Rachel one more time before nodding, wiping her eyes a final time, and then exiting the Berry household. She watched as Mercedes paused, took a breath, pulled her shoulders back in confidence, and then walked to her car. She quickly got in and then drove down the street with purpose and determination.

Rachel sighed as she turned back into the Berry household and looked at the clock. Knowing her fathers would be home within the hour, and that they would all have to soon leave for the airport afterwards, she quickly ascended the stairs to finish her packing. As she walked into her room, she saw the previous results of her internet research on Finn staring back from the computer screen.

_Just tell him honestly what and how you feel._

Her own words of advice came flooding back into her mind and she frowned slightly. She tried to be in tune with all of the outside, unexplained elements in the world which would now and then scream something to her like a beacon or a sign of what she should do, and this was definitely one of those times. She bit her lip and pulled from her desk drawer the returned letter she had tried to send to Finn. Once more, she glanced to the computer screen to see the newspaper picture staring back at her, a small lopsided grin on his face. She held the letter tightly and smiled to herself as she gazed at his digital image.

She'd been trying to decide what to do with the letter. Now she knew; she just had to grow up a little and do it.

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	14. Coming to Terms

**A/N - Apologies to all regarding the delays on both this and TYM. Let's just say real life has gotten in the way. On the plus side, however, Glee S3 is starting with promise, so hopefully this signals a trend back into what made it popular in S1. Thanks to JannP for forever being the patient and tireless editor of this little fic, and hope everyone feels the wait was worth it with this chapter. All who read, review and subscribe are thanked as well, as that helps fuel me to write more. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

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><p>"Are you sure you'll be okay?"<p>

Finn had just come out of the washroom and glanced over to where Carole and Burt stood beside his hospital bed. He smiled a bit and walked over to where they were just about to leave. His left arm was still bandaged up from his wound but otherwise okay so long as he didn't move it too quickly.

It was already late in the morning on Sunday and they had to get back to Lima. Finn had immensely enjoyed their visit the previous Saturday; he even got to introduce them to Graham and Wayfor the evening before when the five of them went to dinner in the hospital cafeteria (if you could call the dinner there 'food', which was a stretch.) His Mom had remarked how happy she was that Finn had befriended genuinely nice kids in such a short time; ones who were conscientious and supportive of him as both a friend and colleague. Finn had to admit, after his mom had said that, he felt pretty damn lucky for it as well.

"I'll be fine, Mom. It's only another week before I come home. I'm sure I can manage with the rest of the training. The only difference is I won't be asked to do all the super-physical stuff this week."

"Considering what's happened here, I'd say you've done enough on the 'physical' side of things." Burt stepped forward and gave him a manly hug. "You take care of yourself, Finn. Don't push yourself too hard with all the bandages and such."

"I won't…_can't,_ really. It's gotta heal before I go back to football." Finn grimaced a bit. "I don't think Coach Beiste will be too happy I missed the training camp because of the National Guard."

Burt shrugged. "Might be surprised. I doubt you're the first senior football player who went and got a summer job… and it's not like your overall physical fitness suffered here."

"We can always tell her you were injured. That's all she needs to know and I'm sure she won't ask too many other questions." Carole slung her purse on her shoulder, then turned back to him and put a motherly hand on his cheek. "I'm really glad you're okay, Sweetie. Do me a favour and don't go shooting anyone else, okay?"

Finn and Burt exchanged a quick glance and both recognized how the other's eyes tightened a bit. Neither had told Carole that Finn had, in fact, done a lot more than just shoot his foe. He had aimed, fired, and killed him where he stood, suffering only a flesh wound in the process. The tall Gleek was still coming to terms with that reality about himself; still trying to accept that he was, indeed, the type of person who could kill another human being when it was required. Before this summer, he would have balked at the idea of being able to point a weapon at someone else and pull the trigger. The knowledge that he could so easily slip into that role and take another person's life in the process absolutely terrified him.

He'd changed a lot over the course of the summer. And he wasn't entirely sure he liked it.

"I don't plan on getting in the way of any other bullets, that's for sure." Finn finally said with his lopsided smirk.

"See that you don't," Carole told him firmly before pulling him down into her embrace. "Be safe, my son. I love you."

"Love you too, Mom. Thanks for coming." Finn hugged her back as well as he could before letting her go. As he watched them move past the doors of the unit he was sequestered in, he ran his right hand over his hair and then turned towards his room to pull his stuff together. Sergeant Banks had told him last night that if all went well he'd be discharged today and return to his unit to help them finish packing up to return to Camp Grayling for the final phase of training. The deployment had gone relatively well for his squadron (minus his incident, obviously) and all out-of-state units were being released from duty as the Missouri National Guard was positive they could handle the rest of the cleanup.

Finn dressed carefully into his new combat uniform. Oddly, he was glad to be getting away from the constant care and attention in the hospital. Last time he had been over-night in a hospital was his freshman year of high school (for a lung infection of all things), and at the time he had loved how pampered he had been, with meals delivered and nurses fussing all over him. Of course, he'd only been fourteen at the time so having a bunch of fresh-out-of-college nurse interns constantly seeing to his needs was almost a dream come true. This time it just plain annoyed him. He wanted to be up and about, active and contributing to something rather than feeling like a useless blob who had to lie still and do nothing for fear of re-injury. His dressing and stitches seemed to be working the way they were meant to, and his shoulder wasn't nearly as sore as before, but then again, that may have been the drugs and painkillers talking, so whatever.

He was no longer the same, naive high school student he'd been before. Too much had happened to him, both at Camp Grayling and here in Missouri. He knew now that he wanted to work somehow in the entertainment industry. He wasn't sure if he had the abilities to be a star, like Rachel did with that pitch-perfect voice of hers (not to mention _**well **_above-average dancing and acting), but he could learn everything about what happened behind the scenes. He was already adept at song writing, if his song at Nationals and collaboration with Omeasoo were any indications (that newer song really had turned out to be wicked-awesome, even if it was country-folk). He could play drums and was pretty good at arranging music and getting his ideas for other instruments across. He was a decent enough actor, when he needed to be, if Rachel's and Mr. Schuester's judgement could be trusted. If he also learned how to use sound and recording equipment or camera equipment, he was sure he could somehow, between all three, figure out how to make a living in this field. And even though it wasn't an easy career choice, the National Guard seemed like a good job to have to bring in money until he established himself. He was sure Burt and his Mom would scoff a bit at his decision since he couldn't easily transition that education into an established company or business, but he wasn't really a nine-to-five kinda guy anyway, if high school was any indication.

After ensuring he had all his belongings and properly dressing in his uniform, Finn sat in the waiting area for his Sergeant to come pick him up. This afternoon was the designated meeting he would have with the National Guard's Investigating Officer regarding his incident, which would also include a counsellor, his commanding officer and Sergeant Banks himself. He didn't think he was going to enjoy this meeting, but it was part of his duties as a soldier to cooperate, so he'd 'muscle through' as best as he was able.

While waiting, he fiddled with the letter that was intended for Rachel, trying to decide how he was going to be able to handle seeing her again after everything that had happened. The big question to him was how exactly she was going to handle knowing he'd become a killer. Try as anyone might to reassure him it was all in self-defence, and despite him logically knowing that was the case, he still could scarcely believe he'd actually done something so _**extreme**_ as take another person's life. How exactly would Rachel regard him now? Kurt had told him about her remark on how much of a country-boy he was, unsure if he would ever fit into a big-city environment like New York. How would she react to discover that rather than a country-boy, he was more of a chameleon? That he was able to adapt to whatever circumstances he found himself in, even going so far as to end someone's life, when push came to shove? Could she accept that about him? Would she still see the tall, awkward, lumbering boy he used to be, the same one who desperately pleaded with her to rekindle their romance in New York after what was, perhaps, the best date he had ever given a girl? Would she see the love he still had for her underneath everything else?

Would she still see him as _**him**_?

The trouble with his questions was that he wasn't even sure _**he **_saw him as _**him**_ still. He no longer felt like the awkward, lumbering giant-boy who had little direction or desire to do anything but play Xbox, and school sports and make out with his girlfriend. That Finn Hudson was an immature, unfocused, and meandering _**ass**_ if he was honest. Finn realized as he sat there, staring at the blood soaked letter, he really didn't like who he'd been. It wasn't just the last six months of his junior year he regretted, it was his _**entire**_ high school existence.

_**He didn't like that Finn Hudson.**_ That scared, juvenile boy who always ran away, was always afraid of other's opinions, was always trying to make everyone like him no matter what. He _**hated**_ that guy.

He hated that guy when he compared it to the Finn Hudson after Camp Grayling. The Finn Hudson who fought hard with a group of non-football players to pull out a win against his Sergeant. The Finn Hudson who refused to take R and R when his friends needed his help in the kitchen peeling potatoes. The Finn Hudson who instinctively knew how to use his rifle and put it back together in one piece and then helped others do the same. The Finn Hudson who jumped on the chance to assist his friend Omeasoo in writing a song for his soon-to-be fiancé. The Finn Hudson who had helped to push/pull Candi and Jordan together. The Finn Hudson who, without thinking about it, had saved a woman from her vehicle just minutes before it exploded. And yes, much as he regretted it and was still haunted by it, the Finn Hudson who pulled the trigger on a gun-toting lunatic intent on hurting his wife and killing Finn.

That was the Finn Hudson he was now. He was no longer just the quarterback or Glee captain. Now he was also a _**soldier**_.

But would Rachel like that Finn? Would Rachel _**accept **_that Finn?

Truthfully he was scared of the answer. He was no longer naïve enough to think that the consequences of his actions didn't affect other people. It was kinda like when a pebble made ripples across the water when it was thrown into a pond. Would it continue that way? Would his life always come back to this crucial incident from now on? Was _this_ the defining moment of his life?

He didn't know.

A horn honking outside indicated that Sergeant Banks had arrived, so Finn tucked the letter back into the inside pocket of his uniform and replaced his hat on his head. He carefully climbed into the vehicle beside his Sergeant and saw the big, black man give him a grin. "Feeling better, Hudson?"

Finn nodded once. "Good to be outside the hospital, Sergeant."

"Good." Banks reached behind him into the army Jeep's rear seats to pull out a clipboard and binder, then shoved it into Finn's hands. "With your injury, I can't have you doing too much physical stuff, so here's what you'll need to know to correctly answer the radios at our headquarters. We're only here for another couple days but Antho and I are getting fucking tired of always having to cover the graveyard shift. Since you can't be in the field, you're gonna be directing everything from HQ in the middle of the night. Got it?"

The quarterback grinned slightly, glad his Sergeant was taking his injury into account but still not going lightly on him and assigning duties that were just as important to the operations of the tornado relief effort. "Yes, Sergeant. I'll get right on it."

Banks nodded as he gunned the jeep and drove away from the hospital. "Good. Your first shift is at midnight. Be ready, and if you're a real lucky son-of-a-bitch, I might just make your first pot of coffee for you."

**XXXXX**

**_Graduation._** Finn couldn't believe it.

He was now officially a trained member of the National Guard of Ohio.

True, he'd still need to perform his trade's training the following summer, but which trade he'd learn was a decision he could make later. For now, he was enjoying just basking in the glow of the party atmosphere on the base.

It was more than warm enough still for an outdoor gathering, and there was a large baseball diamond on Camp Grayling where an extremely large tent was set up, hosting the celebratory activities. Food was plentiful, drinks flowed freely (except to those underage, such as himself and his friends, but he was fine with that), and the music was pretty rockin'; the base had even brought in a live band to offer the entertainment. Finn couldn't complain, since most of their songs were either classic rock or rock versions of current Top-40 hits. He had to wonder as he listened why he never thought to do a more rock-oriented version of some of their assigned songs in junior year.

His shoulder was bugging him a bit as he sat in a chair so he decided to get up and mingle with his fellow troops. Most of them asked how he was and wished him a speedy recovery, genuine in their praise of his actions and hopes for his healing, but he still didn't really want to hear anything about it. Frankly, it bugged him to be the 'cripple' in his squadron, but there wasn't much to be done about it. Instead, he thanked them all in turn, and laughed when Corporal Antho suggested his new nickname be 'Target' (both because of the bullet wound _**and **_the cheap t-shirt Wayfor had purchased for him.) Thinking of Wayfor brought to mind that he actually hadn't seen any of his four closer friends in the last hour or so, since he was given honorary status regarding his injury and was forced to eat with the Sergeant and Commanding Officer. It wasn't exactly a bad thing, but it felt more like he was some kind of prize student being forced to endure his teacher's company.

He found Omeasoo and Marquez at the back of the tent, both of them bantering back and forth at the dart boards that had been set up along one of the back areas of the tent, still insisting one was better than the other. He watched a bit, and both of them glanced over and grinned at him, but neither offered to let him join in the game. He could spiral a football with perfect aim at almost 100 yards and (apparently) fire a rifle with deadly accuracy, but when it came to darts, he just never quite felt comfortable enough to throw them properly. Marquez and Omeasoo, however, could probably play professionally if they wanted. He waved and wandered away to find the others.

As he wandered around the tent, again just greeting other troop members and nodding to his superiors, he wondered now what was truly in store for him when he returned to Lima. Not everyone in the current troop was from there, but his little group of five all happened to be (well, okay, Omeasoo lived _**just **_outside the city limits, but it was close enough.) He wondered if they would all still be the core five friends throughout the year, until they all did their trades training…or would they go their separate ways more immediately? He really didn't want to imagine a future life without them in it somehow, so he smiled a bit and just resolved that he'd have to make sure they got together outside of the normal one-weekend-a-month training schedule.

"So, wanna dance?"

He turned behind him, slightly startled at the voice which suddenly manifested itself over his shoulder. There stood Wayfor, grinning at him like a Cheshire cat. The tall quarterback glanced around quickly. "Where's Graham? Shouldn't you be asking him?"

Wayfor rolled her eyes. "Are you still stuck in that senseless high-school frame of mind, Hudson? I'm asking you to _**dance**_, not make out with me."

Finn grinned a bit in return and nodded. "Okay, fine. You're right. But I'll warn you, even my ex-girlfriends knew better than to ask me to dance. I have all the rhythm of an epileptic octopus."

The female recruit raised her eyebrow. "Interesting metaphor. I also find it hard to believe since you've said you play drums quite well."

"Yeah, for some reason the two skills don't coincide for me," Finn returned, even as he took Wayfor's right hand in his left and wrapped his other around her waist. And fuck, did he _**seriously**_ just use the word 'coincide'? What the hell was going on with his damn vocabulary that suddenly he could use these decidedly _**Rachel-like **_words like he'd known them for years? Had he grown up that much during the summer?

Wayfor delicately placed her left on his shoulder and stood there, waiting. "What?" He asked her.

She rolled her eyes. "You're the gentleman, Finn. You're supposed to lead."

"Didn't I **_just_** mention I'm not a good dancer?"

"What do you do when you dance with Rachel?"

"Let her lead; it's safer that way."

"Wow, you _**are**_ completely lame, aren't you?" She shook her head and started to dance along with Finn to the band's rendition of Metallica's _Nothing Else Matters_**. **He remembered always, for some reason, linking this song in his mind back to Rachel and how, from the moment he realized he was in love with her, really nothing else seemed to matter in his life unless she was a part of it. He had tried so hard to deny the feeling that settled in his gut after she admitted to kissing Puck, but it really wasn't any use. He wasn't the kind of guy who could stay angry forever, especially when he helped to cause the whole mess with his own stupid decision to lie. He had pretty much forgiven her around the end of January, he just wasn't ready to try anything relationship-wise with her. He idly wondered if maybe he and Rachel would have been okay had he just handled things a bit differently and they had both just powered through that totally fucked up time in their lives. If they had stayed together, he likely never would have joined the National Guard and never would have had to kill Carl Waverly; he really wondered if the blood on his hands would now just scare away the love of his life for good.

He and Wayfor swayed to the music for a minute, and Finn couldn't help but notice her eyes bore into him, like she was studying a science project. Finn kept his eyes away from her gaze until finally he couldn't take it anymore. "What? What now?"

"Still thinking about her, aren't you?"

Finn rolled his eyes and shrugged a bit. "Yeah, can't help it. She's like an addiction for me. Unless I'm busy working or something, my thoughts always seem to go back to her."

Wayfor smiled and nodded. "You're in love, Hudson. It's normal for that to happen."

"Not normal for it to be clouded over, though."

His female friend frowned a bit. "Clouded over?" Finn gave her a pointed look, and immediately she understood, the confusion slipping away from her features. "You mean what happened in Joplin?"

"I...I just don't know how she'd take the news. She already thinks pretty highly of me; always has except for the time I messed up lying 'bout my v-card. But knowing I killed someone? That...that's _**way**_ bigger than anything else. I mean, that's me ending someone's _**life**_, you know? How do I throw that out there and expect her to understand?"

Wayfor swayed with him some more, continuing to lead the slow dance, but her eyes were distant as she thought about things and he could see her bite the inside of her cheek. Finally, after another few seconds, she turned back to him. "There's really only one way to find out, isn't there?"

Finn nodded but rolled his eyes all the same. "I know. I know. It's like, the thinking, logical side of me knows that. But the other side of me is petrified this will just end every chance to be with her, even as a friend. And I don't want to be someone who makes her uncomfortable or upset just by being around." He blew out a noisy breath. "You're right. I _**am**_ totally lame."

"You're worried. And I think I can understand that, but don't sell her short. I mean, shit, she came to you and admitted she kissed your best friend to make you jealous. Now, I'll admit, it was a dumb move on her part, but she had the courage to tell you everything and hoped you'd understand. Don't you think maybe you can follow her example a bit?"

"Big difference between the two, Wayfor." Finn shook his head. "'I kissed your friend' vs. 'I killed a man'? Doesn't seem quite the same."

"It's not," Wayfor admitted with a shrug. "But it's going to be hard to be with her romantically if you _**don't**_ tell her. You can't keep a secret this big from her, Hudson. Sooner or later, you have to come clean. Didn't the whole thing about your v-card teach you that?"

As Finn was considering his response, Corporal Antho suddenly barked from the other side of the tent. "Need some help here now. Hudson, Omeasoo. Front and centre!"

Wayfor nodded and patted him on the shoulder as he walked over to where his Corporal stood, nodding to Omeasoo as the native boy came from the other side of the tent. They converged on Corporal Antho as he gestured behind him. "You two, help up Sergeant Banks."

"It's not necessary, Antho-tologist," a slightly slurring Sergeant Banks said from behind the corporal. "I'm not as drink as you thunk I am."

"No Sergeant, of course not," Antho said without a trace of disrespect. "But Chief River ordered me to ensure you got back to barracks safely. "

"And I order you to let me be." Banks swayed slightly in his seat and his eyes were unfocused. Finn and Omeasoo both watched, leery as their sergeant consumed another large swig of beer.

Antho shrugged and smiled a bit. "Sorry, Sergeant. Chief River outranks you, so I have to follow _**her **_orders first. Hudson, Omeasoo, escort Sergeant Banks back to his barracks." The two recruits glanced between each other, then eyed Banks with slightly scared expressions before Antho turned on them and crossed his arms. "I know it's Sergeant Banks, but believe me when I say you _**don't **_want to be on the receiving end of a formal disciplinary hearing by ignoring the Chief's orders."

Quickly remembering his little foray into Chief River's office and kitchen, Finn nodded once and stepped forward to grab his Sergeant by the arm, thankful the big black man didn't press the issue of remaining in the tent and instead simply huffed in disappointment his recruits didn't listen to him. He stood for Finn and Omeasoo, rolling his eyes a bit as they guided him by the arm out of the tent. Once outside, he gently shook them off. "Like I said, I'm not as dunk as you tink I am. I can walk." He stumbled a bit by missing the drop of the curve onto the road. "Sort of."

"This way please, Sergeant." Finn motioned with his hand as Omeasoo stood just a step back from the large black man. Banks gave both Finn and Omeasoo a very unimpressed look, but nodded and continued walking. Before long, he had his hands on both their shoulders, gripping with a strength Finn didn't know _**anyone **_could possibly possess, and he thanked the heavens it was on his right shoulder and not his left.

"You know, you guys make me proud," Banks slurred slightly, but was still easy to understand. "I mean, shit, you guys are the fifteenth group of recruits I've had the pleasure of training, and seriously everything this summer went great. Well, except for you, Target. You really gotta learn how to fucking duck." He laughed at the joke as he continued his slow steps towards the Sergeants' quarters and Finn managed a slight grin even as he kept from rolling his eyes at the nickname. He and Omeasoo steadied their Sergeant up the steps before helping him through the door and up another set of stairs.

The Sergeant's barracks were nicer than the recruits, for sure. For one thing, it was warmer and more inviting, with rich burgundy carpets on the floors of the hallways (instead of the rough, plain grey they had) and wood panelling gracing the walls. It smelled a bit better; more like a hotel and less like the sterile, almost hospital smell of the 'other ranks' quarters. Once they manoeuvred Banks around the corner and into the side hall, he stopped abruptly at the door labelled with his name, then pulled a key out of his pocket.

Finn watched and almost laughed at the expression on his Sergeant's face as he furrowed his eyebrows together and kept trying to push the key into the lock, but after three failed attempts, Finn nodded to Omeasoo, who gently took the key from their sergeant's hand and slid it home into the keyhole.

"Trouble with your key, Sergeant?" Omeasoo asked with humour and just the right tone of voice that no one would be able to take offense to it. Banks smiled slightly sheepishly and shrugged a bit, then pushed open the door roughly, almost falling flat on his face before both Omeasoo and Finn caught him by the arms to keep him from toppling over. Finn gnashed his teeth together to keep from crying out at the sharp stab of pain his injury was giving, but after a few short, painful seconds, Banks righted himself and nodded at both of them with gratitude.

"Thanks," he sighed as he looked around. "Looks like Marla's still busy in the mess. Normally she's here when I get in late." He threw his cap towards the desk and didn't even bat an eyelash when instead it hit the wall and dropped unceremoniously to the floor. Slowly, he made his way over to his bed and collapsed. "Fuck. It's been ages since I drank this much."

"Special occasion, Sergeant?" Finn asked, picking up his Sergeant's cap and putting it respectfully on the desk in the quarters.

"My brother's anniversary."

Finn and Omeasoo exchanged a glance with each other, both a bit surprised. "You and your brother are close?" Omeasoo remarked while fetching a blanket and pillow for the sergeant out of the closet. "Like me and mine."

"How long has your brother been married?" Finn asked without thinking, only realizing afterwards that such personal information really wasn't any of his business. He cursed his stupidity and just being a blabbermouth and not thinking about what he was saying. Although he was getting better at it, sometimes his mouth ran away from his brain.

"He's not married, Hudson," Banks slurred out a bit, putting his hands over his eyes. He pulled a smaller picture off his nightstand that was sitting beside his and Chief River's marriage photo and tossed it to Finn, heedless that it might land on the floor and shatter the glass. Fortunately, Finn caught it expertly so it didn't fall. "It's the anniversary of the accident."

Finn looked down at the picture to see Banks sitting beside a slightly younger man with similar features, but in a wheelchair with his hands on his lap. The quarterback swallowed and nodded, understanding suddenly. He showed Omeasoo briefly before walking over and carefully putting the framed picture back in its proper place. "How long ago did that happen, Sarge?"

"Twenty six years," Banks responded flatly with a slightly tired voice. "Twenty six years since he made the biggest mistake of his life and got into a vehicle with me behind the wheel."

The two recruits froze in shock, both of them with wide eyes and mouths slightly open. They glanced at each other before refocusing back on their sergeant, who sighed heavily but still had his arm over his eyes as he lay on his bed. The big black man spoke again. "Some fucking idiot who was drunk off his ass came barrelling towards us. I was so fucking sure I swerved the right way, didn't even see the parked car on the road. I misjudged the space I had and - and now..." He swallowed but remained stagnant. "No fucking idea why he forgave me."

Again, before he could rethink anything, Finn's mouthed a question. "Do you forgive yourself, Sarge?"

Banks raised his arm just enough to look at Finn pointedly, almost as if giving him the stink-eye, and Finn wondered if perhaps he'd just overstepped his bounds. Banks, however, rolled his eye and covered it again with his arm. "You move on. That's all you _**can **_do."

Finn nodded in understanding, swallowing and feeling a sense of kinship with his Sergeant. No, Banks had never killed someone, but he'd (unintentionally) caused serious harm to someone he cared about deeply. In a way, it was almost worse than Finn's experience. Never again would Finn have to look at Carl Waverly or interact with his family, but in his heart he knew the man was gone forever, never to return. Banks' brother was alive, but he would forever remind the sergeant of the mistake when they were together.

Finn seriously wondered which hell would be worse.

A sudden movement at the door had Omeasoo and Finn look over and instantly come to attention. Chief River stood here, her hands on her hips as she looked at Sergeant Banks with a mixture of sympathy and disdain, all while ignoring the two privates.

"Really, Edward? After this long, you still do this to yourself?" Her tone of voice had dropped from the sharp, clipped intonation of being the Chief of the Mess to one that was, obviously, a wife concerned about her husband's welfare.

"Not tonight, please, Marla," Banks responded, not even removing his arm from his eyes. "I haven't had that much."

"Just enough to need two of your recruits to bring you back." She shook her head and grabbed the blanket and pillow out of Omeasoo's hands. "Thank you both, gentlemen. Please return to your graduation party. I'll take things from here." Although she spoke gently and politely, the tone she used was commanding and brooked no argument. Finn and Omeasoo nodded once and left quickly, descending the stairs and outside the senior ranks quarters, heading back to the party tent.

"Sad," Omeasoo spoke barely loud enough for Finn to hear as they followed the path back towards where the rest of their troop was carrying on in the celebration.

Finn blew out a noisy breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, but...I get it, you know? I can see why Banks doesn't like this day. It's not easy to know you've done something horrible to someone else, even when you didn't intend to. At least his brother's still alive, but for me, it's-"

"Stop it!" Omeasoo turned suddenly and sharply, pointing a finger at Finn, his soft and gentle eyes suddenly harder than Finn had ever remembered them being before. "Stop right now. You did your _**duty**_."

The tall quarterback was shocked at the hard tone his friend had used and the sudden confrontational posture he assumed. He knew it was just Omeasoo's way of ensuring he was heard and his words got through to him, but it was so uncharacteristic of his native friend to do so that it still stunned him. After a few moments, he rubbed his hand over his face and spoke softly.

"That doesn't matter though, really. You think Carl Waverly's parents or widow care I was doing my _**duty**_? I still killed him. He's gone, and he's not coming back. And _**I **_did that." Finn shook his head and turned, sitting down on the curb of the street and putting his head in his hands. "I did that and...and it _**sucks**_!"

"Plenty of guilt to go around." Omeasoo's voice returned to the quiet tone it normally possessed as he sat down beside Finn, cross legged, on the grassy part between the sidewalk and road. "Me and Graham, we-"

Finn rolled his eyes. "You two were awesome. I mean, after all that went down with bullets flying and stuff, you guys jumped on top of him and started CPR and called for an ambulance and..." Finn shook his head, his eyes cast down. "I just stood there like a fucking idiot, wondering if I'd have to shoot again."

Omeasoo's eyes looked up to night sky and he was silent for several seconds before speaking. "I didn't want to."

Finn looked up at him sharply. "What?"

"CPR. Call an ambulance. I didn't _**want**_ to do those things." Guilt and sadness were evident in his eyes and he shook his head a bit. "I never wished someone harm. Not 'till I saw her hurt." Omeasoo looked at Finn and seemed disturbed by his admission. "I wanted him to _**suffer**_. Wanted him _**dead**_. I was jealous because _**you **_shot him, not me."

The Glee co-captain sat and stared hard at his friend, his mouth open. Never in his life would he have guessed the others in his group would have had any negative feelings or emotions regarding the incident that fateful day since it was him alone who had pulled the trigger and ended someone's life; the sudden knowledge of how deeply everything from that encounter had affected his friend rocked him to the core. He never would have imagined one of their group, let alone his gentle and quiet native friend, would feel such hatred and disgust for someone that they would actually feel jealous of _**Finn **_for shooting Carl Waverly. And the knowledge Omeasoo now had of how deeply he could feel such hatred towards someone else had left a mark on him, just as the knowledge of taking a life affected Finn.

"You never think you can hate that much," Omeasoo continued, his eyes looking down to the grass in front of him but otherwise not moving. "Hurts to know I can. Hurts to _**desire**_ violence." He looked up at Finn and the two soldiers' eyes met. "Thought I'd moved past that. Moved past hate and revenge and childish feelings and-"

"But it's normal," Finn responded to him, this time being the one to interrupt. "What matters isn't that you feel them, but what you do with them. You did it right, Omeasoo. You pushed them out of the way and did what you needed to do."

Omeasoo smiled tightly. "So did you."

"That's different." Finn shook his head and glanced away from Omeasoo's direct gaze. "Ignoring bad feelings to do something good for someone? You can be proud of that, man. Me? I have to live with trying to do the right thing, and then having to kill the guy instead."

"He had a weapon, Hudson. You did what you needed to do." Omeasoo shifted a bit. "Would you have raised your rifle if he hadn't pushed you down the stairs?"

Finn scoffed at him. "Course not, dude. I'm not psycho."

"_**I**_ wanted to," Omeasoo admitted, swallowing a bit before sighing and looking away. "Before he attacked, even, I wanted to _**hurt **_him. Not how my elders taught me."

"But you didn't. You kept it together, man. You should remember that."

Omeasoo looked at him seriously. "You kept it together too. You _**didn't**_ want to hurt him before he attacked. Why aren't you proud of that?"

"Because in the end I _**killed him**_!" Finn bit out, more harshly than he intended, his eyes and face going flat with anger. Fuck, why did he have to make this so obvious to everyone? How could he possibly be proud knowing he took someone's life away; that he wiped a living, breathing, walking person right off the planet? "I – I pulled the trigger and put a bullet through him. He's dead because of me."

His native friend didn't move or flinch from Finn's hard words. Instead, he smiled sadly. "No. He's dead because of _**him**_."

Finn shook his head, tired of trying to get it through people's heads what he was feeling and why. "You sound like my step-dad."

"Then your step-father must be very wise," Omeasoo reasoned, speaking softly again. "Your guilt, Hudson, doesn't help you. Let it go."

"And then what?" Finn turned back to his friend. "Just try to ignore this fucking hole inside of me? How do you just forget that you were forced to take a life?"

"You don't forget." Omeasoo shrugged. "You just move on…like Sergeant Banks."

Again, Finn shook his head. "Yeah, he's so fucking **_moved on_** he's crashed in his quarters and drunk off his ass."

"Only for one day." Omeasoo still hadn't moved an inch from his cross legged position, his hands dangling from where his wrists rested comfortable on his knees. "If not for tonight, we'd never have known."

Finn thought about what Omeasoo was saying. He had to admit that, no, he never would have known Sergeant Banks had a past that involved a wrong turn to avoid a collision but still cost his brother the ability to walk. Until tonight, he'd assumed Sergeant Banks was the model citizen and soldier; a man who saved lives as a paramedic by day and donned a uniform on weekends and in the summer to train others in the Guard. Everything about his sergeant seemed so rigid, formal and proper. He'd never have guessed deep down, Banks still felt guilty over something that happened twenty-six years ago, or that the big black man had picked himself up and carried on with his life, accepting (more or less) what had happened in the past and not letting it control his future.

Slowly, as he mulled over and through all the thoughts running through his mind, he realized that he had to do the same thing as his sergeant. Yes, he would feel guilty, but he needed to _**accept **_that it was there. What happened in Joplin happened, and there was really nothing to be done about it. All he could do was try to move on with his life, because despite his guilty feelings for it all, dwelling on it wasn't going to accomplish anything.

And he had a lot he wanted to accomplish in this last year of high school.

"You know," Finn turned back to his native friend and eyed him, "Sergeant Banks told me in the hospital there's this group called CISM. Stands for Critical something-or-other."

Omeasoo nodded. "Critical Incident Stress Management. I've heard. Got a pamphlet from the Investigating Officer."

"Well," Finn rubbed the back of his neck a bit in embarrassment. "Maybe it's something we can do, you know. Talk to them about everything that happened and how it kinda sucks and we keep thinking of it. Do you think...do you think it's something that could help?"

The native boy thought for a moment, then smiled in agreement. "It can't hurt. We should call once back in Lima."

They nodded to each other, then, by silent communication, both got back up and began walking back towards the party tent. While walking, Omeasoo turned back to him. "Hudson?"

"Yeah, man?"

"I'm Travis. Stop the last name shit."

Finn smiled warmly at his friend, and even though the native boy looked serious, his eyes danced in mirth as they continued to walk along the sidewalk by the road.

"Cool. Call me Finn."

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	15. Going Back

**A/N - It's been an interesting ride lately, dealing with dying computer fans and beer swilling band-mates while tucked away in the mountains and a son's birthday party as he turns 6. But it's been fun, too. Anyway, those are just a few reasons as to why this took longer to post than normal. The good news, though, is that there is another chapter which isn't far from completion that hopefully will come out by next week, if all goes well. In the meantime, I hope this chapter is enjoyed by those following the story. Thanks again to _JannP_ for bouncing ideas around on every chapter in this story, and also to _tiltingaxis_ for her support and encouragement regarding any of my crazy ramblings. And thanks again, to everyone who follows and subscribes to this story. I would like to especially thank those who take the time to review. And really, if you enjoy the story, taking a couple minutes to say so would be REALLY appreciated. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if necessary. **

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><p><em>There he was. Dressed resplendently in a dark suit, blue tie, white button up shirt and holding a bouquet of flowers; flowers for her, no doubt. And when he turned and she looked into his eyes, he gave her that adorable half-grin that always, <em>**always **_made her weak in the knees and caused butterflies in her stomach. _

What the hell are you _**doing**_? _Her rational side argued to her._ Are you really going to just forget everything that happened? This is the boy who _**lied **_about his virginity _**and **_his night with Santana. This is the boy who pushed you away and wouldn't listen when you tried to apologize for kissing Puck. This is the boy who then turned around and went _**back **_to Quinn and dated her until just last week. This will never work! You want Broadway and New York and your name in lights and he's _**just Finn!**_

_The argument was always the same in her mind. It would constantly remind her that the tall, awkward, adorable boy in front of her was _**just Finn**_. _

_But then, that was the issue right there. _

_It was_** Finn**_. It was _**just FINN!**

_Finally, there was no one else around. Finally, there was no one else to get in the way. _

_It had been a long six months of life for her. She had tried hard to let him go, and even convinced herself after Valentine's that she had, only for her emotions to be sucked right back into desire and want for him in a matter of days for reasons unknown. Only two short, brief romantic opportunities had come along in that time. The first was a horrible attempt at dating Blaine resulting in a kiss that only proved to him he was most definitely gay. The second was an awkward, unapologetic kiss between her and Jesse. Although she was sure he intended it as sweet and emotional, it instead felt strange and gave her weird chills of some kind. It solidified in her mind that she and Jesse just weren't meant to be together as more than friends. _

_Finn, however? _**So **_not the case with Finn. She could get lost in his eyes and kiss him endlessly, each touch of his lips and fingers setting her heart on fire and her soul soaring above the clouds. Her torso practically ached to have his long, strong arms around her, lifting her off the ground or pulling her close into his chest. And though she hadn't admitted it to him, she loved the feeling of his weight on her when they made out and slowly explored each other's bodies overtop each other's clothes (and underneath a little too, were she completely honest). Her body seemed to sing and vibrate when around him, and nothing mattered more then to just be in his embrace. _

_Her feet started walking faster, and though her heart cheered her on, her mind cursed her for her lack of restraint. Was it normal to feel such total and complete infatuation with a boy? There was no star power or celebrity to Finn Hudson save his position as quarterback; there never was. But it _**always**_ felt to her like there was. _

_She slowed slightly as she approached him. His eyes went wide as he took in her hair, her dress, her legs, her shoes. For the first time she noticed fully, completely and truly how he regarded her; there was adoration, love, awe and everything that made her breath hitch in her throat and caused her heart to flutter. How the hell had she convinced herself she didn't need this? That she was free, single and enjoyed it that way? That the world was her oyster and there were plenty of fish in the sea? _

_No there weren't. There was only one she wanted to catch. The same one she'd wanted since he first opened his mouth and sang alongside her in almost two years ago. And now here he was, flowers in hand, dressed to impress, and wanting to take her who knew where. _

"_Working date." He had uttered when she asked about their dress and formality. _

_Yeah. Right. Sure. But she smiled anyway at his nervousness because, well, when was the last time she had actually made a guy feel nervous? _

_This wasn't a working date. This was a _**REAL **_date. A real, honest-to-God, guy-pulls-out-all-the-stops _**adult**_ date. Finn mentioned visiting the theatres on a walking tour, then checking out Times Square, and for dinner he managed somehow to reserve a table for two at Sardi's. She had to actually fight herself to keep from squealing and jumping up and down with joy. _

_Oh, she was going to enjoy this. Yes indeed! _

**-X-**

"Rachel!"

Her eyes opened and she snapped back to the present day instead of the time over thirteen weeks previous. She noticed her Daddy (Hiram) standing beside her, leaning on the railing and taking in the sight of the creek underneath and the greenery surrounding their location.

"You okay?" Hiram asked as his eyebrows rose in concern.

She nodded and breathed in deeply, enjoying the cleaner air the park seemed to offer from the rest of the downtown core in New York. "Just remembering some things, that's all."

"From your competition?" Hiram intoned with a pained voice. Rachel smiled at him and placed a hand on his arm when he looked away guiltily. He and her Dad (Leroy) had _**so **_wanted to come to New York and cheer on her and New Directions, but the timing was absolutely horrible with them having a major trial to prepare for that week and unable to convince the judge to adjourn the matter for a later date. It seemed to be a curse in the Berry household in the last year that whenever she had a competition or other event to perform at, something always seemed to come up to prevent her fathers from attending. The only benefit was she could use the resulting guilt trips to convince them to do pretty much anything she wanted.

"You don't have to feel guilty, Daddy." Rachel linked her arm in his and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I know you both tried. Besides, it's not like we won the whole thing."

"But you could have, and then we'd have missed out completely." Hiram put a paternal arm across her shoulders and hugged her to him, still looking out at the scenery. "But what is it about this bridge and Central Park that has you thinking back, hmm?"

Rachel shrugged again. "This is where Finn and I met for our date."

"Really?" Hiram glanced around a bit and then smiled appreciatively. "Boy has some style. It's very romantic. Nice to see he _**can **_put some thought into your dates other than dinner and a movie."

"He's also taken me bowling, mini-golfing. And he took me to _Les Miz_ at the community theatre. And we did…other things, too." Rachel smirked slightly, causing her Daddy to look at her sharply with narrowed eyes. Yes, she let those words slip just to see his reaction and wasn't disappointed. Who said she didn't have a sense of humour?

"Can you please spare me those types of images? I understand you're becoming a young woman in your own right, but I still remember the sweet, adorable five year old Rachel latching onto my leg and refusing to let go until I played _**The Little Mermaid **_VHS tape. It's difficult to picture you involved…_**romantically**_…with someone."

She smiled. "Our date here really was a magical night. Walking around the theatre district, dinner at _**Sardi's**_, meeting Patty Lupone, and then going to Times Square. It was perfect…well, perfect until I ruined it all and told him 'no'."

Hiram turned and leaned against the bridge railing, crossing his arms. "I still say you made the right decision. You needed time to examine your feelings, Honey, and really think about what it is you want. You _**seem**_ to have that figured out now, though, right? You want New York and Broadway still?"

She nodded and pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. "Yes, and I have no intention of surrendering that dream. Not for anything or anyone." Her father levelled a serious gaze at her, which caused her to do a double-take. "What?"

"Just...I want you to be careful about how far you're willing to go to fulfill your dreams, Rachel. Yes, I know you want Broadway and fame and your name up there in lights, and I've no doubt through hard work you'll get it. Just remember, work alone _**won't **_make you happy."

Rachel frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "It's all I have right now, Daddy. I'm horrendously low on the high school social ladder, I barely have any friends outside of Kurt or Mercedes and my summer job finishes next Friday. Once high school is done, I'm leaving Lima for New York. Other than maybe visiting you and Dad, I don't plan on going back there."

Hiram nodded. "The opportunities in your chosen field are definitely better here in New York, but not much else is going to change, Honey. You'll still need a place to live, still need to buy groceries, still have to pay bills, still have to deal with people who may not like you for whatever reason. Wouldn't it be tough doing all of that alone?"

"I wouldn't be alone. Kurt's coming with me."

"Is he?"

She turned to regard her father with a scowl. "Of course he is. He said so when we were here in June."

"Exactly, Sweetie. Kurt said that in June of 2011. There's no guarantee he won't change his mind in June of 2012. What if he decides to work for a year between school and college? Or, God forbid, what if something happens to Burt again? A lot can change in a year."

She bit her lip as she considered her father's arguments. The seemed contrary to almost everything both he and her Dad had ever said or done to encourage her to chase her dreams. _**Now**_ he was telling her to think beyond her life-long ambitions? "Are you suggesting I stay in Lima?"

"No." Hiram shook his head and leaned on the railing of the bridge, overlooking the water running underneath. "I'm just suggesting you think about _**everything **_you want in life. You've mentioned how you want Broadway and starring roles and a Tony award before you're 25 and then be married and start having kids. I remember Finn telling me he was surprised you had it all mapped out. You do realize, I hope, it's not likely to happen exactly as you want, right?"

"I know I may have to make some...sacrifices, yes. I'm aware." Rachel sighed a bit. "It's nothing I haven't considered before."

"How many are you willing to make?" Hiram's questioned pointedly.

Rachel turned to him, swallowing and her eyes a bit wide at the implications behind her father's question. "You're wondering if I'm willing to sacrifice any chance of being with Finn again, aren't you?"

He shrugged a bit while looking towards the river. "That depends largely on what _**he**_ wants, what _**you**_ want, and what you _**both **_want for each other. You were very focused on your chosen career path until you started dating him last summer. Then somewhere along the way he became everything you wanted and thought of. I'll admit, your father and I were a bit alarmed at how all-consuming your relationship was, but we were also relieved. "

"That makes no sense. How can you be both alarmed and relieved at the same time?"

Hiram laughed a bit. "We were relieved because it was the first time since you were four that you were acting your age, Honey. You were a teenage girl in love, and with what I thought was a fairly nice boy who treated you well...that is to say, never coerced you to do something you didn't want to do. I know you and he had some problems and there have been some head games, but again, that's part of the 'teenager in love' process. But even after you went through all of that, there still seemed to be an intense attraction between you both. You didn't come home from Nationals and blabber on about how wonderful the other groups were or how you and Sunshine were talking or about the judges you met or that you and Kurt sang in the Gershwin Theatre. You came home and the first thing you told us was that Finn wanted to get back together with you and took you on a date. It seemed to me that despite how the competition could further your goals, you didn't really consider it the most important thing in your life."

Sighing, Rachel swallowed leaned her head in her hand on the bridge's railing. "Maybe it wasn't at the time, but I know now I don't have to choose between the two. Performing is my love, my passion. "She smiled a bit. "You and Dad can relax. If I have to decide between Finn and Broadway, Broadway will definitely come first."

"I know. Honestly, that worries me too." Hiram nodded.

Rachel rolled her eyes. Was there some magical answer she could possibly give her father that would please him? On one hand, everything her Daddy had been saying suggested she would need to sacrifice personal love and romantic happiness to achieve her dreams, and when she claims she's willing to do so, he _**still**_ admits his worry that she'd choose her career first. It was almost like she couldn't win in what was, at this point, a hypothetical argument. "What do you want me to say, Daddy? Would you be happier if I said I'd turn away from Broadway dreams to be with Finn for the rest of my life? Would that make you happy?"

"Would it make _**you **_happy is the real question, Rachel."

"No. It wouldn't. Just like being _**without**_ Finn doesn't make me happy. I wouldn't be happy unless I had both and didn't have to choose _**at all**_." The frustration in her voice caused her to stop and turn away from him, facing the creek again and crossing her arms. "But I can't be in New York yet. I still have to finish high school because no matter how good a voice I have and how much I deserve to be on stage I know it's not that simple, and college gives me a backup. But college won't look at me without a high school diploma, so college and New York and Broadway just aren't reachable yet. But Daddy, Finn _**is **_reachable. He'd be mine right now if I hadn't turned him down here. And a few months ago I wasn't sure I could even have him again. But I can, even if only for a small while before I move here. If I'm lucky, he'll want to come with me, too. I know he could if he wanted to and worked for it. We could both be here in a year."

"And if he isn't able to make it here next year?"

"_**I don't know!**_" Rachel almost exploded at him, causing Hiram's eyes to widen a bit at the sudden volume in her voice. "I don't have all the answers. What do you want from me?"

"Just understanding, Rachel." Hiram said gently, putting his hand on her shoulder and giving her a re-assuring squeeze. "Life is just that; _**life**_. I know you have goals and ambitions, but the path you choose to get to them doesn't have to be set in stone. It can be changed, adjusted, altered to fit what you're feeling or wanting at any given point. I had a lot of friends in college. Some of them went on to achieve their goals and dreams without any problems, only to be left with nothing but that achievement at the end. Few friends, a small social network, and the only people they ever 'dated' were in their chosen fields. I've had other friends who gave up completely on their dreams and opted for family and love, and now work in fields outside their dreams and are unhappy in their line of work. I just...I pray you don't get caught in _**either **_trap because you love both Broadway and Finn with such intensity there seem to be a middle ground for you. Just...be aware there's _**always **_a middle ground if you're willing to find it."

Rachel took a deep breath and chewed her lip a bit, thinking seriously about her father's words. _**Middle ground**_ wasn't a term she was used to hearing from them. Instead, they were very much active and supportive of her lifelong goals and dreams to be a performer on Broadway. They never would have suggested anything less for her and her gift of voice. Now it almost sounded like they were changing their tune. "It doesn't seem like you and Dad ever had to find a middle ground, Daddy."

"Au contraire!" Hiram chuckled a bit and grinned. "Why do you think we're in Lima and not California? Or working in our own firm instead of accepting an offer with a multi-national corporation?"

She was taken aback by the sudden admission of her father. Never before had she ever heard about there being any kind of disagreements between her dads on how their lives had gone or developed. Nor was she ever made aware they had goals or dreams that weren't the same as the lives they currently lead. "You wanted to move to California?"

"Not me...your Dad did, yes. He thought it would be more invigorating and interesting to start a law firm out there. There were a lot of opportunities in the entertainment field. He could have even become an agent if he'd wanted. But I wanted to stay here in Ohio or at least somewhere in the Midwest. There were a lot of big corporations in Columbus, Cincinnati and Cleveland that were courting me in my final year, but it was all environmental or business law and your father had no interest in it. So, we both wound up compromising. He got to open a law firm like he'd always wanted, just not where he wanted. I got to stay in the Midwest to practice, but not where exactly I thought I would." Hiram looked at her seriously. "You see what I mean now about middle ground?"

Rachel rolled her eyes again while crossing her arms. "I suppose this is the moment when, once again, you tell me I want everything too much?"

Hiram nodded. "Yes and no. I'm saying you need to have balance in your life, and sometimes it takes you directions or gives you options you didn't consider. Life isn't black and white, Rachel. It's not always one or the other. Sometimes it's possible to have both, just not in the way you might think. I'm encouraging you to do what's best for you at any given moment in your life to have as fulfilling a life as possible, that's all; don't be afraid to think outside the box and explore your options. There are always more options than you might believe. You're not limited to Finn, Honey. And you're not limited to Broadway. Lots of people have become famous actors and singers without stepping foot on a Broadway stage, and lots of women have married men they met well after high school."

"That just seems so..._**contrary**_ to what I want, Daddy. I want Finn _**and **_I want Broadway. If we both come to school in New York, problems are all solved."

"What if he doesn't get into school in New York, Rachel?" He looked at her seriously. "What if _**you **_don't get into school in New York?"

Rachel scoffed at her father, appalled he'd even suggest such a travesty from occurring. "Are you seriously thinking I won't?"

Hiram smirked slightly and shrugged. "It's not likely given your grades and voice, but let's face the bitter truth here, Sweetie, you're not the _**only **_intelligent and talented person in the world. Even looking at Broadway stars right now will tell you that."

Unsure how to respond, she settled on simply turning back to the railing and watching the moving water underneath the bridge, mulling over her father's words. Two years ago, the thought of not pursuing Broadway immediately after high school seemed ludicrous. She had the talent, she was sure, to get roles in those productions, or at least on Off-Broadway productions to start. The theatre community here was vibrant and rich and the opportunities seemed plentiful. But one thing she had learned in the last six months was that sometimes advice her fathers offered that she would initially reject deserved at least some consideration. Her Daddy was quite correct in that opportunities in theatre and film didn't limit themselves to New York. There was California, Chicago, Las Vegas, even out of country in England if she were honest. Any one of those avenues could also take her where she wanted, or eventually lead back to New York and Broadway anyways.

"What do _**you **_think I should do?" Rachel turned back to her father to see him also staring out at the creek and water beneath them.

Her father smiled gently. "Follow your heart, Ray, but don't be afraid if it takes you places you haven't considered, whether that be professionally _**or**_ romantically. Be honest with _**yourself**_, and don't ever be blinded by desire for anything or anyone."

She wiped away an errant tear as thoughts of Finn flooded back to her. "Right now, honestly, Daddy, I want to be with Finn. I love him. I...I don't feel as alive without him. And since we both have a year of high school left, there's no conflict. That's what my heart tells me."

Hiram embraced her in a fatherly manner. "As long as _**you're**_ sure." He regarded her seriously. "But if you and Finn _**do **_decide to stay together and wind up in different states, what then?"

Rachel smirked as she pulled away and looked up into Hiram's eyes. "I'll cross _**that**_ bridge when I come to it. Besides, we have to _**get **_together first."

"Again."

"I never said we weren't travelling a bumpy road." Rachel admitted.

Hiram chuckled. "Life is a bumpy road, Rachel. You might as well get used to it."

**XXXXX**

Finn waved as Graham and Wayfor walked away from him, both heading towards the car owned by Graham's parents to whisk them away from the recruiting office. Finn smiled a bit as he watched the car pull away, then turned and regarded his surroundings.

Lima, Ohio. He was back almost exactly where it all started. He looked around, drinking in the sights of everything before him; the small grocery store just down the block with the Subway restaurant, the home care medical store beside it, the nail salon, and now the most important building on this side of the street, the National Guard recruitment office where he was currently standing just outside in the parking lot. Finn bit back a grin when his eyes caught the sight of Burt's Auto Garage across the street, closed up tight and all signs off on this Sunday afternoon. He would forever remember it as the location where the National Guard had begun for him. If he hadn't gone with Burt that day to get his mind off Rachel, he never would have embarked on this journey.

And what a journey it had been.

It had changed his life completely. He felt so much more confident and capable in himself. The thought of high school and his final year approaching barely fazed him. He wasn't even a bit nervous about returning to foot ball. Ideas for songs and mash-ups for Glee practically filled his mind to the brim. Finn resolved that this time he was going to apply himself to _**everything **_he did. This was definitely _**his **_year.

Only one thing worried him, and it was the same thing that _**always**_ worried him.

Rachel Barbara Berry.

It was funny how the three small words which comprised her name could simultaneously strike a harmonic chord of pure joy through his soul and still turn his stomach into knots large enough to tie down a cruise ship. He'd be seeing her in two days, and still had no idea what to expect or believe regarding their relationship. Would she even be happy to see him? Well, probably for the fact they were friends, yes, but he couldn't be sure it would ever be more than that again. He remembered his Mom telling him that she knew Rachel still loved him. Of course, that didn't mean Rachel was committed to the idea of starting over with him. He supposed it would be okay since he knew they had to rebuild the bridges and ties between each other anyway. If he had changed so much during the summer, there was a fairly decent chance she had as well.

"Well, well, well. You definitely _**look **_the part, don't you?"

Finn turned at the sound of the familiar voice, only to see Kurt standing beside his Lincoln Navigator and giving him a brotherly smile of fondness. The tall quarterback grinned and ran over to him, ignoring his protests about his Alexander McQueen sweater and just engulfing him in a massive bear hug. After a few moments, Finn pulled away and slapped his brother affectionately on the shoulder. "Good to see you, Kurt. How's the summer been?"

"It was fine until you decided to assault me." Kurt complained, rubbing the spot on his shoulder where Finn had smacked him. "Did it ever occur to you that some of us more _**delicate **_people don't appreciate being manhandled?"

Finn smiled at him. "What about Blaine? You have problems when that man _**handles**_ you?"

"_**Finn Hudson!**_" Kurt's words burst forth in shock and he looked terribly scandalized. He pushed Finn on his chest to show his displeasure, but the action barely even caused Finn to move. Finn just laughed and threw his duffle bag into the back of the Navigator before joining Kurt in the front seat of the vehicle.

"How was your summer with the theatre?" Finn asked, securing the seat belt and removing his uniform cap.

Kurt made a face. "Not terribly exciting, I'm afraid, but then, staging a traditional interpretation of _**A Man for All Seasons **_isn't the most exhilarating experience one can hope for. Most of my excitement came in the form of keeping a certain brunette diva from going insane about _**you**_."

Finn's face hardened into a slight mask, his jovial mood dampening a bit. Had she really been that upset about his decision to join the Guard? She was the one who turned him down in New York, wasn't she? Did she think he'd be sitting around and moping _**all**_ summer? Well, given her sometimes dramatic tendencies, it was certainly possible that's what she thought. "Sorry if you got caught in the cross-fire, dude. I didn't mean to stick you in the middle like that."

"I'm far more concerned about _**you **_getting caught in the cross-fire." Kurt glanced at him, worry etched on his face. "How is your shoulder?"

He rotated it slightly, then nodded and settled against the back of the passenger seat. "Good, I guess, all things considered. I still need painkillers, but it's gradually getting better."

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him before turning the corner onto the main road. "I'm sorry, do my ears deceive me? Did you just use the word 'gradually'?"

Finn mocked him in a voice like he was still a toddler. "Yes, Mr. Hummel. I'm a big boy now, and can even use big boy words."

"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Finn."

"Upset you don't have the monopoly on it anymore?"

After coming to a complete stop at the red light they had approached, Kurt whipped his head around and stared hard at his tall brother. "Honestly, who the hell are you and what have you done with Finn Hudson? I'd really like my brother back now if that's okay."

The tall quarterback laughed. "Dude, it's still me. I just…I don't know, words just…I retain them better now, I guess. They don't confuse me as much."

Kurt eyed him dubiously for a moment before shrugging and then turning back to the road, proceeding through the now green light at the intersection. "I guess it _**will **_make conversing a bit easier if I don't have to explain myself every few sentences." He sighed and turned another corner. "Are you calling Rachel later?"

Finn grimaced as he thought about it a bit, hiding the fact that the mere thought of talking to her again made his heart race faster and his stomach to flip on itself. He wanted to talk to her, dear _**God **_he _**so **_wanted to talk to her and let her voice wash over him for the first time in over two months. Internally he smiled at the thought of her endlessly talking about the details of her summer to him. But his head cautioned him against diving straight into that emotional vortex right away. After all, he had barely seen his family save his parents' trip to Joplin and only had tonight and tomorrow with them before he returned to school. And he still needed to figure out what to do with his letter for her.

"I don't think I will, honestly." Finn swallowed and shrugged with a bit more nonchalance than he actually felt. "We'll see each other in Glee on Tuesday. It's no biggie."

The small teen beside him shook his head. "You're a terrible liar, Finn. I could tell just by your breathing and suddenly bouncy demeanour it means much more to you than that."

The tall quarterback blew out a noisy breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay, fine, yeah, it does. But Kurt, we…if I learned one thing this summer, it's that I can't go back to what she and I had, okay? We have to start again from scratch, which means I don't want to screw things up again. I don't want the last first day of school to have any dumb shit she and I might say to each other hanging over us, you know? We have lots of time to say it after school's started. I'm not avoiding her; I just want to wait a bit. Wait until we can just be the two of us and talk." He turned to look out at the passing scenery. "We…have a lot to talk about when the time's right. And I still have to think about what I want to say."

Kurt smiled at him as he continued driving. "Finn, I have to say, that's…probably one of the most mature things I've ever heard you say or do. You really have changed this summer, haven't you?"

Frowning a bit, Finn swallowed and sighed. "In more ways than I ever would have thought, dude."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	16. Words of Others

**A/N - As promised, here's the now completed chapter. Hope everyone enjoys it. It's a bit shorter than most of my chapters, but the next one will be longer, promise. Thanks again for the wonderful reviews, the story alerts, favourite author/story subscriptions, etc. Also a huge thanks to _JannP_ for this one since she suggested the direction to go with for Finn in this section. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if necessary. **

* * *

><p>"She's here! She's here!"<p>

Rachel turned suddenly from where she was cleaning up the synagogue's room where her day camp had taken place to see an excited Kale Omeasoo running into the room. She grinned at young boy as he bounded over and then gave him a short, friendly hug. After pulling away, she regarded the Native boy fondly. "How are you, Kale? Did you have a good weekend? Are you ready for school tomorrow?"

Kale shrugged a bit. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, have to go no matter what anyway, right?" He turned suddenly and gestured behind him to a large, powerfully built young Native man standing in the doorway with short hair, gentle eyes and hands in his pockets, leaning against the door frame. "I brought my brother Travis! I told him you and I were talking about missing people who joined the National Guard and that you wanted to meet him when he got back." He turned to his brother. "This is Miss Berry. She ran the music day camp."

She smiled a bit at Kale's enthusiasm but nodded and walked over to where his older brother stood. "Hi…Travis, correct?" When the young man nodded, Rachel extended her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. Kale told me a lot about you this summer. I'm Rachel Berry."

Travis's eyes shifted between Kale and her quickly and they widened as he took her hand gently. "_**Rachel Berry**_?" He smiled gently and Rachel was surprised when he didn't let go of her hand after a brief formal handshake. "Rachel Berry from…McKinley High School? New Directions, right?"

The beam of a smile appeared on her face before she could even stop it from appearing. "Why, _**yes!**_ I can't believe you recognize my name or know about that. How did…" Suddenly everything became clear for her as her mind quickly connected the dots; National Guard, summer job, and a certain tall, lumbering, quarterback who had also gone away all summer. The brief confusion that must have registered on her face lifted and her suspicions were confirmed when Travis's smile widened slightly. "You know Finn, don't you?"

"I have the honour and privilege to call him a close friend, yes." Travis nodded to her, finally releasing her hand but his eyes not leaving her face. "He speaks very highly of you. Has all summer."

"All sum…" Rachel's words caught in her throat as the implications of such a profound admission rocked through her core. "Has he been talking about me _**all **_summer."

"In between other things." Travis admitted, his hands going into his pockets again as he stood there, relaxed and watching without reservation. The casualness with which he was able to just be in a stranger's presence almost unnerved her, but there was something calming about this tall, quiet Native man. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Please be strong. He'll need you."

"Need me?" Rachel asked, bewildered by the strange words? "How? Why?"

"That's not my story to tell." Travis said evasively, but nodded. "But Finn will when he's ready, if you're willing to listen."

She swallowed and sniffed a bit, blinking back a sudden desire to shed tears for unknown reasons. "I'd do almost anything for Finn." She said softly. "Was...is he okay?"

Travis regarded her seriously. "He will be, with time."

"Time?" Rachel's confusion was only getting deeper from the mysteriously elusive responses. "What-"

Suddenly Kale called from across the room, some crafts of his in his hands along with a copy of some sheet music. "Travis, I wanted to show you what I was working on with Hannah. C'mere."

"Be right there, Mini-Me." Travis called to him, a playful smirk on his lips as he regarded his brother. He turned back to Rachel and smiled a bit. "I can see why Finn loves you. Take care of him, please." He squeezed her shoulder gently as he passed by her to move to where is brother was gathering his crafts.

Rachel stood in silence and shock as she watched the two Native brothers talk back and forth about Kale's time at the day camp, her mind spinning like a tornado about what Travis had said to her with so few words.

_Finn needs you. Finn_** will**_ need you. Please be strong. He'll be fine with time. Be ready to listen. He's talked about you all summer. He _**loves you. **

_**He **_**LOVES**_** me. **_

It didn't matter how often she heard it or even if she had turned him down back in June. The knowledge that Finn Hudson still loved her set her heart beating faster and almost brought tears to her eyes. Again.

_That boy is infuriating! Even when he's not in the room he has me swooning over him. It's not fair he has such power over me or that I'm totally helpless to prevent it. _

But there was more to her brief conversation with Travis than just how Finn regarded her. Rachel's suspicions from Kurt's cryptic answers a couple weeks prior were heightened, and she was now sure a lot more happened to Finn than just saving someone from a car wreck. Something _**very serious **_happened to him; evidently enough for even a new friend to be concerned and give her warning. Rachel's mouth went dry with worry and she blinked back another tear threatening to escape. Damnit, did she _**always **_have to be so emotional when thinking about that boy?

She pulled her phone from her pocket and glanced at the text messages left there. There was only one from that day, but it had eaten away at her subconscious since she'd received it. A single line of text from Kurt, who she knew had picked up Finn from the National Guard recruitment office.

**{ This is NOT the same Finn Hudson. } **

**XXXXX**

Finn sat back against the wall in the attic, slowly going through the stuff arrayed in front of him. It amazed him at the sheer volume of the collection his Mom had gotten from military. His Dad's Marine uniform jacket and cap, his ribbons from his tours of duty before being killed, the U.S. flag presented to his Mom from his Dad's funeral (which he had seen pictures of but had no actual recollection of the events). There was also a watch in there, presumably the one his father had worn on that fateful day, and a pair of dog tags with '_HUDSON, Christopher_' embossed on the metal. Further to that were items his Mom had kept from the same time period; newspaper clippings ranging from his Dad's obituary to articles from the local Lima paper questioning the U.S.'s role in the Middle East, as well as further declassified military records regarding the mission which had killed his father. Underneath all of this were even more papers regarding the benefits which his Mom would receive as a military widow (they were surprisingly few, he thought, if they could all fit into half a page of paper).

He rummaged around a bit, looking further into the trunk without really looking for anything particular. Finn had never before actually gone through each and every item in the trunk of the attic that held his father's personal possessions. It had been very hard for his Mom to go through them without breaking down and bursting into tears, memories flooding back to her of such a difficult time in her life. Even Finn felt a bit emotional about it all, but having no memory of his father made it easier for him to accept what had happened as it was all he'd ever known. He pulled some more papers out of the trunk until something caught his eye that he didn't think he'd seen before.

It was a black notebook of some sort. Very plain and non-descript, perhaps just smaller than a normal sized piece of letter paper. The cover seemed worn in the middle of the right hand side, as though someone had continuously opened and closed it either for the purpose of reading or writing (or both). Finn carefully pulled it free of the other papers and trinkets and opened it up.

Handwriting! Pages upon pages of handwriting. Before each entry was a date and location. Finn furrowed his eyebrows together a bit as he read one of the first entries.

_June 27__th__, 1993_

_It's official. I'm a father. I'm a father of one Finnegan Daniel Hudson, or as Carole and I like to call him, Finn. Finnegan was after my father, Daniel after Carole's. He was born on June 25__th__, 1993, weighing in at 9lbs and 8oz (he's gonna be a big boy) and he has my eyes and Carole's lungs when he's upset (and no, I'm never admitting that to Carole…ever!) He is my pride and joy, and I look at him and my heart melts and I know I'll do just about anything I can for him. _

_And I'm scared shitless. _

_I'm an okay guy. I mean, I look after my wife and do my best in the Marines, but money is tight, even for living in Lima, Ohio, and I can't even __**BE HERE **__to help Carole raise him during infancy! Like, seriously, how do I just abandon my wife and my son and return overseas without even a moment's hesitation? This isn't what I had envisioned. I thought I'd have a normal job with 9 to 5 hours and be here for my family whenever needed, and now I feel just like my own father and his ridiculous travel schedule; always too busy to bother with family life because I have to make money somehow. Carole has never made me feel inadequate or blamed me for having to leave. Yeah, she did say I wasn't allowed near her ever again during Finn's birth, but I'm pretty sure she'll change her mind in a few weeks…maybe. _

_The point is I __**DO **__feel guilty about having to go back. _

Finn smiled a bit at reading his father's admission, realizing all at once that he'd actually stumbled upon his father's journal. His Mom had never mentioned that he'd kept one, and he wondered why. He wasn't even sure if he should be reading this. These were his father's personal thoughts and fears and to be reading It seemed like an invasion of privacy, but then, with his father long ago killed in action, he supposed it wasn't really an invasion since he wasn't there to say anything about it either way. Besides, it's not he was thinking of publishing this stuff online for everyone to see.

Finn flipped a few pages until his eyes settled on another entry a few weeks later.

_July 29__th__, 1993_

_I can't believe I have to ship out again. One month with my wife and son is far too short a period. Times like this make me really despise my job, but that's part of being in the Marines and your time is not your own. I hope Carole knows that, given a choice, I wouldn't be heading out tonight like I must. It doesn't make it easier when she cries so much over these absences. I'd change things if I could, but it's not possible at this time. _

A feeling of immense warmth and fondness seemed to envelope Finn as he continued to read the entries of his father. He wasn't much of a reader or even prone to spurts of just settling down and pouring over words on a page, but this time he couldn't seem to tear himself away from what was written. Each entry mentioned, at least once, how much he missed his wife and son, and Finn swore at that moment he could actually feel the strength of the bond that existed between the two of them on his father's end. For the first time in his life, the slight hole in his heart (for lack of a better description) that always seemed to chill him a bit when his father was mentioned was starting to fade the more and more he read the words his father put down on the page. The bond was somehow, someway, being connected for him, in a way Finn never would have imagined it happening.

As he continued to read, he had to admit he was quite happy he had joined the National Guard and learned about some of the more obscure references his father made that those outside the military might miss. Christopher Hudson talked about the SNAFU of his communications equipment failing (Finn mentally translated that with a laugh to 'Situation Normal – All Fucked Up'). He complained bitterly how a group of rookies FUBAR'd (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) their tent while setting it up. He talked about the politics of the region and how the MPs (Military Police) were given a tough time by both Iraqi insurgents and also troops from the American base, despite simply trying to conduct an investigation into a bar brawl. It was interesting reading to Finn, and he revelled in being able to know and connect with his father more and more with each hand written account or story.

Then, suddenly, Finn saw that there were just two entries left. The second to last one was quite long, so Finn shifted a bit to get more comfortable before reading it.

_Oct. 16, 1993_

_I feel completely sickened at what my unit had to do today. It was, without a doubt, the worst mission I could possibly imagine. _

_On paper, it looked fine. Intelligence had pointed us to a hidden HQ for insurgent forces, only twenty or so miles from our camp. The operation was simple; strike hard undercover of midnight darkness and destroy the base. Return fire if fired upon. Capture insurgent soldiers if possible. Once confirming our target and ensuring air cover was overhead, we proceeded into the HQ area and began our operation. Enemy fire opened on us, and we hastily returned it, quickly eliminating each and every potential threat. I personally managed to hit two targets, one by the door where we came in, and one on the stairwell just to the right as we proceeded inside past the entrance. J.D. and L.T. managed to wipe up the others. Once we had secured the ground floor, Sarge and Ollie came in from behind and flanked the other insurgents. It was a textbook perfect operation, and everything was settled in under ten minutes with no casualties. Then Sarge flipped the lights. _

_Children! The fucking bastards knew somehow and armed a bunch of fucking CHILDREN to oppose us. The oldest was maybe sixteen. The youngest about eight. My two targets looked to be about eleven or twelve each. Never could I imagine having to pull the trigger on children not even half my age to survive an op. Almost all of us lost our lunch at some point that night upon learning our mission had been compromised and children were sacrificed so that leaders of the insurgents could escape. What kind of sick, twisted people do this to their own children? How can you justify throwing them like fodder into harm's way just so you yourself can escape custody? _

_It is times like these that make me question my orders and the wisdom of continuing this mission. Of course, I vowed to fight for and defend my country, with my life if necessary, but how exactly am I defending my country by needlessly killing children? How does our presence in the Middle- East justify such atrocities? Now, surely, those above me in charge of the 'bigger picture' would say that this was an unfortunate event which simply displays the cowardice and desperation of the insurgents, but what does it say about us to be able to excuse the carnage sown on such young victims? When does this madness end? To what lengths must we go to halt the bloodshed of lives caught in the cross-fire? How do we keep from slaughtering more children; children who are brainwashed into believing the righteousness of their cause despite lacking the reasoning necessary to choose that path willingly? _

_I have no answers for these questions as I am but a simple soldier; a proud Marine, yes, but still just a cog in this machine of world politics. But I can honestly say, after learning the horrible truth about my mission and the ages of my targets, that the lines are blurred for me as a man. My morals scream in protest, and my eyes weep for the young lives that I have, unfortunately, ended forever. _

Finn didn't even realize there were tears in his eyes or on his face until a drop dripped from his chin onto the page of the book in front of him. The raw emotions that his father felt; the rage of being forced to kill, the sadness of realizing what he'd done in ending other's lives, the emptiness his father was plagued with afterwards, each struck a nerve with Finn about everything he'd gone through after being forced to kill Carl Waverly. He and his Dad had a horrible, though completely honest, connection through their military experiences; both were forced to raise their weapons and take a life in the line of duty. It was such a shock to Finn that he shared this in common with his late father.

He pushed aside the journal and harshly wiped the tears from his face. Fuck, he hated crying. Hadn't he done enough of that this year? First over breaking up with Rachel, then Kurt's leaving school, then Rachel again at Valentine's, then the break up with Quinn, then Rachel a third time when she turned him down in New York, then Carl Waverly, and now his father's journal. The only thing now to wonder about with his father's journal was how much exactly did his Mom know? Had his Mom had the courage to read each and every entry? Had she gone through it numerous times just so she could hear the sound of her late husband's voice in those words, or had she ignored it completely for fear of becoming too upset on learning what dark secrets his father had experienced?

The tall Gleek had no answer. And though he dreaded it, he knew there was only one thing to do.

**XXXXX**

He found his Mom, Carole, standing in the kitchen and quietly humming to herself as she went about preparing lasagna for dinner that night. It was the new recipe she'd been forced to change to since Burt's heart attack, but Finn didn't mind so much. It was actually a variation on a recipe Rachel had given her, but that one called for soy meat and cheese substitutes, and even Kurt had to admit that lasagna didn't taste right without the real thing, so Carole had kept in the whole wheat pasta and spinach and vegetables and switched out the soy products for real (light) cheese and beef (extra-lean, of course).

It smelled good, however his Mom was making it, and despite loving the amalgamated family that he was now a part of, Finn couldn't help but wonder if this is how things might have been had his father not been killed. Would he still, at seventeen, be walking into the kitchen to the smells of Italian food being prepared, perhaps with his father now sitting in the living room and watching _Deadliest Catch_ instead of Burt, with a younger brother (or even sister) upstairs in the other room preparing for school the next day rather than Kurt blaring out Broadway tunes as usual.

How would life be different?

"Mom?"

Carole turned around and smiled genuinely at him. "Finn! How are you? Find anything interesting upstairs in the attic?" She washed her hands at the sink and then shook the water free before drying them on her apron and leaning against the counter.

"Well, sorta." Finn presented the small, black notebook to her before raising his eyes to hers. "Did you know Dad kept a journal."

She bit her lip a bit and her eyes became sad as she approached him and regarded the black notebook. "You opened it up and read some of it, didn't you?"

"How come you never told me he kept this?"

Carole sighed and motioned towards the chairs at the kitchen table. Wordlessly she took the journal from Finn's hands and opened it up, smiling with fondness as she flipped through the pages, recollecting the dates at which these entries were written rather than the content itself. "Part of it, Finn, was that I wasn't sure you would be able to handle or appreciate it the way you can now. Up until Burt and I got married, you were very protective of anything to do with your father. You almost idolized him. I didn't want you to be disappointed when you found out that your father really was just a man; a good, honest, loving and wonderful man, but still just a man. And as such, he had the same insecurities and fears so many men did about his place in life and how he'd be able to cope with everything." She glanced at Finn before continuing to leaf through the notebook. "I didn't want you to think any less of him before you were ready to accept the truth."

Finn bit his cheek and looked away, leaning back in the kitchen chair. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before motioning back at the notebook. "Did you read the last entries?"

His Mom's breath hitched in her throat and she nodded sadly, wiping a lone tear that threatened to trail down her cheek. "Unfortunately I never spoke to him about it. I know it must have upset him terribly to discover the truth about whom he'd been shooting at. And killing." She shook her head and swallowed. "Despite what you may think of these entries, Finn, your father wasn't a violent man. Sure, he watched his favourite action movies and got together with is best friend for fight nights, but when confronted directly he just walked away to cool off. The worst I ever saw was him kicking a chair when he hammered his thumb by accident." She smiled at him. "You come by that habit honestly, you know."

"I think we have more in common than that." Finn said hoarsely, fidgeting with his hands on his lap. Carole looked up to him in askance, and Finn knew it was time to come clean about what had really happened in Joplin. This was his Mom, and she had a right to know everything about his time there. Sighing, Finn pulled himself to sit across from his Mom and took one of her hands. "I...just promise you'll hear me out, okay?"

Carole nodded and Finn took a big breath.

"It was a sunny afternoon. Travis and I were sent to one of the suburbs in Joplin to spread out info on how to get help, and we had to do it door-to-door because internet and phone lines were down. We came across the domestic abuse case you were told about. When we figured out what was going on, I tried to arrest the man in question, but he...he resisted and pushed me off his steps." Finn swallowed and cast his gaze down to the table in front of him. He tried not to let the memories get to him like they always did, but he could feel moisture building at the back of his eyes and throat. After a squeeze of reassurance from his Mom, he nodded and continued. "His name was Carl Waverly, though I didn't know it at the time. Anyway, he pushed me down, and I was so scared at that point that he would try to attack me or wanted to get into a fist fight, so I flipped my rifle around and pointed it at him, hoping to scare him down and then arrest him like police do. When I trained my sights on him, he already had a pistol aimed at me."

"And then you shot each other?" Carole whispered, her eyes wide, her voice a mixture of dread and curiosity.

"I didn't want to." Finn shook his head a bit, still not meeting his mother's gaze for more than a couple of seconds. "I warned him that he would lose, even if he managed to kill me. I knew Travis and Jordan and Candi were nearby, so no way was this guy gonna get away with shooting me. Even if he did police and the army would scour the city looking for him. I thought he was gonna give up...like, his weapon even started sagging towards the ground, but then he suddenly..." Finn blinked back tears and forced himself to continue. "He pulled it back up and aimed at me. I didn't even think about it, and suddenly...I'd shot him. Like, dead centre of his chest just erupted with a hole in it. Travis and Jordan jumped on top of him to start CPR but..." Finn looked up at his mother. Her eyes were sympathetic and also held tears in them, and she swallowed as well, squeezing his hands tightly. Forcing himself to finish the story, he bit back a shaky breath and pushed on. "Sarge told me I killed him, Mom. I...he's dead because _**I shot him**_. And just knowing I was able, capable of doing something like that...I just..."

Carole stood suddenly and embraced him, and Finn relaxed into her arms and rested his head on her stomach as she soothed him by rubbing his back. The tears continued to flow, but now it felt to Finn more like simple release of the emotions he'd fought so desperately back in Joplin. He'd been worried his Mom wouldn't understand or be disappointed in him for what he'd been forced to do; now he knew his Mom would _**never **_be disappointed in him over something like this. She was his rock, his anchor, his constant confidante for everything and anything he faced in life, including all the crappy bad-stuff too. He swore, right there and then, that he wouldn't hide important things from his Mom again. It wasn't worth it, and no matter how bad things got for him, she proved time and again that he never had to shoulder the entire burden alone.

After a couple of minutes, Carole pulled away and tilted his head to look at him. "Finn, honestly, did you really think I didn't notice those guilty looks you threw towards your step-father?"

Finn almost choked on his tears. "Wha-..._**what**_?"

She smiled and smoothed his hair a bit. "I'd guessed you were the sole survivor of that encounter as soon as we walked into your hospital room, Finn. You were served roast beef. It's one of your favourites and you barely touched it. Only something traumatic would cause you to lose your appetite like that. The only other time you lost your appetite that badly was the first week after you and Rachel broke up. And then you were pretty much back to being the garberator I know and love you for."

The both laughed together at that before Finn sighed and rubbed his eyes and wiped away his tear stains. Carole cupped his face in her hand and gave him her own half-smile. "I love you, Finn. Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything, all right? I mean that...you can tell me _**anything**_. You're my son, and while I may not like what you say, I'll never push you away for it."

The hugged again just before one of the timer's went off in the kitchen, and Carole glanced at it. "Oven's ready. Why don't you go clean up and then you can come help me with dessert, okay? I could use a big strong soldier to prepare the whipped cream."

He chuckled. "You know Mom, you _**can **_get the real stuff in a spray can these days."

Carole shook her head. "Not for my son's welcome home dinner! We couldn't yesterday when you got home because of Burt's emergency call outside the town, but nothing will prevent it today. So go clean up, and get back down here." Just as Finn nodded and started to stand, Carole turned back to him. "Oh, and Finn?"

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Have you looked in your top desk drawer?"

Finn frowned. Why would he need to look in there? All he had in there were school supplies. "No, why?"

She smiled mysteriously. "Just look in there, okay? You'll see why."

**XXXXX**

He couldn't believe it.

He blinked a few times to ensure his eyes weren't deceiving him.

Nope, it was still there. A nice, albeit slightly wrinkled envelope with two words clearly evident on the front in large but delicate handwriting. _**Finn Hudson**_.

This was Rachel's handwriting. He would know it at a mere glance beyond any doubt.

He also looked over and frowned when he saw the red ink mark on the envelope. _**RETURN TO SENDER.**_

Finn studied the envelope a bit and then looked at the mailing date. After a few seconds worth of calculation, he realized that she'd sent this on the same day he'd been informed of their deployment. No wonder he never received it! As he sat there, jaw still slightly open in surprise and still holding the letter in his hand, he quickly concluded that this would have been sent just before he had intended to mail his own letter to her, as well. They literally would have crossed in the mail, neither one suspecting the other had taken the time to write something.

Quickly Finn looked over to his school book-bag where he knew the blood-soaked letter for Rachel was kept flat in the middle pouch. He hadn't yet decided if he was going to give it to her tomorrow or not. If he did, it would open up everything regarding the summer and he'd have an awful lot of explaining to do. Was he ready for that? Was he ready to reveal it all about himself to her, only to possibly be rejected because of his role in someone's death?

_What are you, mental? _His rational side berated him. _You know Rachel. You know she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't hurt you that way. _

_Why not? She hurt you before. Deliberately, I might add, by running to your best friend, knowing just how much it would hurt you. Don't be fooled, Finn. She's wonderful, yes, but she has a vicious streak in her something fierce. _

_Yes, but you didn't lie about anything this time. You didn't pull the wool over her eyes about something super important like your virginity. And even after the dust settled from all of that, she was still your best friend. But now you're _**both **_single; Kurt confirmed she's not seeing anyone else. There's no need to worry this time. You just have to be open and honest._

_Open and honest? No need to worry? So how do you propose you do this? Just waltz up to her and say, "Rach, by the way, my summer was awesome. Did you know I got to blow away a living, breathing human being? Yeah, he whipped out a 9mm on me so I got to pull the trigger and put bullet through the mofo. Ain't that cool? How you been?" _

Finn sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. He had no idea how he was going to do this. No idea how he could reveal something so huge to someone so important to his life. His Mom was one thing; she loved him and always would. No questions asked, really. And, well, even if he pissed his Mom off, it's not like she was going to sever him from her life completely. She was his _**Mom**_! But Rachel...

Rachel _**could **_sever him from her life completely. She all but did when they got back from New York. All she'd done was say hello or goodbye and basically avoid him completely. Wouldn't he just be offering her a chance to do that all over again by revealing the true nature of what had happened in Joplin?

Once again, his mind stymied on an answer for him. And since there was no answer forthcoming, he did the only thing he could think of; the safest course of action possible.

He returned the letter, unopened, to his desk drawer and closed it. The letter would just have to wait until he knew, for certain, what to do next.

Just like his letter would have to wait, so too would hers.

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><p><strong>AN 2 - Yeah, I know you're likely about ready to kill me now. But you can easily let your displeasure be knows by hitting the review button, because reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) **


	17. Different but Same

**A/N - Well, I hope everyone is happy with this installment. Three inside of 10 days? I know, I must be crazy. Well, enjoy because the next one will likely be a bit of a longer wait. Thanks again to _JannP_ for the quick turn-around beta time on this chapter, and honestly I think she was just as anxious as other readers to have this posted. Props to anyone who can tell me what three pop-culture references I made in this chapter (just for fun). I don't think it's too obvious, but it's not too subtle, either. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary.**

* * *

><p>"Are you ready for this?"<p>

Finn laughed at his step-brother before shaking his head and climbing out of the passenger's seat in Kurt's SUV. He shouldered his bag as he rounded the vehicle to join his brother. "Of course, man. It's just school, right?"

"It's the last first day of school you'll ever have, Finn," Kurt reminded him, pulling a satchel over his shoulder. "And it's the first time you'll be seeing her since you left."

The taller boy rolled his eyes as they walked toward the main entrance. Kurt had been practically hounding him ever since he'd let it slip that he'd decided not to open Rachel's letter. For some reason, Kurt was taking it almost as a personal affront; Finn couldn't really understand why. It was just a letter after all, and anything said in it could wait until Finn was sure about how to proceed with things.

_**Couldn't it? **_

"I won't be seeing her until Glee, man. She's super-smart and her classes are on the far side of the building with **_you_**. I have phys-ed to start my day; doubt she's coming anywhere near the gym."

"So, I take it you haven't decided what to say to her or how to say it."

Finn was getting annoyed and stopped walking towards the school for a moment to look at him. "No, not yet. Not that it's any of _**your **_business what we say to each other." He continued walking, only realizing after a moment that Kurt wasn't keeping up with him. He stopped and turned around. "Well?"

"Are you going to tell her what happened?"

_Fuck! He'd just _**have **_to come out and ask that question, wouldn't he? _Finn ran a hand through his hair and swallowed a bit before sighing. "I...don't know yet. It's...I'm still dealing with it all myself, okay? I don't know that I want anyone outside of family to know."

Kurt bit his lip but walked over to join the taller boy. "She practically _**is**_ family, Finn. You know how close she and I are. And I know you two are closer to each other than you'd admit right now."

"I'm not sure that's gonna stay the same though, Kurt. She... may not want anything to do with me if she knows."

"You're being ridiculous, Finn. She won't care."

"Just like she wouldn't care if she found out I'd slept with Santana?"

The smaller teen rolled his eyes and shook his head, but Finn was thankful he at least had the common sense to keep his voice subdued despite his obvious frustrations. "You _**lied **_to her then, Finn. You let her _**believe **_she was the one who would eventually take your virginity. Can you honestly stand there and say you weren't partially at fault?"

Finn shifted his book-bag a little. "Believe me, I totally _**know **_I'm 'partially at fault'." He used air-quotes over the three words to mock his step-brother. "My point is Rachel doesn't exactly handle change well. Remember Sunshine last year? Rachel's high strung and overdramatic and yeah, I love her for it, but that doesn't mean I want to start off my last year of high school by turning that attention on myself."

"It'll be directed your way whether you want it or not, Finn. You left without telling her and haven't spoken to her since returning. You don't think she'll have something to say about that?"

The tall quarterback shifted a bit uncomfortably, glancing down at his feet and considering what to say next. Wayfor had emailed him the night before and basically told him the same thing, but he'd just shrugged off the message as her being nosy. Was she trying to warn him about how women think about things? Maybe he should he have clarified some things with his friend from the Guard before coming to school today.

When Finn looked back up at his brother, he noticed Kurt's gaze had shifted to look over by the dumpster. Kurt sighed a bit dramatically. "Speaking of not handling change well, I'd say some things are less likely to change than others."

Following his eyes, Finn turned and noticed a small, defenceless teen in a striped shirt t and zip-up hoodie backing up towards the garbage dumpster, five members of the football team circling him. All too quickly, Finn realized their intentions as he took in the predatory smiles of his team-mates and nervous, panicked look in the other teen's eyes. He felt his jaw clench and without thinking, began walking over towards the group.

"Well, if it isn't little Bobby Flannagan." Finn overheard the one football player saying imposingly as they group cut off the smaller boy's routes of escape. "I understand you're a sophomore now, ain't that right? I think that calls for an initiation of some sort, don't you boys?"

"Absolutely," one of the other jock-goons answered. "After all, it's kind of _**our **_initiation to mete out the initiation."

The lead boy talking was Thomas Bronson. Finn grimaced a bit as he remembered from the previous year when Thomas was one of the 'up-and-coming' guys on the football team; one of those 'popular kids' that would no doubt pick up on the bullying and terrorizing of smaller, younger teens when Azimio and the rest of McKinley's bullies graduated to college or jobs. It seemed regardless of whom it was, there would always be bullies in McKinley's halls; it was as certain in life as death and taxes.

Where Finn used to stand idly by in the past, afraid of how interference would affect his own social standing (or football playing) at the school, he had now decided enough was enough. No longer would he tolerate it, despite what happened to his social standing or during football games.

"Guys? Bronson?" Finn called out when he was just a few steps behind the others.

The five other football players all turned towards him, and Bronson's face lit up like a Christmas tree to see the older boy standing there. "Hudson! _**My man!**_" He held out a fist towards Finn to bump in greeting. "What's shaking, dude?"

The quarterback's eyes narrowed as he ignored Bronson's fist and instead motioned with his head towards the smaller boy. The smaller boy seemed to be backing away even further upon seeing Finn's imposing 6' 3" frame standing just outside the semi-circle of other burly football players. "I'm kind of wondering what's shaking here." Finn cast his gaze towards the small teen. "Bobby, right?"

Bobby nodded, swallowing quickly, even as Bronson and the others chuckled but didn't move away from the sophomore. "Just about to introduce our friend here to the grand joy of dumpster diving, that's all." Bronson smirked in victory at the younger boy, and Finn noticed the feral sneer that accompanied the cruel facial features on his team-mate. "Would you like the honours of dumping the first one?" The football players parted slightly for Finn to walk through.

Deciding to take advantage of the sudden path afforded to him, Finn threaded himself between them until he stood next to Bobby. He looked down at the small teen, feeling horrible at the look of unadulterated terror that was plastered on the sophomore's face as he all but cowered in front of the quarterback. Was this really how younger students regarded him in this school? Did they look at him with fear and dread and utter panic about what he might or might not do? The thought made him sick to his stomach.

_**No more. **_

Finn gave Bobby a small, reassuring lopsided smirk, and then suddenly turned on the other four and stood his ground. "Leave him alone, guys. Save your aggression for the field tomorrow."

**XXXXX**

_I can't believe he's _**doing **_this! _Kurt thought to himself as Finn walked through the other football players, eyeing up Bobby with an icy stare. _He wouldn't after everything that's happened, would he? He said he never really enjoyed the football bullying, told me it was all just to keep up his reputation. Doesn't he remember how it felt to be slushied? _

Kurt's eyes went wide as he half-followed Finn towards the dumpster, but he remained just outside the semi-circle of football players. Gulping, he watched as Finn gave Bobby a lopsided smirk and then turned on the other five athletes. "Leave him alone, guys. Save your aggression for the field tomorrow."

_**YES! **_Kurt almost wanted to burst out with a cheer and clap of approval, and was halfway to bringing his hands up in applause when the face on Thomas Bronson changed quickly from shock to one of cold determination. It was in that instant that Kurt swallowed and feared that things were about to take a serious turn for the worse.

"So, Hudson _**has **_gone pansy-assed on us; can't even help weed out the fuckin' losers in this school. Should've expected that from all the time you spend around those Nude Erection show choir homos."

Comments like this sent Kurt's blood to boiling, and he was pretty sure had this confrontation occurred before Finn's time with the Guard, the quarterback would have lunged at the boy in front of him with rage. Instead, Finn smirked and shook his head. "Nude Erections…really, Bronson? If I'd a dollar every time I heard that one, I could buy you a personality that doesn't scream _**asshole**_."

Kurt's jaw almost hit the ground and his eyes bugged out of his head. _Since when __had Finn ever been able to think on his feet like this?_ The casualness and ease with which Finn threw back the comment almost matched Kurt's own sarcastic sense of humour. Was Finn Hudson actually being _**witty?**_

Finn's face suddenly set into a look of equal and stubborn determination to match his rival's, and Kurt was alarmed at the amount of tension radiating between the two.

"Pretty sure me and my homeboys can take both you and little Bobby." Bronson formed fists and began cracking his knuckles a bit while the four behind him all grinned in agreement. "Since you're on the football team, Hudson, I'm gonna let your comment slide _**if **_you step aside and let us take care of Flannagan's initiation. Or, if you like, we'll dump both your sorry asses in there."

Without wasting a second, Finn dropped his school bag beside Bobby. He ripped off his letterman jacket, tossing it over to Kurt without really looking at him. It amazed Kurt that Finn even knew he was there, since Kurt was still standing outside the circle of other boys. Finn quickly turned back to Thomas and actually _**stepped up**_, looking down into Thomas' eyes and puffing out his chest slightly. Kurt had _**never **_seen Finn use such a confrontational stance, but when pulled himself up to full height with shoulders back, Finn suddenly looked _**very **_imposing; not in the 'good-looking-and-know-it', but more in the 'I-can-snap-you-in-half-with-one-hand' kind of way.

For the first time Kurt had ever seen, Finn Hudson was stepping up and physically _**challenging **_his tormentor. Kurt was even more impressed by it because the person Finn was protecting this time was a complete stranger.

"You can try," Finn invited with a low growl of a voice, his eyes hardening further, if that were possible. The four other football goons actually took a step back at the sound of Finn's voice, all instinctively knowing the tall quarterback meant _**business**_. Finn continued as he stared down into Thomas's eyes, "…but if you _**do **_try, then I might get angry." Finn smiled viciously at his team-mate. "You really wouldn't like me when I'm _**angry**_."

Thomas swallowed, and Kurt noticed a flash of fear cross his eyes before he looked back at the others. They all regarded each other a bit warily, and it seemed as though they were thinking better than trying to push their quarterback any further. With a scowl, Thomas backed off a couple of steps, maintaining eye contact with Finn and jabbed a finger at him. "This _**ain't**_ over, Hudson. Just remember that."

The tall Gleek maintained a stony silence as his eyes stared after the five retreating juniors, never once blinking until the others were heading towards the main door of the school. Once satisfied they weren't about to return, Finn turned back to Bobby. "You okay, dude?"

Bobby, for his part, looked up at Finn with such hero worship in his eyes that Kurt stifled a gag, though whether it would've been from amusement or disgust, he couldn't be sure. Bobby just nodded and Finn smiled a bit before giving another lopsided grin. "Sorry 'bout those meatheads; if they give you more problems, let me know. If I say a few words to Coach Bieste, it'll make their life hell on the football field." Finn retrieved his book-bag, nodded once to a still gaping Bobby, then turned back to Kurt and took his coat. Kurt was wide-eyed with shock as he regarded his brother.

"What?" Finn asked, quickly slipping his jacket back on.

"I'm just..._**surprised**_, Finn. Even last year, you were so concerned about your reputation that you never would've stood up to the other football players like that, no matter what they were doing."

Finn turned back towards the main doors with Kurt on his heels. "It's wrong, plain and simple. I'm not gonna stand by and watch it happen…not anymore."

"You could have been seriously hurt, though, Finn. There were _**five **_of them."

His brother made a face as he stretched his still-healing shoulder. "I've been through way worse shit this summer than any of those guys could give me."

"Did you even consider they could reinjure your shoulder?" Kurt asked with concern. He really didn't need his brother to suddenly have become masochistic.

Finn simply shrugged it off. "I was trying to help someone, Kurt. I figured maybe if I take a stand now, word will get around and there'll be less bullying on school property, you know? " Finn shrugged his good shoulder again. "Probably a good thing it didn't come to blows, though."

Kurt shook his head and rolled his eyes. (Again. It seemed a common habit in regards to his step-brother.) While it was true this new Finn Hudson was someone willing to stand up to bullies and fight for what he believed in, it wasn't going to do him any good if he didn't consider the consequences of his actions. "Please be more careful, Finn. I don't want to take you back to a hospital because you got into a fight, nor have to try explaining it to Dad and Carole."

His brother nodded in agreement. "Hospitals suck; definitely don't want to go back to one." He flashed another smirk at his brother. "I'll do my best to avoid them, okay? See you in Glee, dude." With that, he proceeded towards the office to get his new locker assignment.

Kurt stared after him, wondering what other surprises his brother had in store for this year. Instead of walking with a slight hunch and trepidation about his size, Finn now walked with an air of confidence and determination. It wasn't just superficial, but actually ingrained in his entire being somehow. His tall, goofy, clumsy, lovable oaf of a brother had been replaced with a tall, mature, and dare he say, perceptive almost-adult.

Kurt sighed and his phone chirped, indicating a new text. He quickly pulled out the device and looked at the screen to see a message from Mercedes, which he read quickly.

**[ Herd sum1 say Finn stood up to 5 bullies. ALONE! Dat true? ]**

After thinking about how to answer, the small teen shrugged and decided honesty was the best policy. His fingers flew over the keys as he punched in his reply.

**{ He scared them shitless! This ISN'T the same Finn from last year. }**

**XXXXX**

Here it was—the first class of the first day of school. Rachel smiled a bit as she walked into her final English class, ready to start the work necessary to catapult her out of high school and into college. She was looking forward to being able to move on in her education, even if this would be a bittersweet year. Outside of Glee, and perhaps a musical that she overheard the teachers talking about trying to stage this year (as long as it wasn't the debacle of _Rocky Horror_ last year, she was fine with just about anything), she wasn't planning on doing anything that wouldn't help her future career path. She was totally committed to her dreams, the ones that seemed to be all she had left…especially since a certain person whom she'd been waiting for hadn't yet contacted her.

She had waited. And waited.

And waited.

Rachel had spent eight hours constantly checking her phone to see if Finn had sent a text or called to let her know he was back. She waited for some kind of acknowledgement to indicate that he had read her letter and wanted to talk.

Instead, she was met with stony silence.

_He _**ignored **_you! _Her mind repeated to her the same words as went through her mind last night. _What kind of friend _**ignores **_those he cares about when he returns after two months? Especially his _**best **_friend? How _**dare **_he! I wrote him a heart-felt letter trying to explain and apologize for everything. Doesn't that deserve some consideration? _

She sighed and looked at her phone again, pulling up Kurt's text from two days ago. The same text she had been looking at every time she found herself getting upset about a certain 6' 3" quarterback.

**{ This is NOT the same Finn Hudson! }**

Had he really changed so much he was now dismissive of her and everything that was between them? What about Puck? Despite their differences over girls, Finn and Puck really were still the best of friends (in that totally gross guy-bonding-over-beer-and-fart-jokes kind of way). Had he been contacted? Or what about Artie…or maybe Sean, his quadriplegic friend she'd met two years ago? She swallowed a bit, wondering if perhaps this was a time she should take a page from Santana's book and just initiate things herself. She wasn't overly fond of the Hispanic cheerleader, but Santana _**did**_ make a valid point once about going after the guy you wanted and not letting _**anything**_ stop you.

"Did you hear about what happened by the dumpster?"

Rachel turned to see who was asking. Mike Chang had plopped himself beside her and was quickly opening his notebook, but his eyes were wide with surprise. And was that a slight smile on his face?

"Hi, Mike. Did you have a good summer?" She asked, dismissing whatever news he was about to tell her. Really, she'd been so used to hearing stories about freshmen 'dumpster dives' that it didn't even seem like news anymore.

"Yeah, but it wasn't as good as my first day of high school." Mike couldn't contain his grin this time as he looked around and then turned back to Rachel. "Seriously, did you hear about the dumpster by the school parking lot?"

Rachel shook her head. "Did Puck light it on fire or something?"

Mike chuckled, but shook his head. "No! Thomas Bronson and his goons were circling some poor freshman and were about ready to chuck him in, when in the middle of the group walks none other than Finn."

Rachel's face etched in confusion, her thoughts turning to the worst case scenario automatically for some reason. "Finn didn't...he didn't throw in the freshman, did he?"

"No! He turned on Bronson and told them to back off." Mike laughed a bit as he leaned forward to talk to her a bit more. "And the funny thing is, when Bronson actually threatened to dump Finn, Finn just stepped _**closer **_and told him to try. Like, stared him right down and forced all five guys there to walk away. I don't think Bronson has _**ever **_been challenged like that before. I guess when you're 6' 3" and exert your size, though, people think twice about crossing you."

She turned from Mike, staring blankly at the front of the classroom where the teacher hadn't yet made an appearance, considering what he'd just said. It seemed strange to her that Finn would do such a thing. Thomas Bronson was one of those pains in the ass that last year enjoyed backing up Azimio and Karofsky, but never really pushed hard to be the alpha-male himself. Not that he really needed to, since he was imposing enough at 6'1" and 200 pounds of muscle. In fact, probably the only one who could stare him down _**would**_ be Finn, who never did anything like that towards his team-mates. She had even once heard him say it wasn't good for team unity.

If he really had stood up to Bronson, though, he'd definitely changed his mind about _**that**_ issue. That really _**was **_different for him. Such actions could incur the wrath of the rest of the football team and leave him unprotected on the field. Though she had been disappointed last year with him using that excuse to not stand up to Karofsky, she'd also learned it wasn't untrue. Finn's reputation and standing with the team _**had **_suffered until the Championship had been won.

Had he changed that much in just two short months?

"Good morning class!" A sharp, feminine voice called out from front of the room. "I'm Mrs. Turley, and I'll be teaching your advanced English class this year. Let's have all eyes to the front so we can begin our outline for the class."

As Mrs. Turley turned to write her name on the dry erase board, Rachel turned back around to the Asian boy beside her. "Have you seen or spoken to Finn yet?"

Mike shook his head, looking at her with surprise. "No, not at all. Just got the text he was gone for the summer, then found out from Mercedes that he'd joined the National Guard. That's all I know." He frowned a bit. "I figured if anyone would have talked to him before today, it would've been you."

Rachel sighed and collapsed against the back of her chair a bit dejectedly. "That's what I thought, too. I guess… well...maybe I'm not important enough to him anymore."

"Pffft." Mike shook his head and scoffed at her, his smile reaching up to his eyes. "_**Please**_. I saw the way he looked at you in New York and I heard the song he wrote for you. You're deluded if you think he doesn't care."

"Then why wouldn't he call me when he got back?"

Mike shrugged a bit as he began copying some notes from the board. "Maybe he was afraid of how you'd answer."

It was like a switch had been flipped and sudden realization echoed through her mind with Mike's words. _Of course he'd be afraid. It's Finn, the boy I turned down in New York. Sure, he went away all summer and sure, I wrote him a letter, but that doesn't mean he isn't still nervous. Why didn't I think of that? Maybe I've just been too caught up in myself… __**again**__. _

_Well, we'll just have to show him he has nothing to be afraid of then, won't we? _

For the first time since Sunday, Rachel smiled genuinely. She picked up her pencil and began jotting notes, but not before casting a smile in Mike's direction. "Thanks, Mike. I owe you one."

A confused look was thrown her direction by the Asian boy, but he shrugged and went back to his notes. "Sure...whatever."

**XXXXX**

She froze right outside the choir room door, looking in. There he was, back to the door, rearranging some books in his back pack. It was kind of odd that he brought it with him, since normally he left that in his locker. Maybe that was part of the changes Kurt had texted her about. When he stood up and ran a hand through his super short hair, her breath hitched. Yes, this _**was **_the same Finn Hudson, but…not quite. He was bigger, for one. It really did look like he'd grown another inch or so, and just by looking at the larger shoulders and slightly thinner waist, she knew he must be in better physical shape, too. Instead of the normal jeans and polo shirt combination he'd worn before, however, he was in a white button-down shirt and a pair of beige khakis. The clothing made him look more like a man in his mid-twenties rather than a high school senior.

This was it: their reunion. It was over two months and hundreds of miles apart in the making. But here they were now, in the choir room, with no one else around. She swallowed a bit and lifted her head ever so slightly before stepping across the threshold.

"Finn?"

He stilled for just a second and she could see him taking a breath, his shoulders rising and falling as he inhaled and exhaled. She wondered for just a moment if he would turn towards her with indifference and dismiss her out of hand. In a way, she wouldn't have been surprised. If he'd changed as much as Kurt had said, it was possible he wouldn't want anything to do with her again. What would his reaction be to seeing her?

Slowly, he turned to face her, and immediately all her fears evaporated. His eyes shone with warmth, his lips turned into that adorable half-smile he'd perfected so well, and his entire body seemed to relax in her presence.

"Hey, Rachel." He swallowed a bit himself and took a step towards her but paused, unsure if he was welcome. Without waiting any longer, she dropped her school bag on the floor and forced her way into his embrace. She snaked her arms around his waist and pulled him closer to her, resting her head against his chest and feeling the pounding rhythm of his heart. It may just have been her but it seemed slightly slower and steadier; everything else was the same. The same smell that had surrounded her with his sweatshirt (only much more preferable now that it was _**him **_she was getting the scent from) was there, and she had to keep herself from humming in contentment as his arms encircled her small frame and fondly returned her hug with his cheek resting on top of her head. She actually yelped a bit when, without effort, he picked her up off her feet briefly to pull her closer, and then set her down. She looked up at him to see his disarming, lopsided smirk firmly in place.

"Okay…you don't need to go all cave-man on me, you know." She swatted his arm playfully, and couldn't stop the beam of a smile from erupting all over her face, even as she wiped an errant tear away. She went quiet as their eyes seemed to hold each other's for a second longer than normal between people who were just friends, and she blurted the words out before she could even think. "I missed you so much."

Finn's gaze didn't waver, and he reached out and squeezed her shoulder. Her heart began hammering loudly in her chest as he bent down, and for just a moment she thought he was going to kiss her right there in the choir room. Instead, he touched her forehead with his briefly and then kissed the top of her head at her hairline. She glanced up in a mixture of surprise and disappointment until he gave her another smile. "I missed you too…a lot."

Rachel breathed in deeply before smiling a bit more, dismissing the disappointment that he hadn't tried to reclaim her as his girlfriend right away. She decided that since this was only the first day back at school there was still plenty of time for that to occur. Instead, she fixed the collar on his shirt where it folded in from their hug. "Well, since we missed each other, would you be willing to let me take you for coffee after rehearsal? I want you to fill me in on everything that happened to you this summer. I'm sure it was more exciting than mine. "

He looked away briefly and breathed in a deep breath before turning back and nodding. "Of course, but only if you tell me about yours, too."

Suddenly a man of height between Rachel and Finn with curly hair on top of his head and a cleft chin walked in and clapped them both on the shoulder, a smile on his own face. "Finn! Rachel! How are my Co-Captains?"

Rachel watched as Finn turned (was that reluctantly?) from her and shook Mr. Schuester's hand. "Good Mr. Schue; looking forward to the year."

"Yes indeed!" Rachel agreed, suddenly turning towards her teacher as well. "And I assure you I have some wonderful ideas for songs we could possibly do at Sectionals. After all, it's only two and a half months away and since it requires three songs I think we should-"

"I'm willing to listen to all your ideas, Rachel," Mr. Schuester interrupted her gently, while nodding in greeting as Tina, Mike, Artie and some of the other Gleeks were finally starting to come into the room. "But I think we should start with something simple for our first assignment, okay?" He motioned to the chairs in front and then turned to the whiteboard. Rachel felt a protest begin to form, but a tender yet firm touch on her lower back immediately made it die on her lips. She knew all Finn was trying to do was guide her to the chairs Mr. Schue had indicated, but it felt _**so good **_to have his large, warm hands anywhere on her body that she had to swallow down a groan of appreciation. Instead, she nodded and took a seat. She tucked her hair back behind her ear just as Finn had sat down beside her, still smiling at her.

Mr. Schuester addressed the group just as the last to enter in (of course it would be Santana and Puck) sat down in the back. "So guys, welcome back. Normally I'd ask each of you to elaborate on your summers, since I'm sure some of you must have had some interesting experiences."

"That's an understatement," Kurt replied dryly from behind Finn and Rachel, his gaze directed squarely at the back of Finn's head as he said it. Rachel noticed Finn's jaw clench a bit, but he said nothing in return and stoically kept his gaze forward. Another clue as to what had happened this summer, perhaps?

"Right!" Mr. Schuester agreed, oblivious to the undercurrent of meaning in Kurt's response. Instead, he turned back to the white board and wrote "GROWTH" on it in big block letters. "We're going to start the year a little differently this time. I want, for next week, each of you to prepare a song that highlights or expresses how much you've grown or what you've learned about yourself this summer. It could be something big you've discovered, or even something small, or maybe just a lesson you've already learned but have been reminded of. Everyone has gone through almost three months outside of the high school environment, so let's hear you express how that's changed you for better or worse."

Rachel turned and glanced at Finn sitting beside her, wondering idly what song he'd choose. Something regarding his military training, or his close friendship with Travis, perhaps? Maybe something about saving that lady from the car minutes before it exploded? She envied him almost because, even from what _**she **_knew of what he'd gone through over the summer, it seemed he would have a plethora of choices at his fingertips. Usually within a minute of the assignment, she would have dozens of possibilities to consider from Broadway shows or current pop singles. Right now, though, nothing was coming up for her.

It was unsettling.

"So, how about we do some warm-ups, and then we'll a song for us all? Remember, we have only four weeks until our first performance at the school assembly, so we need to jump on this right away." Mr. Schuester turned to the other music teacher, Brad, and nodded once to run the scales on the piano. Finn immediately came to his feet with her and cleared his throat, then began running the scales with her, projecting his voice fully and taking her by surprise. She smiled as she heard their voices intermingle and consciously settled down the butterflies in her stomach from singing with him again.

He was here, he was safe, and he was beside her again. Step one was complete.

Now she just needed to get him back into her arms.

He would be hers. Oh yes, _**he would**_ be hers.

**XXXXX**

"Coffee, extra large, with three cream and four sugar, right?" Rachel asked as they stood their place in line at The Lima Bean.

Finn turned towards the young ingénue beside him. "Actually, just one of each now." After noticing Rachel's questioning glance at him, her large brown eyes going wider and showing a touch of hurt, he scrambled to explain. "There was always a shortage of cream and sugar in the mess. I had to cut back so others could have some and...well, I got used to the different taste."

The hurt receded in Rachel's eyes and she nodded instead, fixing his coffee as he'd asked. Finn sighed and ran his hand through his hair. It was the most minor of changes in himself that he'd told her so far, and already she seemed disturbed by it. Was she really going to take the news of what had happened in Joplin as well as he'd wanted?

Maybe he should wait on that and kind of ease into everything else first. After all, his goal was to _**rebuild **_their relationship. That meant slowly revealing things about each other, right? Just like before everything they'd gone through? Well, okay, he didn't have to go right back to the complete beginning. He was pretty sure she was still obsessed with Broadway and living her dream of singing in every significant revival out there: _Les Miserables_, _Wicked_, _Phantom of the Opera_, and that one that...uh...well, that one with helicopter that Kurt often talked about. He was also pretty sure she still had about a million different ideas for Glee and how they could better their performances, and based on the fact she put almond milk in her coffee instead of cream, he was pretty sure she was still vegan.

After she'd prepared her own beverage, they lucked out and sat down in the corner of the coffee shop where the large, overstuffed leather chairs were. Finn loved these chairs since they easily accommodated his larger build, and he had to stifle a laugh when Rachel sat down in hers and had to adjust herself so her feet were actually touching the ground. If she had decided to sit at the end of the seat with her back against the backrest, her feet would've been an inch or so off the floor.

She was still completely adorable. And cute. And funny. And just about everything Finn could ever want. He felt his heart hammering in his chest as he watched her tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then swallowed and quickly looked away before she caught him staring.

Finn waited for just a second to let Rachel begin asking him questions, but he glanced up in time to find her about to say something before closing her mouth and looking away nervously. He frowned at the sudden hesitation she showed; they'd never had a real problem talking to each other (well, other than those first couple of weeks after their break-up). Instead of waiting, though, he decided to try and put her at ease. "So, you worked at a day camp all summer, right? At the synagogue?"

Rachel smiled. "How did you know?" She grinned mischievously at him. "Facebook stalking me while at Camp Grayling?"

Finn swallowed a bit as his eyes widened. "Uh...no. We didn't really have internet access there unless it was for training. But Travis texted me last night about how you taught his brother, so..."

He could have been wrong, but there seemed to be a brief flash of disappointment over Rachel's face before she turned again and smiled warmly. Did she _**want **_him to check up on her? He had gotten the impression she didn't want him to even think about them being together after New York. Isn't that why she only ever said hello and goodbye to him until he left for the summer?

The tall quarterback doubted he'd ever totally understand Rachel Berry. That didn't mean, however, that he wasn't going to try.

So she talked about her teaching and experiences with the music day camp, recounting her lesson plans and the various musical styles she exposed them to. Once done, she then revealed how she'd learned that Kale's brother also was in the National Guard and how Kale sang one of Finn's favourite acoustic songs. Finn was surprised that such a young boy could play guitar and sing Shinedown, especially a song as vocally demanding as _Shed Some Light_. He smiled a little at the thought that maybe he'd have to talk to Travis's brother to ensure he'd join New Directions (and not Vocal Adrenaline) once he went to high school. After all, Mr. Schue was going to need new talent once the current group had all graduated.

"And what about you?" Rachel asked, leaning forward and squeezing his wrist affectionately. "How were things in the National Guard?"

Finn again took a deep breath and looked away from her penetrating gaze, focusing instead on his coffee. "Not quite as exciting as you might think. I mean, it was full of stuff I know you don't approve of…you know, battle tactics, weapons training, meat for breakfast. All that kind of stuff."

She chuckled a bit at his comment even as her eyes held a glint of amusement. "Of course. I can't imagine why anything more exciting might have happened." Finn nodded in agreement and took a sip of his coffee. "Even if you _**did **_save someone from an exploding car mere minutes before it happened."

His eyes widened suddenly and he felt the hot liquid slide the wrong way down his throat, causing him to sputter and cough, a couple drops actually coming out his nose as he continued to choke. After a few more coughs to settle his lungs and grabbing some napkins to wipe up the mess he'd made on the table in front of him, he turned around and looked at her, stunned. "You...when...how do you even _**know **_about that?"

"Tsk, tsk. Honestly Finn, just because _**your **_internet access was limited over the summer doesn't mean _**everyone's **_was. There was a direct link to the news article from the Ohio National Guard website."

He grumbled under his breath before responding while wiping his hands. "I should have known they'd put that on the 'net. It really wasn't as big a deal as they make it out to be, though. It's not like we knew it was going to explode. We just smelled gas and I wanted to get her away from any kind of toxic fumes, that's all."

Rachel placed a hand on his and looked at him seriously. "Finn, honestly, can you please stop the humble act? You saved someone's _**life**_. That really _**is **_a big deal."

He grinned a bit at her smile but decided he wanted to veer off this topic as quickly as possible. "So...you were actually checking up on me then?"

She chewed at her lip before replying. "Why wouldn't I? I wanted to make sure my best friend was okay."

_Best friend...right. _Finn bit the inside of his cheek to keep from bursting out passionately that he had no desire to be just friends, but really, what else could they be called at that exact moment? He tucked that into the back corner of his mind for now, however, as another fear went through him. He fought hard to control it from showing and smiled confidently to hide his nervousness. "And what else did you find out about me?"

"Not much. I know your training was at Camp Grayling, and I know you were in Joplin helping the tornado relief efforts. Aside from that..." She shrugged a bit and sipped her coffee.

Finn sighed a bit in relief. His family had kept their promise; none of them had told her about his incident in the Joplin suburbs, and he silently thanked Grilled Cheesus for that small miracle given Kurt's tendency to over-share every scrap of gossip in his memory banks. He settled into the corner of the overstuffed chair and made a face. "If that's all you know, you know pretty much all the exciting stuff."

Rachel raised an eyebrow at him in that moment, and gave him a look that she wasn't entirely convinced. "Really?" She deadpanned with a slight hint of sarcasm.

He nodded curtly while taking another sip of his coffee. "Yeah, really."

_I thought you promised you'd never lie to her again, Finn? _His conscience kicked him for what he'd just done, but he forced the guilt down. After all, she had a pretty high opinion of him; he wanted to ensure his best friend's opinion remained that way.

**XXXXX**

Finn drove silently along the streets of Lima and it just felt like there was a slightly weird vibe in the car. Rachel wasn't being very talkative (which, like, _whoa, _where did _**that **_come from…or not come from?) He had been driving for about five minutes from the coffee shop after they had had what he thought was a great get-together—two friends sitting down to catch up on each other's activities over the summer meeting kind of deal. But ever since he looked at his watch and suggested he take her home, she hadn't smiled once. She had barely even looked at him, actually. Finn frowned a bit as he thought about her behaviour, thinking it was odder than normal for her. Usually she was so chatty with everyone (and him and Kurt especially) that it was hard to get a word in edgewise.

He turned to her after stepping on the gas to proceed through the intersection. "You okay, Rachel?"

Rachel turned to him a bit, but then quickly looked away and nodded. Her face was still scrunched up in thought and she turned back to the window.

Trying to lighten the mood a bit, Finn swallowed and figured he'd switch gears and bring up one of her favourite subject to talk about. "So, any ideas what song you should sing for next week?"

Much to his surprise, Rachel shook her head. "No. Nothing's coming to mind."

Finn felt his eyebrows go up in surprise and he glanced at her. "Really? I thought you knew Broadway musicals so well you'd have trouble picking only one."

The petite brunette sighed a bit. "I have a couple in mind, but they don't really convey anything about how I grew this summer. They provide only peripheral references at best."

"So…Broadway is actually _**failing **_you?" Finn smirked.

Rachel turned on him and huffed a bit. "Don't you dare make _**any **_snide comments, Mr. Hudson. I've beaten your grades on so many Glee assignments with Broadway tunes that your head should have fallen off from all the spinning."

Finn smiled, deciding not to rise to the bait she was offering for more sparring banter. "Have you thought of songs outside what you normally listen to?"

An eyebrow quirked in his direction. "Any suggestions?"

"Uh…well, maybe start with the playlist that you made for me. You got me all those cool songs last year to put on my iPod, but did you actually listen to them all?" Her immediate frown suggested to him that no, indeed she hadn't. "Maybe something like that might help."

For the first time since she got in his truck, Rachel cast a smile towards him. "Okay. I'll listen to them."

"Good." Finn smiled back at her, and for just a second, their eyes locked again in the familiar more-than-friends way. He regretted having to pull his away to keep driving, and was again disappointed when he noticed her house coming up quickly. With a slight sigh of sadness, he turned the wheel and pulled into her parking pad. "Well, this is it. Thanks for the coffee. Maybe we should do this again after Glee on Thursday."

Rachel nodded and then swallowed, looking away from him for a moment before turning back to face him fully. "Finn, I really need to say something without you taking offence. Can…can I do that?"

He glanced down at her curiously."Uh, yeah, sure thing. No worries. What's up?"

She took a breath and was silent for a moment before turning back to him. "I want you to understand that the way I say this is meant to make you realize how serious I am."

Finn nodded, and once he did, she did something he would never have expected.

Both her hands clamped firmly around his face and she literally pulled his head down, _**with force**_, to look him square in the eye. Her eyes had narrowed, her brows had furrowed, and Finn was worried for just a brief moment she might actually try to cause him harm because the grip on his head between her hands was tightening by the second.

"_**IF YOU EVER DO SOMETHING SO STUPID AS TO LEAVE FOR TWO MONTHS AND NOT TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU'RE DOING, I SWEAR TO YOU I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL! YOU WILL BE SO UNBEARABLY MISERABLE YOU WILL BE CRAWLING BACK TO ME BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" **_

His eyes went wide as he stared directly into hers, complete and utter shock written on his face. All at once, his heart pounded against his chest and blood rushed through his ears (at least he thought it was blood, because his ears were still ringing from her raised voice being less than a foot away from him). He could literally feel the pain and hurt in her voice as she addressed him, and he looked into those large brown orbs of hers to notice moisture collecting along the surface and the beginning of tear-drops form at the corners. She was literally on the verge of crying.

She cared. She really, really _**cared **_for him, far more than he'd believed after she rejected him in New York. Perhaps his mom was right. Maybe she even did still love him.

But was she _**in love **_with him? He wasn't sure.

His hands went against hers and gently pulled them away from face. "I…I'm sorry. Really, Rachel, I am. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…I thought you needed some space after New York. I didn't want to push any harder."

Rachel's eyes didn't move from his. "Did you really think I'd not want to know you'd made such a life changing decision for yourself?" She shook her head a bit. "I'm disappointed you'd think that about me."

Whatever heat he'd just been feeling from her heartfelt admission and look of utter worry and panic she'd displayed was drowned in a vat of icy water as her words pierced his heart. It really would always be the same between them, wouldn't it? He would forever frustrate and disillusion her.

_**HE'S DEAD, HUDSON. YOU KILLED HIM! **_

The most painful words he'd ever heard raced back into his mind just in that moment, causing yet another wave of regret and uncertainty to flood through him, reminding him of just how truly unworthy of Rachel Berry he was. He was the guy who had to kill someone, the guy who was forced to end another person's life forever. It seemed clear to him now that he was merely a walking time-bomb. No matter what decision he made, no matter what choices he acted upon, somehow or some way, Rachel would wind up hurt. He was deluding himself to think he'd ever be good enough for her, especially after tarnishing his soul with such a horrendous act of violence. He would always be her friend and confidante, sure, but not a romantic partner. He would never have or be enough to win her back for good. She would forever be disappointed in what he did and why, especially if she found out about Carl Waverly.

Well, that was fine, then. He insisted with himself, despite his injured heart, that if that's all he could be, he would be the best friend he could possibly be for her. It was better than not being in her life at all; he'd already learned that lesson the hard way and didn't need another reminder. With more calm than he actually felt, he turned and nodded a bit. "Right. No more sneaking away from Rachel. Got it."

**XXXXX**

Rachel frowned once she heard him say that, almost at a loss to believe it was the same boy in front of her. He had been right there; warm, gentle, adorable, goofy, and everything else that screamed _**her **_Finn, and then without warning a button seemed to have been pressed in his mind and he was suddenly a cool, calm, dare she say _**aloof **_boy – no, _**man **_– that resembled Finn Hudson in appearance only. His eyes clouded over to being emotionless, his hands went slack and withdrew from hers, and he turned to look at the driveway in front of him as if he were no more than her chauffeur.

Trying to figure out what had caused the sudden shift in mood she sat a bit straighter. "Finn, did…did I say-"

He didn't return her gaze, instead motioning with his head towards her front door. "Your Dad is flicking the lights. I think he wants you back inside."

She reluctantly turned to the door and huffed in annoyance to see the light turning off and on, then grabbed her bag and exited the car. Before she closed the door, she looked back inside to him. "See you tomorrow, then. Can we do lunch?"

"If you like," Finn replied absently, his words seeming to come forth of their own accord without any conviction or emotion.

_What did I do? _Rachel desperately thought to herself. _He must know how much I love him. He _**must**_! It was all in the letter. Everything! Didn't he read it? Isn't this what he wants? I'm right in front of him trying to bare myself and my emotions and love for him and he's…shrugging me _**off**_? _

_Is he even still _**in love **_with me? _

"I'd…I'd like to do lunch, tomorrow if you do," she said. When Finn nodded again, only glancing at her (with those almost vacant eyes) she nodded again and closed the door. Before she was even three steps away, he reversed his truck and turned down the street, driving off as though making his escape from a jail or something.

Something had set him off; or rather, caused the shift in his demeanor. Something she said, maybe? She wasn't entirely sure, but she'd figure it out. And to hell if he didn't think he was still in love with her.

Rachel had wormed her way into his heart before, and she was damned if she was going to let him get away without doing it a second time.

She was Rachel Berry, and _**he would **_be hers. Resistance was futile.

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><p><strong>Reveiws aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	18. Growth

**A/N - Not a lot to say about this one, other than it's long but I've been told it reads fast. Thanks to both _tjcrowfoot _and _JannP _for helping to beta this work, and thanks to everyone still following this story. And to those who want to know, I do have plans for two or three chapters after 'The Answer', so no, it won't all end there. In case people haven't heard about the first band I've mentioned below, go to youtube and check them out; they are without a doubt the most legitmately 'musical' band ever to be _that_ funny. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if necessary.**

* * *

><p><em>Songs, songs, songs. <em>Rachel thought as she scanned (again) her iTunes song list on her iPad. _Songs about growth. Songs about growing for the summer. What would work? Really, what _**would**_ work? _

It had taken a while before Rachel decided the way she'd grown this summer was to _**not**_ look at her future in black and white terms; instead, there were multiple shades of grey. Most of this thinking could be traced back to the conversation she and her dad had in New York. Although she had her dreams, goals and ambitions, now she was less certain which path she'd take to get there or even if she would leave the state at the end of the year. There was always the option of just taking a year off and maybe auditioning for some work around Ohio, though that certainly wasn't her first choice.

And what exactly did the future have in store for her and Finn? Unfortunately, she had no answers about that mystery. This week had been like playing a tug-of-war game with him. Sometimes he'd respond enthusiastically to her, enjoying hugs and heart-felt touches, smiling and holding each other's gazes longer than necessary. And sometimes, usually if she mentioned how she wished he'd have kept in touch more over the summer, he'd clam up and go back to being "_**Aloof-Finn**_". The logical side of her mind told her this was going to take time and effort, and she _**did **_understand that after all they'd both been through it was naive to think it could be solved quickly. But damnit, hadn't he read that letter? Didn't he feel that pull and magnetism between their souls? This would be so much easier if he'd just accept defeat, raise the white flag and surrender his heart to her. She was going to win it back, anyway; it was just a matter of time.

(Hopefully).

Sighing, she examined the iTunes list, her eyes reading the song titles and artists, her mind working at a frenetic pace to try and solve the riddle of this Glee assignment. Really, something like this should not be an issue for an aspiring Broadway actress. Any Glee assignment should have her able to choose the perfect song off the top of her head. It was the whole reason why she was so absurdly amused by the contestants on _American Idol_ when they had trouble finding a song for the following week. Her songs to date were chosen inside the first twenty-four hours and then she had the entire week to practice and get it perfect.

It was now Thursday evening; more than forty-eight hours after the assignment had been given, and she still hadn't chosen a song. Thoughts of failing at Broadway were already flitting through her mind with annoying frequency. Her panic was rising. How could she not find a song? Already she'd lost _**hours**_ of practice time! She scanned the list again for some of her favourites.

_My Heart will Go On – Celine Dion_.

No. Finn would be there and it conveyed the entirely wrong message. Finn was hers, or he would be even if he was too stubborn to know or accept it yet. She'd be damned if she was going to sing about moving on.

_Vacation – The Go Go's. _

While it did sort of reference her summer _**vacation**_, it didn't have much else going for it. If anything, going back to school and knowing Finn was safe _**was **_the vacation, not the summer spent apart when she had horrific dreams waking her up and giving her more angst than a Twilight novel.

_Slave 4 U – Brittney Spears_

Rachel shook her head at that song. They'd done Brittney Spears the year before and when she adopted the 'school-girl' look Brittney had in her video, Finn was less than impressed. Besides, the song was _**far **_too suggestive for this awkward stage of their relationship, if that's even what it could be called. Friendship? Best friends ? Yes, definitely best friends. They could still talk to each other about everything, more or less. Finn just seemed more...guarded?

_Of course he's 'guarded'. He joined the National 'Guard'. _

She chuckled at her own pun before sighing and clicking on a different playlist, but still nothing leaped out at her. Biting her cheek, she decided (finally) to take Finn's advice and clicked on the list of songs she'd purchased for him from some of his favourite bands. The problem was she bought most of these songs based on the excellent drumming so Finn could practice to them rather than choosing them for the lyrics; she didn't listen to each song. She scanned the list to see what all it entailed. Pantera (of course), Metallica, Van Halen, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Rush (a staple for every drummer, apparently), Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed; nope, nothing was coming to mind regarding any of those songs and the theme of 'Growth'.

Then she saw a band that obviously made the list, but whose work she wasn't familiar with. She frowned a bit and clicked on the song. It was definitely rock music, even hard rock music, and she was about to turn it off when the lyrics began.

The more she listened, the more she began to smile. This song was absolutely _**perfect **_for the assignment. It explained exactly how she felt at that particular point in time, and how she currently saw the choices in front of her with regards to her future.

_Wow! Finn actually helped me with _**my **_homework for once. Who'd have thought that before this year started? _

She mentally berated herself for that one. True, Finn had trouble understanding certain concepts and performing well in an academic setting (though he was getting better at English class), but really, it _**wasn't**_ because he was stupid, just more that he learned differently. He wasn't the type to read something from a book or write a note from the whiteboard and instantly remember the fact he'd been told. If he could be shown how things _**related together, **_however, he was much more likely to make connections and figure things out. It's probably why he always excelled when it came to working with his hands. He had fixed her wheelchair in sophomore year with ease, even when he'd never before tried to repair one. And she knew Burt loved having him in the tire shop helping out because he could glance at something mechanical and just seemed to know instinctively how it would all work and what he should do; he could _**see **_how it all related and functioned together. Once she understood that, helping him with homework was easy. She just took the time to explain how everything was connected.

Now if only she could convince him that _**they **_were still connected.

"Honey?" Her father (Leroy) called from the bottom of the stairs. "Dinner time. Your Daddy just got back with Chinese. I know he got that rice and veggie mix you like so much."

"Be right down." She called back. She pulled up a lyrics video for the song on youtube and set it up to listen again. If she practiced enough tonight and tomorrow, she could be ready to go first for the Glee meeting on Tuesday. It didn't hurt it was from one of the bands Finn loved, and she was sure he'd appreciate drumming along to it.

Maybe she'd have to choose the right outfit too, just to make sure that his attention was focused on her the _**entire **_performance.

**XXXXX**

_**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! **_

Finn looked up from his history reading, wondering who that could possibly be. It was Friday night and pretty much everyone he knew was either on dates or otherwise occupied. Well, okay, Puck wasn't _**occupied**_, but his typical Friday night involved waiting at the 7-11 for someone to buy him beer, drinking himself into oblivion, and then heading straight for a worship session at the porcelain Goddess. Watching one of his best friends trying to puke his toes up didn't appeal to Finn so much these days.

Wondering who it could be, Finn pulled himself off the couch and opened the door. "Hi, can I...Wayfor? Graham?"

"Hey, Hudson!" Wayfor cheerily hugged him and then burst into the house, followed closely by Graham, both of them ignoring his question. She took one look around the foyer and then turned back to Finn, giving him a quizzical look. "Where's your gear?"

"Gear?"

"Yeah!" Graham nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "You know, for the weekend?"

"Huh?" Finn shook his head a bit, wondering if his two friends were playing either a trick on him. "We don't have training this weekend!" Could they be setting him up as a victim for America's Funniest Videos or something? And was that show even on anymore?

"Finn!" His mother called out and came around the corner from the kitchen. "Who was at – oh! Hi, Jordan. Hi, Candace. How are you both tonight?"

"Mrs. Hudson, did Finn forget to tell you about our plans this weekend?" Wayfor crossed her arms and shook her head. "Damn, Hudson, that's just cold. Letting your Mom make dinner for you when you won't even _**be**_here?"

"What are you talking about?" Finn was shaking his head and could feel his face scrunch in confusion. Seriously, who the fuck were these two? They looked like his friends from the National Guard, but sure as hell weren't acting like them, because his friends in the National Guard, you know, actually made _**sense**_. Had aliens melted their brains and turned them into unwilling slaves or something?

"You forgot?" Wafor looked at him wide eyed.

"Forgot what?"

Graham nodded. "Yep, he forgot. 'S'okay, though, Hudson. I have a spare sleeping bag and air mattress in the fifth wheel. You just go get some clothes and we'll be all set."

Before Finn could even respond, Wayfor grabbed Finn's left arm while Graham clapped him on his right shoulder, sandwiching Finn between the two of them, then turned and looked at Finn's mom, who seemed just as confused as her son. "What's going on, Sweetie?"

"Obviously your son failed to inform you of the plans the five of us had for this weekend." Wayfor started.

Graham nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we set this up back before we arrived home in Lima. The five of us were going to go camping . I have my Dad's truck and fifth wheel, and Candi and the others –

"Others?" Finn asked incredulously. His mind was _**not **_keeping up to the rapid-fire explanation his friends where spouting out.

"- grabbed some groceries before we came here. We'll have him back no problem by Sunday afternoon." Graham finished, then looked at him with a cheesy grin. "'Bout time we spent some friend time _**outside**_ the Guard, right?"

"Uh...well...I mean..."

His Mom's face lit up with pride and joy. "Finn! You didn't tell me you and your friends were going to go camping! That's fantastic! And a great time to do it, too, since the nice weather isn't going to last much longer."

Finn stared at his Mom, wondering how she had succumbed so quickly to the quick, little (and very fake) story his friends had just invented. A deep, sinking feeling in his stomach told him that Graham and Wayfor were by no means going to let him out of their scheme...whatever exactly that entailed. "Well, I didn't even-"

"Remember?" Wayfor interrupted him but ignored his wide eyes and turned again to his Mom. "Well, you know your son, Mrs. Hudson. He can forget something he's been told just ten seconds ago. But if it's okay, we'll just help him with his packing and be out of your hair."

Carole nodded and motioned towards the stairs. "Of course, dear. Finn's room is the first one on the left. And make sure he packs some warm clothes for the nights too, okay? I know you have a fifth wheel, but I also know they aren't _**that**_ warm."

Graham nodded and guided a still mystified Finn to the stairs. "Don't worry. We won't let him get hypothermic on you. C'mon, dude. Let's grab your clothes and head 'er!"

Finn reluctantly let himself be pushed upstairs. "What about-"

"Money?" Wayfor interrupted him a second time. "Bring a bit, but not too much. Most of the food is already in the fifth wheel." She physically pushed him into his room before pausing and looking around herself. "Wow! Let me guess. You love football and drumming, right?"

Graham smirked as he leaned against the wall next to his girlfriend. "What was your first clue?"

The tall quarterback turned on both of them. "What the hell? You think you two could have warned me we were going to go _**camping **_this weekend? I know we talked a bit about it last week, but fuck, we never agreed _**when**_!"

"Has to be this weekend." Graham said, nodding to Wayfor as the tall brunette pulled out a printed page from her jacket pocket and handed it to Finn. He blew out a breath and snatched the page from her hand, unfolding it and reading it quickly before turning to the others with wide eyes and a horrified expression on his face. "You've gotto be _**kidding**_ me."

Wayfor shook her head. "Not in the slightest. Carl Waverly's service is tomorrow at 2:00 in Joplin. We pull six hours of driving tonight, crash for six hours, and then pull another six hours of driving tomorrow, we'll make it in plenty of time. Might even be able to find washrooms so we can all clean up before the service."

Finn swallowed and looked back down at the information before handing it back to them and shaking his head. "There's no way they'll want me there, Wayfor, or even let me be there. I'm the guy who-"

"We all know what you did, Hudson." Graham interrupted him, pushing himself off the wall and coming to stand beside his girlfriend. "We were all there. If the rest of us had drawn our weapons, maybe he really _**would **_have surrendered. Instead we just stood there like a bunch of jack-assess and let you take care of things."

The glee co-captain rolled his eyes. "If you had moved, he might have tried to shoot one of _**you!**_ Besides, at the end of the day, you guys tried to save him. And Wayfor and Marquez tended to my injury. I really _**am **_the one at fault because all I did was inflict- " his mouth became dry and seized on him before he could continue. He swallowed and looked away.

"Finn." Wayfor addressed him seriously, stepping close to him and looking him straight in the eye. "This is eating you up. You've been mopey and down ever since the shooting, and you don't need to do this to yourself. Everyone's told you you had no choice, but the only one who can't really accept that is _**you**_. This is a chance for you to face the truth of the situation, like a _**man**_ would."

He flinched a bit at her final words before looking down again at the print-out. Sighing, he walked over and grabbed his duffle bag and threw it on the bed before returning to his closet and pulling out some clothes. "This could all be for nothing, guys. They could see me and-"

"I'll handle that part." Wayfor cut him off with confidence. "We're obviously not going to bring you there if they're all uncomfortable with it. But at least you'll have tried. At least we'll _**all **_have tried."

Sighing, Finn realized there was no point in arguing. Whether he wanted to or not, he was going to go on a road trip with his four friends. It was going to be long hours, brutal amounts of driving, and two cold nights spent in a not-so-warm fifth wheel trailer; really not much different than their time spent in Joplin with the tornado relief efforts, except no uniforms or weapons this time around.

As he packed under Graham's nonchalant supervision, Wayfor suddenly gasped and grabbed an envelope off Finn's desk. "You..what...is this what I think it is?"

Finn glanced over his shoulder and then shrugged. "Yeah. Rachel tried to send me a letter at Camp Grayling, but it was returned to her because we were in Joplin at the time. She didn't know if we'd be going back to the base after our deployment or not, so she figured if she left it here..." He shrugged as he threw in some more clothes.

Wayfor looked up at him in shock. "So...okay, let me get this straight. Rachel wrote you a letter?"

"Obviously." Finn motioned towards the envelope in her hand.

"And she left it for you in your _**room**_?"

"Yeah."

"And..." Wayfor turned it over and frowned a bit. "And...you haven't even opened it yet?"

"No."

"Did she already tell you what it says?"

Finn stopped his packing and shook his head. "No. Why the twenty questions?"

"Just making sure of all the facts before I do this." Wayfor murmured casually before she took a step towards Finn and smacked the palm of her hand hard against his forehead.

"OW! Fuck, Wayfor, can you _**not do that **_please?" Finn blinked and rubbed the spot where she'd hit.

"You are, without a doubt, the most stubborn, ridiculous and ...and..._**retarded **_man I've ever had the misfortune of trying to help!" Wayfor stared at him angrily and crossed her arms over her chest. Finn rubbed his forehead again while noticing that Graham was laughing his ass off. Here he thought at least Graham would at least step in and suggest there not be any more physical violence. Some friend he turned out to be.

"I'm not retarded!" Finn pouted a bit. "Though you hit me in the forehead enough, that might change."

"It won't make a difference because yes, you _**are **_retarded. Rachel wrote you a letter and left it for you _**in your room**_ and you didn't have the decency to _**open and read it!**_ It might answer all your questions. What the fuck are you waiting for?"

"Maybe some clear sign that when I tell her what I need to she isn't going to go all ninja on me and slice my nuts off." Finn responded a bit coldly, pushing past her to grab some shirts out of his closet and shove in the duffle bag. "Or worse."

"Bok, bok bok bok _**bok**_!" Graham made a surprising good imitation sound of a clucking chicken, and Finn turned and gave him the stink eye before Graham shrugged. "Come _**on, **_Hudson. You've been pining for her _**all summer**_."

"It's...complicated, okay." Finn shook his head and began packing his stuff into his duffle bag again. "I don't expect you guys to understand."

Wayfor rolled her eyes. "We understand plenty, including cowardice."

Finn turned on Wayfor and threw his arms wide. "You're damn right I'm afraid, all right? I'm afraid that after everything that's gone on she isn't going to want to _**look **_at me. We...we're in an okay place right now anyway. We've had lunch and gone for coffee twice and it's _**good**_, okay? We're talking, and we're rebuilding things and I don't want to scare her off by just grabbing her and kissing her senseless, much as I'd like to." He turned to Graham. "And I'm not chicken, either. I tried to get back together with her in New York. She turned me down."

Wayfor held up the letter again. "This might be saying she's changed her mind, Finn."

He stopped and looked at the letter, biting his lip before sighing and sitting down on his bed. "And it might be her telling me nothing but friendship will ever happen again." Finn swallowed stared down at the carpet. "I...I don't know if I'm ready to accept that. Not...yet, at least."

Graham and Wayfor exchanged a glance with each other before she put the letter back down on the desk and then turned to lean herself against it. "What about your letter? Have you given that to her, yet?"

"Pffft. Yeah, sure, Wayfor. I'll just hand over a blood soaked envelope confessing all my feelings. She wouldn't even be reading the words before she fired fifty questions at me about how my letter got that way."

Once again, his friends exchanged a glance before he saw Graham shrug again. "He does sorta have a point there."

"Fine." Wayfor huffed a bit before pulling out a shirt and tie for Finn. "Pack these too. You want to look presentable if they let you in the service. One way or another, we're going to resolve _**something**_ this weekend."

**XXXXX**

Six hours later the five of them were lounging in the fifth wheel together. Finn had absolutely no idea that Graham's parents were so into camping that they actually bought this kind of equipment, but after his summer spent with the National Guard, he couldn't really call sleeping on an air mattress in a fifth wheeler 'camping'. Camping to him meant pitching a tent and roughing it, routine field strip cleanings of his weapon, taking stock of inventory, camouflaging the vehicle and tent, and being woken up at 2:00 AM for your two hour patrol shift. Instead, they were bringing along a full kitchen, bathroom and fridge full of groceries. It definitely made it easier keeping the beer cold, though.

"So you're back at home, Rachel right in front of you, and you still haven't just pulled her aside and told her that from now on she's yours and to not bother even _**looking **_at other guys?" Marquez shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Aye caramba, Huddie, you gotta learn how to take control and just lay claim to your woman right away."

Finn stared incredulously at is friend over his beer, shaking his head a little while the other four burst out laughing at his comment. "Sure, Marquez. I do something like that, she'll castrate me and feed my nuts to some squirrel living in a tree. I like my package right where it is, thank you very much."

"What about your letter?" Omeasoo asked from where he was leaning in the corner of the booth around the eating table, strumming his guitar a bit, his half drunk beer beside him on the window ledge.

"Covered in blood from me being shot." Finn grimaced, taking another swig of beer. "I give that to her, might as well just chain myself to a chair and get ready for the BerryInquisition."

"Hey, getting interrogated by a chick can be fun!" Marquez smiled evilly. "Especially if it involves _**handcuffs." **_

The others all rolled their eyes as Finn shook his head a bit. "I gotta introduce you to my friend Puck. I think you two would get along just fine."

"There are other ways of talking to her, you know." Graham offered. "Like, I don't know..._**talking **_to her."

"Or song." Omeasoo replied, still strumming his guitar a bit. "We wrote one for Katie. I could help with one for Rachel."

"Why write a song for her when you've got about a gazillion different love songs to choose from _**already **_written!" Marquez asked, placing his beer on the table in front of him. "Let me sing my favourite one to you, 'kay? I think it would be perfect for your situation."

Finn leaned back again, taking another sip and rolling his eyes, but he couldn't help an amused grin from forming on his face. "_**You're **_going to suggest a song. This from the guy who chose _La Bamba _for karaoke?"

"This one's a classic...or, well, deserves to be, at least." He turned to Omeasoo beside him. "You know which one, right? From the CD you copied off me."

Omeasoo returned Marquez's conspiratorial smirk and then sat up a bit straighter and started a quick, catchy riff on his guitar. After a few bars of repeating the riff and establishing the rhythm, Marquez began singing.

_If you really really really really love me,  
><em>_Then you really really really gotta show me  
>Don't whine when I put it in your booty<br>__Or if I'm up all night playing Call of Duty  
>Never hassle me because I'm unemployed,<br>__If I sleep all day don't get annoyed  
>Then I'll know that you really really really really really really really love me<br>If you really really love me*_

Finn's eyebrow arched a bit at the odd lyrics, even as Omeasoo and Marquez were giving him huge, shit-eating grins. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach they were playing him for a fool despite their claim of wanting to assist him. A quick glance over to Graham and Wayfor confirmed for him that the song selection was meant to be a joke. He sighed and turned back to his Hispanic friend just as he picked up on the next verse.

_If you really truly want to make me feel nice,  
>Make it so I don't ever have to ask twice<br>Let me have the keys to your Mercedes  
>Don't get mad when I bring home some ladies<br>If I get fat and look like an egg  
>Lie to me, tell me I'm in great shape<br>Then I'll know that you really really really really really really love me  
><em>  
><em>If you wonder what I did with the rent<br>Just consider it money well spent  
>I bought trunks and a new surfboard<br>So just go tell your dumb landlord  
>That you love me, You really really love me*<em>

Even as he sang the 'chorus' of the song, Finn couldn't help but smile at how earnest and effort his friends was putting into the performance. He'd never heard the song before, but had a feeling as he listened more it was going to get increasingly worse...or better, depending on how you looked at it. Surprising him, Graham suddenly joined in with Marquez for the next verse.

_If I have sex with your friend Melanie  
>Don't act like it's some kind of felony<br>It's not uncommon for this kind of infidelity  
>It happens to a lot of guys like Tiger Woods and me<br>Just be happy that I'm hung like a horse  
>And you get to ride the pony of course<br>'Cause I'm really really really really really really  
>Really really fond of you too<br>_  
><em>When you think it's real suckie girl<br>All your friends will say 'you lucky girl'  
>You got a man who's hot you say<br>All the girls wanna be with me  
>'Cause they love me<br>They really really love me  
>Yes they do*<em>

Omeasoo's hands danced along the guitar he was playing as Graham and Marquez clinked their bottles of beer together in a toast, which caused both bottles to fizzle and spill slightly over so that their respective owners had to quickly take a swig to ensure it didn't spill all over the floor of the fifth wheel. Graham grinned and leaned over to give Wayfor a kiss, which she allowed and smiled at him, her eyes affectionate, even if when Graham looked away she rolled her eyes at Finn and made a head motion as if to say _**"Really?"**_. Once Omeasoo had finished his impromptu guitar solo, Marquez continued with his 'ballad'.

_If you really really really really love me  
>You'd never make me hang out with your family<br>Your mom sucks and your dad really hates me  
>When I try to borrow money he berates me<br>So Mommy thinks that I'm too old for you  
>'Cause you're 19 and I'm 52<br>He can't see that you really really really really really really love me  
>You really really really really really really really really love me<br>If you really really love me*_

Despite the ridiculousness of the song and how he'd been sucked into the joke without realizing it, Finn couldn't deny that Marquez definitely had a style and flair for singing it, and he put his beer down and applauded just as loudly as the others, laughing at the sheer lunacy of trying to sing something like _**that **_to Rachel in the hopes she'd appreciate it and jump back into his arms. Oh sure, she responded emotionally to songs, but with a song like that, the only emotion he'd get was either anger or disgust. She was cool, but not _**that **_cool.

Marquez, for his part, bowed slightly before sitting down again in the kitchen's 'booth'. "So Huddie, think that would work on Rachel?"

"Probably about as well as singing _Get the Fuck Out _by Skid Row." Finn replied, still grinning at his friend and shaking his head.

"Now _**that's**_ a classic!" Omeasoo grinned at him as well, even as he re-tuned a couple of guitar strings.

"You know, maybe you could use the song to show how you grew during the summer." Graham suggested, now half leaning against Wayfor as she smiled and helped steady his swaying on the bench. "Didn't you tell me earlier your assignment was 'growth'? Why not just say you grew by knowing what you want in a relationship, and that's it. They have to really, really, really, really, _**really **_love you. "

"Much as I laughed, guys, the song is Glee suicide. I couldn't do that one anymore than I could pull out something from Denis Leary." Finn shrugged a bit, sipping his beer. "I'll think of something."

Marquez rolled his eyes. "Typical fuckin' teacher, all fuckin' picky 'bout his student's songs."

Finn shrugged. "It's high school, man. You can't just throw out a song like that. We have to be all 'proper like'!" Finn used air quotes around the words.

"Fuck proper. Proper's for pussies."

The guys all stopped their discussion dead in their tracks and turned their heads towards the person who made the comment. Wayfor sat there, still half supporting Graham while chugging a sip of beer. "What? It is!"

"Fuck, can you see why I'm with this girl!" Graham declared drunkenly, giving her another sloppy kiss on the cheek before plopping his head in her lap. "You're awesome, you know that."

"Yes, so you've said." Candace laughed before pushing Graham upright off her lap, much to his protestations. "Nuh uh, Honey Graham. We have to get up early to drive in the morning. We're going to bed."

Graham perked up suddenly. "Bed?"

"To sleep."

Instantly his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine." He mumbled as though a petulant child. Slowly he stumbled out of the booth and to the back area of the fifth wheel where the master bedroom was sectioned off. The guys all laughed as Wayfor shook her head and pushed Graham past the sliding doors and gave them a small wave before closing the door.

"What's the bet he convinces her to go at least one round?" Marquez asked the other two.

Omeasoo shook his head. "It's too late. Like Wayfor said, we're driving tomor-" The large native soldier was suddenly cut off as a feminine giggle erupted from behind the sliding doors of the master bedroom followed by two hungry groans, one male and one female. The other three all looked at each other with pained expressions before another low groan and gasp of pleasure could be heard.

Finn sighed and shook his head before grabbing his oversized hoodie. "Time for a walk, dudes. I'm _**not **_hanging around here while _**that's**_ going on." Marquez and Omeasoo nodded in agreement before grabbing their own jackets and heading outside with him.

**XXXXX**

Sighing and rubbing a hand through his hair, he looked at his watch again. It read 2:02pm.

"Let me guess, it's three minutes later than last time you checked?" Graham said nonchalantly from where he leaned against the truck with folded arms, smirking a bit as Finn paced slowly back and forth.

Finn turned towards his friend. "I just don't want his service to start late because your girlfriend is trying to get me in somewhere I'm not welcome." He sighed and collapsed against the truck himself, his suit pulling against his shoulders tightly. Shit, had he gotten _**that **_much larger since New York?

Truth is that he was petrified of even being in this parking lot, to the point where he often ducked behind the fifth wheel and away from the doors of the funeral home to hide from those who walked into the service. He knew that his name was never released to the media in connection with Carl Waverly's death, but the guilt and dread which was building in him since the night before was at an all time high right now. What if someone _**did **_recognize him? A neighbour, or maybe a relative who would have received first hand information from Carl's widow? He closed his eyes and rubbed his face in his hand, shaking his head a bit. "This was a bad idea."

Graham shook his head too. "You gotta get past it somehow, Hudson. You can't keep going through life worrying that everyone's going to see you as a murderer."

"I only think that about _**one **_person, Graham."

"And didn't you tell us at camp she was _**everyone **_to you?"

Finn held a steely gaze with his friend for a few seconds, but looked away first and swallowed. Graham pressed his advantage. "You're so fucking worried about what she'll say you haven't even read her letter. Or given her yours."

"We've been over this-"

"Yeah, and you didn't learn anything the first time we talked about it either." Graham interrupted him. "You know, yours wasn't the only life that changed that day."

"Everyone was affected." Omeasoo agreed from behind them. "This was life changing. For all of us." He licked his lips and turned to face them fully. "It was the first time we _**needed **_to be soldiers."

The tall quarterback blew out another breath and checked his watch again. 2:05pm.

"Imma gonna rip that thing off your wrist and shove it up your ass if you don't calm the fuck down, Huddie." Marquez exclaimed from beside Omeasoo, also dressed in a shirt, tie and blazer. "A few more minutes ain't gonna hurt anything. Besides, these things never start on time any-"

Suddenly, the doors to the funeral home opened up and Wayfor stood there along with the same, middle aged woman that Omeasoo and Finn had met that fateful day. She descended the stairs slowly and walked up to Finn, looking up into his eyes and smiling sadly. "Private Hudson. I...I didn't think you would come to...well...to Carl's service."

Finn breathed out before swallowing to try to speak normally. "I...it wasn't initially my idea but...I've..." He fidgeted in front of Mrs. Waverly, unsure of what to say. "I...just...I thought it might be good to pay respects. To...you know...just to show that I'm not some dumb kid who doesn't get what I did or how serious it was or..." He stopped talking as his voice started to shake a bit and a tear began to form in his eye.

Mrs. Waverly, for her part, clasped his hand in hers and squeezed in understanding. "I...I don't know what his friends would say if they knew who you were, so you may just want...want to sit on the left side, in whichever empty pew is behind those already sitting. It won't be a long service." She smiled a bit to him. "I know this is hard for you, but I'm impressed and..._**proud **_of you that you came." She glanced around to the others.

After indications from the others that he should go first, Finn nodded, took a deep breath and then entered into the church. He looked around at the simple surroundings. The urn was placed on the large, ornately carved wooden table in the front, surrounded by pictures of a young Carl Waverly and various floral arrangements and wreaths. Large floor standing candle holders came up from the floor with large wax candles on each stand, all giving off a soft light over the service areas and tables. The dais was already open with an elderly gentleman standing behind it in a dark suit and tie, adjusting his glasses, and Finn noticed several heads turn towards them as they quickly made their way to the first empty pew on the left side, all of them sitting down, alert and straight.

The organ music continued for a couple more minutes, before it stopped and the minister came forward to the lectern.

"My fellow parishioners. We are gathered here today to lay to rest one of our own. Carl Robert Waverly has been called home to his maker, and we wish for his soul to finally be at peace."

There was a small sob of crying over on the right side of the church, and Finn glanced over to see Carl's widow wiping her nose and eyes before the minister continued.

"Carl Robert Waverly was born here in Joplin in 1954. He did not, unfortunately, have the easiest childhood. We know his father had left well before his birth and his mother left him with children services at a young age because of her inability to look after him, and he was in foster homes for his entire youth. But by the end of high school things seemed to be coming around for him. He graduated with respectable marks and had decided to make something of himself by joining the army. After training, he was sent into Vietnam with his infantry unit, where he was injured in battle against the Viet Cong. He received the Purple Heart for his role in those battles."

Finn and his National Guard friends gave quick glances to each other. None of them had realized that Carl Waverly had himself been a member of the U.S. Armed Forces, so the news surprised all of them.

"However, life wasn't easy for him upon his return. Injured soldiers returning from Vietnam often had trouble adapting to life back in the United States, and Carl Waverly was a prime example. After working various jobs, he finally secured a position with Hackett Security, relying on his military training to assist in the development of the company's security measures. He also-"

He couldn't help it, but his mind wandered away from the particulars of Carl's life as it was abbreviated into words by the minister, instead staring long and hard at the picture of the man he'd killed that was on the wooden table in front. Obviously it was the man in a happier time. He didn't seem stressed or have blood-shot eyes. The sneer he wore when Finn confronted him was non-existent. Instead, the picture seemed to be that of a normal, everyday, hard working individual. But just from what he remembered the minister saying, he knew it was all just a mask shown to the public. Inside was a scarred, scared and possibly mentally ill man who'd probably never gotten over his childhood or war-time experiences.

Finn looked across to those on the right who were obviously the closest people to this man he'd been forced to kill. All of them seemed sad, many of the women were dabbing their eyes with tissues or handkerchiefs. Those that weren't outwardly showing their emotions still were solemn faced, eyes cast towards the ground. The air was thick with sorrow and sadness, and the tall Gleek could feel moisture collecting in the back of his eyes.

_I did this! Everyone is here because of something I did over two weeks ago. All these tears, all this misery from so many people is because _**I **_took his life. It really will forever be remembered that Finn Hudson was forced to kill someone and it affected everyone connected to him. _

He hung his own head, wiping another tear as it threatened to escape down his cheek, and then felt a small squeeze on his forearm from Wayfor. The two shared a quick glance, and she nodded at him in understanding before turning to listen to the rest of the service. Likewise, Finn also forced himself face the minister and remain attentive. It was the least he could do to honour person's life he was forced to end.

**XXXXX**

The reception afterwards was in the side room where the guests attended. Various pictures of Carl Waverly throughout his life were put up on display, along with some photo albums which were set up along the tables by the entrance, inviting people to get a glimpse of his life. Finn stood, staring at the pictures of the man he'd had to face down, his lips curled into a sad smile as he saw this man in happier circumstances; a picture of him at the Grand Canyon, another picture of him in his security uniform, another of him standing beside a racing car, one of him by the St. Louis Archway. Finn wondered how a man who seemed to have recovered from a poor childhood to have some kind of normal life managed to slip from it, start abusing his wife and pulling a weapon on armed soldiers. The two sides of Carl Waverly seemed so opposite from each other, and he was at a loss to explain it.

"You're the one, aren't you?"

Finn turned suddenly to see a small, elderly woman standing near him, about five feet tall with large, round glasses and her hair styled like a ball of wool on her head. Her body positioned directly beside him, and she stared at his face with kind, experienced eyes. She seemed familiar to him somehow, but he couldn't be sure. He swallowed before answering, unsuccessfully trying to turn from her penetrating gaze. "I'm sorry, Ma'am? I'm the one what?"

"Private Hudson, right? The soldier who came to my door the day this happened."

Suddenly, Finn clued into who this lady was. _Of course! She was the neighbour who said she didn't need any help and only her fence was damaged. The one Omeasoo was first worried about. _"Ah...yeah, that...I mean, yes Ma'am. I am."

She nodded and adjusted her glasses a bit. "I thought so. Wasn't sure without the uniform, though."

He smiled a bit at that comment, finding humour that here there was actually someone who recognized him _**better**_ in his uniform than out of it. She continued speaking after a shared quiet moment. "I take it you came here on your own?"

The glee co-captain nodded, then shook his head. "Well, on my own in that I'm not with my unit, no. But my friends from the Guard came with me, too." He sighed. "I just...I'm the one who...well..."

"Had to shoot him?" The elderly woman offered quietly, quirking a silver eyebrow in his direction. When Finn failed to answer, she nodded and then grabbed his forearm and pulled him with her. "Come with me. I'll get us some drinks."

He followed along with her, not wanting to be rude or to pull his arm away too quickly and hurt her, but he shook his head a bit. "I can't. I'm still under-age and-"

"If you're old enough to serve your country in the army, you're old enough for a damn drink." She decreed, pushing him into the chair of the nearest table and walking over the bar. "Sit tight. I'll be back."

Finn blew out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and allowed his gaze to wander to the others in the room. There was a middle aged group of people on the other side of the room, and a few of them would glance in his direction and then turn away just a little _**too **_fully, almost as if trying to exclude him from the proceedings. Another glance to the back of the room showed a group of men in security uniforms also looking over at him, but then turning away to continue their own conversation and continue with their beers. Another person passed by his table, staring straight into his eye judgementally, but then continued on past the table without another word.

_They know_**. **Finn thought to himself, guilt and remorse again rising within him. _Somehow, they all know. They figured out that Carl Waverly's killer came back to attend the funeral of the man he gunned down outside his own home. _

The looks and stares were starting to get uncomfortable, and just when Finn thought he should get up and go seek out his friends to tell them it was time to go, the elderly lady who had told him to sit at the table reappeared and handed him small tumbler full of an orange liquid. "Screwdrivers, my favourite." She sat beside him and raised her glass, looking at him directly. "To lifelong regrets, be they mistakes or not." She clinked her glass against Finn's and drank deeply, not even making a face at it. "Go on." She motioned with her free hand. "It doesn't drink itself."

Nodding slightly, Finn took a large gulp and swallowed, then forced his eyes to not widen in surprise as the strong taste of vodka kicked right through the orange juice and slid down his throat, seeming to burn every square inch of his esophagus . He coughed once before looking over to smirking elderly lady. "Um...thanks, Ms...?"

"Debbie. Just call me Debbie, dear."

"Debbie. Thanks." Finn took another (smaller) sip before putting his drink down, noticing more looks and stares from various people at the reception. He bit his cheek and turned back to Debbie. "I think they know who I am." He responded with a slight motion of his head towards the third group of people giving him glances.

The elderly woman looked over to the group before giving him that same grand-motherly smile she'd given just minutes before that fateful shooting. "Of course they know, dear. You _**look **_military."

"I do?"

She smiled again after another sip of vodka and orange juice. "Short buzzed cut hair? Precision walking in your steps?" Again, she patted his hand. "And you aren't exactly the same age as any of Carl's peers now are you?"

Finn sighed as he kicked himself mentally on each point. Of _**course **_he'd stand out like a sore thumb here at the funeral, just based on his and his friend's ages if nothing else. Again, he nodded at the elderly woman and had a sip of his drink, the burning liquid seeming to take his mind off his nerves. "How...how long had you known your neighbour, Ma'am?"

Debbie pursed her lips. "I'd say about six or seven years, ever since he and his wife moved there. They seemed like a normal couple at first. I had suspicions about them for a couple of years now, especially when I saw Janet with a large bruise along her shoulders one day. And I called police one time when the noise of their argument grew too loud." She turned back to face Finn fully. "You need to realize, Dear, that he was far from perfect. He really did have a lot of issues."

"I just...I wish he hadn't attacked me. I wouldn't have even raised my rifle if..." Finn stopped talking for fear of his emotions getting the better of him.

"It's not you personally he was upset with, I don't think." Debbie leaned back in her chair prim and properly while crossing her legs. "It's what you represented. The military was something he saw that ruined his life after Vietnam. Whatever happened to him there, it obviously harmed him mentally as well as physically." She shrugged a bit. "And he didn't have a great support system. Many of these people here are paying their respects, yes, but they were nowhere to be found when he was going through the worst of his struggles. Fair-weather friends, each and every one of them. And Carl was stubborn and refused to get himself help, even when Janet asked him repeatedly to go. My guess is his anger and hatred manifested itself into attacking her. She was just too afraid and in love to lay charges."

Finn bit back some more tears and drank another sip of his screwdriver. "So...so I not only killed a man, I killed a mentally ill man? That's...yeah. That's just..." He turned away from yet another pair of judgemental eyes staring at him from some random person across the room. "No wonder they hate me."

"They don't hate _**you**_. They hate that you're braver than they are."

Finn raised his eyebrows in askance. "Braver?"

Debbie sourly looked at the next person who kept his gaze trained on Finn longer than necessary before turning back to the tall quarterback. "They knew he had issues. They knew there was abuse. None of them ever stood up to him or intervened. Then you, this _**part-time **_soldier, walk in from nowhere and resolve it all for them? And though not intentional, you even rub it in their faces by attending the funeral of the very man you were forced to shoot." She shook her head. "You're twice the man any of his 'friends' are. If they'd just intervened and forced him to get help, he'd still be alive."

Although Finn had doubts about how much Carl's friends and peers would have been able to help him get help for mental illness, he wasn't willing to get into an argument here at the man's funeral. Instead, he shrugged slightly and had another sip of the screwdriver Debbie had given him. "If I was really twice the man, I wouldn't have had to pull the trigger."

"You wouldn't have pulled the trigger if you were a _**lesser**_ man." Debbie disagreed, knocking back another gulp of vodka and orange. "Some lives just aren't good. Carl's was one of them. It wasn't anyone's fault, really, it just happened that way. He had a hard life, a hard time adjusting after Vietnam, and a hard time accepting or asking for help." She turned to him and placed a wrinkled, spotted hand on his. "Best thing you can do, Private Hudson, is to learn from it and appreciate what you _**do **_have. Not everyone has the same things you do, and most in this world have damn little of the things we think nothing of. Live your life entirely, and live it how _**you **_want."

_Live your life entirely. _Finn bit the inside of his cheek and said nothing, but the words circled in his head, and he had to admit he agreed completely with them. He hadn't really been living his life entirely before. Sure, he was much more comfortable with himself, but there really was so much more he could do, wasn't there? There was more for him than just school and popularity and selfish interests. There was also what he could do for others, how he could support those closest to him, how he could just be better and not take life for granted.

Perhaps that was what this incident was for him. A wake-up call, of sorts, that life was meant to be lived and experienced. It didn't start and end with certain events before, during or after the present moment. Life encompassed _**everything **_you did at every point of life.

He never used to believe in 'moments' that define a person. It was obvious to him now that they did indeed exist.

Nodding, he squeezed Debbie's hand and spoke quietly. "Thanks, Debbie. For the talk." He smiled a bit and took another gulp of the screwdriver. "And the drink."

Debbie nodded in response. "You looked like you could use it."

Finn was never sure if she meant the drink or the discussion, but either way, it helped.

**XXXXX**

"Private Hudson!"

Finn and the others turned from where they were just about to exit the church, each wondering where the voice came from. He noticed Janet Waverly walking towards him with something in her hands. She approached the group, and Graham and Omeasoo stepped aside to let her approach Finn directly. "Before you go, I have something for you."

"For me?" Finn swallowed, questioning eyes glancing at the others. When each other them shrugged or shook their head in response to indicate they had no knowledge of this, he turned back to the woman he'd rescued. "Uh...really, Ma'am, you don't need to give me anything. That you let us attend his service was more than enough and-"

Without waiting for him to finish, Janet took Finn's right hand in her left and then pressed a rectangular velvet covered box into it. She smiled sadly as she looked up into his eyes. "I think, Private Hudson, this will mean a lot more to you than it would to me. And it's appropriate given what happened that day."

Finn's face twisted in confusion, but he turned back down to the box and opened it slowly. Inside was a military medal with short purple ribbon having two small white stripes along the outside. It angled down into a triangular pattern onto which a gold, heart-shaped medal was placed. Inside the golden shaped heart was another heart, this one purple in colour and holding the gold likeness of George Washington on it. The tall Gleek looked up in shock to Janet Waverly. "Ma'am...I...I can't accept this. This is Carl's from the Vietnam War! It would mean more to you or to his family-"

"He doesn't have any surviving family. We never had children." Janet shook her head and forced Finn's fingers closed around the medal and box it came in. "And I don't need it to remember him. I...I think this would be better going to you." She squeezed his hand in both of hers. "You may not have known it, but you saved me that day, Private Hudson. As much as I'll miss my husband, you saved me from a situation I couldn't save myself from. So for that, thank you."

Finn wiped a single tear away from his eye and cleared his throat before speaking. "I...if it's worth anything, you should know that I...I'll always wish that it had gone differently."

"I know." Mrs. Waverly lifted Finn's chin up a bit to look him in the eye. "But don't let that stop you from doing what you need to do. Even if you wish it could be different, do what you feel or know is right." She sighed and smiled again. "I hope the service helped you, even if just a little bit."

After glancing to the others, all of whom seemed to have sad or wistful expression across their faces, Finn nodded to Janet. "It did. For all of us."

**XXXXX**

The trailer was unusually quiet that evening as the five of them lazed around it after setting up for the night. None of them seemed real eager to start a conversation, and with there being four almost grown men occupying most of it, it seemed natural that talking about emotions wasn't high on the list of things to do with each other. Marquez was busy in the kitchen preparing fajitas for their late night dinner (and shit, did that guy know his way around the kitchen; Chief River really could have used him in the mess) and the rest were either sprawled out on the booths in the dining nook or on the two large Lay-Z-Boy chairs in the 'living room' area, each nursing a drink.

Finn reclined in the lounge chair, guzzling his second beer in an hour and starting to just feel a slight buzz around in his mind. He stared long and hard at the Purple Heart medal Mrs. Waverly had given to him just hours before, and it seemed to have much more meaning now that he'd put some thought into it. What was that term of Rachel's? Metaphor? Yeah, that was it. As much as Rachel used gold stars as a metaphor for the star she would eventually become (he really had no doubt about that) the Purple Heart was now a metaphor for him; a metaphor for remaining true to yourself and for standing up in what you believed in. It meant doing what was needed of you, following you own heart and putting all of yourself into what you're trying to achieve, no matter what.

_Fuck! _He thought to himself. _I thought I could handle more than two beers before it made me all brooding and reflective. _

"Hey, turn that one up!" Marquez indicated the stereo he couldn't reach from where he was seasoning and stirring the steak in a frying pan. "That's a great song!"

Wayfor shrugged and complied, aiming the stereo's remote and increasing the volume. Finn was pulled out of his thoughts as the strings of the acoustic guitar began to surround his mind and he smiled a bit as he recognized the tune's sudden transition into blasting guitar riffs and heavy rhythmic backbeat. The singer's growly vocals came on soon and Finn perked up again while listening to the lyrics. He felt a slow smile creeping along his face, and soon he was turning in his chair to Omeasoo, staring at him.

Omeasoo raised an eyebrow at him in askance.

"This song," Finn motioned to the stereo with the hand holding his beer. "Think we could figure it out acoustically?"

His native friend turned to listen to the music a bit more, then smiled and nodded in approval. "Good for your Glee assignment." He agreed quickly and reached over to grab his guitar. "How should we start?"

**XXXXX**

"All right," Mr. Schuester rubbed his hands together as looked at the group and smiled a bit, addressing his Glee club in the McKinley choir room. "Who wants to go first?"

Finn wasn't surprised in the least when the small brunette beside him raised her right hand, sheet music in her left. In fact, he was so sure she'd want to lead the charge for assignments this week that he actually grinned as she quickly stood and then turned to everyone. "I realize I'm known mostly for Broadway tunes and tend to focus on that type of music-"

Suddenly she was interrupted by several of the others in the Glee club, all speaking at the same time, and Finn bit down an outright laugh as he heard sarcastic comments of "No, no!", "You don't say?", "Are those Broadway?", and "I'd never have guessed." Even Mr. Schuester had to cover his mouth from laughing at the response Rachel's was getting from her peers.

For her part, Rachel rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. "Okay, fine. So I'm a little obsessive about it."

"A little?" Brad suddenly deadpanned from the piano. It was one of the few times he ever made comments to the club, usually content to just sit in the background at the piano and allow Mr. Schuester to guide the proceedings. His comment was so unexpected the room actually burst out into raucous laughing to an extent even Rachel had to smile. Finn had to admire her for how far she'd come. Two years ago, she'd never have been able to laugh at herself or her own follies, but now she could completely understand the humour involved.

And that beam of a smile. He could never get tired of looking at her smile.

"That being said," Rachel began, causing most of the laughter to die down again as she turned back to the group, "I decided to embrace the theme of 'Growth' and do something outside my normal preferences." She looked up to the choir room and held out the sheet music to two boys. "Noah? Artie? Are you two familiar with this song?"

Both boys took the sheet music and looked at it, then both grinned at her and nodded, pulling themselves to the front of the room and pulling on their guitars. Rachel turned towards Finn and thrust the final piece of sheet music at him. "I know _**you **_know this song. It was on your drum practice play-list." She eyed him up and down before grinning. "Front and centre, soldier."

Once again, they held each other's gaze a little longer than was usual for two 'best-friends', and she smiled a bit more before turning to her microphone. Finn allowed his eyes to trace down her curves and – mmm, yeah, he needed to see what exactly she'd just asked him to play. He reluctantly pulled his eyes away from her ass and read the title of the sheet music.

Yeah, he knew this song all right, but he'd never thought Rachel would ever choose to sing something like this. He was so surprised, he actually caught himself about to gasp in shock.

Still, he grabbed his stick-bag and pushed himself up from the seats to get behind the drum kit. Once settled, he nodded to both Artie and Puck, then counted them in and began the introduction to the song. Unlike how she normally sang, this time Rachel had her eyes closed and was lightly bobbing her head in time to the heavy beat. When Finn pulled out the transition fill to go into the first verse, she brought the microphone up and began to sing.

_I will dedicate, and sacrifice my every  
>Thing for just a second's worth, of how my story's ending<br>And I wish I could know, if the directions that I take,  
>And all the choices that I make, won't end up all for nothing<em>

_Show me what it's for  
>Make me understand this<br>I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer  
>Is there something more, than what I've been handed<br>I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer_

_Help me carry on. Assure me it's okay to  
>Use my heart and not my eyes, to navigate the darkness<br>Will the ending be, ever coming suddenly,  
>Will I ever get to see the ending to my story.<em>

_Show me what it's for_  
><em>Make me understand this<em>  
><em>I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer<em>  
><em>Is there something more, than what I've been handed<em>  
><em>I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer **<em>

Rachel carried that last note for what seemed like forever, almost trying to prove that she could out-perform the vocalist who originally recorded the song (like there was any doubt in Finn's mind about that one). Once satisfied, she turned back and looked at Finn while he drummed, like she always did when he accompanied her musically on her song choices.

_So when and how will I know? **_

She may have been singing the lyrics for the song, but somehow, Finn felt those specific words were directed right at him, enough that he almost faltered on the beat he was carrying in the song, but quickly he pulled himself back to focusing on the music at hand, keeping the rhythm carefully on the hi-hats, snare and bass drum. He'd have to put those words on the backburner of his mind. Trying to avoid Rachel's penetrating gaze, she smiled briefly as though she'd scored a point of some kind, then uncharacteristically began violently banging her head to the music, her brown locks flying everywhere and her whole upper body getting into the rhythm of the song. Finn ground his teeth together and stifled a moan of appreciation at seeing the girl in front of him move and shake herself in time to the music, especially _**his **_type of music. Far too soon, however, she turned back to her audience to continue.

_How much further do I have to go?  
>How much longer 'till I finally know?<br>'Cause I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me,  
>In front of me!<em>

_Show me what it's for  
>Make me understand this<br>I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer  
>Is there something more, than what I've been handed<br>I've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answer**_

Again, Rachel held the last note, but not only held it, actually increased it to the octave above with almost no effort. She didn't stop her vocals until the three of them landed on the final down beat of the song, their playing all synchronized, causing the song to abruptly end. Immediately the other gleeks clapped enthusiastically, all sporting big smiles, even if Mercedes and Kurt were jokingly shouting "Show-Off!" and "Diva!" to her.

Mr. Schuester got up and with applause as well and put a paternal hand on her shoulder. "Wow, Rachel. That was _**fantastic!**_ And a hell of a way to start this year off. You've definitely set the bar high for performances today." He turned to everyone else and pointed down to the glee co-captain. "Hope you guys brought your best today, because Ms. Berry is kicking ass and taking names!"

"Thank you, everyone. That was really exhilarating. Who thought modern rock could be so much _**fun!" **_She glanced behind her nervously before turning back to the others. "But I do have to say, it was Finn's suggestion that I try something outside my normal repertoire, so I must acknowledge his help and-"

"Okay, yeah, we get it, you drew a blank so Lurch's single brain cell started working and something other than spittle spewed forth, right?" Santana growled a bit then stood up. "Can I do my song now and get this over with?"

As Mr. Schuester and Santana began discussing her song selection, Rachel cast eyes back at Finn, who smiled warmly at her. She mouthed a silent '_thank you_' to him, and he nodded, mouthing back '_anytime_'. Once again, their eyes locked longer than friends had any right to look at each other, and Finn felt that familiar rush of blood going through him.

Suddenly, Puck's head was right beside his own and he spoke quietly so only Finn could hear. "Done eye-fucking her, yet, dude?"

Finn turned and scoffed at his friend. "Don't know what you're talking 'bout man." He opened his stick bag and returned his sticks to it.

"Finn-deed you do," Puck smirked, pulling his electric guitar over his head. "You want her? Go get her, man! Fucking obvious that it's mutual."

"If it was that obvious, she wouldn't have walked away in New York."

"I thought you were the guy who didn't give up so easily."

Finn ignored Puck's verbal jab and shook his head a bit before pulling out the sheet music he and Omeasoo had created, handing it over to Puck. "Think you can do this one?"

Puck shook his head, exasperated, but grabbed the music and looked it over. "Yeah, that shouldn't be an issue. Good song, but kinda cliché message, isn't it?"

Finn shrugged and stood from the drum stool. "It says what I need it to."

**XXXXX**

"Alright, Artie, great performance of Bruce Willis's _Respect Yourself_, and thanks for assisting him, Mercedes. I think that means we just have one more to hear from." Mr. Schuester turned around to face Finn fully. "Finn, you're up. You have something prepared, right?"

Rachel watched as Finn smiled tightly and nodded, slapping Puck on the shoulder and motioning for him to join him. Both boys pulled up a couple of stools from the side of the classroom and sat down, Puck also putting the sheet music on a stand in front of him. She wondered what exactly Finn had come up with in terms of song selection. He really did have a lot of options open to him, and that was just songs that came to mind from Broadway. But then Finn always had a way of surprising her with his choices. She never would have imagined him to serenade her with _Jesse's Girl _by Rick Springfield, never would have pegged him to pick Bruno Mars for Carole and Burt's wedding; she certainly never thought he'd go so far back as to sing _Gotta Be Me_by Sammy Davis Jr.

One thing she had learned about Finn and his musical selections was to expect the unexpected.

Finn addressed everyone in the choir room. "This came to me on the weekend. The original version of this song is pretty hard rock-"

"And hard as a rock is _**always **_a good thing!" Puck interjected, causing a few groans and chuckles among the students before Finn gave him an evil look. The mohawked boy shrugged and went back to looking at his sheet music.

"As I was saying," Finn rolled his eyes, "I …well, the original didn't convey the right mood, so a friend of mine helped me to tone this down a notch." He nodded to Puck, who began to strum his guitar.

Rachel leaned forward, fascinated by the soft melodies and chords coming forth from Puck's playing and wondering what possessed Finn to choose a rock song and rearrange it into an acoustic performance. After a few more seconds during which Finn and Puck made eye contact, both nodding at each other, Finn turned and began to sing.

_You can't quit until you try,  
>You can't live until you die,<br>You can't learn to tell the truth,  
>Until you learn to lie.<br>You can't breathe until you choke,  
>You've got to laugh when you're the joke<br>There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel…***_

Puck's voice suddenly came forth, and Rachel smiled a bit at seeing the two boys, for once, finally harmonizing on a song together. Usually anything they performed as a pair was more on the rap side of music or not sung in harmony. However, Finn's voice was not powering through the verse the way it normally did, but instead he chose to sing softer and with more emotion, giving the song a haunting presence.

_Alive! Just open your eyes,  
>Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful<br>Would you swear on your life, that no one will cry  
>At my funeral ***<em>

Puck continued to strum the guitar, his foot silently tapping on the floor as he glanced at the music to ensure he was following it correctly, but Rachel noticed Finn's eyes hadn't opened since the start of the song. It alarmed her because she knew from working on duets with him, he only closed them when something, a lyric or musical passage, resonated somewhere deep within him or touched a strong emotion of some kind. Was this entire song speaking to him? And if so, what was he trying to convey through it?

_I know some things that you don't,  
>I've done things that you won't,<br>There's nothing like a trail of blood  
>To find your way back home.<br>I was waiting for my hearse,  
>What came next was so much worse,<br>It took a funeral to make me feel…_

_Alive! Just open your eyes,  
>Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful<br>Would you swear on your life, that no one will cry  
>At my funeral ***<em>

Puck played a short guitar solo, and again, Finn didn't open his eyes, instead opting to just simply turn his head down to the floor, slowly bobbing his head along to the rhythm of the song. Rachel felt her eyes widen in shock as she noticed a single tear trailing down Finn's cheek when he turned back up to the microphone, singing with even more emotion and passion than before and almost drowning out Puck's strong backing vocals.

_Alive! Just open your eyes,  
>Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful<br>Would you swear on your life, that no one will cry  
>At my funeral ***<em>

Finn nodded to his friend and Puck strummed the last chord of the guitar, letting Finn sing accapella for the ending of the song. Still in awe of the performance, Rachel couldn't believe she actually saw another tear begin to follow the first down his right cheek.

_Alive! Just open your eyes,  
>Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful<br>Would you swear on your life, that no one will cry  
>At my funeral ***<em>

There was actually a pause in the choir room before the applause of the other kids could be heard, but it all seemed somewhat tentative. Rachel looked around to see most of the others in various states of surprise or even shock at how Finn had handled the song. It was so different and unexpected for him, and definitely far more emotional than any of his previous assignments had ever been. Even Mr. Schuester only clapped a few times before coming to see him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Finn, that was…uh…wow! I mean, I'm almost at a loss of words! That was…_**heart-wrenching**_, I think. Easily the most honest performance you've ever given."

Finn smiled his adorable half-smile and then nodded. He shook hands with Mr. Schuester before turning towards Puck, who smirked at him and raised his eyebrow. "Shit, dude, are you crying?" He teased instantly.

Finn shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Stunned wouldn't have been an adequate word to describe how Rachel felt at that moment. _**Never **_had Finn admitted to crying in public, let alone in front of fourteen other people. Puck just stared at him open mouthed, shocked Finn wasn't in the least embarrassed by the tear stains evident on his cheek and he made no move to remove them. Instead, he simply resumed his seat and stared straight ahead, waiting for Mr. Schuester to continue with the rehearsal.

Rachel swallowed as she regarded the tall boy beside her. In that moment, seeing this boy in front of her showing the confidence and willingness to open up so much of himself to others, regardless of how they might react or judge him, she had no choice but to completely agree with Kurt's original text from the week prior.

This was _**NOT **_the same Finn Hudson.

* * *

><p><strong>*Lyrics from <em>If You Really, Really Love Me, <em>written and performed by Steel Panther**

****Lyrics from _Crawling in the Dark_, written and performed by Hoobastank**

*****Lyrics from _Life is Beautiful_, written and performed by Sixx A.M.**

**Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) **


	19. Pushing Forward

**A/N - Happy Holidays, everyone. I sincerely doubt I'll have anything else posted before the new year, but I'll try. I hope this year everyone's holiday season is everything happy and we'll see you all on the flip side. Thanks again to _tjcrowfoot_ for being my beta on this chapter and offering her thoughts. And thanks, as usual, to everyone who reads, reviews, and alerts or favourites this story. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary.**

* * *

><p>The Glee co-captain walked into the choir room well ahead of schedule (as she always strived for), noticing the room was empty with the exception of Finn, who sat in his normal spot, his right leg supported by his left with his ankle on his knee, and something odd in his hands that he was staring at intently. Rachel did a double take before slowly walking over to him, glancing wide eyed between him and the focus of his attention.<p>

Finn glanced up and smiled that killer, lopsided smile at her, causing her heart to flutter a bit. "Hey, Rachel."

She focused back on the item in his hand. "What...are you doing?"

Finn followed her eyes back down. "Uh...reading."

"Reading what?"

He turned the item in his hand over. "I think these things are called 'books'."

"I can see it's a book, Finn."

"Then why did you ask what it was?"

Rachel sighed in frustration and closed her eyes momentarily before looking at him again, confused. "I'm just wondering when this started?"

"Me reading, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Not sure, really. I think they started teaching me in grade school; somewhere in those years, at least." His eyes danced with mirth and that half-smile spilled across his face again. "I _**can **_read, you know."

Rachel's eyes narrowed at him as he smugly turned back to continue his reading. She wasn't entirely certain she liked this new, confident, cocky side of Finn Hudson. Okay, scratch that, she _**loved **_this confident, slightly cocky side of Finn Hudson, just not when that attitude was directed towards _**her **_for the sake of humour at her expense.

She crossed her arms, noisily blowing out a breath. "But Finn...you don't read."

Finn turned back up to her. "I don't?"

"No."

"Damnit!" Finn shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Now I'm gonna have to change my answers on all those National Guard forms. You know how much paperwork that'll cause?"

The young ingénue pursed her lips and clenched her hands in annoyance. Was Finn Hudson, _**FINN HUDSON**_, verbally running circles around her with teasing phrases and out-of-context meanings? How the hell could he suddenly start sparring with her like this after only a summer's worth of different experiences in the military?

Deciding to allow him the victory for that little battle she took another breath and pointed at the book. "What I meant, and what you _**know **_I meant, was that I've never seen you read just for the sake of reading. You've never seemed to enjoy it before. I've never seen you even _**think **_about opening a novel, let alone be half-way through one."

Finn's smile fell off his face a bit and he shrugged. "Okay, you're right. But...well, it's kinda fun reading something that _**isn't **_required by class. Like, this is better because I can grab whatever I want. Honestly, reading Shakespeare all the time in English just confuses me. I mean, they all speak in that weird idiotic pentagram way-

"You mean iambic pentameter?"

"-and you don't even know if the people in the play are supposed to be mad or happy or upset or _**anything**_. You'd think for such a 'great play-write' he could have added in some extra stuff to tell the actors how they're supposed to feel and-"

"Finn!"

"Yeah?"

"You're rambling."

He looked sheepish, blushed, then shrugged a bit. "Sorry." He looked back at his book briefly, then back up to her. "I guess...reading something for fun just helps to slow my mind down a bit."

Again, their gazes held for a few seconds longer than was normal between 'best-friends' and Rachel felt her heart begin to increase in pace while her breathing became a bit more shallow. How was it that just a look from this boy could send such electricity coursing through her? She had half a mind to just push the book out of his hands and settle herself on his lap, but still wasn't sure how he'd take such a direct and forward play for his heart. Instead, she sat down beside him and squeezed his upper arm affectionately and – **_Oh. My. GOD!_** – was that really the size of his arm now? It felt as if it had _**easily**_ gained another twenty percent of its previous muscular shape, and was much more defined. She forced down the urge to start massaging his arm suggestively.

"So," She cleared her throat and motioned at the book. "What are you reading, exactly?"

Finn licked his lips and his gaze at her seemed to intensify a bit before he turned back and showed her the front of the book. Rachel saw the artist's picture of a space station on it, with the title '_Ender's Game' _on the front. She smiled a bit. "Science Fiction? Why am I not surprised?"

Finn shrugged with his own grin. "Well, I can't be _**too **_different now. People will think I'm not even the same person."

_I'm not sure you really _**are **_the same person...not exactly. _Rachel kept her silent thought to herself. "I've heard of it, but never read it. Is it any good?"

The tall boy nodded. "Yeah...basically it's about this kid genius who gets recruited with a bunch of other kids to help fight an alien war that threatens the human race. The story shows how he goes through military training and how it changes him from a normal child to a soldier. Some of the things this Ender kid goes through are..." Finn swallowed a bit and blew out a quick breath. "Well, let's just say I can relate in a way."

Rachel looked up to his face, noticing his jaw clench as he pulled the bookmark out and placed it on the page to hold his spot. She was about to ask him about the similarities between his training and the book, but of course Mr. Schuester and the others would have to all suddenly appear at that moment, causing Finn to stuff the book back into his back-pack and then turn to face the teacher. She sighed at missing yet another opportunity to learn more about his summer, but also turned to the Glee instructor to learn about their new assignment.

**XXXXX**

"I'm not answering your questions." Finn's voice bit out in frustration.

Rachel looked up from her reading in the library to notice Finn walking away from Jacob Ben Israel, a scowl on his face as he turned into another stack of books. The wild haired boy followed him with a small digital recording device held aloft to record whatever words were uttered. She doubted either of the two boys knew she was there as Finn's attention was on the books in front of him (odd) and Jacob's attention seemed on Finn for a change (also odd).

"You know that you'll eventually answer anyway, Finn. Your popularity is at stake here, but it'll go up significantly if the rumours are true that Casey Malick from the volleyball team has her eye on you. I'm just trying to ascertain if the feelings are mutual."

Her stomach plummeted to her feet. Casey Malick? She was just about everything Rachel _**wasn't**_! In fact, just about everything Quinn wasn't, either! She was quite tall, easily around 5'11", with plump bosom, perfect, feminine lips and nose, and short cropped hair that actually suited her features perfectly, and an overall tomboyish nature. She was _**very **_active in the athletics at McKinley. In fact, about all she didn't participate in were the Cheerios. Could Finn really be interested in someone like that? She swallowed, afraid of what his answer might be.

Finn, for his part, sighed a bit and pulled out a couple of books, still ignoring the school reporter beside him.

"Okay, so we're silent on that one." Jacob continued. "How about Shelly Spencer?"

Rachel's frown deepened. Shelly Spencer? She knew many of the boys (including Puck) would pounce on the opportunity to enjoy the company of that attractive mulatto girl with the round face, long curly hair and perfect smile. Finn, however, had never shown _**any **_interest in her. Seriously, she'd never seen him even glance at her, both when they were and weren't dating.

"Well, perhaps Mindy Baxter, then? Jack Beigin on the football team told me he saw you two talking and-"

"Still not getting an answer from me, Jacob." Finn replied in a bored manner.

Rachel relaxed and the sinking feeling in her stomach eased considerably as she clued into what Jacob was doing; fishing. It was an old journalism tactic that if you just constantly bombard a person with questions of a sensitive nature, eventually they'd snap and respond to something, usually in a way that allowed you to write a story about them and their character in addition to the actual answer. But that meant that Jacob knew nothing of Finn's romantic intentions, and Finn wasn't divulging any information.

And it was a good thing too, because if Rachel had her way, the only romantic intentions Finn would ever have would be for _**her**_.

The tall quarterback remained tight lipped and continued to look through the books in front of him, picking a couple from the top shelf and tucking them under his arm. Rachel frowned when she noticed they were about twentieth century history, and specifically the Vietnam War. Was he actually taking the follow-up course to the one he claimed to detest the year before? That made even less sense than a rumour about him and Casey Malick.

"So, I take it that silence gives consent to _**all**_ these rumours being true?" Jacob smirked as he brought his digital recorder back to his mouth. "Let it be printed that Finn Hudson silently acknowledges that-"

Finn grabbed the recorder from him and spoke quickly into the microphone. "All Finn Hudson will acknowledge is that Jacob Ben Israel is a pain in the ass school gossiper who won't leave him the fuck alone. And feel free to quote me on that."

Quickly Finn thumbed off the digital recorder and then reached up and shoved it into the middle of the very top of the library shelves, well beyond Jacob's reach. He nodded once to the smaller boy and then walked away, leaving Jacob to stare after him wide eyed and sputtering. "You can't do that! I need that to do my articles!"

Finn kept walking, ignoring the smaller boy's protests. Rachel, for her part, shoved a hand over her mouth to keep from bursting out laughing at the smaller boy's expense.

**XXXXX**

Rachel took her seat beside Kurt, both of them deciding to watch the football practice that day. It had been a while since she had settled into the bleachers to just lazily watch her friends (Finn) running drills and plays in team scrimmages, but with both her dads working late and very little homework to do that night, she figured she owed it to her best friend (future boyfriend / fiancé / husband...okay, she'd settle for just boyfriend for now) to lend some support. They were currently at one win and one loss on the season, so the next game was important if they were going to build up some momentum and drive for another Western Conference Championship. With any luck, she and the other girls would _**not **_have to don gear and head out into the field to participate in the barbaric game. Once had been more than enough for her, thank you very much. If she didn't see, smell or wear football gear again for another fifty years, it would still be too soon.

But, oh boy, did Finn's derriere look _**spectacular **_in his football pants. And where she was sitting gave her the perfect view of it. She unconsciously licked her lips as she imagined her hands travelling lower and lower from giving him a hug to-

"Stop drooling, Rachel."

She jerked her head a bit in shock as Kurt's words sliced through her daydream and brought her back to the present moment. "I _**wasn't**_ drooling."

Kurt ignored her as he looked down disdainfully. "I'll have to have my shoes professionally cleaned for all the spittle marks left there from your open mouthed slobbering. Though I do have to admit, the view we're sharing _**is **_enjoyable."

"Kurt!" Rachel spun on him, her mouth agape in surprise. "How...how _**could **_you be looking at Finn's behind? He's your brother!"

"See, you _**were **_staring at his ass. That was the easiest confirmation I've ever lured out of someone." Kurt leaned back on the bleachers and crossed his arms while raising his eyebrow at her. "And just because Finn is my _**step**_-brother doesn't mean I can't appreciate his _**assets**_."

Rachel shook her head, but smiled in amusement. "You're incorrigible."

"I'm not the one going out of my way to feel him up every chance I get."

"_**I do not!**_" Rachel stage-whispered to him melodramatically.

"Hands on his arm in Glee practice? Hugs every time you see him, even in the same day? Touching his hand affectionately over coffee? Rachel, darling, if it were anymore obvious it would include handcuffs and a tube of Astroglide." Kurt gave her a sly smile. "But since Finn isn't complaining, I imagine he's rather enjoying all of your attention."

Rachel grimaced as she turned her view back to the field. "Not like he's made me aware of how much he's enjoying it."

Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes. "Rachel, you know he went through-"

"Oh, come _**on**_, Kurt! How long do I have to wait? It's been a while and I've gotten nothing more than a kiss on the forehead and a few ginormous hugs."

"He doesn't give _**me **_ginormous hugs." The other teen sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Rachel, believe me, he's been through _**a lot**_ this summer. He's _**just **_started coming around and acting like his old self."

"I wouldn't think he'd be that traumatized by saving someone's life from a car explosion."

Again, Kurt pursed his lips and looked away, but his actions did not go unnoticed by the Glee co-captain. "There's more to it than that, isn't there?" She pressed, but didn't expect an answer. When Kurt remained silent, she huffed out another breath and turned back to the field. "So nice to see my _**friends**_ are talking to me."

"Rachel, Finn is my step-brother and-"

"And he's my best friend!" Rachel hissed back, almost venomously. "Or at least I think he is. It's hard to tell given this preposterous state of limbo we're currently embroiled in. One glance from him tells me he wants me and would like nothing better than to kiss me, and another minute he's all aloof and robotic and like a bank vault I can't open even _**with **_the right combination." Kurt remained silent as Rachel sighed and leaned back in the bleachers, mimicking the other Gleek's posture. "I just want _**my **_Finn back. I want _**us **_back."

"I know, Rachel. But I don't think he'll ever be quite the same Finn, again. Not completely." Kurt swallowed a bit as he watched another play on the field. "He's grown too much."

"How-"

A sudden grunting noise from the turf alerted both Rachel and Kurt to something major happening, and they both turned just in time to see Finn taking a massive tackle from Thomas Bronson. The junior had caught Finn unawares and tackled him to the ground so hard Finn actually bounced a bit upon hitting the field. Bronson came to his feet and cheered like a banshee for a moment before pointing down to Finn, then making a slicing motion with his finger across his neck, prompting Finn to quickly jump to his feet and stare down the junior. Bronson puffed out his chest and walked right up against Finn, bumping him, then held his arms wide as if to instigate a fight. The quarterback, however, simply shook his head and turned away. Just as Bronson was about to chase after the Finn and press the issue, Puck was suddenly between them, smacking Bronson on the side of the head and directing him with a wild arm wave down the field, effectively telling him to back off. Bronson held his gaze with Puck for a moment, but finally relented and turned away with the other members of the defensive squad.

"Get it together, ladies, and keep your bitch fests off my field." Bieste could be heard speaking loudly over the other boys. Puck shook his head and then turned back to Finn, where the two boys bumped fists and then huddled together for another play.

Rachel turned questioning eyes over to Kurt. "What that was all about?"

Kurt sighed. "Obviously our school's resident neanderthal is still upset about being challenged by Finn back in September." He scrunched his face in disapproval. "So immature."

"I didn't realize Finn was having problems with him."

"He doesn't talk about it much." Kurt shook his head a bit, his eyes still on the field and his step-brother. "He's vented to me a couple of times that Bronson enjoys making his life difficult on the field, but-" Kurt stopped talking as Finn was suddenly snapping the ball back in his arm and throwing with all of his might down the field. It soared through the air like a missile and neatly landed in Puck's outstretched arms, who at this point was almost sixty yards away. After Puck successfully caught it and ran into the end zone, Finn pumped his fist once and began high-fiving and bumping fists with his squad mates. Kurt smirked and turned to face Rachel. "As you can see, Finn's more about letting his actions speak for him, these days."

"Admirable, but it doesn't help him emotionally." Rachel sighed and bit her lip as worry coursed through her for Finn. Not only was he not behaving completely like himself, he was also being outwardly challenged by a large, imposing football player. Sure, he'd gone head to head before with other boys, but those were all from stressful situations that simply escalated, each one fuelled by intense emotions. She didn't remember anyone actually out and out challenging him to a physical fight for no reason whatsoever.

"I feel so..._**helpless**_ sometimes, Kurt." Rachel pulled a strand of hair back behind her ear. "I don't even know how to approach him sometimes."

Kurt nodded in sympathy. "Just be there, Rachel; be there for _**him**_. Trust me, that'll be enough."

She chewed on her lip nervously, wondering if it actually _**would **_be enough.

**XXXXX**

Rachel sighed and settled into her seat a bit more, resigned to be listening to Mr. Schuester talk more about their latest assignment of same-sex duets. Really, it wasn't a huge deal if duets were two people of the same gender or not, to her, she still did her best with the material chosen or provided. She scribbled down a few possibilities in her notebook, taking into account the various possibilities of whom her partner would be. In a way, she almost hoped it would be Quinn since she had demonstrated a newfound power in her singing, and Rachel could automatically think of the perfect song to compliment their voices.

She turned back up to watch Mr. Schuester pull names from a hat, like he did two years prior when they had to work on ballads, when out of the corner of her eyes she noticed Finn looking at her. She turned to him with a questioning glance with a smile. "Something I can help you with, Mr. Hudson?"

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and shrugged. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Finn swallowed and shook his head. "No, not really. Just wondering if...uh...if you'd be going to the football game on Friday night."

She frowned a bit. "Football game?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I'll be there, so-"

Rachel guffawed at him. "Of course you'll be there. You're the quarterback!"

"Right." He ran a hand through his short hair. "So...well, I'd just...you know...like you to be there for it too, that's all."

Rachel regarded him and bit the inside of her cheek a bit, even as she felt her heart swell in her chest (again) and increase in rhythm. He wanted her to be at his game.

He wanted _**her **_to be at his game.

Wait! Why would he want that? What did that mean? He'd played three games already (lost the first one, but won the other two) and hadn't mentioned hide nor hair of her attending them. She did go to most of the last one with Kurt and Blaine but when McKinley started running away with the score she went out for coffee with them instead. For his part, Finn needed to fulfill his 'football captain' obligations and attend the after party. She was thoroughly surprised to learn that when he went to the football parties he was also usually the first to leave. Did he want her to go to the party with him?

"I'll go, but I don't really like the parties afterwards." She admitted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I never feel welcome, frankly."

Finn shrugged it off. "No big deal. I don't like them most of the time either, and I don't have to go to _**all **_of them. I just...I thought maybe we could hang out after. You know, hit up the mall before it closes, or something? Gotta start on Christmas shopping, and you could...you know, maybe...maybe help me with Kurt's gift?"

Her heart once again began racing and internally she cheered with joy, even if she almost burst into laughter at Finn's nervousness in asking her out on a 'non-date'. She was ninety percent sure a real date was exactly what he was aiming for, but if that was the case, why couldn't he just ask her out on an _**actual **_date? Really, was he that afraid of her? And why would he be afraid of her?

_Not a chance in hell! _The logical side of Rachel's mind bit out the words in her head sarcastically. _If this 'man-child' wants to have a date with _**THE **_Rachel Barbra Berry, he has to do better. He needs to suck it up, screw his courage to the sticking place, face you fully and ask for exactly what he wants with direct words, honest intentions and clear motivations. You do not deserve being treated like his bloody yo-yo; be treated with less regard than you deserve as once again he muddles through his thoughts to figure out what he wants, possibly breaking your heart in the process. _

_Tell him. Tell him enough of this foolishness. Tell him enough of these ridiculous mind games. TELL HIM TO ASK YOU FOR DATE DIRECTLY! _

"I'd love to get together, Finn!"

Finn's face registered instant relief and happiness, and he grinned disarmingly at her. "Awesome!"

_You. Are . Pathetic! _

**XXXXX**

"It's like watching a bad soap opera."

"Or reading a trashy romance novel."

"Maybe listening to a sappy romantic love ballad?"

"Or a Shakespearian sonnet suddenly come to life." Graham laughed and rubbed his hand over his face, still watching in amusement at the show in front of him. "Take your pick, Babe."

Wayfor bit her lip, staring in front of her. She and Graham had agreed to drive by McKinley High to pick Finn up for the weekly regular meeting night at the Ohio National Guard office. It was a standard night of inspection and training required for all National Guardsmen, and Finn had asked them to grab him since between Glee and Football practice, he wouldn't have enough time to get home and then get back out to the meeting. What Graham and Wayfor had _**not **_expected, however, was to see said Finn Hudson engaged in a conversation with a tiny brunette woman in front of him. The sexual attraction and romantic tension between the two almost created sparks one could see in the air around them; it was blindingly obvious the two were _**made **_for each other. But for some reason, although both she and Graham could tell just how much chemistry existed between them, neither seemed to break through the invisible barrier to actually try and kiss the other. Instead, there were hands on each other's arms, playful smiles, smoldering looks and just about every other kind of human signals one could express to show attraction to the other.

The tall brunette soldier shook her head in amazement. Finn had actually dated her before and _**still **_couldn't see the signals? He was in need of _**far **_more help than she initially thought. How anyone could be so _**oblivious **_to the non-verbal messages being sent to them by a person of the opposite sex was absolutely beyond her. Well, maybe not quite...Jordan was pretty much ignorant of her initial desire date, but he'd picked up on it soon enough. Why Finn hadn't taken steps to initiate something with Rachel when the inevitable was staring right in front of him was a complete and utter mystery.

They were such complete opposite s from each other. He was quite tall, she was very short; he had a large, muscular frame, she had a small, slender body; he had short hair and pale skin, she had long brown hair and an olive complexion; his movements were clear, crisp and precise (due to the endless military training they'd received), hers were graceful and, flowing, almost poetic.

And when they stood in front of each other with those peculiar smiles, both engrossed in their conversation, it was evident they complimented each other perfectly.

"Why doesn't he _**do **_anything about this?" Wayfor asked herself exasperatedly.

Graham shrugged. "We've tried to convince him, Candi. It's up to him now."

"Yes, and he's doing a _**splendid **_job, isn't he?"

"Well, what? You want to take over for him?"

Wayfor turned at his words. "Take over...hey, you're on to something!" She grinned hugely as a flash of inspiration struck her. "Maybe it _**is**_ time for someone else to take over!"

Her boyfriend eyed her curiously. "Uh, no. Really, Candi, you can_**not **_take over here."

She shook her head, still smiling. "Not me, Honey Graham. **Her!**"

"Huh?"

"Tell me, how secure are you in our relationship?"

Graham blinked. "Uh, pretty secure, I think. I'm not gonna go insane if I see you talking to or hugging another guy. You want to introduce yourself to Rachel, I'm assuming? "

She nodded, then unlocked the doors to her car. "I do, but I need you to trust me and get in the back seat, okay?"

"The back seat?" Graham's eyes went wide with surprise before suddenly narrowing and looking at her with reservation. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

She flashed him a sexy smile. "Trust me, I won't do anything unseemly." Wayfor kissed him quickly on the lips, then pulled on the door handle of her car door. "But if we can't push one of them to act, maybe we can push the other."

Her boyfriend groaned. "Why do I have a _**really **_bad feeling about this?"

**XXXXX**

Rachel's heart was literally beating at breakneck speed as she kept Finn company while waiting for his friends from the National Guard to arrive. They'd been talking for a good half hour now, and most of the signs were there. His eyes were starting to regard her with the same warmth and affection they used to have when they were dating. His lips were beginning to curl into that slightly suggestive smile he reserved only for her. More and more, his posture was leaning towards hers and she even saw him licking his lips once, his eyes definitely on her lips. Their gazes were locked after their lastest banter on the merits of Disney being converted for Broadway performances, and she really thought, any second, he was going to capture her lips with his. She was waiting, ready, and even unconsciously (albeit briefly) licked her own lips. She was sure it was about to happen and-

"_**Hudson! There you are!"**_

Finn's head snapped around and he frowned a bit before smiling warmly at the approaching girl. "Hey, Wayfor. How are you doing?"

"Wayfor?" Rachel querried, casting a curious glance between this tall, athletic brunette (with a vastly over-developed bosom, she might add) and her ex-boyfriend. And why did the woman's name sound familiar? "Do you know her?"

"She's a friend from my unit. We-"

Finn was abruptly interrupted when he was suddenly tackled by this girl in a huge bear hug that was _**far too intimate**_ to be a mere hug between 'friends'. The tall quarterback hesitated for a second, but then returned the hug politely. Without even waiting or acknowledging her, _**'Wayfor' **_pulled back and gave Finn a kiss on the cheek that was _**far too close **_and _**far too suggestive**_. A small lip-gloss stain was left on Finn's cheek, and Wayfor giggled before wiping it off with her thumb in a manner that was _**far too affectionate**_ for Rachel's liking. "I'm good now that I've seen _**you**_. Did you miss me, Hudson?"

Finn gave her a stare of surprise before stuttering an answer. "I...I...what? I was just-"

"Who's you're friend, _**Finn**_?" Rachel plastered a fake smile on her face, even as she made sure to address him by his first name. She wasn't really trying to drive home the point that she was far more knowledgeable and intimate with Finn Hudson than this girl could ever be, Rachel told herself. She just thought it was ridiculous to constantly refer to someone by their last names.

Yeah, that was it.

"Oh, forgive me." The tall girl said, as she pulled away from Finn and looked down at Rachel with a slight air of disregard as though she'd just noticed her standing there. She cocked her head to the side before answering. "I'm Candi. Candi Wayfor. And you are?"

Finn cleared his throat a bit, before looking between the two women, then spoke quickly. "Wayfor, this is _**Rachel**_." He said the name slowly, and Rachel smiled a bit to realize Finn was using a tone of voice to indicate he _**had **_talked about her at Camp Grayling to his friends. Obviously, he was surprised the tall girl didn't remember or clue in to who she was. Still, Rachel kept her smile and used her acting talents to mask any annoyance or hostility she instantly felt for this new..._**'female'**_...injecting herself into Finn's life. "I told you about her this summer, remember?"

Wayfor looked at Finn slightly confused before suddenly her face lit up with recognition. "Oh! _**Rachel**_! Right." She smirked evilly while still holding Rachel's gaze with malicious eyes. "I think I remember you _**mentioning **_her, Hudson."

Rachel felt her blood begin to boil as violent thoughts of her hands suddenly wrapped around this girl's neck raced through her mind, but she kept her body still and relaxed, using her considerable acting talents to appear calm and collected. She smiled sweetly at the taller girl while turning to Finn. "I didn't know you made so many friends in the National Guard, Finn. In fact, I don't remember you mentioning Candi Wayfor _**at all**_."

She noticed the taller girl flinch a bit, and Finn's face scrunched up in confusion as he looked at the two women in front of him, eyes darting back and forth. Rachel knew Finn was probably completely at a loss for what was really going on here, since he didn't even seem to understand her brief showdowns with Quinn back in sophomore year, but Rachel knew _**exactly **_what this girl was trying to do. She was trying to lay claim to Finn, and that was something Rachel was not prepared to allow. Not when she'd come this far since the summer.

The other girl ran a hand along Finn's forearm, just the tips of her fingers playing along the skin of his arm. "Hudson is a private person, Rachel. I'm sure he just didn't want to divulge any inappropriate and _**top secret **_information from our military _**activities**_ this summer. Military activities you, as a _**civilian**_, would never be able to understand or appreciate."

Finn turned back to the taller girl, his face contorted further. "What are you-"

"Oh, I agree." Rachel said quickly, still maintaining a friendly look on her face but fully facing Wayfor and almost taking a confrontational stance, all the while keeping one hand on Finn's shoulder. "He didn't really divulge much about this summer –"

Finn spun on her. "I told you-"

"-but now that I think of it, I seem to remember your name from an article I read about your deployment in Joplin, saving some lady on the freeway? Didn't you claim Finn did _**all the work**_ in rescuing her from the car wreck?" Rachel shrugged slightly. "Maybe some analysts are correct in saying women _**aren't**_ cut out to be in our armed forces."

He tried to interrupt their sparring again. "Rachel, she had a sprained-"

"Don't worry about it, Hudson." Wayfor smiled at him again and shrugged. "Some _**high school girls**_ like Rachel don't understand what compels _**college women**_ like myself to push the normal boundaries of society." She glanced at Rachel with hard eyes. "They'd rather spend their time doing something more meaningful for themselves, like their nails, their hair, or maybe their skin." Each word carried more venom than the last.

Finn swallowed. "Now, c'mon Wayfor, she's not-"

"You better go Finn. You don't want to be late for your National Guard meeting." Rachel brushed past the other girl and embraced Finn in as large and close a hug as she possibly could, even stepping up on her tip-toes to kiss his other cheek (even though he was totally confused as to what was going on). "I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay? We still have to get together and decide on set lists for Sectionals." She turned back to Wayfor and maintained a composed expression. "Just like we've been doing for the last _**two years**_."

Again, Finn glanced between the two girls. "Uh, sure Rachel, but-"

"It's likely to be a late night." Wayfor nodded to Finn, though she directed her words at the small Glee co-captain before grinning wickedly. "Never can tell how many _**hours **_we'll be forced to work_** together**_ while _**training**_. Sometimes our C.O. even forgets we're there." Wayfor motioned with her head towards the car. "Graham's in the car having trouble with his phone. Can you go help him, please?"

Again with mass amounts of puzzlement stamped all over his face, Finn finally shrugged and grabbed his suit luggage bag which held his uniform, retreating to the car Wayfor had parked in the lot near the school doors. Once out of ear-shot, Rachel stepped up to the taller girl and crossed her arms. It was time to knock this 'Candi Wayfor' down a peg.

"Don't think for a minute you intimidate me, Candi. Finn and I have a long history, and your short little time knowing him from Camp Grayling won't ever erase or overshadow that."

Wayfor smirked in return, her eyes narrowing. "You don't stand a chance, Rachel. Look at you! You're barely able to kiss him without stilts, your nose is threatening to attract its own moon into orbit, and you dress like you're some kind of color-blind midget." She took a step towards Rachel and bent down a little. "I'm taller. I'm prettier. I have a chest that actually shows I _**am **_a woman and not a little boy in a skirt. He's mine for the taking."

Rachel couldn't help it. She actually laughed heartily in the other woman's face, ignoring the reflexive desire to shove her thumbs into the woman's eyes. "All of your supposed _**assets **_are the same features I've seen in this school on blond cheerleaders and sex-crazed Latinos. They threw those features in my face too. In the end, Finn still chose me over them." She smiled widely. "In fact, he chose me _**twice**_. He's gone through a lot this summer, so I'm not going to push him too hard, but eventually he'll realize he's never had it better than with me." She smiled viciously. "Besides, Finn doesn't even like _**candy**_."

Wayfor nodded at the verbal jab, conceding the point to her, then shrugged. "He may have chosen you before, but look where it's gotten him? The first time, you _**cheated**_ on him."

Rachel's eyes widened in shock. "How...how could...and for your information, it barely counts because all I did was kiss Puck and I apologized profusely and-"

"And then the second time he chose you, you rejected him." Wayfor's smile by this point had completely disappeared. "Even _**after **_all the effort Hudson put into your date. Central Park? _Sardi's_? Walking through the theatre district _**for you **_even though it probably bored him to tears? And at the end, you can't even say thank you or give him a kiss in appreciation? So he forgives you, chooses you over the blond cheerleader and you in turn push him further away? After _**months **_of chasing to get him back?"

Rachel was stunned at the amount of personal information Wayfor was throwing back at her. How could Finn actually have divulged all of this to her? He _**barely knew her**_! How could this actually be happening? She felt her breathing increase a bit and worry clenched around her heart like and iron fist. "It's a complicated thing between him and I and –"

Wayfor smiled sweetly again as she interrupted her. "You have _**far **_more work ahead of you than I do, Rachel, and he has no baggage with _**me**_. Good luck. You'll need it." She began walking away towards the car, where Finn was already buckled in the front passenger seat.

Rachel swallowed as she watched this arrogant, freakishly tall _**tramp **_began to head towards her car. "You seem to know an awful lot about our past considering Finn only _**mentioned **_me."

The taller girl froze in her steps, and Rachel grinned maliciously at causing her to flinch a second time. Gradually, almost as if she were trying to move in slow motion, Wayfor turned back to her and returned her cruel smile.

"You should know that _**all**_ boys like candy, Rachel; especially candy that _**sucks back**_." Wayfor turned back to her car and quickly ducked inside, threw on her seatbelt and put the gear shift into drive. She waved once at Rachel with a twiddle of her fingers before roaring out of the parking lot and off school property, taking Finn with her.

The small brunette stood there shaking with anger and resentment. Sheer, blinding red _**rage **_coursed through her, and though she didn't think it was possible, the young ingénue now knew what it was like to instantly hate and detest someone _**violently**_. She'd give a lot of money at this very moment for the chance to push the tall woman's head underwater and keep it there indefinitely.

Deciding there was nothing she could do until tomorrow, she turned on her heels and marched towards her own car. She was going to come up with a plan, tonight. Yes, a plan to ensure that Finn Hudson was _**no one**_ else's boyfriend but hers! And she would execute that plan to the utmost of her ability. Finn Hudson belonged to just one woman, and one woman only; _**her! **_

And no mere piece of _**Candi**_ was going to come between them.

**XXXXX**

Finn couldn't believe the level of animosity that had suddenly appeared out of thin air between Wayfor and Rachel. Really, there was absolutely no reason for it to exist at all. He had seen the feud brew and develop between Quinn and Rachel, and even Santana and Rachel, but it had never reached such proportions that it seemed to envelop people around them completely. But between Rachel and Wayfor? That one seemed to course through his own body in a physical way. And he didn't get it, because wasn't Wayfor the first one who'd said she wanted to _**help **_him get back together with Rachel? He looked at his friend beside him, currently driving. "What the hell was _**that **_all about?"

"Holy fuck, Babe. What did you say to her?" Graham whistled from the backseat where he was still looking at Rachel standing on the curb. "If looks could kill and eyes were lasers, you'd probably be a smoking corpse right now."

"That was the general idea." Wayfor smirked a bit as she slowed down her driving, the dramatic effect of the car racing out of the parking lot no longer needed now that Rachel wasn't within eyesight of them.

Finn turned on her, eyes ablaze. "Are you kidding? You did all of that deliberately to rile her up? Seriously? Did you ever think to even talk to me or ask me if I thought it would be a good idea or-"

"Oh, for heaven's sake Hudson, I'm going to have to video tape you and her talking to each other someday. You two generate enough electricity to power the entire eastern seaboard! I don't know why you're so worried about her. It's _**so obvious**_ she wants you. You just need to man up and take her."

Finn huffed out a breath and turned in his seat to look out the passenger window. "I...It's just not _**that **_easy."

Wayfor cast a sidelong glance at him. "And you'd know this how?"

"New York?" Finn bit out in response, annoyed with her smug attitude. Like, _**fuck**_, he wanted her help and she turns around and goads Rachel into some kind of chicks-from-hell PMS contest?

"New York was three and a half months ago. Take a _**chance**_ on her, Hudson."

Finn flinched a bit, but he swallowed soon after and chuckled. "I think I said the same thing to Rachel before she turned me down."

"Well then," Graham clapped him on the shoulder from behind. "I'd say it's time to take your own advice, Dude. Get this settled once and for all, 'cause you definitely _**don't **_want to go stag to your senior prom ."

"Might have a bit of damage control to do, though." Wayfor said absentmindedly as she continued to drive.

Finn turned back around to her, his eyes wide. "What kind of 'damage control'?" he asked softly in a terrified voice.

"I, well, I kinda had to mention a few of the more...delicate details...regarding yours and hers relationship. Like how she kissed your friend last year and how she pushed you away in New York and-"

"Awww, Wayfor!" Finn groaned and buried his face in his hands. This whole thing seemed to be spinning rapidly out of control and he felt a sinking feeling settle into his stomach. " I told you in _**private **_so I could get the girl's side of things, not so you could tell Rachel I told you."

Wayfor shrugged a bit as she came to a stop at a red light. "I wasn't given much choice. Rachel's _**damn**_ _**good**_ at the verbal sparring. I had to make her think I was putting her in her place." She smiled at Finn in a sisterly manner. "Honestly, Hudson, it's easy to see why you like her. She's smart, cute as a button, determined, feisty...hell, even _**I **_like her. In a totally non-lesbian way of course. And trust me, I don't like many other girls."

"I doubt the feeling's mutual right now." Graham chuckled from the backseat.

The tall brunette stepped on the gas as the light turned green again. "I'm not worried. I just wanted to give Rachel the _**illusion**_ of competition. Once Rachel has her trophy boyfriend here back for good, she certainly won't care 'bout me."

"Hey!" Finn's head suddenly came out of his hands and gave her an insulted look. "I'm not a 'trophy boyfriend'."

"Oh good. You _**were **_still listening." Wayfor nodded. "Make sure you listen to Rachel, too, 'kay? 'Cause after our little showdown I'm sure she'll have _**lots **_to talk to you about."

Finn groaned and buried his face in his hands.

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged. :) <strong>


	20. Confrontation

**A/N - Thanks to _tjcrowfoot_ for the beta reading and correcting. Thanks to all of you for reviewing, favourting and alerting this story; it's truly appreciated. I didn't think I'd have anything done during the holidays, but here it is, so hopefully everyone will consider it a late present. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

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><p>Rachel walked into school feeling extremely proud of herself. She had done exactly what she wanted the night before. It had taken a while to map it out all out, but at last she had it; a 7-Step guide on how exactly to win back the heart of one Finn Hudson. With a smile and determined, purposeful movements, she pulled down the picture of the Grammy from the inside of her locker (yes, that was still a goal, but for further down the line) and put up her list instead. She read it once more to ensure she had it memorized.<p>

Step 1. Compliment him at least once a day.

_Pretty easy to do, really. He's always looking and smelling nice and has that adorable half-smile. That's three right there. Surely it won't be hard to come up with others. _

Step 2. Attend all his football games.

_Again, a pretty easy one to accomplish. After all, the last one I went to he was true to his word, didn't bother with the after party and came with me to the mall. I would have called it a date, but he _**was**_ pretty determined to find the perfect gift for Kurt. If he had just settled on the first thing I suggested right away instead of wandering around for two and half hours before going back to the first item, we could have used our time more constructively. _

Step 3. Suggest more duets with him for Glee.

_No hardship here. Our voices already blend so well together, especially since he's learned to use his diaphragm to project his voice instead of just his vocal chords. Plus, this will put me in his path more often as we'll need more practice time. It's win-win for both us and the club as a whole. Who could possibly protest?_

Step 4. Offer to tutor him.

_He's shown a lot more desire to do well in his classes and his marks really have improved, but I think I can convince him that with my help he can do even better. I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to do better, especially when decisions about colleges need to be made soon. _

Step 5. Give him small presents.

_Nothing big, nothing obvious, just little things you come across, like those multi-coloured pens where you can click which colour to use, or his favourite chocolate bar, or maybe a coffee when he doesn't expect it. Keep it going, and he'll get the message. _

Step 6. Take him to a 'guy' film.

_True, his overall taste in movies is horrendous, and I don't even know how he could sit through _'Inception'_, not understand it, and walk away thinking is was "wicked awesome." But since he likes movies with massive amounts of gratuitous violence, little to no character development and multiple ear-splitting explosions, I suppose I can 'muscle' my way through one or two more. _

Step 7. Cuddle with him, and when he looks at you 'that way', _**don't **_hesitate to kiss him!

_Really, I should have followed my own advice on that one the other day. Waiting for him to make the first move is ridiculous. I mean, this _**is **_the boy to whom the first time I had to _**explain **_that he could kiss me if he wanted. But hey, I am a modern day woman and I can adapt. And no matter what any other woman may think, I know that given a choice Finn would much prefer 'Berry'-flavour to 'Candi'-flavour. _

She wondered idly if Finn had had some kind of summer fling with Candi, that tall woman from the National Guard. It wouldn't have surprised her, really, since he was single and good looking and perhaps a bit vulnerable emotionally. He was basically fresh meat for any hot blooded vulture of a skank to swoop in and begin something romantic with him. Was it a summer fling that the Hudson-Hummel family had been trying to hide from her? That Finn was involved with someone else, despite his still wounded heart?

Well, regardless of what had happened this summer, it wasn't going to deter her from her quest. She _**was **_going to reclaim him as hers, whether there was 'Candi' in the way or not. She'd pushed past Quinn and Santana, and she'd be damned if some new trollup was going to barricade her from her heart's desire.

Rachel checked herself again in her locker's mirror, adjusting her hair so that it cascaded down over one shoulder (she knew leaving a side of her neck open and exposed for Finn to see would drive him insane...in a good way, of course). She had on a simple white top which was cut just low enough to show the top half inch or so of her cleavage, and topped it off with her new blue jean skirt which came down to just above her knees. It was a little longer than she was used to, but felt the 'fun' factor inherent in wearing denim would show Finn that she was just as open to 'chumming around' with him as she was to romantic dinners and moonlight serenades. She glanced down and nodded in satisfaction to see her anklet sported her 'Finn' charm from the necklace she had gotten over a year ago; it wasn't obvious around her neck and over her heart, but the fact that she still had it on her was, she hoped, something that would not go unnoticed by him. She did accept, however, that guys rarely looked down below the knees on a woman, so chances were Finn would remain unaware.

Still, she looked good. She felt good. Today was going to be the day she reclaimed him for herself. She just knew it.

Smiling once to herself in the locker mirror, she nodded slightly and closed the door. Ready to begin her mission, she turned away from her locker.

_**FLOOSH! **_

A wet, freezing cold combination of corn-syrup and ice smacked her in the face and began dripping down her neck and shirt, trailing from her forehead to her waist. She gasped in shock and outrage, her eyes closing and her hands dropping her books where she stood to come up and wipe her eyes. When she looked up, she saw a large, smirking junior tossing a large slushie cup at her feet.

"Bronson?" She asked with wide, unbelieving eyes. "What did I do to-"

"Nothing!" He snapped. "You're not a big enough blip on my radar to even be an afterthought. But for Hudson?" He laughed evilly. "Tell him to stop being such a pussy and come find me. He knows where to look." With that, he walked away quickly, still chuckling to himself as he turned the corner into the next hallway.

Rachel stared at him as he retreated, unable to believe that she was now being targeted by someone simply as revenge on Finn. The magnitude of it all seemed to weigh down on her shoulders, even more so than the fact that her outfit was completely and totally ruined. She looked down to her shirt and skirt, on the verge of tears to see her carefully selected attire worn specifically for Finn was covered in orange slushie. She took a deep breath and tried to hold her tears back as she re-opened her locker to get her spare set of clothes, praying desperately that she'd be able to snag them, change and rinse quickly enough in the women's bathroom and be out before running into Finn. She couldn't let him see her like this, especially knowing it was targeted on her to get to him specifically. Finn was focused and determined to be a better student this year, and she didn't want him distracted with this stupid –

"Rachel?"

She closed her eyes at the sound of his familiar voice. _**Shit, shit, shit, SHIT! **_She cursed inside her mind. Slowly, but deliberately, she turned to him, revealing the extent of how her outfit was ruined and how much of the disgusting liquid was still on her face and in her hair.

Finn's eyes and face went from polite greeting to immediate shock as he dropped his bookbag beside the lockers and jumped over to her in two quick strides. He instantly started wiping some of the residue out of her hair and off her face, helping her, all the while his eyes wide with concern. "Rachel...are you okay? When did this happen?"

She bit back a groan at feeling his hands stroking through her hair and wiping her skin, his hands warm and gentle and sending fire through her to touch her soul. It it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, she could have stayed there enjoying this moment for hours. "It...it just happened. It was...it was just some random...uh...random jock...some jerk looking to make his-"

Rachel stopped talking as suddenly Finn's hands stopped from wiping her hair, one hand still resting on the side of her head, and one on her shoulder. She looked up to him to see his eyes glance far away and the wheels of his mind turning. _No...please, no. Don't let him figure it out. Please, __**please **__don't let him-_

"Was this Bronson?" He turned to look at her.

Her mouth froze, as though full of the slushie she'd just been hit with. She swallowed and tried to summon up all her acting talents to tell him that it wasn't, not wanting to provoke their feud further, but the words died as his eyes met hers.

No matter how much she wanted to, she just couldn't outright lie to him when he faced her fully in such a manner.

And then, Finn transformed right in front of her. His eyes went wide with rage, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched. He swallowed and his hands left her head and shoulder and clenched into fists. Without another word, he turned and quickly stalked off, faster than it was possible for her to catch him in her current state.

_Oh my God! What's he going to do? _

Heedless of her sticky hands or the slushie still in her hair, she quickly pressed a couple keys on her phone and put it to her ear. "Puck! Thank God you answered. No, no...just..._**shut up, okay**_? It's Finn!"

**XXXXX**

Fury. Sheer, unadulterated _**fury**_ coursed through Finn like electricity as he stalked the halls of McKinley, his eyes narrowed and his head swinging from side to side looking for one person and one person only. His face must have registered his extreme anger, because wherever he moved, he was given a wide berth by students in front of him, most of them parting quickly to let him pass freely.

_How dare he! How fucking _**DARE** _he attack Rachel to get to me. _**Rachel! **_She has _**nothing **_to do with this. _He could still see the distress in her eyes, the worry etched on her face, the despair as she looked down at her clothes. Each image flashed through his mind as he continued his hunt.

He looked down each hall and side corridor, until finally, at the end of the main hallway, he turned left and saw him alone in the side corridor. Bronson turned to look at him and grinned maliciously, while closing his locker. "Hudson! Glad to see you got my message."

"Message?" Finn said dangerously, his eyes flashing. "You want to send me a message, drop a note in my locker." He reigned himself in from immediately lunging at the smarmy asshole and wiping the stupid grin off is face. "My friends have nothing to do with-"

Bronson interrupted him with a loud laugh. "Most of your _**friends**_ aren't worthy enough to even be seen with you, Hudson. You shouldn't even know who the fuck they are. If I have to give that weirdo theatre chick a facial slushie every day until you see the light, then so be it. It's time you realise the folly of your ways." Bronson made a show of cracking his knuckles, all the while keeping his eyes on Finn.

The tall quarterback was starting to shake with anger. He could feel it building in his shoulders and slowly travel down and settle in the pit of his stomach. Slowly, purposefully, he walked closer to the other football player, his own hands clenching and unclenching into fists. "You _**really **_want to go down this road with me?" He asked in a growl.

Bronson chuckled. "I ain't going with you, you dumb fuck. I'm going _**through **_you." His brought his fists up in front of the quarterback. "Let's dance, Hudson."

That was it. Finn knew in that moment this confrontation was completely unavoidable. If he didn't take a stand now, more attacks would plague his friends. No one in Glee or even possibly his family would be safe. Despite his desire to ignore and avoid this standoff, it wasn't in his control anymore.

A switch flipped in Finn's mind and completely shut off every single emotion or fear.

**XXXXX**

Rachel ran through the halls, looking everywhere she could think of for Bronson and Finn. The problem was she didn't know where the juniors' lockers were since the main office had completely rezoned every group of lockers in the building from the year before.

"How many fucking hallways does this place have?" Puck grumbled from beside her, barely keeping stride despite a nine inch height difference between them. "And would it really be bad to just-"

"Noah!" Rachel intoned sharply, twisting around another corridor. "You didn't see the look in Finn's eyes. Trust me, we need to find him."

"Not like he can't take care of himself. He is Paul Bunion's illegit offspring, after all."

She turned on him and pushed an angry finger in his face. "If you don't want to help me, Noah, then _**go away **_and I'll find him myself!"

He stood there, shocked for a second, but relented and held up his hands. "No, it's cool. You said we need to find him." He turned around and headed left. "Let's try this way."

Rachel followed Puck down the next hallway, unable to get the image of Finn out of her mind once he figured out what had happened. If she didn't know better, she'd say murder was on his mind, and she worried desperately that he was going to do something he'd later regret. No matter what happened to her, she truly hoped she could stop him from making a severe mistake.

**XXXXX**

Bronson swung at him with a right hook, but after a summer full of training and self-defence classes, the attempt seemed slow and clumsy. Without thinking and in a flash of movement, Finn brought his left arm up to block the punch and lunged straight forward with his right fist, connecting solidly on the other boy's nose and snapping his head back loudly_. _Bronson reeled, barely keeping his balance and Finn twisted around him to gain some distance. Finn waited to see if that would be the end of things, his hands still ready and his weight only on the balls of his feet so he could move quickly again if needed. He was almost positive Bronson wasn't smart enough to stop yet.

Bronson looked at his hands, now with his blood on them, and then cast an angry gaze towards the quarterback. "Your fucking broke my nose!"

"You wanted to dance, right?" Finn spat back at him, though he couldn't say he consciously chose to say those words. They just seemed to come out of him from somewhere. Finn hoped a broken nose would be enough to end this altercation. Given Bronson's history, however, it didn't seem likely.

Sure enough, the other boy shook off the punch and swung again. Finn blocked his attempted left hook and again lunged straight in, this time punching Bronson in the solar plexus. It completely winded the junior football player and caused him to bend at the waist, clutching his chest. Again, Finn backed off a few steps, still keeping his hands up and ready.

Bronson took a few deep breaths, then looked up at Finn with insane eyes and decided to forgo subtlety. He charged the quarterback in a football tackle style with his arms outstretched to catch Finn no matter how he tried to move.

But Finn had been trained for this type of attack as well, and instead took a small step towards the boy and brought his right arm down and underneath Bronson's two outstretched ones. With precision timing, he caught the other boy mid charge and redirected his momentum. Bronson suddenly had nowhere to turn nor the ability to stop his inertia, and Finn shoved him face first into the lockers, slamming his already broken nose into the metal doors. He was satisfied to see his foe slump to the floor.

Bronson sat on his knees for a couple of seconds, gasping in pain and shock as blood freely poured down his face, but Finn didn't let up. With both hands, he gripped Bronson by the collar of his letterman jacket and hoisted him up to his feet, then slammed him backwards into the lockers on the other wall. Before the junior could even figure out what was happening, Finn followed up with a vicious left uppercut which caught the younger boy in the stomach, almost sending Bronson to his knees again if it weren't for Finn's hands preventing his collapse by grabbing the lapels of his jacket. With more strength than even Finn realized he had, he picked up the other boy and again slammed him back against the lockers, his right arm pinning the other jock against the wall with his forearm across Bronson's neck.

Bronson watched Finn with a mixture of panic and dread, knowing he was at the mercy of his quarterback. Finn's anger began to return, and he spoke low and clear so that his foe could hear every word.

"You're going to listen real hard now, Bronson. You don't _**ever**_ refer to her as weirdo, theatre chick, drama geek or any other insult you have in that pea-brain of yours. Her name is Rachel Berry. I'd tell you to remember that, but in ten years she'll be such a huge star you won't be able to _**escape **_her name. All you need to remember right now is this; _**she's my best friend**_. That means she's under _**my **_protection.

"But now? Now she's under _**your **_protection, too, 'cause I don't care _**who **_touches her next; I find out even a single hair on her head has been pulled out, I'm going to find _**you, **_Bronson, and I'm going to _**blame **_you. So unless you want to have more **conversations **like _**this**_, you'll spread the word quickly that she's not to be attacked in this school, _**EVER AGAIN! **_Got it?"

Slowly, and with some effort, Bronson nodded, still staring at Finn wide eyed and fearful. By this point, Finn was so angry and disgusted with the football player in front of him, he simply spun and threw Bronson back to the floor. With a wet, almost sick thud, Bronson landed on the floor in a heap, just as Rachel and Puck turned the corner to regard the scene. Rachel's eyes went wide and she clamped her hands over her mouth, taking in the fact that he was still standing, virtually unscathed, while Bronson lay sprawled on the floor, his face a bloody mess with an obviously broken nose and cuts across the skin in various spots. She looked up to Finn as he kept his gaze solely on the football player in front of him.

"What...what happened?" She asked hesitantly. Finn almost laughed at the question. Really, what did it _**look **_like? It seemed to him the scene in front of her made it pretty obvious.

For his part, Bronson was still struggling to come to his feet and wiping blood off of his face. Puck just stared open mouthed at the quarterback and shook his head. "Damn, Finn. You totally fucked him up." He glanced down at Bronson before turning back to the quarterback and giving him a light fist to the shoulder. "Seriously gross, dude. You got blood all over your hands."

Finn snapped his look over to the mohawked teen. "Huh?"

Puck quirked an eyebrow at him, then pointed. "Your hands, man. They're covered in blood."

Finn quickly glanced down at his two hands, noticing that Puck was right. Both hands had bright red stains on the backs and palms of his hand, the liquid obviously still moist even though until that moment he hadn't felt anything at all. He stared at the spots and his mind whirled at the sight before him.

_**HE'S DEAD, HUDSON! YOU KILLED HIM! **_

Instantly, Finn was transported back to the scene in Joplin. Puck and Rachel were suddenly replaced by Wayfor and Marquez, standing beside him. On the ground in front of him lay Carl Waverly, a blank stare looking up to the heavens while blood continued to pour from his chest wound. His mouth went dry, tears sprang from the corners of his eyes, and he couldn't get rid of the vision of the man he'd been forced to kill from haunting his thoughts. He looked again back at his hands to see the blood still there, mocking him and tainting not only his hands, it seemed, but his thoughts as well.

Without a word, Finn gasped and turned away from Puck and Rachel, pushing his way past the small crowd starting to gather behind him as he stumbled his way through the halls. He saw a bathroom door and burst through, quickly moving over to the sinks and turning on the water. His hands shot out to the soap dispenser and pumped it quickly until he had soap smeared all along his hands. Frantically he wiped away at the blood all over his hands, rubbing and scrubbing. Finn was heedless of how raw his skin was becoming or the pain caused by using his fingernails to scrape off the dried blood from the small corners of his fingers and palms. Again and again he washed his hands, unaware of the time or how long he spent there, tears streaming down his face as the images of Bronson and Carl Waverly overlapped in his mind. On top of these intersecting, taunting images were the harsh, critical words of so many people coming down through the last two years in his life.

_**Are you a moron?**_

_**My dreams are bigger than that, and they're bigger than YOU!**_

_**You were stupid enough to buy it. **_

_**I don't think I need to do much tricking to make **_**YOU**_** do something stupid**_.

_**I'm... I'm sorry Finn. I – I just can't**__! _

_**HE'S DEAD, HUDSON! YOU KILLED HIM! **_

The tears began flowing freely from his eyes as the words and images continued to cyclone through his mind, each time battering away at his resolve to handle the feelings of guilt, remorse, inadequacy and sheer pain he was experiencing. Finally he broke, falling to his knees and weeping into his hands, tears mixing with soap and small drops of blood as he fought to desperately control the raging emotions swirling around inside him, creating a vortex that seemed to suck him further and further into some kind of hell he had no clue was so close before.

Suddenly, an unmistakable voice cut through everything and rang like a soft bell in his ear as two small hands latched on to his. "It's okay, Finn. I'm here. I'm here." Her fingers moved over his arms and began to stroke through his hair as she embraced him. "It's fine, Finn. Let it out. Just let it out. Let...let everything out."

He didn't need to look up to know it was Rachel, and he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her shoulder and continued to weep softly, gripping her to him like a lifeline that could save him from the darkness threatening to overshadow his soul.

**XXXXX**

Finn awoke suddenly, wondering why it was so dark around him and what had caused him to suddenly be in his room, but the memories came back in a rush. Rachel there, letting him sob into her shoulder, then gently guiding him through the halls of McKinley to his locker where she helped him gather his books and stuff for the night, then bringing him to her car and driving him home. She had guided him upstairs to his room, as well, and insisted he lay down on the bed. He was so exhausted from the altercation with Bronson and the emotions which flooded through him afterwards, he didn't even manage to protest before he was lying down with a comforter over him. Rachel whispered words of 'sleep well' and sang a soft lullaby, lulling him off to sleep.

He swallowed and blew out a noisy breath, running a sore hand through his hair as he turned over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. His thoughts centred on Rachel, and how she had come to him immediately afterwards, seeming to know what would happen and why, and then guiding him back home safely. What worried him now, however, was that she likely have about twelve dozen questions about what had happened, and he wasn't sure he wanted to give any answers. How could he possibly tell her what he'd done, and how it seemed to be affecting him even when he least expected it to?

_How do I tell her, honestly, about something so massive?_

The door opened a crack, and Finn's Mom peeked through. "Hey there, Champ. I see you're awake." She walked over and laid a hand on his face, smoothing his hair. "Are you okay?"

Finn sighed and shrugged. "I will be."

Carole bit her lip. "Rachel told me a little bit about what happened. She's worried, you know."

He nodded, not responding, his eyes distant as he contemplated his mother's words. "Am I...are there any problems at school because of this?"

His mother shook her head. "No, and you're lucky. I phoned the school to inquire about it, but as there were no witnesses to your fight; it seems there's nothing the school can do to warrant punishment to either of you. I was told this started with him attacking Rachel, right?"

Finn nodded in silence, and Carole sighed a bit, squeezing his shoulder as she spoke. "We'll talk more about what happened later. Right now, you have a close friend who's given up her entire school day to be here and is worried sick about you. I'm going to let her in to see you, okay?"

Again, Finn sighed but he nodded, his eyes meeting his mother's in the dark before she retreated and opened the door slightly. A few seconds after she left, Rachel walked into Finn's room, tentative. Finn could feel the tension in the room go up a few notches as she looked at him with questioning eyes.

"How are you feeling, Finn?" She smiled slightly.

He shrugged nonchalantly, still not able to think of anything to say. Rachel took his silence as permission to stay, so she pulled up his rolling desk chair and sat down on it beside the bed. "Are your hands okay?"

Finn looked down at them, noticing minor contusions and bruises along the knuckles. "I'll live, I think."

There were silent for a few moments before Rachel cleared her throat a bit and regarded him with wide, shining eyes that he could see clearly in the darkened room. "Thank you."

"For what?" Finn asked quietly, sitting up to rest against his headboard.

"For...for defending me. And doing it so obviously. You...you never really did last year when we were...dating, I felt, and-." Her voice hitched a bit, almost as if she were afraid to continue that line of conversation. He regarded her as she looked down to the floor herself and gave a small shrug.

Finn nodded in agreement. "I made a lot of mistakes last year, Rachel. I'm...sorry I wasn't there for you. I should have been...especially when we were together." He sighed again and stared down at his hands on his legs. "There's a lot about last year I'd change if I could."

They were both silent again for about a minute, though the seconds seemed to drag by for Finn. Rachel sat there on his desk chair, staring at the floor, seemingly debating whether or not to continue their conversation. Finn was already feeling his eyes ready to shed more tears, and really wasn't in the mood to break down emotionally twice in one day, so he made no effort to break the silence. They stayed still, together, in the dark room.

In limbo still.

"What happened to you this summer, Finn?"

Finn looked up sharply, the question almost taking him by surprise, and noticed Rachel's gaze had gone from concerned to penetrating, her shoulders squared and her facing him fully. He almost laughed because the direct nature with which she addressed him was such a _**Rachel **_thing to do...ask a delicate, sensitive question in a ridiculously blunt manner, charging into whatever volatile scenario that might result, heedless of any concerns for the outcome.

But this time, the question was so loaded, there really wasn't any humour to be had.

"I told you what happened, Rachel." Finn passed off with a wave of his hand. "We went for coffee for two hours the first day of school. You know everything, and what I didn't tell you, you'd already discovered on the net." He gave her a half-hearted smile. "Really, Rachel, there wasn't anything else that-"

"You're lying."

He froze, their eyes meeting and a look of pain and hurt washed through her face. He wanted to keep telling her that nothing else happened and his training was boring and not nearly as exciting as they make it seem in those commercials, but that hurt expression with the wide, brown eyes and slight pouting lips made all such arguments die on his lips. He blew out another breath and covered his face with his hands. "Rachel, it's-"

"You promised me you wouldn't lie again, Finn." Rachel crossed her arms, her eyes and voice hardening further. "We _**promised **_each other there would be no more lying. Did you forget that? Do you remember _**why**_ we promised that?"

Finn felt another tear leak out from the corner of his eye. "Of course I do." He whispered.

"Then why would you go back on your promise, Finn?" Her voice was shaky, also on the verge of tears. "What happened that was so severe that you'd forget or ignore everything..._**everything**_...that happened between us last year and lie to me anyway?"

Finn looked away, not sure he'd be able to keep his voice steady if he continued to look into those large, pleading eyes that seemed to strip him of any willpower. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." He spoke low and gently to her, not wanting to push another argument in the forefront. Hadn't they argued enough in their short time knowing each other?

"You can tell me anything, Finn." Again, her voice carried a tone of pleading to it and she reached forward, taking his large hand in both of her small ones before reaching up and turning his head, catching his eyes with hers. "I mean that, Finn. _**Anything!" **_

He sighed and squeezed her hand softly. "You only think that because you don't know what I'd say."

Tears sprang from her eyes and she looked away, letting go of his hands and standing, turning her back to him for a moment before turning around and placing her hands on her hips, facing him fully yet again. "Am I that bad? You honestly think what you'd say would change anything between us? Do you think so little of me?"

Finn looked away from her hard stare and swallowed again before answering softly. "No. I...I think so little of _**me**_."

She pursed her lips and her eyes narrowed briefly before she crossed his room to his desk again. She pulled open the drawer and reached down to grab something. Finn turned to regard her and realized, much to his chagrin, that she had grabbed the envelope containing her letter.

The _**unopened **_envelope.

Without wasting another second, she turned and literally slapped the letter into his hands before pointing at him, brown eyes ablaze and her voice a growl as she spoke. "_**I don't**_!"

With that, she turned from him and left his room, the unmistakable sound of a sob coming from her as he she ran downstairs and out the door, much to the protests of his Mom and Kurt. He heard the front door open and then close forcefully, and from his bedroom window he could hear a short, muffled scream-sob of exasperation before a car door was opened and closed. Within ten seconds, the car had been started and roared off down the street, away from his home. His eyes stung with unshed tears and he tilted his head back against the headboard, keeping his face towards the ceiling to keep himself from crying while inhaling and exhaling shaky breaths.

What was wrong with him? Why was he lying to her? Was it that hard to reveal what had happened after everything else they had gone through? His mind swirled as past images came flooding to him of their times together in the last two years: signing on stage, lying next to each other on pillows in the auditorium and sharing that first kiss, bowling and pizza, him in her room as she tried to seduce him in a black leather cat-suit, their first Christmas together as more-than-friends but not quite dating, trying to figure each other out, him calling things off with her at the lockers, duets together, taking her to the hospital for laryngitis, kissing her on the stairs, declaring his love for her before their first Regionals competition, starting junior year together, a locker-room ultimatum and apology, planning to throw their duets competition in her room (followed by a heated make-out session), going to his Mom's and Burt's wedding together, the horrible outcome of the truth regarding Santana and their break-up, the Christmas tree lot and him walking away from her to wait in the car, more broken conversations regarding their breakup at Valentine's, attending her party and trying to be nonchalant about her making out with Blaine (_**Really, Rachel? A gay dude?**_), encouraging her in writing an original song about her deepest pains, breaking her nose by accident and planning with Kurt and Puck to stage the 'Barbra-vention', drumming to her song during their Fleetwood Mac assignment, going on a stakeout with her in his truck to spy on Quinn, questioning her decision to go with Jesse to Junior Prom, ruining her Junior Prom and going an uncomfortable week without talking to her, realizing at Jean's funeral he had a tethered connection with her and breaking up with Quinn, and finally, planning the most expensive date he could afford to sweep her off her feet and ask her to be back beside her, only to be gently let down and rejected.

Yes, they really _**had **_been through a lot together. When he cycled through it all, he could understand with clarity why she was so frustrated with him. Theyd been through so much, so many ups and downs, a virtual roller-coaster of an emotional ride through thick and thin. So many memories shared, so many laughs, and too many tears. In a way, they'd gone from innocent, wide-eyed kids on the cusp of new, intense emotions to two young adults knowing full well how truly deep those feelings for each other could run.

But he no longer felt like that young adult who was learning how to adjust to the consequences of his actions. Now he was practically a fully grown man who'd had the most severe consequences imaginable shoved forcefully into his face. Truly, nothing in his life could possibly have such massive repercussions as what he'd already gone through.

Would Rachel be able to handle and accept that?

He looked down at the letter she had forced into his hands, swallowing, and his mind, for the first time since his altercation, lifted all confusion and clouded thoughts away to give him a single moment of clarity.

_The letter might answer all your questions. _

Mustering up every ounce of courage he could at that moment, he flipped on his desk-side light and exhaled heavily. He ripped open the envelope, yanking out the two pieces of paper and snapped them open. Taking another huge breath to calm himself, he opened his eyes and forced himself, finally, to read the words on the page.

_Dear Finn..._

**XXXXX**

"I'm a complete fucking moron, aren't I?"

Kurt looked up from his vanity in the basement to see his step-brother in his signature shoulder-lean against the support beam, an opened letter in his left hand and right hand in his pocket.

"I wouldn't say _**complete,**_" the smaller teen joked. He noticed Finn's eyes looking far away with a slightly pained expression, no doubt regretting that he didn't open up the envelope sooner. He seemed to be biting the inside of his cheek, and Kurt couldn't help but smile finally at the tall boy. He motioned to the two sheets of handwritten paper in his hand. "You finally came to your senses, I see."

Finn shrugged slightly. "I can't believe I've wasted so much time worrying." Finn looked down at the letter again, then back up to Kurt. "Think she'll be willing to give me a chance to make things right tomorrow?"

"Is this a roundabout question you're using to ask for my help and opinion?"

Finn swallowed and shrugged a bit, his nod almost imperceptible.

The smaller boy smirked and turned back to his vanity to resume his moisturizing ritual, but continued the conversation by addressing Finn through the mirror in front of him. "That depends on how you want to go about this, Finn. If you want to get back together with her in the same manner a hungry mutt attacks his Kibbles and Bits, sloppy and unrefined, you'll toss yourself without ceremony at her feet in the morning and proclaim your unworthiness. It would probably work, though, considering you have the lost little puppy look down to a tee."

"Hey! I'm not that-"

"If, however, you want to do this _**correctly**_ and ensure that you sweep her off her feet in the manner a valiant knight rescues his damsel in distress, then you take my advice, be patient, and pick the time and place for your reconciliation." Kurt smiled widely. "Which would you prefer?"

Finn shifted on his feet for a few moments, then slumped his shoulders in defeat. "Well I...I guess that second one sounds pretty good. 'Cause, you know, she's a gir- I mean, _**woman**_, and women like being swept off their feet and all, right?"

Kurt put a hand on his heart and smiled at his step-brother. "It's so _**good **_to see you growing up, Finn." He rubbed some more of his moisturizing cream into his skin, ensuring it was all absorbed, before finally screwing the cap closed on his container, turning around to face his step-brother, crossing his legs and clutching his top knee with both hands. "Grab some paper and a pen, Mr. Hudson, because I'm going to help you plan exactly how you'll do this."

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	21. Messages

**A/N - So, it is bittersweet news I bring. I know how I want to end this and it will be coming soon. Having said that, soon means in four or five chapters, and my chapters are anything but short, so take that as you will. :) I am going to take this opportunity now to thank the following fellow authors for all their help with this. First and foremost is _JannP_, who was quite literally an Editor on most of this story and I forgot to give her credit for the idea of Rachel discovering Finn reading in the choir room. Most of that dialogue is based on a chat I had with her, so Jann, thank you and I hope we continue forever our friendship and love of trading story ideas. Next is _tjcrowfoot_ who has assisted in this story when Jann was unavailable, either beta reading or pushing me to continue on with my crazy ideas. I have to admit, it was her story "You Can Leave Your Hat On" that was the inspiration for me to even start writing "7 Steps", and if anyone thinks I ripped off her ideas, no I didn't, I was just heavily influenced. ;) Next is _tiltingaxis_, perhaps my favourite writer on this fandom, who quite literally made me wonder why the hell I should even bother to post something because I knew nothing I did would ever match the quality of her work. Seriously, Tilt, you scared the crap out of me with your brilliance, and I love that now we email back on forth on a regular basis. **

**I also need to thank the following for their own ideas and contributions, whether they realize they've done so or not: _iGotoExtremes_, _rockerprincess83_ (you were the only one who got ALL the references right in Chapter 17, btw), _CSM_, _RelativeWind_, _caroleinwonderland_, _SciFiMom2000_, _OmniHelix, writingismypassion4ever, politics&prose_ and "Finchel Fanatic" for suggesting something with Quinn (I hadn't even thought about it to that point, but it made sense). **

**As well, I need to thank my lovely wife who somehow understands my need for creativity and encourages me in writing my stories. Of course, she got me into Glee in the first place, so it's fair to say without her, these tales would never exist. **

**Finally, I really need to thank all of the loyal followers for this story who have reviewed, subscribed and favourited my writing in one form or another. Without you guys, no one would know it exists, so thanks. It's my pleasure to write for you, and I appreciate the response and feedback. **

**Okay, I don't have to feel guilty anymore about not giving people their due credit. So, onwards. **

* * *

><p>Standing at her locker, Rachel stared long and hard at the 7-Step list she had compiled the previous week, wondering if she should just throw it out and forget about the entire thing. She hadn't received any calls or texts from Finn since his altercation with Bronson last week, and though he acted like his typical normal self during Glee on Thursday, he hadn't done much else to make her think she was any closer to her objective. In fact, he hadn't even bothered to call or text her over the weekend; true he had been away training with the National Guard, but he could have called or texted Sunday night once back, right? His weekend away caused her some worry due to his close proximity to a certain college woman named Candi Wayfor (or as Rachel referred to her, '<em><strong>The Thing'<strong>_). She'd only met Candi once, but it provoked a rather violent urge in her. Even now Rachel could feel her left hand starting to curl at the thought of ripping the tall woman's heart from her chest. But beyond that, Finn almost always called or texted upon his return, even if it was just to say hello and ask her how things went while he was busy.

This time, though, there was nothing. She sighed heavily.

"So heavy a sigh for one so young, Rachel."

The petite brunette turned, arching her eyebrow at Quinn and not expecting the blond gleek to even be addressing her in the hallways let alone begin a conversation. Quickly, Rachel stood and pulled her binder out of her locker along with her necessary books before closing it and turning to her fellow student. "Just lamenting my troubles, Quinn. I didn't mean to offend anyone."

Quinn chuckled as she fell in step with Rachel. "I'm hardly offended. I'm more curious than anything."

Rachel regarded her briefly as they walked, but shrugged one shoulder. "Curious about what?"

"Finn."

The Glee co-captain spun on her, eyes narrowing. "If you're asking whether or not I've given up on reconciling with him, the answer is a resounding _**'no' **_and if you think for one minute-"

"Spare me the drama, Ru-Paul." Quinn rolled her eyes, her tone immediately cutting off any further ranting. "I'm not interested in whatever romantic hang-ups exist between giants and dwarves when they date. What I _**am**_ wondering is what the hell happened to Finn this summer, because frankly he doesn't seem to even be the same person."

Rachel's shoulders tightened a bit as she regarded the blonde. "You noticed too?"

Quinn scoffed at her. "I dated him for longer than you, Rachel."

"Then why speak to me?"

"Because as long as I dated him, he never really _**talked**_ to me, not about the serious stuff at least. But you?" Quinn shrugged. "Even when he and I were together in sophomore year, he always ran to _**you**_ to talk. Besides, it's hard not to notice the changes, isn't it? Rearranging rock songs into ballads, engaged and asking questions in Glee instead of just doing whatever Mr. Schue tells us, turning Bronson's face into hamburger." She looked around the halls before continuing, as if about to share a secret. "He even gave Mike the answer in history class on something about the Vietnam War. Seriously, when has Finn even cared about history? He pretty much slept through it last year."

Despite her misgivings talking to Quinn about this issue, Rachel relented and gave a slight nod. "I know. He's…changed. Grown, I guess. I know something serious happened to him this summer, but that's as much as I've coaxed out of him. He won't reveal exactly what happened."

"Really?" Quinn raised a faint eyebrow at her. "That's surprising, considering he tells you pretty much everything else."

Quinn's tone wasn't even bitter, Rachel noticed, making the young ingénue think that perhaps the blonde ex-cheerleader had matured a bit herself over the summer, no longer worried about whom she had once dated and how she'd lost him. Rachel was glad Quinn was approaching her without animosity for a change.

The two stopped walking upon reaching Rachel's classroom. "The only people who know what really happened are his family, and for once, Kurt isn't talking." Rachel swallowed and clutched her books to her chest. "It's a bit frustrating considering Kurt and Finn both call me their best friend. Now I can't get a straight answer from either of them."

The blonde nodded, then stepped towards her to talk more quietly. "Listen, I don't need to know what went down between you and Finn, but you're the best person to talk to him about everything. I mean, answering questions in history class and re-writing songs isn't a big deal, but he's about scared everyone to death in both the football and Cheerios teams by annihilating Bronson." She leaned in even closer, her voice almost a whisper. "I still have friends on the Cheerios dating football players. Latest rumour going around is that the team wants Coach Bieste to pull Finn's captaincy."

Rachel's eyes went wide with astonishment. "Pull his…why? Just because he defended me against a slushie attack?"

"No, because he broke Bronson's nose in two places and sent him to urgent care for six stitches. It's not exactly being a team player. But the other players are afraid to say anything to Finn for fear of getting the same treatment."

Rachel made a face. "That's ludicrous, Quinn. Bronson has been egging him on for weeks; Finn finally caved and just gave Bronson more than he could handle. He's not a loose cannon or anything, unlike other fellow Glee clubbers I could mention."

"Hey, this isn't about Puck." Quinn said quickly and defensively, her eyes narrowing.

Rachel smiled slightly at her. "Who said anything about Puck?"

The blonde opened and closed her mouth quickly, then shook her head to clear away the thought, knowing she'd been caught off guard. "Look, all I know is that Finn's seriously freaked out his team-mates, not to mention the whole cheerleading squad. Who's at fault or who started it doesn't matter. Finn finished it and in the process has all but alienated the entire team."

Rachel chewed the inside of her cheek a bit, a bad habit she'd picked up from Finn when lost in thought or concentrating, and nodded finally. "Alright, I'll talk to him."

Quinn smiled a bit. "Thanks Rachel. I appreciate it. Besides, the team needs him as quarterback if they're going to win their conference again." She turned to proceed to her own class.

"Quinn?"

The blonde half-turned around. "Yeah?"

"Thank Puck for me for the advanced warning."

Quinn sighed again and shook her head, but didn't contradict Rachel's guess. The young brunette grinned a bit and walked into class, sitting in her assigned desk and waiting (again) for Mrs. Turley to show up for the English lesson. She turned her binder over and opened up to a fresh page, only to be met with a bright blue sticky-note on the clean page with a handwritten note on it.

_**#1. Rachel,  
>Music is made here, that much we know.<br>Something awaits where we drank Virgin Cosmos.**_

She did a double take, scanning the note again to make sure she'd read it right. Once satisfied she sat back and stared intently, not believing what she was seeing.

A note, a _**rhyming **_note, plain as day, in her binder (which was in her locker) scrawled messily in a boy's handwriting.

She knew that boy's handwriting.

_**Finn's**_ handwriting.

_What are you up to, Finn? _She thought to herself, even as her mouth curved into a beam of a smile while she lightly touched the note with her forefinger. Her imagination began carrying her away on the possibilities until she heard someone clear their throat. She looked up to see Mike staring at her questioningly. "Hi, Mike."

He sat down in his chair across from her, regarding her still. "Did you just take some happy pills or something? I haven't seen a smile like that on you in weeks."

She grinned a bit more at him and then tucked the note into the front pocket of her purse. "No, just got an unexpected surprise, that's all."

Mike nodded as he pulled out his own books and turned to a fresh page of notepaper. He spoke his next words low so that only she could hear him. "You know, I don't think you need to worry about anymore slushie facials. I was warned in homeroom that Finn will seriously fuck anyone up who even looks at you wrong." He glanced up at her. "What happened, exactly?"

Rachel sighed and shrugged a bit. "Bronson was pushing his buttons and thought giving me a slushie facial would be the fastest way to convince Finn to fight him. Finn finally acquiesced to his demands, and Bronson was summarily pulverized as a result." She shook her head. "I don't think Bronson realized Finn had been training with the Guard all summer."

The tall Asian boy shrugged. "Not like Bronson didn't have it coming. He's been dissing Finn on the field for weeks. I heard he'd miss the next game but wasn't sure why. Maybe some downtime will convince him to back off." He turned back to Rachel. "I just hope the Bieste doesn't come down too hard on Finn."

"You think she will?"

"Hard to say. I mean, you know Finn, right? If she comes right out and asks him, he won't deny it."

Rachel bit her lip, wondering what would happen to the tall boy she so wanted to reclaim as her own. She knew Finn wouldn't ever deny responsibility for something he'd done, but if Bieste found out about their fight, she might eject both him and Bronson off the McKinley Titans for good. Still, as far as Rachel knew, there were no witnesses to the altercation, meaning no one could say for sure whether or not it actually _**was **_Finn who broke Bronson's nose (even if the circumstantial evidence was overwhelming).

"You gonna to see him today?" Mike asked while reviewing his homework.

She glanced back down to the sticky-note and smiled. "Yes, I have a feeling I will."

**XXXXX**

Rachel stepped out her English class, blue sticky-note in hand, and began to walk towards the auditorium. She wasn't thrilled about having to jostle and bustle through the busiest part of the school, which was a junction with about three separate hallways shooting off from it. Usually, given her petite stature, she could expect a number of book-bags and coats smacking her in the face. Normally that was by accident, though she wasn't sure it was _**always **_was when a Cheerio or jock was on the other end of it. But today, something very different happened.

She walked unimpeded through the busy hallways.

_**Completely **_unimpeded.

Finding it strange that she hadn't yet encountered anyone bumping or knocking into her, she glanced up from Finn's note to look at the hallway before her. Sure enough, all the students, no matter what grade they were in, stepped aside immediately for her and waited until she passed by before continuing to their own lunchtime activities. Her eyebrows scrunched a bit in confusion as she walked by a large group of jocks from the swim team, all of whom immediately pushed themselves against the lockers to let her go by. Turning from them to go into the adjacent hallway, she was further surprised as other athletes, these from the school's track and field team, not only stepped out of her way but then also pulled or pushed their non-athlete friends aside for her, as well.

She continued along until she came to a group of Cheerios and Santana glanced at her. Unlike her usual snarky self, instead her face registered relief and she grabbed Rachel's arm by the elbow and held her close. "Thank God you're here, Yentil. I'm late for lunch with Brittany and don't feel like fighting the crowds." She pushed Rachel ahead of her a little and shouted out above Rachel's head. "Hey, step aside, people. Rachel Berry wants to go _**this **_way."

Immediately, people sprang apart in front of her, most deciding to stop in front of the lockers to allow her to pass than to dare walk or amble past her. Rachel's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but she turned back to Santana as the Latino continued to walk with her, hand still on her elbow. "Is this a trick?" She whispered to the Latino cheerleader.

Santana turned to her. "What?"

"A trick? Is this a trick or something?"

"Is what a trick?"

Rachel waved an arm around the school hallway. "All of _**this! **_Is it a trick to make me think my fellow students have afforded me some sense of respect for my superior talents and they decided today to just allow-"

"Puh-lease!" Santana rolled her eyes, even as her mouth held a barely contained smirk. "Spare me your delusions of grandeur, Little Miss Muffett. The only reason people are parting like the Red Sea for you is because they're 'fraid Hudson will rip them a new one if they so much as bruise you. It's amazing what tenderizing someone's face with your knuckles can do."

Her mouth opened wide in astonishment, and Rachel halted herself, causing Santana to take a step past her and turn with questioning eyes. "What? This is all because Finn…Finn…"

"Won the McKinley Heaveyweight Title? Bet your sweet ass, Boo-Berry. You now have pretty much free reign to go anywhere you want in these halls unimpeded. Now, if you don't mind, I'm kinda late for meeting Brittney? Can we get walking again?"

Rachel frowned a bit and fell into step beside the spunky Latino. "I think it's disgusting the only way to gain someone's respect is through violence, Santana. People shouldn't be worried or concerned about Finn in relation to me. I don't want to be treated any different–"

"Whatever, Tinkerbell." Santana waved off her comments dismissively. "You love the attention, so stop the half-hearted protests."

"Of course I love the attention, Santana, but only for the right reasons. For my superior vocal talents or incredible acting abilities or-"

"Or short little mini-skirts or the knee-high socks that scream 'I'm-little-Miss-Innocent-look-at-my-mile-high-legs'!" Santana shook her head in disbelief. "I see right through you, Thumbelina. You'll take whatever attention you can get. And right now, the _**whole school **_knows who you are and that you belong to Hudson. After seeing Bronson's sorry looking mug around here this morning, they aren't gonna do squat to you."

"I don't _**belong **_to Finn. We're just close friends."

"Call it what you will, Betty Boop, but like it or not, everyone _**thinks **_of you as Finn's girl. And now that they know he's not afraid to dust them up if they cross you, they'll think at least twice before aiming another frozen beverage in your direction." They stopped finally outside the cafeteria and Santana turned her around to face her directly. "Okay, I'm already five minutes late for lunch with Brittney, so, tell me, how do I look?"

Rachel glanced up and down, noting that not a single hair was out of place in her tight ponytail, not a smudge of makeup was seen on her face, and not a speck of dirt was evidenced on her pristine white and red uniform. She shrugged. "You look…like a Cheerio?"

The cheerleader rolled her eyes. "Oooh, good one, Hobbit. Nice to see you can answer a question intelligently. 'Kay, I'm done with you. Begone!" She clapped her hands, shooed her away and then proceeded into the cafeteria without a backwards glance. Rachel shrugged a bit and then turned, heading towards the auditorium in the adjacent hallway.

She opened the back door to the auditorium and slowly ascended the stairs to the stage, expecting to find a tall, adorable quarterback there as she made her way from behind the curtains. Instead, there was merely a prop pillow with a prop silver tray on it. On the tray was yet another blue sticky note. Rachel kneeled down to read it.

_**#2. Rachel,  
>Hours we spend here, perfecting our songs,<br>Please venture to the place the Glee members belong.**_

The petite brunette smiled again, shaking her head in mirth as she pulled free the blue sticky note again. He was sending her on a quest! She couldn't believe it. Well, okay, she _**could **_believe it since it was actually happening, but she was still shocked that this was Finn of all people who was leaving her these notes.

_Who are you kidding, Rachel? _Her mind intoned silently. _This has Kurt's help written all over it. Now, having figured that out, that doesn't mean Finn isn't trying. _

Rachel nodded in satisfaction at her own deduction and smiled as she quickly put the pillow and silver tray back in the small props room off the auditorium. She walked up quickly through the rows of chairs and out the side door to come back into the school hallway, her steps sure as she made her way to the choir room. She kept her smile plastered on her face, graciously thanking students who still seemed to be jumping out of her way quickly lest they feel the wrath of Finn Hudson.

She reached the choir room and glanced around, wondering where exactly Finn would put a note for her since there wasn't any obvious silver trays or decorative pillows here. As her eyes scanned the corner of the room, they fell automatically to the drum-set, and she laughed a bit at her own silliness for not recognizing right away that _**of course **_Finn would leave his next message on the very instrument that defined him. She walked over and pulled the blue sticky-note off the closest cymbal, reading the written message.

_**#3 Rachel,  
>We shared a kiss here, a kiss of certainty,<br>The one kiss shared when you were taller than me.  
>P.S. – Please collect from the closet the player Mp3. <strong>_

Rolling her eyes at the awkward (but still utterly adorable) rhymes, she felt her smile grow in intensity. Finn was sending her on a pursuit for him through the school, and try as she might, she couldn't deny how much _**fun **_it was. She carefully folded the sticky-note and slipped it in her purse beside the other ones before proceeding to the choir room's closet to pull out the iPod dock.

"AAAAGGGHHHH!" A shrill scream of panic erupted from the closet and Rachel went wide eyed at the sight before her. There stood Sam, shirtless, facing her with swollen lips and mussed hair in front of an equally shirtless Mercedes who had pressed herself flat against Sam's back to hide her waist-up nakedness. On the floor lay a large, black lace bra, black button shirt in a woman's cut, and a blue t-shirt large enough for the blonde football player.

"Oh, hi guys. Don't mind me." Rachel said as she quickly averted her eyes and looked up at the top shelf for the iPod dock. She couldn't see it, so continued looking along the shelf, turning from her friends as she did, not really concerned with their obvious discomfort.

"Doesn't anyone knock anymore?" Mercedes bit out harshly, still squeezing herself into Sam's back.

"Not for a closet." Rachel responded without looking at them. She grinned as she saw the item requested and pulled down the portable stereo, oblivious to the incredulous looks both Sam and Mercedes were giving her. She turned back to them after ensuring the power cord was still attached. "Just need the stereo for Finn, that's all." She raised an eyebrow at them. "I take it, Mercedes, given your current state of undress, all the problems between you and Sam are resolved?"

"They'll be resolved a lot quicker if you leave us alone!" Mercedes snapped, her eyes glaring daggers.

Sam swallowed, seeming more embarrassed about being caught than worried that Rachel was still standing before them. He glanced back at his girlfriend. "You told her we had problems?"

"It was weeks ago, Sam. Don't worry about it. It would seem that everything is just fine between you two now given your current...uh...activities. So, I'll leave you to it. Carry on." Rachel smiled a bit more before closing the door to the closet, ignoring Mercedes' burning stare and Sam's confused expression. She tucked the iPod dock under her arm, patted her purse to ensure she still had her sticky-notes, and continued on to the next place.

_Has to be the stairwell, _Rachel thought to herself.

She reached the stairs and began climbing them slowly, her eyes intent for any sign of another blue sticky note. As she climbed, she found she was starting to kind of enjoy the wide berth she was given by other students. Inching closer to where she thought she and Finn had kissed before their first Regionals competition, she spotted another blue sticky-note just underneath the handrail, easily missed if one wasn't looking for it. Rachel pulled it free to read the hand-written note.

_**#4 Rachel  
>Unknown to many, if you proceed as you are<br>You'll reach a plateau not very far,  
>It's not that high up above the school,<br>But the sights it affords you are all pretty cool.**_

Her brows furrowed a bit as she glanced up the stairs from the second floor. Did he mean for her to go onto the roof? She looked up the stairwell from the entrance of the second floor to see that yes, indeed, the stairwell did continue up along the walls of the building to another level. Rachel had never before paid attention to it since going up the stairs beyond her own class level never interested her. Taking a deep breath, she continued along the stairs until she reached the top, where there was a large door ajar by just an inch or so to indicate it was open. Another blue sticky note adorned the centre of the exit.

_**#5 Rachel  
>Thank you for coming, you're nearing the end,<br>Continue outside, you'll see your best friend.**_

Rachel took a moment to smile, settle the nerves in her stomach and close her eyes, hoping she'd see Finn there with a large bouquet of flowers or a gift or box of chocolates or even just a nice greeting card for her. She straightened her outfit a bit before taking a breath and then pushing the door open to be greeted by the bright sunlight and cool November air.

Once her eyes had adjusted to the light, she looked across the roof to see a large, grey blanket spread out on a portion of the roof with different pillows around it. Beside these pillows was a small table on which sat a small, gas powered camping stove, and next to that was a cooler that, Rachel guessed, held different food items and beverages. Finn sat in front of the small stove, stirring something in a pot cooking on the burners, and turned upon hearing her approach.

"Rachel." He greeted warmly, standing formally to go over and envelope her in a big hug. Once again, their eyes held each other's gaze longer than necessary, before Rachel finally blushed looked down to the roof, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Finn rubbed her shoulder and arm a bit before reaching for the stereo. "You brought it. Thanks."

She beamed at him before walking around and taking in everything on the blankets. Escaping her prior notice were some paper plates, plastic cutlery, along with napkins and drinking glasses.

She couldn't believe it. He wasn't just bringing her up here to give her a gift, he seemed to be _**cooking her lunch**_.

Turning back towards him, she raised questioning eyebrows. "What is all this?"

Finn shrugged a bit and smiled. "It's a present for you." He stepped over the blankets and stirred a liquid in the pot again before turning back to her. "I never really thanked you for the picnic you gave me when I joined Glee, you know? So…I thought about it, and decided to show you how I'd have done it. I mean, I know you're not big into camping and stuff, but this way I figured we could combine the best of both elements; kind of a camp-style lunch, but without even leaving school. And since we both have study-hall next period…" He left the sentence hanging and shrugged a bit. "I wasn't really able to pull a piano up here though, so I thought maybe we could listen to the iPod with the stereo. I brought some batteries for it, and it's not too cold today, so…"

Rachel's heart felt like it was melting in her chest. She giggled and then pulled Finn into a huge hug, burying her face into the fabric of his shirt and squeezing him hard before turning her head up towards him. "It's perfect. I'd love to have lunch with you." She stepped up on her toes and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek, inhaling his scent and letting his wonderful smell tickle her nose and make her heart race.

"Awesome." Finn grinned again and then gave her another fond hug. Rachel honestly felt like she could just stay in his embrace the entire lunch hour and still feel like their time would be well spent. Nothing could compare to how warm, safe and utterly _**happy **_she was in his arms.

"Oh, you're probably cold." He quickly released her, much to her slight groan of protest, and then ran around to a large duffle bag on the other side of the cooler. Finn ruffled around in it for a bit before pulling out his blue double-extra large hoodie. He walked over and handed it to her, smiling that same, trademarked lopsided grin he always wore when highly amused. "I think you might want to borrow this. You know…again."

Her eyes went wide with surprise before smiling slightly and accepting the garment from him. "I…did Kurt or your Mom tell you…"

Finn shrugged and held her gaze, still smiling before he cleared his throat. "It still smelled like your shampoo and perfume." He smiled more genuinely. "It was a nice smell to come home to. Plus, it'll keep your clothes clean if you spill any soup."

_Okay, he is seriously making my heart flutter with all of this. Like, serious palpatations and holy crap, I feel like I'm thirteen and have my first crush. _Rachel returned his smile and scurried into his sweatshirt, reveling in how Finn's scent once again surrounded her and how the garment made her feel safer and more secure. She noticed Finn staring at her and again she blushed before noticing the stove. "Uh, Finn? The soup?"

"Oh! Right." He turned and quickly grabbed a ladle, stirring the contents of the small pot in front of him and smiling. "Whew! Just in time. I thought maybe I'd burned it." He deftly worked between the soup and then put a small, flat metal pan over the second stove burner and pulled out what looked to Rachel like pre-prepared sandwiches. He spoke as he worked with the stove and utensils. "Hope tomato soup and grilled cheese is okay. I used that vegan type cheese for you, though, so don't worry about going against your diet."

Rachel almost jumped up and down while clapping her hands behind his back, but caught herself just in time from doing such a juvenile stunt. Once again, her heart seemed to swell a bit, and as she stepped closer to watch Finn prepare the food (while leaning down and strategically placing a hand on his broad, muscular back and _**so **_wanting to do more). She deeply inhaled the aromas of the soup and sandwiches before speaking. "Did…did you add some spices to the soup?"

Finn nodded. "Yeah. I had to do mess duty at least once a week in the Guard, and one of the tricks the cooks there used for making simple canned foods taste better was to add some spices and herbs. They always used fresh stuff, but I could only find the bottles at home and had to make do, so…" He shrugged a bit and checked the underside of the grilled cheese to ensure it wasn't burning.

Finding another stool on the blanket, Rachel sat down beside Finn and the stove, a beam of a smile on her face as she took it all in. Here was Finn, using his newly acquired skills learned from the Guard to prepare a _**hot **_picnic lunch with her on the roof of the school. It almost mimicked their very first meal/date together in the auditorium but had a distinct, Finn Hudson 'here-and-now' twist to it. She noticed he used the large military duffle bag that was (she assumed) acquired from the National Guard, to carry everything not edible, and then a cooler to bring the sandwiches, soup and disposable dishes and cutlery. "So, how exactly did you get this all up here? I mean, I know you put it in the duffle bag and cooler, but didn't you have teachers or maintenance staff question why you'd need all of this or why you were bringing it up to the roof?"

Finn glanced in her direction, looking sheepish. "Well, it was a collaborative effort."

_Collaborative? _Rachel thought, shocked that such a word had just escaped his mouth. And in the proper context, too. "How so?"

He shrugged, still attending to the food. "Kurt helped me gather everything I needed, even though he thought this was a horrible idea for treating you to lunch. I brought all the stuff that wasn't edible over on the weekend after I got back from training and shoved it in my football locker. Puck was more than happy enough to point out what route to take in the school to avoid all the staff and get this stuff up here. Let me tell you, the lack of security for this building is appalling, but it did help me get this ready for you, so…" He shrugged again. "I just…I really wanted to do something nice for you. Something I knew you wouldn't forget." His gaze held hers again, and this time she was positive she saw something in it that wasn't there before.

Desire. _**Serious **_desire.

A blush began to go through her cheeks, and she looked down shyly, smiling a bit still before glancing back up at him. He smirked a bit and then turned back to the food. As she watched Finn work, she noticed he seemed completely at ease with his tasks, his shoulders back and a look of contentment on his face. His large striped sweater and puffy vest didn't seem to hamper his progress or movements in the slightest, and the confidence he exuded was calming to her; a stark difference from the unsure, sweet, but utterly clumsy boy she knew from two years ago.

Really, she wanted nothing more than to grab his face between her hands and kiss him senseless.

_Well…what's stopping you? _Her mind querried. She stirred a bit, restless as indecision shot through her about whether or not to proceed.

_What, I should just jump up and start…start…sucking face?_

_Why not? It's kinda how things started to begin with, right? _

_Well…sorta. I mean, we kissed, then we kissed again, then all the baby stuff happened with Quinn and-_

_Yeah, yeah, we know what happened. We were there. Okay, so, are you going to be a typical teenage girl and always wait for the guy to come to you, or are you going to be a modern-day woman and claim what and who you want for yourself? _

That determined it. She would go over and kiss him soundly. So soundly, he wouldn't remember his own name. Yes. It was decided. She would go right now and-

"Hey, it's ready!" Finn said excitedly as he ladled some soup into a Chinette bowl and handed it to her.

_Damn, Rachel. You really have to stop arguing with yourself so much. _

She sighed a bit at her lost chance to kiss him and accepted the bowl with a smile, again inhaling the scent of simple tomato soup enhanced with the herbs and spices Finn had added. The quarterback next handed her a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich and some cutlery, and she grinned a bit more at taking it and putting it on her lap. For good measure, she watched as Finn placed a bottle of her favourite iced tea beside her before grabbing his own lunch and settling back down on his stool facing her.

"Bon Appetite." He said with an exaggerated flourish, causing her to giggle a bit just before she took a bite. Carefully, she tasted it and her eyes went wide was she allowed the hot liquid to settle on her tongue, marveling at how much flavor a few spices and herbs had managed to produce in the soup.

"Finn, this is so…so good for being so simple. I'm really impressed."

"Thanks." Finn nodded at her, though she could see a slight blush colouring his cheeks. In typical Finn Hudson fashion, he grabbed his grilled cheese and dipped it into the soup, eating a bit of both at the same time, and Rachel internally cheered for joy at the little '_Finnism' _that hadn't changed. "I hope the sandwich is as good, too. I tried to ambush it a bit, you know, with some extra flavours and stuff."

"Ambush?" She chuckled again at the choice of words, but shook her head and smiled even as she swallowed a bit more soup. "Your military training is influencing your vocabulary, Finn. I think you meant 'embellish'."

His face fell a bit at her correction, but he quickly recovered with his half-grin and had another bite of sandwich. "Well, I almost got the right word." He mouthed around his meal, shrugging a bit. "I'm getting better."

She nodded her agreement. "Yes, your vocabulary has improved remarkably since your return. I didn't know the National Guard was also offering English classes to its recruits."

Finn laughed at her comment, even as he had a sip of his own drink. "Nah, it wasn't that. It was trying to read all the guides and manuals and training lessons. And three very patient, college-aged bunk mates who didn't mind me asking them for the meaning of a different word every couple of sentences." He sighed and took a slurp of his own soup, swallowing quickly. "Thank God for good friends."

Rachel pursed her lips a bit after swallowing her soup and then looked at him seriously. "Speaking about friends, Finn, you have quite a few who are worried about you."

Finn looked at her with a surprised expression, his eyebrows going up. "Worried? Why?"

"Well," Rachel stirred her soup a bit before looking back up to him. "For everything that happened with Bronson."

His shoulders slumped a bit and he swallowed noisily, even while nodding. "Yeah. I guess even if the staff didn't see it, word's gonna get around, right?"

"I…I think you've scared them, Finn." She carefully put her soup and sandwich down on the blanket and moved over to kneel beside him, squeezing his forearm. "I got the sense they think you went completely psychotic on him."

"But I didn't!" Finn protested to her, his face twisting into a plea for her to understand. "Rachel, I swear to God he started it. I didn't think I had a choi-"

"I know, Finn. Really, I do. I know you don't do things like this unless you have no other option, but that doesn't mean you didn't put doubts about your sanity into everyone's mind. After all, last year Karofsky bullied Kurt all the time and you said it wasn't possible to do anything because you needed to maintain team unity. This year I get one slushie facial and you went completely berserk on my assailant."

She could see Finn looking down at the ground, clenching his jaw. "Like I said before, Rachel, I made a lot of mistakes last year. I should have kicked Karofsky's ass when all that crap went down with Kurt. I was an idiot and…" He sighed and shook his head before turning to look at her earnestly. "I'm not that guy anymore, though, Rachel. I'm not the guy who's gonna ignore that kind of stuff. It's not right. And I'll be damned if I let an ape like Bronson go after you when you're not even half his size. But I get it. I'll…I'll be careful around the team and make sure they know I'm not psycho and, that it was just a one time thing between me and Bronson."

Rachel held his gaze with a soft smile. "Okay. And I must say I appreciate your gallantry, Finn. Really, I do." She laughed a bit as she thought back to her quest to get to the roof. "Did you know I can walk pretty much anywhere in the school now without getting blocked off? Everyone is so afraid you'll do to them what you did to Bronson, they all jump out of my way now. You'd think I was a celebrity of some kind."

"You will be, Rachel." Finn said without a hint of humour or disbelief, causing her to turn towards him in surprise. He gripped her hand in his and squeezed. "I don't doubt that for one second. Wherever you go, whether it's New York or California or England, it won't matter. You're gonna make it. You're gonna be _**huge**_. Especially if they all see what I see."

The glee co-captain could feel herself blushing again at his words and coyly, shyly looked down. What was it about this boy that just a few words spilling from his lips and a simple touch of his hand could send shockwaves through her body and lightning to race along her nerves? Not even her chance meeting with Patti Lupone got her nerves jittery and jumbled like they were right now, like they were no matter when it was he looked at her or complimented her. She returned his hand squeeze and brought her eyes up to meet his again, noticing how full of awe and affection they had for her.

Full of love. Love for _**her**_.

But was he still _**in love **_with her?

_You think he'd have prepared all of this for just a friend? _Her mind asked her.

No, there was no way. He still loved her. She was sure. It was time to lean in and capture his lips with hers. She swallowed and-

"Your food is getting cold, Rachel."

"What?"

Finn motioned back down towards her meal, which sat barely touched on the blanket. "Your food. I mean, you haven't even tasted the sandwich! Really, try it out. I practiced last night to get the flavor right."

_Rachel, I know you're utterly smitten by him, but sometimes I, your rational side, really wonder _**why**_ when he's a complete _**master **_at ruining the mood._

"Of…of course! My food." Rachel smiled brightly to hide her disappointment. She quickly reached down to pick it up again, had another bite of soup (it was still warm, so she was content with it), and then nodded at his urging to have a bite of the faux grilled cheese. Quickly she took a medium sized bite and tasted it, her eyes going wide as the flavours danced along her tongue. He really _**had **_made a good grilled cheese. She tasted oregano, basil, a hint of pepper, garlic and –

He used garlic.

_**Garlic. **_

If there was one taste in the world she knew was absolutely horrible to have on one's tongue and breath before trying to kiss, it was garlic. And Finn hadn't used a lot of garlic, but it was enough for her to know that the taste would linger.

"Good, right?" Finn grinned, his demeanor eager and looking for her approval.

_Not as good as a kiss would have been. _Rachel bemoaned inside her mind. Still, he _**had **_gone out of his way to prepare such a nice 'camp-style' lunch for her, dragging everything up to the roof where there was a wonderful view of the city and river. So she smiled and nodded. "The sandwich is excellent, Finn."

He smiled brightly and grinned, dipping his second sandwich into his soup and having another huge bite, seemingly content to enjoy the scenery with her. She cursed and kicked herself for getting distracted by him and the lunch, but decided to enjoy this 'date' for what it was. There were certainly worst ways to spend her time than enjoying a simple, hot meal on the school's roof-top.

Besides, there would be more opportunities. Of that, she was sure.

**XXXXX**

Finn collapsed in the chair, staring up at the ceiling of the basement and shaking his head. He and Kurt had been working non-stop on this song and no matter how hard and focused Finn's attention had been he just wasn't able to get the hang of it. "You've got to be _**kidding**_, Kurt. I can't do this."

"Not with an attitude like that, Finn." Kurt retorted disdainfully as he reset the songs on his laptop computer. "But your vocal range _**can **_reach these notes. You just have to practice and get the breathing right."

Finn stared at him open mouthed. "Kurt, you're asking me to sing a song that's been made famous by a Broadway star! I don't have that kind of range _**or **_power."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Please! I heard you when we performed '_One'_ in the auditorium in sophomore year. You have a better range and far more power than you believe. You just don't like to use it because it's not safe for you."

"You're gonna compare U2 to _**this**_? I mean, seriously, have you actually _**listened **_to this guy perform? How the hell do you think I could even keep up with that?"

The smaller teen turned on Finn and crossed his arms. "Finn, I told you I'd help you get back together with Rachel, and I'm doing my best, but you can't keep fighting me on this. The best way to communicate with her is through song, and _**this **_song from _**this **_show will say a lot more to her than anything you could possibly write on a blue sticky-note." Kurt smiled a bit. "Unless, of course, you simply want to give Rachel your letter."

"You know why I can't, Kurt."

"Again, I think you're being ridiculous, but since that's your decision, then this is the plan. Trust me, Finn. You sing this song with her and she'll be putty in your hands. And it's just in front of the club. It's not like I'm asking you to do this for Nationals."

"Thank God." Finn shook his head, but sipped his bottled water, shrugged and stood up, facing Kurt again. "Okay, you're right. I keep practicing, it'll only get better, or at least good enough that I won't embarrass myself in front of the others."

Kurt smiled at him and leaned forward to pat his cheek. "There's the Finn Hudson I know. The one who will plow through anything no matter how much damage he causes."

"Hey, if I cause any damage, it's all _**your **_fault. You're the one promising success here."

"And I always deliver on my promises, Finn." Kurt turned and clicked on the song again before facing his brother. "Again, I'll take the female lyrics, you take the male's. Ready?"

Finn nodded before taking a deep breath. "From the top."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	22. The Response

**A/N - Well, this certainly feels like coming full circle. I know people were wondering if once I got to this point that would be the end of this story. The answer is no, there's a few more chapters left, and don't worry, I'm working on the next one already. Thanks again to everyone who supports me and my writing, and all those who read, review and comment. You make it all worthwhile. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>Sectionals 2011. Finn sighed a bit as he sat in his chair, taking in everything about the theatre; the size of the stage, the curtains, the orchestra pit, the emergency exits (the Guard had made him alarmingly aware of such things nowadays). Surprisingly, this year the Sectionals competition for Western Ohio was being held at the (ironically) Schuster Performing Arts Centre in Dayton, Ohio. It kind of surprised Finn this location was chosen considering it was vastly larger than any other theatre or auditorium they had previously performed in; really, wasn't a 2300 seat theatre a bit <em><strong>much <strong>_for a Sectionals competition? Still, the facility was well equipped with change areas and rehearsal rooms for all three groups, and the seating was plentiful enough for anyone and everyone associated with each of the three competing choirs.

He smiled a bit as he remembered Mr. Schue announcing their competitors. They had drawn the same competition date as the Dalton Academy Warblers and Jane Addams Academy; he remembered being instantly relieved at the prospect and (strangely) had to explain to Mr. Schuester why he thought they'd just received an exceptional stroke of luck. When he made clear it was because both groups were same gender choirs, Mr. Schuester himself had grinned like an idiot and the two began tossing ideas back and forth for group numbers which could feature both male and female vocals in contrasting ways the other groups wouldn't be able to emulate.

Finn turned and cast a glance at the tiny brunette beside him. He and Rachel were slated to be leads on a duet, while Mercedes had drawn the slot for the solo piece. Sam, Puck and Artie were pumped to be given an 80's medley for them to lead on, Tina and Santana had the leads on an ABBA group number (he reasoned it could be worse as Tina had originally suggested The Spice Girls), and Blaine and Kurt had written an original song that was unanimously approved of as their last piece.

As usual, Rachel was looking around her at the theatre, absently smiling as wide brown eyes seemed to soak it all in. Finn had no doubt she was imagining herself on stage about to perform, singing her heart out with that pitch-perfect voice of hers and wowing everyone in the audience. Most likely she'd be putting him and his voice to shame in the process. Still, he was eternally grateful to be given the chance to sing with her for the duet. Somehow, singing with her always pulled out his best performances, as though just being in her presence allowed him to push past whatever limitations he'd otherwise have. Even if he never sang again after high school, he'd forever be grateful for the opportunities afforded him by being in glee club with future Broadway diva Rachel Berry.

Maybe she might even give him free tickets to her shows, just for old times sake.

That was, if his plan for tonight totally failed. But he sure as hell wasn't planning on failing.

All he needed to do was bide his time and wait until after the show. Kurt had told him not to do anything until later; allowing Rachel to focus and concentrate on her performance was of utmost importance. Distract her (like he had during Nationals) and there was no guarantee they'd even be _**getting **_to Regionals. But seriously, one look at her, and he found it almost impossible to _**not **_want to bring up the subject of their reunion right at this very moment. She was _**so beautiful**_, sitting there in a gorgeous black and white sweater/skirt combination with full red lips and just a hint of makeup which enhanced each of her lovely facial features. Even her nose, which she always claimed to hate because of its larger than normal size, was perfect to Finn as it gave her face personality and set her apart from all the other 'dime-a-dozen-pretty' girls who seemed to grace every cheerleading squad in the county. And Rachel's skin? Finn could easily get lost on its smooth surface, exploring each inch with fingers and lips (were he allowed) and revelling in its olive complexion, such a stark and exotic difference from his own typically Caucasian hue. Feeling a stirring below the belt that was threatening to reveal itself, he reluctantly pulled his eyes away and opened up the program they had all been given, deciding to distract his lustful thoughts with information about the other groups.

Dalton was up first. Currently their group had twenty members, all male, their voices ranging from baritone to tenor, and they prided themselves on performances which required nothing more than backing percussion, their voices alone providing the rest of the music. Finn had always admired the group's ability to arrange songs in that manner, even if it wasn't to his personal taste. He only heard mention through Blaine, who still kept in contact with several friends from the Warblers, that the show this year would be focusing on singer/songwriters, and their pieces included Elton John, Billy Joel, Peter Gabriel, and surprisingly, Sheryl Crow. He frowned a bit at thinking about possible songs from each artist, and he knew they could have some serious competition from this group.

Jane Addams Academy, on the other hand, was comprised of only fifteen members this year, and Finn had read on a website while researching the competition that they were going to be doing a Beyonce tribute of some kind. It was the type of show that no doubt would go over really well at a high school or even a mall concert, but if Finn had picked up anything from Mr. Schuester while part of Glee, it was that you had to play to your audience. Although he chided himself a bit for it, he pretty much dismissed them as serious contenders.

"Find anything interesting?" Rachel teased him suddenly, bumping against his shoulder and startling him out of his thoughts.

Finn shrugged a bit. "Not really. Warblers seem to be our biggest threat, but they're down five members and Blaine told me their new soloist can't hit the high B. Jane Addams Academy is doing some kind of Beyonce tribute and Mr. Schue agreed with me that that won't fly with this crowd. "

"Why not? She's a popular artist, isn't she?"

At this, Finn did a bit of a double take. Rachel was one of the smartest people he knew, so the fact that she didn't clue into his reasoning shocked him. Maybe it was just a case of her being so wrapped up in the upcoming performance she hadn't thought through the audience portion of things. "Depends on the crowd. If you look carefully, you'll notice most of the crowd here are parents and teachers and adults over the age of forty-five. It's not the type of crowd that's going to like modern pop music. And the problem both schools have is that they're same-gender groups that can't sing with any kind of male/female contrast. Only New Directions can give the crowd that kind of range differential, so I think we have an advantage."

He noticed Rachel's eyes widen at his statement, and he guessed he said something that took her by surprise with his conclusions. Really, it seemed pretty obvious to him, so he was now almost positive she was only thinking about the performance aspect of things.

"That's…that's very insightful, Finn. How did you draw all these conclusions?"

Quickly thinking about the question, Finn realized with a start that all he'd actually done is apply lessons he'd learned over the summer to this glee competition. He'd read up on both groups, lurked online in their respective forums, and strategized with Mr. Schuester about possible ways to improve their own performance. No different than planning an ambush or counter-attack in his military exercises with the Guard. "Just applying my training. Study your enemy, learn their weakness. You know, all that stuff."

Finn noticed Rachel look away quickly, almost like something he'd said had caused her to be uncomfortable, and he quietly let out a breath of frustration. She'd done this a lot lately, in between giving him looks of longing and, dare he say it, _**lust**_. Not that he was complaining in the slightest. Truthfully, he _**loved **_those flirty, electrically charged looks from her. It let him know that she was still interested and found him attractive. Not that her letter didn't already do that, but he really was trying to follow Kurt's advice this time and be patient in asking her to be with him again. He constantly remembered the image Kurt alluded to of Finn being like a hungry mutt attacking dog food, and the last thing Finn wanted to do was seem like an overeager puppy.

He wasn't a barely sixteen year old kid anymore with no sense of decorum or self-control; now he was officially an eighteen year old adult, and it was time he acted like a man in his romantic endeavours, as well.

So far, so good. Rachel didn't say as much, but he knew he had floored her with his roof-top lunch, an extremely pleasant 'date' after their initial, serious conversation pertaining to his status with the football team. He thought for sure something would happen up there, but after their meal, all they had done was snuggle together under a blanket and chat about idle things relating to school, with her sitting between his legs and leaning back against his chest until their study-hall period had ended, forcing them to go back to their respective classes. The following weekend they'd agreed to a movie, and again, she cuddled up against him, folding up the armrest so she could get close against his side and lean in while watching with his arm around her (whoever thought to invent movie theatre armrests that fold up was one of his all-time heroes). Again, however, Finn remained patient and didn't press to do anything physically intimate with her, heeding Kurt's words and continue along the slow and steady path. He had to admit to being proud of himself because he never for a moment thought he could be so serene. With each day of overcoming his desire to simply grab her by the shoulders and pull her in tightly for a deep, passionate kiss, he mentally patted himself on the back for his restraint.

But when she was as close as she was now, with her big, bright, brown eyes, intoxicating perfume, full red lips and dazzling smile, he really had to wonder _**why **_he was restraining himself.

He felt Rachel worm her arm through his and squeeze, pulling him a bit closer to her and he bit back another throaty groan as the soft side of her breast brushed up against his arm. She was going to be the death of him.

"So," she interrupted his once again lustful thoughts, "who do you think will come in second?"

He smiled at her. Rachel was nothing if not confident, in herself, in their duet, and in New Directions as a whole. After two years and a trip to Nationals, however, he knew that defeat at Sectionals never even crossed her mind. So, naturally, Finn said the first thing he could think of to tease her. "We will."

"You don't think we'll win?" She gasped and reeled back a bit, her eyes staring at him as though he had suddenly grown a second head.

Finn couldn't help the grin form on his face. "Of course I do. Our show is so epic, we'll get first, second, _**and **_third place." He shrugged nonchalantly. "The Warblers and Jane Addams will have to settle for fourth and fifth."

Rachel stared at him for a moment more as his answer bounced around her mind, then she suddenly erupted into laughter at realizing the inherent joke in what he'd said. She nodded at him, indicating her understanding. "Alright, I'll admit, that was _**funny**_."

"Good. Always happy to make you smile." Finn could still feel his own grin on his face before he reached over to grab his water bottle and drink a sip. Just as he raised it to his lips, though, he noticed out of the corner of his eye Rachel turn back around to him. He glanced over to see her give him an overly large and comically false smile with big, wide eyes; it was the type of smile that no self-respecting actress would _**ever **_use in a show, and Finn couldn't help but outwardly laugh at it. It looked _**so **_out of place on such a talented actress as Rachel. His laugh was so loud, it actually garnered a few dirty looks from other patrons in the theatre around them, but he and Rachel both shrugged it off.

"And I'm happy to return the favour." She replied, smiling more like herself now as Finn nodded and finished with his water. "But you still haven't _**really **_answered my question, you know."

Finn looked away and blew out a breath, thinking that Rachel was more right than she could possibly know. There was a question that she had asked quite a while ago for which he had never, _**ever**_ given her an answer. He figured Rachel probably thought he'd forgotten, but in reality, he never had and his mind flashed back to that encounter.

**- X –**

"_What did you see when you kissed Quinn?" Rachel asked, still pressing a cold, damp cloth to his head. _

_Finn's eyes were closed, mostly from feeling so horrible from the fucking mono running through his system as he laid prone in the nurse's office. But they were also closed because it was one of the only ways he could block out the sight of Rachel. The girl he truly loved, the girl he thought he might actually spend the rest of his life with, had gone and ripped his heart from his chest by admitting she made out with Puck to make him jealous and give him a taste of his own medicine. Really, it was still a hot fucking mess with him. To him, there was no 'medicine' needed. Santana had happened when he and Rachel weren't even together! He honestly thought Rachel was too busy getting jiggy with Jesse St. Jackass to even worry about him, so why not sleep with Santana? Yeah, she was a bitch, but she was a smokin' hot bitch who looked _**far **_too good half naked in lingerie for him to worry about personalities, emotions and love once in the motel room. And it's not like he cheated on Rachel. How the fuck was he supposed to know Rachel hadn't had sexual relations with Jesse after all? The way she had said it back last year, it was as though she enjoyed it. And he honestly never thought, at that time, that he'd ever have a shot with Rachel again. Even if she and Jesse didn't work out, she'd want someone more her equal; smart, talented, similar goals and interests. Really, what the hell could Finn Hudson offer her? _

_So though he'd been devastated at losing her the way he had, he had concluded over the Christmas break that it was probably for the best and he'd simply be content to be friends. It would certainly be less stressful on his pride and wounded heart. _

_But Rachel hadn't reached that point yet. And it hurt him and weakened his resolve every single time she came around to push the issue. Then Quinn showed up and kissed him after the championship football game and suddenly it felt as though maybe, just maybe, he'd have a chance to have what he'd failed to keep the year before. He was being given a second chance with the beautiful blonde girl he'd fallen for back as a freshman and felt those old, familiar butterflies in his stomach when Quinn looked at him _**that way**_. _

_Before he even realized it, Finn blurted out his answer to Rachel's question. "Fireworks." It was true. Kissing Quinn was like fireworks igniting in the sky, the type that got the kid in him all riled up and excited. _

_He sensed rather than saw Rachel nod sadly as she continued to press the cloth to his forehead, and Finn was glad for it. Maybe that's what Rachel needed to hear to finally let go and give him back his heart. Maybe she just needed to know she wasn't the only one he could have feelings for. She was quiet for another couple of seconds and Finn was just starting to relax. _

"_Did you see fireworks when you kissed me?" _

_His eyes snapped open but only his mind's eye registered anything as almost every image flooded his mind instantly. What did he see when he kissed Rachel? No, not fireworks, he saw _**so **_much more. Two naked bodies together under the sheets, eyes locked and full of love as they became one with each other; a couple sitting together for hours over dinner in a fancy restaurant, oblivious to anyone around them as they revealed all their hopes and dreams for themselves and each other; him down on one knee with a modest engagement ring he worked extra-hard to afford, asking her to be his wife; him sitting centre stage in the first or second row, grinning like an idiot as she took the stage on Broadway and mesmerized her audience by singing every song to utter perfection; her watching him adoringly as he hammered away on his drums with a rock band, sharing original music with an enthusiastic bar audience; a wedding altar with the two of them holding hands and vowing to be together for the rest of their lives, committing all of themselves to each other above and beyond anything and everyone else. _

_And then, finally, the images that always, _**always **_invaded his thoughts when he kissed Rachel long and passionately. Rachel lying in a hospital bed, her eyes full of tears, as she handed a small bundle to him with a joyful smile. "This is your father." She whispered to the bundle before Finn took the baby from her arms and gazed upon their joint creation of life, weeping silently and utterly astounded that he could feel so much love for someone so new in his life. That then merged into another image; Finn playing with two energetic kids in a small backyard, tackled around the knee by a tiny girl unsuccessfully trying to pull him to the ground while a slightly larger and older boy was lifted off his feet, attempting to pry a football out of his arms, all while Finn laughed uproariously. _

_And both kids looked like a perfect combination of him and Rachel._

_He couldn't help it. He smiled goofily at the thought of them together and having created children from their love. _

_But that love no longer existed. Rachel had proven that by running away from him and into the arms of his (supposed) best friend instead. _

_He couldn't answer her. If he told her, she'd _**never **_relent in her pursuit, and his heart couldn't handle that right now. He needed space. He needed time to heal. He needed her to know that it was pointless to keep trying. _

_So he did what he did best. He avoided the question and remained silent. _

_It worked, too. Rachel nodded and put the rag back. "Thank you, Finn. Now I know there's nothing left for me here." _

_What? What did she just say? How could she possibly think that? Didn't she _**know**_? Didn't she understand just _**how fucking much**_ what she did hurt him? To run off to someone he'd already lost a girlfriend to? To break her promise to never do to him what Quinn had the year before? _

"_Wait! Just…wait, would you Rachel?" Finn had tiredly mumbled as he forced himself to raise his head to look at her, barely supporting himself on his arms. "I'm just…so _**confused **_in my head right now, okay?" _

_But it wasn't okay. Rachel had made her assumptions and thanked him for inspiring her song choice for Glee (whatever the fuck _**that **_meant) and quickly exited the nurse's quarantine section. Finn cursed himself and dropped back down to the bed, exhaling noisily after he heard her footsteps retreat and walk out of earshot. _

**- X –**

Finn breathed out noisily as he turned to look at Rachel. Seeing her sitting there, warm eyes and smile directed towards him and him alone, and Finn swallowed.

_Fuck restraint! _He thought to himself. _Time to finish this game. It's now or never._

"Children." He answered quickly, before he lost his nerves.

Now he'd done it. He'd opened everything up. This was either going to seal the deal for him and Rachel, or it was going to scare the absolute crap out of her and send her running away forever. But he was tired of this state of limbo they seemed to be dancing in, and though Kurt helped him approach this in a much more patient and sophisticated manner than he'd ever before entered into a relationship, he was done with pretending. He wanted her, and he wanted her now.

Finn noticed Rachel frown at his one word answer as confusion set in across her facial features. He bit back a grin because he wanted her to know just how serious he was about this answer. He'd waited long enough to give it to her.

"I…I don't…are you sure you heard the question correctly?" Rachel was staring at him with one eyebrow raised, a typical expression of hers when she thought he'd completely gone off the deep end. In fact, Mr. Schue had given him that same expression a couple of times, too. He used to think it was because he was missing some information or didn't understand exactly what the other person was talking about. Now he knew it simply meant they didn't think quite the way he did and weren't making the same mental connections. It relieved him over the summer to find out that, no, he really wasn't stupid, he just thought about things differently than most others. It was like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders, and helped tremendously with his confidence.

"Mmm-hmmm." Finn murmured softly. He nodded at her question but maintained eye contact before shrugging. "It's just taken me ten months to have the courage to tell you truthfully."

He could see the wheels of her mind turn as she tried to translate what he'd just said into something intelligible and related to the conversation they were having. Internally he smiled as he watched her facial expressions change from confusion to one of dismissal, and she smirked a bit. "Your answer makes no sense whatsoever." She began. "Are you sick? Do you have a fever?" She scoffed at him as though he were a little boy unable to care for himself and pressed her wrist to his forehead, pretending to check his temperature.

Finn smiled and grabbed Rachel's hand, enclosing it in both of his. He stared straight at her and had to remind himself to keep talking and not get lost in the depths of those beautiful chocolate brown orbs. Was it corny to think he could be happy just staring into her eyes and reading her emotions? He cleared his throat a bit. "I was sick when you asked the question ten months ago."

Again, she furrowed her brows in confusion, but suddenly it dawned on her what he was talking about. Well, it did if the sudden widening of her eyes, sharp intake of breath and look of understanding were any indication. Again, he mentally patted himself on the back; it wasn't often he could catch Rachel unawares.

Finn plunged ahead, speaking faster than he could process the thoughts coherently, but he had Rachel's full attention and he was damned if he let it go now. "You asked what I saw when I kissed Quinn. I said fireworks, which at the time, I did. Then you asked what I saw when I kissed you, and I couldn't answer because I was still too hurt and afraid to open myself up to you like that. So I tried to just shrug it off because I knew if I told you the truth I'd…I'd be trapped between wanting you with me and away from me at the same time. I wasn't ready then, but now…now I am. So that's my answer. When I kissed you, I saw children."

He hoped and prayed that she'd understand and whisper to him that it was okay, and forgive him for making her think he no longer had any feelings for her. Really, it was just the opposite. He didn't think he could possibly love her more than he did back then, but after everything that happened this summer, he knew the first time he saw her in the choir room that that love had only grown. What was that stupid expression of Kurt's? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? He didn't really understand those words until this summer, but they were totally true.

Instead, however, Rachel frowned at him. Wait, why was she frowning? Wasn't she happy to hear his answer? Finn internally cursed and shook his head at himself. He'd waited far too long to reveal the truth, and it seemed like she probably didn't really care about it, or worse, thought it was the worst possible answer he could give. Maybe he should have listened to Kurt after all and just asked Rachel at the end of the show if she'd be willing to give him another chance romantically. Right now, his hopes were fading fast.

Finally, Rachel smiled and shrugged a bit herself. "Well, that's certainly unique. I have to say though, no offense, that I never really saw a bunch of kids running around when I kissed you. "

_She didn't get it? Really? How could she _**not **_get it? Okay Finn, you'll just have to be blunt and hit her over the head with this. Good thing that's your specialty. _

"You're not understanding, Rach." Finn sighed, hoping that this gambit worked. Straight out telling Rachel things such as his feelings was a double edged sword; she might totally understand, but she might also grill him with questions for the next hour or two afterwards to shore up any of her own concerns or insecurities. But he was out of options so he bit the bullet, leaned forward and touched his forehead with hers to give them the illusion of privacy and ensure only she could hear his words. He tried to summon every ounce of emotion and love and convey it through his words. "I didn't just see children when I kissed you…I saw _**our **_children."

Rachel's reaction was immediate. He watched her as her eyes grew wide as saucers, a tear almost immediately trailing down her cheek, and her breathing all but stopped. Her hand squeezed his hard and slowly but surely her lips parted and her mouth opened in utter shock and surprise. Her eyes never wavered from his, and suddenly it seemed as though he could see and feel all of his love and feelings reflected back to him.

He didn't hesitate or ask any further questions, and instinct took over. Finn leaned down and finally, after far too much waiting, pressed his lips against hers, ignoring the slight protest in his mind about showing patience and restraint. He was rewarded by her own pliant lips capturing his as well, and Finn swore he could feel every ounce of desire, warmth, love and promise in her lips as they moved against his willingly. His own emotions swirled in a vortex and fed off the kiss, seeming to ignite his soul and spread shear, utter happiness to every nerve in his body.

This was them. Finn and Rachel. Rachel and Finn. Finchel. However you categorized it, they were together again. To him, it wasn't even a question. It was just a plain, unbridled fact. It would always be him for her, and now, more than ever, he was sure it would always be her for him.

They finally pulled apart out of necessity, just to breathe, and their foreheads came together again, only for both of them to feel a massive jolt to the back of their seats. Finn turned quickly to see Puck (complete with his hands around some type of snack) sitting there with a mile-wide smirk of approval. "'Bout fuckin' time you guys figured it out. Shit, I could see this comin' back in September. Now do the rest of us a favour and watch the show, 'cause I don't want to be staring at you guys suckin' face all night. Capiche? "

He couldn't help it. He was so infused with happiness and joy at _**finally**_ leaning over and kissing Rachel that all he could do was chuckle at his friend and turn in his seat with a large grin of his own. Rachel, however, was never at a loss for words and continued to angrily stare at their mutual friend. "Your timing and manners are atrocious, Noah! Thank you so much for ruining what _**was **_a beautiful moment between us."

Puck swallowed a large mouthful of whatever he was eating before answering around his food. "Happy to help. Now quit your jabbering and watch some epic fail, 'kay?" Another sound of someone stuffing popcorn into his mouth echoed in Finn's ear, and he laughed again to himself at the mental image of Puck consuming his food, heedless of whatever mood Rachel was in. It was so like the mohawked boy to not let anything around him get in the way of eating.

For her part, he heard Rachel let out a huffy breath and turn around, ignoring Puck's response. Without hesitation, her hand crept into his and clasped it firmly, their fingers lacing together in that same way Finn had grown so accustomed to last year. He turned to look at her just in time to catch her silently mouth a message to him. _I love you! _

Wondering if it were possible that his heart could actually burst from the strength of the emotions he was feeling, he squeezed her hand gently in his and sniffed back a few tears. _I've always loved you. Always. _He responded to her in the same manner. She smiled and wiped away another tear before she leaned her head against his shoulder. It seemed to be perfect timing since right at that moment, the lights to the theatre dimmed and the curtain drew up, revealing the Dalton Academy Warblers already on stage and ready to start their performance. Finn silently gave thanks to God or Grilled Cheesus or whoever and whatever Supreme Being ran the universe that finally, _**finally**_, he had Rachel back as his.

**XXXXX**

Rachel paced back and forth in the green room, wringing her hands together as Finn looked on from where he sat. The two of them, as co-captains, were positioned closer to the speaker box of the stage, listening to the Jane Addams Academy as they performed their songs. The rest of the group was going over their respective numbers, talking quietly or making last second alterations to their appearance or costume; generally doing what any performer does right before they go onstage. But to Rachel, none of that mattered. What mattered was that she and Finn's duet was compromised.

She and Finn had practiced, ad nauseam, the song _Downside Up_ which was also by Peter Gabriel, one of the artists covered by Dalton Academy. What she didn't understand, however, was what had possibly possessed the Warblers to cover that _**specific**_ song? It wasn't one of Peter Gabriel's definitive hits, which was the entire reason she and Finn had chosen it to begin with. Really, didn't the man have enough _**other **_songs to cover that would suit an all male show choir much more effectively? If she and Finn went out and sang the same song, they'd put their audience to sleep and seem to be copying their competition. The fear of failure was shooting through Rachel like a spike being driven through her heart. It was their sophomore year and very first Sectionals competition all over again.

At least Finn was here for the entire show this time and not waltzing in at the last minute.

"Rach, you gotta relax, babe." Finn told her, coming to his feet and stilling her pacing with firm but gentle hands on her shoulders. He looked down into her eyes. "We'll choose one of the other songs, alright? I mean, we've done dozens of duets. We could do _No Air, _or the _Borderline/Open Your Heart_mash-up. They're both show worthy."

"Finn, show worthy and competitionworthy are two _**totally**_ different things." She clenched her fists in frustration, trying to express the seriousness of the issue to her recently re-claimed boyfriend. She internally smiled at the thought, but then the fear and dread of the problem at hand returned full force.

"We can work out something, I'm sure." Finn smiled before kissing her on the forehead. "Besides, we've got the other songs...even if our duet is a bit below par for the judges, the others won't be."

"Actually, there's another solution to your dilemma." Kurt called out, causing Rachel to jump a bit as he approached the two of them from behind. How the hell had he managed to sneak up on her? "And it would be a new duet for _**both**_ of you."

Rachel raised her eyebrows at her best friend, even as she saw Finn give Kurt a warning look and a slight shake of his head. "It's not ready, yet."

"You performed it perfectly well last night when we practiced, Finn."

"That was _**practice**_. And yeah, I sang it perfectly last night, but that was the only time. I need to be able to do it consistently."

"Not ready? What's not ready?" Rachel asked, glancing between the two step-brothers. "What did you practice last night? Was this at your home?"

Kurt smirked a bit before crossing his arms while Finn's eyes got a bit wider and he blew out a noisy breath and ran a hand through his hair. The smaller of the two brothers turned to regard her. "Finn's been working on a duet piece he wanted to do with you next week after the competition. It was meant as a surprise." He glanced sidelong at his brother. "Given the circumstances, however, I think we should up our performance schedule. It's the perfect song, and it hasn't been touched by _**any**_ of the show choirs in the years we've been competing."

Finn guffawed at him. "There's a reason for that, Kurt. It's a bitch of a song to do."

"Not for Rachel. She's been singing it since she was in elementary. And you've been practicing for weeks. Besides, Broadway hasn't been covered by anyone tonight."

Rachel turned to Finn and regarded him with questioning eyes. He's been working on a duet for her? A _**Broadway **_duet? A song she's been singing since elementary school? She could already feel her blood starting to race a little faster and her love grow a bit more for this tall boy in front of her. He was really so thoughtful that he was preparing to do a duet with her for glee club? She didn't know if it was possible for someone's heart to actually burst, but that seemed to be what she was feeling at that moment. "You were preparing a song just for me?" She asked with a shy voice and a beam of a smile.

Finn glared at Kurt before sighing and turning to her. "Yeah. I mean, I wanted something special for you. It was supposed to be an early Hanukah present, but-"

"But desperate times call for desperate measures." Kurt finished for him, causing Finn to roll his eyes, even as Rachel giggled a bit at her boyfriend's reaction. "The band already has the sheet music and has been practicing for the last week."

"So they say." Finn replied sourly, even as he returned Rachel's hand squeeze when she laced their fingers together.

"Have some faith, Finnegan." Kurt clapped his hands and turned to address their teacher. "Mr. Schue? Everyone? There's been a slight change of plans for Finn and Rachel's duet. We'll be doing a different song from what we rehearsed." Kurt waded into the middle of the group to explain the change in numbers and why.

Rachel suddenly turned to Finn, her eyes shooting up to his. "What...what song are we doing, exactly?"

**XXXXX**

The lights on the stage and in the theatre went out, allowing Finn and Rachel to take the stage unseen and assume their positions. Finn's heart was beating a mile a minute right now from utter panic. He hadn't planned on performing this song here, in front of a thousand plus people, trying to win a competition with it. It was just supposed to be a little Glee Club choir room duet, a gift to his girlfriend for the upcoming holiday to show his love and the lengths he'd go to in supporting her dreams. It wasn't supposed to be a public confession thrown out there for judges to determine the club's fate.

For her part, Rachel seemed perfectly content and composed beside him. He had absolutely no idea how she could be such an intense perfectionist obsessing about everything in life off the stage but remain cool, calm and collected once she stepped onto it. Really, shouldn't it be the opposite? She'd told him once it was because of her lessons and training, that she was secure in the knowledge that once she stepped on stage, the audience was _**hers **_and no one else's.

Whatever. It gave him some small measure of hope they could pull this off.

Rachel squeezed his hand as they quickly lay down on the stage beside each other. "Ready?" She asked quietly, her hand creeping into his as they settled beside each other.

"I hope so." Finn responded with equal volume, swallowing and trying not to think too much about the upcoming performance. "How do we do this when we haven't practiced?"

She leaned in closer and whispered so softly only he could hear her. "Just be honest. More than anything, the audience will pick that up." Rachel turned to face the audience, pressing her back against Finn's torso as he lay on his side facing the same way. Her left hand came overtop and squeezed his thigh. "Break a leg!"

He leaned in and whispered quietly in her ear. "I love you."

Rachel smirked and dropped her head on his arm, getting ready for the song, and Finn wrapped his left arm around her waist. He wasn't sure if starting like this was a good idea, really. After all, at Nationals they sang their hearts out on a duet and the judges' comments indicated they were 'too honest', destroying their chances of placing in the finals. Here and now, they were starting a duet as though they had just engaged in…physical relations and...well, okay, they weren't exactly _**undressed**_ or anything, but with his shirt unbuttoned half-way and her changing into a light, airy summer dress that left nothing to the imagination, the innuendo of their suggested activities was pretty obvious, at least in his mind.

The haunting music started, and a moment later the lights came onstage. Finn kept his eyes closed but heard a slight murmur in the audience, as though they were surprised at how the number started. Soon, however, Rachel had sat up and began humming along with the intro, gently crawling over his still prone form, turning to face the audience, and then running her hand down his arm. In perfect time, she began to sing with those powerful vocals.

_Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight;  
>I need help believing, you're with me tonight.<br>My wildest dreamings could not foresee,  
>Lying beside you, with you wanting me. <em>

_Just for this moment, as long as you're mine.  
>I've lost all resistance, and crossed some borderline.<br>And if it turns out, it's over too fast,  
>I'll make every last moment last.<br>As long as you're mine.*_

Finn swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to remember the breathing he and Kurt had practiced. He sat up as though pretending to wake up and see his lover leaning over him, and quickly righted himself so he was sitting opposite and facing Rachel. He gripped her left hand in his right and brought up his own left hand to cup her cheek. It dawned on him suddenly that he didn't _**need **_to act. This was a love song, and he was already hopelessly in love with this beautiful woman in front of him. All he needed to do was tell her that in song. She smiled encouragingly with trusting eyes as he began his verse.

_Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise,  
>But you've got me seeing, through different eyes.<br>Somehow I've fallen under your spell,  
>And somehow I'm feeling, it's up that I fell.*<em>

Their voices melded together and their gazes never faltered as they both came to their feet to join each other for the chorus.

_Every moment, as long as you're mine.  
>I'll wake up my body, and make up for lost time.<br>Say there's no future for us as a pair,  
>And though I may know, I don't care.*<em>

Rachel shifted so she fully faced the audience, and Finn stepped behind her, one arm going around her waist and cradling her against his taller frame as her arm came up to put her hand on the back of his head. He let his left hand supported her raised elbow while her own right hand clasped his, entwining their fingers again. It was simple choreography put together at the last minute, but it felt so truthful and honest that Finn he couldn't imagine anything being more natural for this song.

_Just for this moment, as long as you're mine,  
>Come be how you want to, and see how bright we shine.<br>Borrow the moonlight, until it is through  
>And know, I'll be here, holding you!<em>

_As long as you're mine!*_

They ended their joint note perfectly in time, and Rachel pretended to look down and away from him. He stepped closer and lifted her chin to look at him in the eye.

_What is it?*_

She smiled and the hand closest to the audience came up to rest on his chest.

_It's just...for the first time, I feel...*_

Rachel gripped the lapel of his shirt and pulled him down until he was only a fraction of an inch from face. She grinned mischievously and stage whispered to him the final line, even if there was no mistaking the devilish look in her eyes.

_Wicked!*_

The song ended and the stage lights cut out, enshrouding them in darkness. There was half-second of silence and Finn feared that perhaps they had just blown the whole show for this impromptu duet. But his fears were quickly alleviated when a burst of cheering and applause suddenly sounded throughout the theatre, more raucous and louder than any of the cheering had been for either of the performances they had seen so far. Rachel grinned against his chest as he hugged her quickly, and then they turned and proceeded offstage so that Tina and Santana could take over and perform their number with the rest of the group backing them. Because of the change in duet, both Finn and Rachel had to quickly get back into the right wardrobe for the closing original song. Rachel pulled a section of curtain around herself to change in privacy, while Finn simply re-buttoned his plain black shirt and pulled on the white tie and jacket combination the other guys sported. As he scrambled to dress, Mr. Schuester came up to him with a huge smile.

"Finn, that was _**incredible**_. You two completely won them over." He held out his hand and formally shook Finn's, a look of sheer and utter pride in his eyes. "That was the best duet I've ever seen in a high school performance, Finn. It's obvious you've practiced _**a lot**_, especially to keep up with Rachel the way you did on a Broadway number like that."

Finn shrugged a bit before grinning bashfully. "You'll have to thank Kurt, too. He's the one who encouraged me and said I could actually hit those notes. If he hadn't pushed me, well, we wouldn't have had that song as a backup."

Just then, the change curtain was pushed back to reveal Rachel, already having pulled on the girl's uniform costume, come running from the back area into Mr. Schuester's open arms and the two exchanged a big hug. Mr. Schuester smiled again as he stepped back and put his hand paternally on her shoulder. "It's obvious you're a natural, Broadway talent, Rachel. I've no doubt you'll make it up there. Hell, if there are any agents in the audience, I might even lose you before Regionals."

Although Finn didn't doubt that any agent representing Broadway talent would jump at the chance to add Rachel Berry to their list, Rachel merely laughed at the compliment. "Thank you, Mr. Schuester. I wish it were so easy to make it on Broadway as to simply impress an agent, but I think I'll have to pay a few dues before anyone looks at me seriously."

Mr. Schuester shrugged a bit. "Maybe, but if anyone will be an overnight success, it'll be you. I've no doubt about it, Rachel." He nodded to both of them and then proceeded back to his original place just in the wings of the curtain, giving them both a 'thumbs-up' before resuming his watching of the ABBA performance.

Rachel turned to Finn and grabbed his hand in hers, looking up into his eyes with more warmth, affection and love than Finn had ever previously remembered. She squeezed his hands hard as she spoke. "That was incredible, Finn. I…I think that might have even been better than _Faithfully_." She swallowed a little before stepping closer to him and asking a question in his ear. "Were you singing in the character to my character, or as yourself to me?"

In response, Finn returned her hand squeezes and kissed her softly before moving over to her ear and whispering his own words. "I've never been as good an actor as you, Rach."

She smiled instantly and her cheeks blushed rosily, but she kissed him quickly on the lips and then pulled him into the wings. "Come on. New Directions will need us for the final number, and we can't let the team down like we did at Nationals."

Shaking his head at her complete and total dedication to the performance (as was always the case with her) he let himself be dragged over. "Of course. Wouldn't dream of it."

**XXXXX**

They took first place at Sectionals by twelve points over the Dalton Academy Warblers.

Upon announcing the winners, Rachel had run up to the presenter and grabbed the trophy, holding it aloft for the audience to see.

Then, just as quickly as she grabbed it, she shoved it into Mercedes' hands and grabbed Finn's face, passionately kissing him for the entire world to see. She didn't even care what anyone else thought about it.

He was hers again, and this night, that was what mattered most to her.

Though winning Sectionals was a definite plus.

* * *

><p><strong>*Lyrics are from '<em>As Long as You're Mine', <em>written by Stephen Schwartz and first recorded by Idina Menzel and Norbert Leo Butz on** "_**Wicked: Original Broadway Cast Recording**_."

**Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) **


	23. Plus One

**A/N - Okay, we're into the final stretch. Again, thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited and subscribed to this story as I appreciate every email I get in regards to it. Thanks to _JannP, tjcrowfoot_ and _tiltingaxis_ for all their advice and encouragement during this process and thanks to the Glee triumverate for creating these wonderful characters in the first place (even if I don't always agree with how they've been handled). Please enjoy. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>Rachel hummed quietly to herself as she printed off the photograph sent to her by Mercedes of their win on stage from Sectionals. It was a good photo of the group, who had gathered around only minutes after their win to crowd the trophy and give a 'thumbs-up' or 'number one' finger to the camera. True, it wasn't as impressive as their Regionals win the year before, but they had only won that competition once, whereas at Sectionals this was now three successive victories. It was a landmark win for the group, and the first time in history McKinley High had won the Sectionals portion three years in a row.<p>

But something much more significant happened that night.

She and Finn had finally, _**finally **_reunited. Her soul seemed to rejoice at the mere thought of Finn now leaning down to ensnare her lips with his whenever the urge struck him, or her reaching up for one of her own whenever she needed to feel his lips against hers. They had wasted little time getting to their first make-out session, it having been merely the Sunday after the competition. It didn't involve anything under the clothes (well, not in _**private **_areas, at least) but she knew that would happen soon. They were too attracted to each other for that to not occur at all, and unlike their first time together (okay, first time _**really **_together) she didn't plan on resisting anything that she was comfortable with simply for the sake of propriety. If she was comfortable letting Finn do certain things, and vice versa, then why shouldn't they? It was an expression of love and caring and trust, and there was no one she'd rather reveal herself to physically than Finn.

"Looking good , good lookin'."

Startled, Rachel turned quickly to see Finn standing in her room's doorway, leaning against it like he always did until she invited him into the room. She chuckled a bit at thinking that she'd let Finn into her room no matter what, but he was always insistent that she invite him in before he barge into her private space. Leaping up from her chair, she bounded across the room and pulled him down by his shirt's lapels to give him a searing kiss in greeting, letting his tongue into her mouth before lightly nipping at his bottom lip and then pulling away. "Hi! I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday." Finn grinned, still holding her with his arms around her waist.

"Not after school, I didn't."

He shrugged. "Guard meeting. It's not something I can call in sick for unless, you know, I actually _**am **_sick."

Rachel walked her fingers up his chest until they traced his jaw and then secured themselves at the back of his head. "Oh, I don't know. I think I could have passed _**something **_onto you." She smiled as her hand tickled the small hairs on the back of his neck, causing him to hunch over a bit. Taking advantage of his bent posture, she gripped his earlobe with her teeth and sucked lightly, internally cheering at the slight groan of longing which came from his throat. "Like that, baby?" She purred, moving over to his neck and sucking gently.

In response, his right hand travelled straight down her back until it rested on her buttocks and squeezed, causing Rachel to moan a bit and focus on the feel of his large, warm hands on her body. He pulled her in more tightly against him, and her eyes went wide at already feeling the bulge in his pants against her stomach and upper waist. She met his eyes, which were dark and clouded with lust.

"That was fast." She remarked with a smirk.

"It's been a while." Finn smiled in response, not ashamed or embarrassed in the slightest that he was sexually aroused by his girlfriend and grinding his hips into her suggestively. Again, that newfound confidence and assuredness shone through Finn's actions and Rachel wholeheartedly approved. Whether it was at school, around town, at her house or his house, he didn't hesitate in holding her hand, wrapping her up in his arms for a kiss, pulling her onto his lap to cuddle, or in this instance, display to her his desire. No matter where they were, he seemed proud and eager to show everyone and anyone that there were together. It was decidedly different from the year before, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

Surprising her slightly, he pulled away after another heated kiss and clasped her hands in his. "I need to ask you something, though."

"Of course." She said, squeezing his hands encouragingly. "Anything."

"Can I bring you to dinner as my plus one?"

"Plus one?" Rachel asked with a slight chuckle. She was familiar with the wedding or party term on formal invitations, but usually people substituted it for 'guest' when speaking. Leave it to Finn to keep using the term he'd read on whatever invitation he was given. "I'll always be your plus one for as long as you want, Finn. You know that."

They kissed again and then Rachel pulled away a bit to regard him. "Wait. What's this for? A wedding? An anniversary? Your mom and Burt's anniversary was six weeks ago and they went out of town you said."

Finn smirked and stood straight for a moment before leaning against her wall. "No, this I was just reminded of last night. I'd forgotten before and at the time we weren't, you know..." He massaged the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed, messing up his hair a bit and making Rachel grin at the second little _'Finnism'_ that _**hadn't **_changed since they were last together romantically. "Every Christmas, apparently, there's a formal mess dinner for the National Guard regiment here in Lima. It's in less than two weeks and we're allowed to bring someone to the dinner with us. So...so I thought...that is, I was hoping that-"

"That I'd go with you?"

"Yeah...if you'd like to, that is." He bit his cheek before continuing. "I mean, it's formal in that we have to wear our dress uniform, and the guest would have to wear something, you know, nice. It's not, like, Prom formal with ball gowns and tuxes, but it should be something better than just around school or-"

Rachel beamed at him. She was being invited to a formal dinner for which she and Finn had to dress up to attend, celebrating the Christmas holiday (no big deal for her other than the fact it was a _**huge **_deal to Finn) with fine dining and maybe dancing?

This was one of those 'no-brainer-scenarios' her Dads had mentioned to her before, wasn't it?

"I'd love to!" Rachel squealed and interrupted him excitedly as she hopped up onto Finn. She quickly wrapped her legs around his torso, causing him to almost fall off balance, though he recovered quickly, grunting and taking a step back as her weight rested on his hands. She kissed him deeply, her tongue flickering in and out of his mouth, and she moved her hips slightly against the still prominent bulge in his pants. She grinned impishly as he groaned into her mouth and stumbled over to her bed, the two of them collapsing on it but not breaking their heated kiss. Just as things were taking a turn with Finn's lips tracing down her jaw to latch onto her pulse point, she suddenly realized something.

"Finn!" She bolted upright, this time an audible protest coming from his lips. "I need to pick a dress!"

Her boyfriend sighed as he reluctantly let her up from the bed so she could search through her closet (her rather large and impressively stocked closet, she might add) and she quickly started going through the various formal wear dresses she had acquired over the last three years to see if any were appropriate. There was the blue and white polka-dot dress she had from the year before, which was nice but hardly enough for a 'formal' dinner. There was the red dress she wore to Carole and Burt's wedding, but she dismissed that dress as she wore it to the _**last **_formal event she and Finn attended together, and look how things turned out a couple weeks later; bad luck all around, and that's all there was to it. There was the green dress she wore to her own party she hosted at Puck's insistence, but upon looking at it again, knew it wasn't appropriate or acceptable for any event where she would be meeting complete strangers.

She turned to Finn in a panic. "I have nothing to wear!"

Finn looked at her with wide eyes then glanced at the large and impressively stocked closet she was standing beside, almost overflowing with clothes. "You're joking, right?"

"No!"

"Rach, your closet is practically bursting with clothes and you have two dressers full of more! You mean to tell me in all of that you have no formal dress you can wear?"

"Nothing that's appropriate." Rachel pouted a bit, though she did look through one more time. After confirming that everything else was either casual wear or simply not up to her standards, she turned back to her boyfriend. "You know what this means?"

"That you'll have to go in lingerie?" Finn asked in a hopeful tone.

"Ha! No, it means we have to go shopping!" Rachel grabbed her purse and pulled out her wallet to see how much money she had, while Finn turned on the bed and groaned in frustration, his hands coming over his face. Rachel ignored the juvenile antic from her boyfriend. After all, he was a boy, and as much as she loved him, she would never claim he could possibly understand a woman's needs regarding clothing and fashion. "I think I have enough for a nice, formal, but not too fancy dress. What colour should it be?"

"What?" Finn asked in confusion, looking up at her from his prone position on her bed. "What does that matter?"

"It matters if we want to be colour coordinated, Finn!" She quickly explained. "What's the main colour of your dress uniform?"

"Uh...blue."

"Alright, so that opens up the entire spectrum of reds, maybe yellows, silvers, possibly purples depending on the shade, or even other blues as long as it's complimentary to your uniform and not exactly the same colour. It can't be brown, unless it's beige, but beige doesn't really like me, and blacks and greens are probably out. Now, do you know for how long this dinner is? Will I need a clutch? What about dancing? Can I wear heels or would flats be better? And should I have my hair up or down?"

She noticed Finn staring long and hard at her before sighing and grabbing his phone, keying in a couple of buttons. Suddenly the speaker on the phone sounded off with Kurt's voice. "Finn? To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"Yeah, can you meet us at the mall in about thirty? Rachel needs a fashion consultant and I don't think I'm not cut out for the job or-."

"You most certainly aren't!" Kurt agreed quickly, interrupting him. "You constantly insist her animal print sweaters and knee high socks make her look amazing."

"Hey!" Rachel piped up in protest, then turned and smiled at Finn. "Really? You like them?"

Finn gave her a goofy grin, but Kurt's voice on the other end of the speaker phone made a derisive sound and Rachel could mentally picture him rolling his eyes while making it. "Finn would be enamoured with you wearing a roll of linoleum, Rachel. Do not, under any circumstances, trust anything Mr. Stripes-A-Lot says regarding your wardrobe. Now, what is the occasion for which my services will be rendered?"

"Finn asked me to his formal military Christmas dinner. Christmas mess, was it?" Rachel asked again as Finn nodded.

"I'm sure it _**will **_be a mess after they see how Finn devours his holiday meals." Kurt bit out sarcastically. "Is there a budget expenditure I should be aware of?"

Rachel thought about it. "I can probably go to two hundred, but anymore and I won't have enough money for Hanukah and Christmas gifts."

"Hmmm, two might be workable. We'll see what we can do to stretch it. I'll see you outside of _**Laura's**_ in the petite section in thirty. And no, Finn, this does not give you leave to drop Rachel off and run over to the comic book store. This is your function, so your approval will be needed before we make a final purchase. Capiche? Good. Now, get moving." With that, the phone went dead and Finn sighed, hanging his head in defeat.

Rachel grinned and walked over to him, lifting his chin with her forefinger so that his eyes met hers. "You do realize the mall is only a ten minute drive from here, right? If it takes us five minutes to get ready to go, that leaves us fifteen minutes to do...**_other _**things." Her arms snaked around his neck and she leaned over to kiss him again on his upturned lips.

"Other things are fun!" Finn agreed, kissing her softly before picking her up quickly and rolling on top of her on the bed, attacking her neck as she squealed with laughter at his playfulness.

**XXXXX**

"So you _**still **_haven't told her what happened, and you _**still **_haven't given her your letter?" Kurt deadpanned as though he was expecting Finn to tell him exactly that. The two were standing beside the racks of formal dresses in the second store they visited that day, looking for more garments for Rachel to try while she was busy with three already selected. That was to say, Kurt was looking for garments for Rachel while Finn stood beside him, sipping his milkshake. Like, really, what the hell did _**he **_know about women's clothing other than where to look to remove it?

"I'm assuming you're waiting for some significant celestial event to first occur, like the sun going supernova or the moon crashing into the Pacific." Kurt interrupted his thoughts, pulling free a blue and white dress which Finn assumed he wanted Rachel to try.

Finn rolled his eyes at his brother's sarcasm. "I just don't see a point anymore in revealing all of that stuff." He sipped a bit more on his milkshake before shrugging. "Rachel and I are together now, again, so why even discuss it? Kind of a waste, don't you think?"

"If you two were smiling, plastic Mattel toys instead of living, breathing people I might agree that such a shallow relationship can work. But considering the depths of your mutual feelings let me be clear by saying that this issue will not go away, Finn. She'll find out sooner or later, and I think you'd rather it come from you than someone else. What if one of your friends in the Guard lets it slip during your mess dinner? "

Finn shook his head. "They won't. They know it's not something I advertise or broadcast to everyone." He sipped again at his milkshake.

"And what about when you two have sex?"

If the quarterback didn't think something could make him immediately choke, having his step-brother bring up his and Rachel's sex life proved otherwise. Finn coughed a couple times and wiped away a few drops from his mouth with the back of his hand. "Jesus, Kurt, could you maybe say that a little louder? I don't think they heard you across town."

"It's a fair question, Finn. Though I detest the mental image of heterosexual lovemaking, sooner or later her hands and mouth are going to work themselves under your shirt and then she'll see everything for herself. Or were you planning to use latex and makeup to hide it all?"

The taller boy sighed, but played with his straw a bit, trying to decide on an answer. "It...we just got back together, man. It's not gonna be an issue anytime soon, I don't think."

"Famous last words." Kurt replied with a quirked eyebrow to show he truly didn't believe Finn's argument. "You might think it'll take a long time, but I somehow doubt it. You two have been all but spraying scents on each other lately. "

"Nice image. Thanks for that, Bro."

"I'm trying to help, Finn." Kurt said pointedly as he pulled free another dress and then turned to his step-brother. "As the sole person who's heard _**both **_sides of your relationship woes, I can honestly tell you that further deceits between you two will do nothing but cause pain and heartache. Relationships are about trust, Finn. You finally have a relationship with Rachel again, and now it's time to trust her with everything regarding your summer."

Finn sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. "I know. I know I need to tell her, I just...I just don't know how, you know?" He blew out another breath. "It's not like football or glee club where I can talk with other people who've gone through the same thing."

Kurt's eyes softened a bit, and he nodded. "I can understand that part of it, Finn, and I'm always willing to listen if you need to talk, even if I can't understand exactly what you went through." He motioned with his head to the change rooms. "And you need to make sure Rachel can be there for you too. Which means telling her the truth, right?"

"Truth about what?" Rachel asked as she came around the corner in her dress. Finn and Kurt both looked at her standing there in a strapless silky royal blue dress with a curving, black embroidered pattern on it. The shimmery fabric cascaded down the dress in a flowing wave, giving the illusion that Rachel was taller than she was, and it hugged and accented each gentle curve of her body, proving to everyone just what type of figure she had underneath her clothes.

In a word, the dress was breathtaking. And Finn continued to stare open mouthed at it.

He didn't notice her noticing his stupefied look, nor did he notice her deep crimson blush and eyes which dropped to the floor in slight embarrassment. "Aren't...aren't you going to tell me how I look?"

Finn was speechless. If he'd though she looked good in the smooth red dress she'd worn to his Mom's wedding, he now knew she looked even better in the formal dress which came down past her knees. He continued to simply gawk at her beauty, completely speechless.

Kurt suddenly held up a measuring tape against his lips, causing Finn to jerk his head back in annoyance. "Kurt, what the fu-"

"And with an open mouthed expression measuring two inches on the Kurt Fashion Approval scale, I conclude we have indeed impressed the judges. Rachel, you may step out of that lovely attire and purchase it. I'll take care of the alterations at home."

"You look gorgeous, Rach. Like, totally beautiful." Finn finally managed to say something.

She smiled genuinely at him and gripped his hand in hers quickly. "So, you approve?"

"Completely." Finn grinned back at her.

Rachel nodded and then turned back into the change room, closing the door and beginning to undress. Finn watched with wide, lustful eyes, feeling his pulse race and heart hammering in his chest. The images of Rachel in that dress definitely had him thinking naughty thoughts about peeling her out of it and-

"Finn!" Kurt's fingers suddenly snapped in front of his eyes, pulling him out of his daydream. "Go grab a mop; you're leaving a drool puddle on the floor."

"Whatever!" Finn bit back, annoyed, but turning his gaze away from the change room Rachel had disappeared into. "Not like you don't stare after Blaine the same way."

Kurt smirked a little. "If you think she looked good in the dress as it is, just wait until I get through with the alterations."

**XXXXX**

Shimmery skin powder sprinkled over her chest and cleavage? Check.

Makeup properly applied to enhance each facial feature and make her look like a 1960's starlet? Check.

Brown hair perfectly coifed on top of her head with three ringlet curls dangling enticingly down around her neck to drive Finn crazy? Check.

Finn's favourite perfume strategically applied in various intimate places that he'd notice when they danced together? Check.

New lacy underwear and matching bra to further drive Finn crazy should (when) they got to their after dinner extra-curricular activities? Check.

Polished gold _**'Finn' **_necklace secure around her neck and over her heart? Check.

New, sensible black pumps which would be comfortable enough to wear all evening and even dance in? Check.

Yes, Rachel was sure she had all the extras worked out as she gazed at herself in the full length hallway mirror, her new dress secure around her and everything in place. She was guaranteed to completely and totally dazzle Finn by her appearance and make him forget his own name. One look at her, in all her glory for this dinner, and she was sure his eye wouldn't ever be wandering over to anything or anyone else.

Especially '_**The Thing'**_.

Candi Wayfor had no idea what was about to hit her. The poor girl had seriously underestimated Rachel and her ability to wrap Finn Hudson around her little finger. Yes, Candi was correct in saying she and Finn had baggage; in fact, they still needed to work out and talk about most of the issues that had split them apart the year before. But it had been two weeks, and nothing seemed like it would slow them down as both of them were communicating so much better this go around. She could feel it in her core that both of them wanted this to work, no matter what that entailed. Rachel was confident in their renewed relationship.

And what better way to show her beloved just how happy she was then by looking her absolute best for his dinner? She glanced in the mirror again, turning back the other way.

Oh yeah, he was so going to be putty in her hands, followed immediately by being rock hard in her hands if _**she**_ had any say about it.

_**DING DONG! **_

The doorbell rang and Rachel moved over to her desk, gathering the essentials out of her purse to put into her clutch that she'd be bringing that evening and listening carefully as her Dad (Leroy) opened the door to allow Finn inside. She could hear the two of them talking but wasn't really paying attention to the words, so she slipped her shawl/scarf over her shoulders and then proceeded out of her room to go downstairs. It was perfect in that the top of the stairs was directly in line and plainly visible from the foyer of their home, so Finn would watch her descend in all her elegant glory, his eyes fixed on her the entire time. _Be ready to eat your heart out, Finny! _She thought to herself as she came into his view. Her eyes settled on her boyfriend in the foyer and-

_**Oh! **_

_**My! **_

_**GOD! **_

Rachel could literally feel the breath escape her lungs as she deeply drank in the sight of Finn in his full dress uniform. The blue jacket perfectly fit against his broad shoulders, tapering a bit at his waist and clearly defining his masculine torso. His shirt underneath was buttoned properly all the way up with the tie secure around his neck in a Full-Windsor knot. Underneath his left arm he held his cap, and she noticed the silver and gold accoutrements displayed all along the epaulets and the breasts of his uniform jacket. Each ribbon, button and accessory was polished to a shine. His pants were perfectly hemmed underneath where his longs legs ended in sharply polished dress shoes. Finn's hair had obviously just been cut, the sides so short they almost looked shaved, but he still had an inch or so of hair on the top of his head that suggested his previous hairstyle.

What she noticed more than the individual details of the uniform, however, was the pride, confidence and sheer masculinity the outfit gave Finn as he stood there gazing at her with affectionate eyes. Instantly, Rachel felt heart palpitations in her chest and a slightly dizzy, swooning feeling overcome her mind as all the moisture seemed to escape her mouth. The sudden heat and burn between her legs was all too noticeable and she bit her lip a bit too hard to try and distract her thoughts away from the very sexual things entering her mind.

"Hey, Rach." Finn smiled as he leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. Wait, when had she gotten close enough for him to just lean down and kiss her? Was she downstairs already? "You're breathtaking." He whispered in her ear.

"I'm...uh...I'm...I mean...thank you and...um..."

"Do I look okay?" Finn frowned suddenly, glancing down at his uniform. "I didn't get some dirt on this somewhere, did I?"

"Uh...no...you just..." Rachel took a deep breath and put her hand over her heart without even realizing it, glancing to her Dad just in time to see him roll his eyes a bit, even if he smirked while doing so.

_Get a grip, Rachel! You're acting like that freshman girl who's just seen the 'famous' Finn Hudson in the hallway for the first time and couldn't believe he was actually _**better**_ looking than described. He's yours now, so act like a grown woman and not a smitten, overdramatic pre-teen fan-girl. _

Oh, but she wanted to be Finn's fan-girl right now, that much was sure. She'd never understood what women meant when they said they loved a man in uniform, but she was pretty damn sure she _**completely **_understood now.

"You...you look amazing, Finn. That uniform just..." Rachel beamed at him and took a step towards him as he returned her smile. "I'm floored. You...uh...wow! You look so handsome!"

Finn flashed his lopsided grin at her. "Awesome. Glad you approve."

_Oh, I approve all right. Just wait until after dinner and I'll show you _**how much**_ I approve. _

"Do you have everything, Sweetie?" Leroy asked, clearing his throat and interrupting the longing gazes being shared between her and Finn. Rachel was startled out of her thoughts and turned towards her Dad. "Remember, your father and I are away tonight and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon." He turned back towards Finn. "Her stuff should all be in those two bags, Finn. Thank your Mom for us again for letting Rachel stay in your guest bedroom."

Her boyfriend nodded and walked over, easily picking up the two pieces of luggage. "No problem, Mr. Berry. I'll go put them in the truck." He turned back to Rachel and grinned disarmingly at her again. "Burt just got me a second hand truck topper for the bed of the pick-up. Your stuff will be safe in there until we get back to my place." He nodded at them both and proceeded outside to put Rachel's luggage away.

Rachel felt herself nod absently as she watched Finn retreat back to the driveway, her eyes drawn down his tall form from shoulders to waist to that perfectly formed-

"Done staring, Honey?" Leroy asked with amusement, again startling her out of her daydream.

"I – I wasn't _**staring!" **_

"Of course not. Sorry. Are you done _**leering **_yet?" Leroy's voice was completely serious even as eyes twinkled in amusement.

Rachel frowned and put her hands on her hips. "I was merely appreciating how he looked in his dress uniform. I've never seen him in it before."

Leroy nodded even as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. "Just wipe your chin before he notices, okay? It would be a shame to ruin that lovely new dress of yours." He looked at her seriously. "And by the way, Ray, I'm serious in that you had better be staying in their _**guest **_bedroom, because trust me, Burt is the first person who'll be telling me if there's any funny business going on. Understood?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically before forcing a chuckle. "Of course I understand. I've stayed there before. Finn's a perfect gentleman and he would never go against yours or his parents' rules." _Not that he'd admit to either set of parents at least._ Rachel quickly amended in her mind as she tip-toed up and kissed her father on the cheek. "You've nothing to worry about. Finn always stays in his room and I always stay in mine when it's time for bed."

Her dad nodded again just as Finn got back to the door and then handed the teenage boy Rachel's coat. "You two have fun at your National Guard function, Finn. And be sure to take some pictures so we can see when we get back.

Finn nodded as he helped Rachel into her coat, holding it open for her. "Of course, Mr. Berry." He grinned at her dad once more before turning and offering her his arm by the elbow. "Ready, Rach?"

Rachel bit back a squeal at the formality of it all. Both of them dressed well, formal mannerisms from Finn like helping her with her coat and extending his arm for her, and a nice meal to celebrate the holiday season. She smiled genuinely as she thought about how this could be a second chance to re-do their formal date in New York, only with much different intentions and results. "Lead the way."

**XXXXX**

The drive over to the National Guard office wasn't long, and the small parking lot was already full. Finn opted to simply park at Burt's garage and then held his arm out again for Rachel to take after opening her door. She smiled at him as he helped her down from the truck and proceeded with him on the short walk across the street, letting him lead slightly as she squeezed his arm. "So, just so I'm clear, your best friends this summer were Jordan, Hector, Travis and ...Candi, right?"

Finn smiled a bit. "Well, Candi kinda came in later. It was just me, Graham, Marquez and Omeasoo for the first half of the summer."

_Hmmm, interesting. So, if Finn _**did **_have a summer fling with Candi, it was only for a few weeks and not a couple of months. Good to know_. Rachel nodded in understanding as they strolled towards the front entrance of the recruitment centre. She wanted to ask more about the tall brunette to gage how intimate she and Finn really were over the summer, but decided against it. Besides, if there _**was **_something between them, it was obviously in the past now. Finn was with her and had asked her to accompany him to the dinner, and that spoke volumes to her about who he'd prefer to be with. She decided to veer the conversation into safer waters. "So, you and your friends all call each other by your last names?"

Her boyfriend laughed a bit and shrugged. "Well, it's about half and half now. None of us knew each other at the beginning of training, and our Sergeant always referred to us by our last names, so we all kinda started doing that too. It was just easier and faster to use the names we were all used to. But Omeasoo...uh, I mean _**Travis**_, started insisting we all use first names more often because that's who we _**really **_are, and real friends should know each other as themselves." Finn made a slight face of confusion. "I dunno. He kinda mixed it in with some Native life lesson. He's good at giving those when you don't ask for it. He's started taking Social Work at Lima Technical College."

Rachel smiled a bit, recalling her own solitary meeting with Travis and how it kind of felt like he was trying to tell her something significant about Finn without revealing things himself. She rather imagined him to be philosophical in exactly the way Finn described. "Right. So, he's the philosopher of the group. And Jordan?"

"He's the banker, studying Financial Planning through Lima's OSU campus. He's also a pool shark, so don't play him unless you feel like losing money really quick. Apparently that's how he paid for all his partying his first year of college."

Rachel made a slight face at that. She enjoyed playing with Finn now and then at the bowling alley when they took their break from their usual four frames of bowling, but it was more because he always showed her how to hold the cue and helped her line up shots and...okay, she enjoyed him just being near and touching her while showing her the game. Was that so wrong?

"Got it." Rachel nodded in confirmation. "And Hector does the cooking?"

Her boyfriend guffawed. "Yeah, Marquez can cook a _**mean **_fajita. Seriously, he did almost all the cooking on our camping trip that first weekend back at school, and everything tasted awesome. Like, straight from a restaurant kind of awesome. He's studying culling arts."

She looked up and smiled. "Close, Finn. I think you mean culinary arts."

Finn frowned a bit and paused before turning to her, stopping before the doors of the National Guard office. "Is culling a word, at least?"

"Yes, it's a synonym for 'picking' or 'choosing'."

He nodded as he thought about that for a moment, then leaned in and hugged her while simultaneously whispering in her ear, and she could feel him smiling against her earlobe. "I'm really glad you culled me to be yours again, Rachel."

Rachel couldn't help it. She laughed outright at his awkward use of the word, then turned her head up and kissed him softly on the lips. "Thanks for culling me, too, Finn."

**XXXXX**

They proceeded inside the armoury and Rachel's eyes grew wide to discover that it was much larger than it appeared from the street. Although the entrance didn't look like much, on the far side of the office was a large set of stairs descending into much larger areas and rooms. As she still held Finn's arm formally, linking their elbows, she went wide eyed to see several classrooms pass by them in the hallways, as well as some kind of massive computer room with two other members of the National Guard manning the controls, both in combat uniforms. Finn stopped briefly at the room, smiling a bit. "Corporal Antho? You're not joining us tonight?"

A short man on the right hand side turned around and smiled. "Heya, Target. How's it going?"

The two men shook hands, and Rachel's eyebrow went up in surprise at the odd nickname. Did this corporal just call Finn '_Target'_?

"No, I don't get the luxury of joining you tonight, I'm afraid." Antho made a face and shrugged. "Someone has to keep an eye on the systems and I happened to draw the short straw. Does mean I get out of wearing the itchy dress uniform, though." He turned and gazed at Rachel. "And just who might this beauty be, Hudson?"

Rachel blushed furiously at the compliment. She was so used to being belittled and teased about her appearance that it took her by surprise for someone she'd never met to suddenly call her a 'beauty'. Oh yes, she could definitely approve of Finn's part-time job if all of his colleagues were as polite and mature as the corporal.

She stepped forward and extended her hand. "Rachel Berry, Corporal. Pleased to meet you."

"She's my girlfriend." Finn added quickly as the two shook hands, and Corporal Antho smiled widely at him.

"Well, Miss Berry, I hope you enjoy the hospitality we can provide, tonight." Antho turned back to Finn and shot him a half smile, half glare. "Hurry up to the gymnasium, Hudson. This lovely lady of yours needs a drink. We can talk later anyway; not like I'm going anywhere."

Finn smiled back and gave a stiff nod. "Yes, Corporal. C'mon Rach. You know the military...orders are orders."

She waved a brief goodbye to the Corporal and followed along as Finn lead the way through the twisting turns and side hallways that made up the armoury. "So, Corporal is above your rank, right?" Rachel asked, trying to get a clear idea of where Finn sat in the National Guard's rank structure.

Finn nodded as they continued along the halls. "Yeah, me and my friends are all Privates, which is basically a nice way of saying 'grunts', 'cogs', or 'expendables'. " He smiled ruefully. "We get told to do things, we do it. Simple, no questions asked, unless it's, you know, actually illegal or something. Corporal Antho was our Sergeant's right-hand man during the summer, and he taught us most of the firearms training."

Rachel nodded. "So, why did he call you 'Target' then?"

In a flash, Finn's cheery demeanour went stiff and a look of worry and dread crossed his face. He glanced at her seriously for a moment before shrugging it off with a smile. "He pegged me with a water balloon this summer during our free day at the lake, that's all."

Her eyes narrowed a bit as she watched him quickly looking away with a slightly guilty expression. _Mmm-hmmm. Water balloon my foot, Finn Hudson. _She considered calling him out for his fib, but decided an event such as this, in his place of work, wasn't the most appropriate venue for that discussion. She'd let it slide, for now, at least.

Finn looked up. "Ah, here we are. Hope you don't mind eating in the gymnasium."

Rachel frowned before stepping through the door to the gym, and her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open a bit at the sight in front of her. Each wall of the gym was lined with white pipe and drape to offer a softer, more comfortable atmosphere to the troops and guests. Hanging down from the pipes, behind the drape curtains, were white Christmas lights, all twinkling softly and providing a luminescent glow across the entire room. Three long rows of tables and chairs were lined up down the centre of the gym, each of which was adorned with red or green tablecloths and set perfectly with silver cutlery and glass stemware. Centrepieces also lined the tables, most of which appeared to be poinsettias artfully arranged around small groups of tall candles, offering a festive atmosphere to the proceedings. At one end of the floor stood a bar area of some kind where most of the others had gathered, all of them circling each other in groups and talking quietly, and she could hear the low murmur of several conversations going at once. Everyone who wasn't wearing their blue dress uniform was dressed much the same way Rachel was; spouses of the men in dresses appropriate to the event and spouses of the women in a civilian suit and tie. Wafting from somewhere beyond the gym was the smell of cooked foods, no doubt well seasoned and prepared for the banquet that was about to commence.

"Well?" Finn glanced at her nervously as she continued to look around. "What do you think? I mean, it's not prom or anything but-"

"It's beautiful, Finn." Rachel interrupted him before turning to him briefly and then squeezing his arm with both hands. "I'm sure we'll have a great time tonight."

Finn nodded, glad that he had her approval, and then motioned over to a group not too far from where they were standing. "Hey, there're the guys. C'mon; you've only met Travis so far." He pulled her along with him, and she had to quicken her pace to keep up with his long legs. As soon as he approached the group, however, Rachel noticed all of them stop talking and smile genuinely at him. He bumped fists with each of the guys in turn, then turned to Candi Wayfor and returned her fond hug. Rachel maintained her distance a little to try and get a sense of how much emotionally was going to be exchanged between the two; longing looks, private smiles, or suggestive whispers?

No, nothing happened between them other than a friendly hug and smiles. Instead of something intimate, she got the sense the two were simply...friends and colleagues?

This was a far cry from a few weeks ago.

"Guys." Finn turned and held his arm out for her, and Rachel immediately put on a mask of calm and smiled as she took Finn's outstretched hand. "For those who haven't yet met her, this is Rachel Berry." He grinned at them all for a beat before continuing. "My girlfriend."

Rachel was a bit taken aback at the sudden cheer and laughter that erupted from the group of four friends, all of them issuing congratulations while clapping Finn on the shoulder and shaking her hand. She wasn't sure what exactly was going on, but based on the knowing smile Finn had on his face, she played along with their kind gestures.

"Really, Huddie, it's about freakin' time!" The short Hispanic smirked and slapped Finn on the shoulder before turning to her. "Do you know how many nights we had to listen to your overgrown boy-toy bitch and moan about not being with you?"

Her eyes went wide. "Uh...no. How often-"

"All the time!" Finn's other friend said, also chuckling. This must have been Jordan Graham, she reasoned, since he was the only other male Caucasian in the group. "Rachel's left me. Rachel said no. Rachel this. Rachel that. Rachel broke my heart." Jordan shook his head in mirth, eyeing a blushing Finn. "You'd think Finn was singing a country song or something for all the angst rolling off of him."

"I didn't think I was _**that**_ bad." Finn rolled his eyes at the group.

"Not bad." Travis grinned at him. "Worst than bad. Horrible, even."

"This from the guy who actually _**did **_write a country song." Finn retorted.

"Country-folk." Travis corrected before sipping his soft drink and turning to Rachel. "And _**you **_helped, remember."

"Hey!" Finn cried out indignantly while the group laughed.

Rachel turned on him, surprised. "Finn! You helped Travis write a country-folk song? I thought you only liked rock and metal?"

He ducked down sheepishly and rubbed his hand on the back on his neck while the rest of them grinned like they had him cornered. "Well...it was a good distraction for a Sunday afternoon and-" Finn noticed everyone looking at him with smirks or amused expressions and then turned back to Rachel. "Hey, Rach, what would you like to drink?"

She laughed a bit at his attempt to redirect the conversation, but let him off the hook. "Don't worry, Finn. You stay and catch up with your friends. I'll get _**you **_a drink. Coke, I assume?"

Finn nodded and smiled in thanks as Rachel turned towards the bar area. After ordering and waiting for the bartender to finish with preparing the two beverages, she felt a feminine presence behind her. "I see you two are together again."

Rachel turned to notice Candi Wayfor standing behind her in her own dress uniform, which was essentially the same one as Finn except she sported a blue uniform skirt below her waist instead of slacks and her cap was decidedly more feminine in nature, even if she was holding it under her arm. Her hair wasn't done fancily like Rachel's, but instead was simply tied up behind her head in an official-styled bun which kept it all above the collar of her shirt and jacket. Rachel half expected Candi to be regarding her with an angry or jealous glare, but instead, much to her surprise, there was a warmth and friendliness in the older woman's eyes.

To say it threw her for a loop was an understatement. Rachel suddenly wasn't sure how to react to this tall woman in front of her.

"Yes, we are." Rachel responded, her voice guarded and ready to go into full snark mode (if necessary) the way they had during their confrontation in front of McKinley High. "It took longer than I hoped for, but it's been two weeks now and things couldn't be better between us, actually."

Candi nodded as she glanced at Finn, then turned and smiled genuinely back at Rachel. "I'm glad. He deserves happiness. It's obvious he's found it with you."

_What? Candi is actually...uh...complimenting me for my relationship with him? _

"That's not to say he couldn't have found it with you, Candi." Rachel quickly said, trying to offer the taller woman some sense of consolation. "It's just...Finn and I seem to have a connection. He likes to call it a tether, actually. We just...we just understand each other in a way I don't think others can."

"I know." Candi nodded with yet another smile, if not as wide possibly wider than before. "That's what he told me over the summer, too. I wasn't really sure what he meant, but I think I feel it, too."

"You – " Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You feel a tether with Finn?"

Surprising her, Candi burst out laughing, her head actually going back towards the ceiling briefly. It was a sincere belly laugh and totally took Rachel by surprise. After a few more chortles, Candi covered her mouth and shook her head, though her eyes still gleamed in mirth. "Not with Finn. With Jordan."

"Jordan as in-... oh!" Rachel looked quickly over to the other Caucasian boy in Finn's group and noticed a quick glance from him fired in Candi's direction with an unmistakable wink. Turning quickly, Rachel noticed just in time Candi blush slightly and wink back, her mouth curled into the smile a woman only ever flashed for the guy she was romantically involved with. "Then...what? You moved onto Jordan once you knew Finn was back with me?"

Candi smiled again as she turned towards her, shaking her head. "I've been with Jordan since August, Rachel."

"August?" Rachel felt her own confusion etched on her face, until suddenly things clicked into place in her mind. Candi had never been interested in Finn. It was all _**for show**_!

"You _**played**_ me?" Rachel half asked and half accused her, her hands automatically going to her hips in annoyance.

The taller brunette shrugged but her smile was mischievous as she sipped her newly delivered drink. "I played on your jealousy a bit, yes, and I apologize if I offended you, but my intentions were pure. I've been talking with Finn about the two of you for weeks now, and despite all my urging, he's constantly refused to just man up and ask you to be with him again. He was too afraid you'd give him the same answer as in New York."

Rachel's ire was immediately doused and she frowned again, throwing a guilty look at Finn even though he was oblivious to their conversation. "I should have said yes in New York. I was just so..._**unsure**_ of everything at that point."

"You needed some time." Candi shrugged again. "I think Finn did too, honestly. He made it sound like your breakup last year was pretty horrible on both of you."

"It was; probably the worst moment of my life so far, actually."

"Well, definitely the worst of his, to hear him say it." Candi took a step towards her so they could talk more quietly between each other. "Has he given you the letter yet?"

Rachel's head snapped around to the taller woman. "Letter? What letter?"

Candi pursed her lips before sighing. "I – I really can't tell you everything that happened this summer with Finn, Rachel. It's not my place, and I don't know what he'd be comfortable with me revealing. But I can tell you he went through _**a lot**_; more than you probably know or realize right now. He needs, and will need for a while, someone to lean on. He'll always have the four of us, but we don't know him well enough to read him all the time. All the real garbage going on can only be helped by those who know and love him best. The first will be his family, but if his family is anything like mine, he won't listen to them. That just leaves one person he most obviously _**will **_listen to."

She bit her lip a bit as she again looked at Finn. He glanced at her and winked before turning back to his conversation with Hector and Travis. "What do I need to do?" Rachel asked, turning back to Candi.

The National Guard soldier smiled at her. "You do what all of us women do with the men we love. _**Make **_him listen." She leaned in as though they were sharing a conspiracy of some sort. "I'm sure you can think of a few ways to get his attention, right?"

Rachel grinned a bit at her. Maybe she and Candi would be friends after all. "Of course, but what do I need to make Finn listen to?"

"_**Reason**_, Rachel. Make sure he listens to _**reason**_."

The Glee co-captain frowned at her acquaintance and the cryptic answer she'd provided, but before she could ask further Candi was already walking back towards the group of friends. Rachel sighed at seeing the close knit bond that existed between them as they conversed and felt a slight pang of jealousy. Finn had that connection of shared intense experiences and teamwork with his fellow troops and she had missed watching that develop due to their time apart. This past summer was always something for him she would only ever understand in an abstract way, and she was truly remorseful for the missed opportunities she could have shared with Finn if she'd only given him a different answer in New York.

"Hey Rach, you gonna join us?"

She was snapped out of her reverie as she noticed Finn looking back towards her, his arm extended again much as it had been before. His friends were also looking at her expectantly, and Candi even flashed a grin while stepping aside a bit to leave a space open for her to join them.

A warm feeling came over her at the quick and sudden inclusion these close friends had afforded her. None of them had insulted or belittled her (she couldn't count the previous confrontation she'd had with Candi now that she knew the truth), and none of them wanted to exclude her from their group dynamic. Instead, each of them was hoping she'd willingly join and accept them all as they had already accepted each other.

Smiling widely at the newfound feelings of friendship and trust, she nodded, grabbed hers and Finn's drink, and quickly proceeded towards them, letting Finn's hand squeeze her shoulder affectionately. "Of course. Thanks."

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	24. Truth Revealed

**A/N - This is basically part two of the last chapter since it was originally all written as one document; I decided to split it up a bit so my fabulous readers wouldn't suffer from computer-screen fatigue. Again, thanks to the readers, reviewers and subscribers, and on this one, my thanks to **_**tiltingaxis **_**who gave me some pointers on the ending. Hope you all enjoy. Oh, and the lyrics in this chapter were, believe it or not, written by yours truly. However, I cannot claim ownership as I wrote them for my lovely wife the year we married (and altered them slightly for this story) and she graciously agreed to let me use them in this story as well, so again, many thanks to her. Love you, Gorgeous! :) **

**Disclaimer - See chapter one, if necessary. **

* * *

><p>"Okay, so, Rachel, we've heard all the lovey-dovey dopey heartbreaking stories between you two." Marquez said around a bite of turkey and stuffing as he wiped his mouth. "But there's gotta be some actual, real dirt on our homeboy Huddie here. What's the funniest thing he's ever done in your mind?"<p>

Rachel grinned, then glanced at her boyfriend to catch him rolling his eyes.

"I don't know." She conceded. "I mean, where would I begin? There was the time he first tried to execute a dance move called the 'Widow-Maker' and split the crotch of his pants." She laughed along with the others as Finn chuckled, eating a bit more of his dinner. "Then there was the time I told him he was very chivalrous for taking my bag for me and he asked me if that was a good thing or not. Or when I apologized for calling him contemptible and deplorable and he said it was okay because he didn't know what those words meant anyway."

Again, more laughter, this time having Candi leaning her head against Jordan's shoulder, barely able to keep herself upright from the fit of giggles she was experiencing. Rachel continued as she pushed one of her ringlet curls out of her line of sight. "There was also the incident when Finn, in a noble attempt to defend his gay step-brother's honour, dressed up as Lady Gaga in a red shower curtain and tried to act tough in front of two of the school's worst bullies." She glanced over at him. "How did you escape having your ass kicked again? Oh, right. We 'non-jocks' in Glee club backed you up." She smiled again as Finn's face flushed crimson, much to the delight of the entire group.

"Yeah, that's all true, I'll admit." Finn nodded to them all as he turned towards her. "Of course, none of that beats _**your **_embarrassing moments."

"Such as?" Rachel challenged with a smile. There was no way he was going to take her down tonight when she was riding the high of revealing his funny school moments to his National Guard friends.

"Oh, like when I first suggested we go bowling in sophomore year." Finn said casually as he looked over at the others. "I said 'You know what we should do?' thinking she'd say 'What?' Instead, without missing a beat, Rachel stared at me hopefully and said, 'Elope?'."

"_**Finn!" **_Rachel could feel her face flush with embarrassment and she looked down at the floor for a moment while the others burst out laughing. Even Katie, Travis's quiet girlfriend, actually spilled her drink a little on her plate trying to keep from laughing too hard. "I cannot _**believe **_you would bring that up. I was only fifteen and still completely enamoured with you."

"And we still hadn't done more than kiss. _**Once**_. But that's just the start." Finn continued in good humour after swallowing a sip of his drink. "Then Rachel developed a case of laryngitis and couldn't sing for a week. She was so distraught at having lost her voice she actually came to school in pigtails, pajamas and a housecoat while eating a bowl of cereal, telling me her life was over and there was no point in trying anymore."

The others burst out laughing again, and Rachel sighed while rolling her eyes. "I never said I wasn't a little overdramatic at times."

"A little?" Finn smirked at her as she blushed furiously. He looked back over to his group of friends. "But I think my favourite Rachel moment was last year was when we weren't even dating. The glee club was supposed to write an original song for Regionals and so she tried her hand at it for the first time." Finn's face twisted into an amused expression. "It was classic! There was Rachel, in all her glory, singing her heart out. And what did she decide to sing about? Love? Politics? Dreams of stardom? Nope. She wrote a song about her _**headband**_."

The others almost collapsed in laughter, Marquez even having to drop his fork on his plate and wipe his eyes in mirth. Rachel smacked Finn on the shoulder in mock annoyance before collapsing her face into her hands. "I spent a long time on the melody of that song! It wasn't _**totally **_bad."

Finn stared at her incredulously, then turned to face the others and cleared his throat before starting to lazily sing the lyrics in mock seriousness.

_But when schoolgirl pigtails won't do,  
>And I need to control my doo,<br>You're the only one I can count on,  
>My headband!<br>You're my headband,  
>Wrapped right around my melon!<em>

"_**Finn Hudson!**_" Rachel playfully shoved him on the shoulder to quiet him down, and he couldn't help it anymore as he burst out laughing, joining with his friends who at this point had all given up trying to continue with their meal and were all leaning on the table to control themselves or hiding their faces in their hands to conceal their mirth while shaking shoulders still gave them away. Rachel sighed and rolled her eyes, even as she smiled lightly. She had another bite of salad while the others slowly came down from their laughter. "I can't believe you actually remember the lyrics"

"How could I not remember such classic fare, Rach. It's right up there with _Stairway to Heaven._" Finn joked and unsuccessfully dodged another playful shoulder swat from her before leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. "I'm sorry, Babe. I just _**had **_to tell them that one."

Rachel grinned at him and had a sip of her own drink. "That's fine, Finn." She turned to address the others. "I still haven't told your friends _**the best **_Finn story of all." She dramatically took another slow, long bite of food as the others quickly subdued their laughter and stared at her, completely drawn into the back and forth Finn and Rachel were giving each other. Finn eyed her with a touch of worry as she smirked once more before swallowing and addressing his friends. "It was last year, when the Glee club decided to put on _**Rocky Horror **_for the school play."

Finn groaned and collapsed his head into his arms on the table, hiding himself from the others as Rachel put a hand on his shoulder and continued to speak to his now enthralled friends. "Finn was self conscious about the fact that, as 'Brad', he'd have to be onstage in very little clothing, and didn't feel his body measured up to our friend Sam, who was playing 'The Creature'. So in an effort to overcome his fears, he decided to prove to himself he can be comfortable in his own body and proceeded to walk to rehearsal through the school's busy hallways in his costume. What was the costume that day, Finn? Oh, right; black framed glasses and your _**boxers**_!" She smiled at the others as they again began to chortle. "Apparently he put several people into therapy. What he didn't know is that I also had eight or nine girls ask me if I'd be willing to part with him for a day at fifty bucks a pop so they could have their way with him."

Finn turned towards Rachel in shock. "You were asked to _**pimp me out**_?"

The others, again, burst out cackling even more, Marquez actually slapping his knee in humour and even Omeasoo covering up his mouth to keep from showing his chewed food which, at that point, he couldn't eat due to his chuckling.

Rachel smiled wickedly as she sipped her drink again. "I could have made _**a lot**_ of money off of you, Finn. You're fortunate I'm such a staunch proponent of a person's right to control their own body."

The laughter was raucous and Rachel beamed at Finn, who shook his head and held up a hand to indicate he was surrendering in their sparring match. She rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek and then turned back to her dinner just in time to notice a large black man in a uniform decorated with several ribbons get up from his dinner table and proceed to a dais set up at the supposed 'front' of the gymnasium. He cleared his throat a bit before he spoke into the microphone.

"Soldiers, wives, husbands, and significant others. Welcome tonight to the Lima National Guard Regimental Christmas Mess Dinner. Tonight we celebrate the year 2011 coming to a close as we proceed into the next year. I'm honoured to say we have new recruits joining our ranks from this summer's training that truly define everything it is to be a soldier in our armed forces. They're driven, hard working, honest young men and women who went above and beyond what was expected of them, especially when deployed to Missouri."

There was a round of applause from the assembled soldiers and guests, and Rachel smiled proudly at Finn and squeezed his knee under the table, even as he shrugged, gave that 'aw shucks' look and lopsided grin for which he was so famous.

"What some may not know, however, was that some of our recruits found themselves in very precarious situations while in Joplin, situations that could have turned catastrophic had it not been for the professionalism and fine conduct they displayed. Although we usually do this at the end of the summer, this year there was a severe lack of time to organize anything due to the Missouri deployment. So tonight, we'd like to honour the top recruit from Camp Grayling this year.

"There are many honourable mentions, but when Lieutenant Smith and I started interviewing recruits to see who they thought should be nominated, almost everyone was unanimous in their selection. He started out his summer by leading his team to a victory in football over the senior ranks, even if he _**did **_pull the most retarded play I've ever seen out of his ass in the last minute."

Some laughter erupted throughout the assembled crowd, but Rachel noticed Finn tense beside her and his face register shock, especially when all of his friends glanced his way and smiled knowingly. She bit back a grin and gripped his hand in hers as she continued to listen.

"He also mastered his skills with his weapons and in self-defence faster than any recruit we've seen here in years. He demonstrated leadership amongst his unit, dedication to his fellow troops, and the ability to follow through with his orders to the utmost of his ability. In addition, he saved a civilian's life from certain death by pulling her free from a vehicular accident in Joplin. And then, there was the incident in the suburbs of Joplin, of which I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone here. Suffice it to say, he held his ground, remained calm, and ensured our mission was successful, possibly saving more lives in the process."

By this point, the petite brunette was positive they were talking about Finn, especially if the warm and friendly expressions of his friends were any indication. It alarmed her when she turned to smile at him and instead of seeing pride or even embarrassed gratification on his face, instead he was forcing a mask of stoicism to remain in place. If she was reading his expression correctly, she'd almost say he didn't actually _**agree **_with any of the praise.

"Ladies and Gentleman, as chosen by the other recruits, and by Lieutenant Smith and myself, your Top Recruit for 2011, I ask you to please applaud for _**Private Finnegan Hudson**_."

Finn glanced at Rachel with a slightly worried look, making her mouth her question to him through the applause. _Are you okay? _He shrugged a bit, but stood and nodded to the guests as he came around their table and proceeded to the dais. After standing at attention for his Sergeant and Lieutenant, he accepted a wooden plaque with a polite smile and then turned for the obligatory pictures.

Perhaps it was his posture or the sheer formality in his looks, or the way he seemed to be forcing his smile, but Rachel could read his body language almost as well as she could anticipate his thoughts. Unlike everyone else, she could tell Finn was very uncomfortable with everything regarding the award.

_Why would he be that way? _She asked herself immediately. _Does this have something to do with what happened this summer? The same something that Travis and Candi and Kurt have all been alluding to? What is it, Finn? What happened to you, exactly? _

He returned to his seat beside her as the Sergeant continued on with other awards for higher ranks, most of them related to overseas missions they'd participated in. Rachel turned to Finn and hugged his arm affectionately as she leaned in and spoke softly. "I'm so proud of you."

He returned her smile briefly. "Thanks." He muttered, even as he looked at the plaque one more time before pursing his lips and turning it, facedown, on the table beside him. He looked up to listen to the rest of the presentations, but his actions with the plaque didn't go unnoticed by Rachel. She frowned, sensing or perhaps even _**knowing **_that the overturned plaque was a metaphor. A quick worried glance between her and Candi confirmed her suspicions.

Whatever Finn was being awarded for, he really, _**really**_ didn't want to be reminded of it.

**XXXXX**

Rachel slow danced in Finn's arms on the dance floor of the "Other Ranks Mess"; it was a large room that seemed more like a pub or bar than a 'mess' only with decidedly military styled decorations, and she was more content than she'd been in ages. It had been a very long time since she and Finn had the opportunity to dance (sway) together; probably a good year or so since they hadn't gotten around to sharing even one dance at junior prom before all hell broke loose between him and Jesse. Looking back on it now, though, she wasn't sure any dancing between them would have been a good idea at the time. She was pretty upset with him that night for a multitude of reasons, especially his gall in suggesting she was being foolish giving Jesse a second chance when he'd been dating Quinn (again) for weeks by that time. However, she decided to push the negative thoughts of that night away in her mind and focus instead on the fact all of that was _**far**_ behind them. They were together here and now, both of them succumbing to those strong feelings of love that tethered them together (as Finn liked to put it). The past was just that; the past. And Rachel was always one who tried to willingly let bygones be bygones.

Well, with most things, at least.

But what concerned her more than their still unspoken past were Finn's actions earlier, barely even acknowledging or showing any sense of pride or accomplishment with his award.

Finn was nothing if not proud of his accomplishments. He'd greatly enjoyed celebrating all their victories: Sections 2009, Sectionals 2010, the Western Ohio Conference Championship with the football team (for which he was named MVP), Regionals 2011. He'd even made an appearance in the choir room for the last glee rehearsal and had a couple of drinks during their '12th Place Nationals" finish. Here he was being lauded as the Top 2011 National Guard Recruit in Lima, and he barely even smiled.

It worried her.

"Finn?" She turned her head up from resting on his chest, looking into his eyes.

"Mmmm?" Finn turned down to her, his eyes questioning even as he contentedly smiled.

"Why...why weren't you happy with your award?"

"What?"

"For top recruit. You...you just didn't really seem to appreciate you beat out so many others for that award."

He sighed and shrugged a bit, his face contorting into what Rachel called his 'whatever' reaction. "I – I guess I just thought others were more deserving. I mean, yeah, I did a few good things over the summer, but so did the others. Candi was a whiz with all the first aid stuff. And-"

"Why won't you tell me?"

Finn froze, his eyes actually closing for a moment. He swallowed a bit before looking back down to her, his suddenly sad eyes seeming to plead..._**something**_. If she didn't know better, she'd almost call his look 'haunted'.

"I..." Finn paused again, trying to find the right words. "Rach, you have to understand that-"

"Yo, Huddie!" Marquez called from across the mess, instantly causing both Rachel's and Finn's head to turn towards the Hispanic's position over by the small, bar 'stage' where the DJ was set up.

"'Sup?" Finn called back, still keeping his arms wrapped around Rachel and swaying to the music.

"Omeasoo needs you. Said you'd know what it was for."

Rachel glanced at Finn with a raised eyebrow as the tall boy smiled, his eyes now glinting with mirth and mischief. " Be right there." He turned back towards Rachel and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek before squeezing her hands. "I have to help Travis with something. Wanna come watch?"

"Whatcha doin?" Rachel asked in a playful voice. She gave him a suspicious look, but couldn't help the smile that formed.

"You'll see." Finn lead her by the hand over to where the rest of his friends had gathered, all except Katie who was mysteriously absent. Finn hopped up on stage and Omeasoo nodded to him as he pulled his guitar over his neck.

The glee co-captain made her way to stand beside Candi and Jordan, both of whom smiled at her as she approached. "Do you guys know what's going on?"

"I have a suspicion." Candi nodded, sipping a drink.

Jordan cleared his throat, drawing Rachel's attention to him. "As soon as Katie went to the washroom, Omeasoo grabbed his guitar from behind the bar. I think he and Hudson are going to play the song they wrote over the summer."

Rachel's grin went wide, even as her eyebrows went up in surprise. "Really? But, doesn't Travis want to sing it himself?"

Hector laughed from behind her, causing her to turn towards him. "If you'd ever heard Omeasoo singing, you'd know why he'd rather Huddie do it. Dude is awesome on guitar, but wails like a banshee when singing."

"Marquez!" Candi chided him with a disapproving look.

"No, really Sweetie, he's right." Jordan replied absently while watching his friends on stage get ready. "We heard Omeasoo caterwauling in the shower once on base and thought he was sacrificing a small animal or something ."

Rachel giggled at the banter between Finn's friends, noticing that both boys looked up at the same time to see Katie walk back into the mess's pub area from the women's washroom. She stopped in shock at seeing Travis and Finn up on stage, both giving her a shit-eating grin. Quietly, she approached them through the gathered crowd of troops, her eyes filled with questions about the proceedings. "Travis, what are you-"

"Katie Raven Wing." Travis said into the microphone Finn had borrowed from the DJ and was holding in front of him. He shifted his guitar into a position from which he could easily play. "I have a gift for you. You need only to listen, please."

The native girl's eyes went wide as she watched Travis and Finn nod to each other before Omeasoo began strumming his guitar, his fingers shifting between a descending patter of notes followed by a chord progression accented by the higher strings. After a few bars of a guitar intro, Finn grinned at him and began to sing.

_We didn't know each other  
>Unit it was fated to be.<br>Happened sooner in life than I would have thought  
>But it certainly happened with the girl of my dreams.<br>Now I'm not saying we're perfect  
>Except maybe for each other.<br>So won't you please take my hand, and travel this road with me?  
>Maybe perfect is something that we'll both discover.<em>

_In this life, there are no guarantees.  
>No way to be certain we'll always be pleased,<br>But it would please me my dear to spend my life with you.  
>If only fools fall in love, then honey, I'm your fool. <em>

Rachel stared in amazement as the two boys continued with the song. Finn smirked a bit at Omeasoo as the Native boy returned his smile, continuing to play the guitar interlude between the chorus and second verse. Other than a quick glance over to Finn to ensure both of them were still in time together, his eyes never left Katie, and Rachel could easily see the shared looks of love and adoration between them before being drawn back into the song by Finn's singing.

_We didn't know then, when we started as friends  
>Talking and laughing and sharing advice,<br>When it evolved into love, I don't know  
>Just one of those fortunate rolls of the dice.<br>Now I can't promise things will always be easy,  
>I can't say that we won't disagree,<br>But even through those times when we might be at odds  
>My heart will never be closed, 'cause only you hold the key.<em>

_In this life, there are no guarantees.  
>No way to be certain we'll always be pleased,<br>But it would please me my dear to spend my life with you.  
>If only fools fall in love, then honey, I'm your fool.<em>

The two stopped as Omeasoo strummed a slightly different rhythm on the guitar, transitioning to the bridge of the song. Rachel glanced over at Katie and couldn't help but feel a wave of happiness for the native girl as she stood there with love written on her face for her boyfriend. A lone tear escaped her eyes and she smiled shyly at Travis. Both Candi and Rachel smirked at each other before turning to listen to the rest of the song, Finn still singing in his bari-tenor voice.

_I've always thought that we live by our choosing,  
>Figured destiny was just a story-book ruse<br>But it's clear to me now that you cannot choose love,  
>Love chooses us, and if you fight it you'll lose<em>

_After three years together, I know that it's you,  
>Can't deny these emotions I feel to my core,<br>Hope you know that I'll do my best  
>To always be by your side, now and forever more.<em>

_In this life, there are no guarantees.  
>No way to be certain we'll always be pleased,<br>But it would please me my dear to spend my life with you.  
>If only fools fall in love, then honey, I'm your fool.<em>

If only fools fall in love, then honey, I'm your fool.

Travis played the final chords of the song as the entire mess hall erupted into cheers and applause for the two Guardsmen on stage. Finn bumped fists with his friend as the two congratulated each other on the performance before Travis held a hand down off the stage for his girlfriend. Glancing at the rest of the group (and Rachel and Candi specifically) with a curious look, she hesitantly took Travis's hand and came up on stage. Without wasting any time, Travis pulled the guitar off from around his shoulders and handed it to Finn, who smiled and took it without question. Then, shocking everyone in attendance, Travis got down on one knee while simultaneously pulling out the jade engagement ring from the pocket of his uniform jacket, and Katie literally burst into tears of joy, covering up her face and her shoulders shaking from sobs. Travis whispered a few words onstage that Rachel couldn't hear, but she could read his lips well enough to make out the final words. _Katie Raven Wing, will you marry me?_

Katie removed her hands from her face and there was no mistaking the huge smile that was plastered there, nor the love in her eyes. Instead of saying anything, she simply held out her left hand with her ring finger pointed straight at the jade engagement ring. She nodded quickly as he grinned and slipped the ring on her finger. The two embraced, much to the cheers and delight of everyone in attendance.

Amidst the celebration and crowd of people swarming the stage to offer congratulations to the happy, newly betrothed couple, Rachel used her small size to her advantage to thread her way through the crowd to the side of the stage where Finn had jumped down to give his friends the spotlight. He smiled genuinely at her as she reached him and reached down to accept her hug and kiss, then pulled her tight against him, draping an arm around her shoulders as they both turned to regard Travis and Katie, both busy shaking hands or returning hugs from the others.

Rachel turned to Finn with her own huge smile. "You were amazing up there, Finn. And that song? I'm really proud that you chose to help Travis like that."

Finn shrugged a bit, but there was no mistaking his own grin. "Thanks, Rach. I wasn't sure I could do the song justice, really. I don't usually sing country or folk."

"I think you sounded fantastic." She said, leaning into him. "But you do realize that I expect equal treatment when _**your**_ time for proposing comes, right?"

He turned suddenly to her, his eyes wide with surprise at her sudden mention of their possible marriage, before a huge teasing smirk made its way across his face. "Who said anything about me proposing? Maybe I just want to live in sin with you until the end of time."

Rachel's eyes hardened slightly. "Finnegan Hudson, let me be clear about one thing. The future you see when you kiss me will never, and I mean _**never**_ come to fruition unless there's a diamond ring and wedding band on this finger." She held up her left ring finger and almost shoved it in his face, causing him to back his head up an inch or so.

Finn smiled even more widely than before as both his arms snaked around her waist and pulled her closer to him. "I guess I better start saving then, shouldn't I?"

"It might be a good idea." Rachel agreed. "Because you know very well I'm a high maintenance girl and I expect the best." She grinned again before kissing him lightly on the lips. "And that's an order, soldier!"

Finn smirked playfully, even as he saluted her formally. "Yes, Ma'am."

**XXXXX**

It was a little after midnight when Finn and Rachel both decided that they should head back to the Hudson-Hummel complex, bidding the others good night with a promise to get together soon once schedules could be sorted out. Candi and Jordan seemed to like the idea of a bowling double date, and Rachel agreed to meet with Katie and Travis the weekend following at the farmer's market to look at some of his artwork. Marquez, meanwhile, promised to make a feast for them all when his busy class schedule let up in a week's time.

Finn hummed to the radio in contentment as they drove back to his home, and rolled his eyes at noticing Rachel staring intently at the plaque he'd been awarded that night. Really, it was a nice gesture by his troop-mates, but it reminded him far too much of what had happened this summer in Joplin, and if there was ever anything in his life he'd like to forget, it was the atrocity he was forced to commit while deployed there.

Rachel turned up the radio a bit upon hearing Nickelback's song _Never Again _begin to blare through the speakers, and Finn silently groaned. He had loved the song when he first heard it, agreeing with the band's stance on spousal abuse, but now it struck him a little too closely and reminded him again of what happened that summer. He stunned Rachel by reaching over and shutting the radio off completely.

She frowned at him, noticing his troubled expression. "I thought you liked that song."

Finn shook his head. "Not so much anymore." He continued driving in silence and turned the corner, ignoring her pointed look and knew, more than ever, that he'd have to soon tell her exactly what had happened.

But not tonight.

Tonight he was still trying to remember the good things that had occurred; Rachel being accepted into his group of friends almost immediately, a lovely dinner with a the girl of his dreams beside him, and Travis and Katie getting engaged after he'd sung the song he'd helped write this summer. Really, nothing else mattered to him after those three things. Now he had a few hours of alone time with this beautiful girlfriend, and he was _**definitely **_going to take advantage of it.

After getting to the Hudson-Hummel complex, parking and making their way upstairs to his room, Rachel surprised him by suddenly turning and pulling him down by his tie, crushing her lips into his as she greedily kissed him. The aggression and determination with which she was displaying her affections, her one hand secure around his neck and her other hand deftly undoing the buttons to his uniform coat and then sliding along his chest underneath, was a _**serious**_ turn on for him. She had never shown such initiative when they were dating the year before (other than the one time she tackled him in her room) and he was convinced now that this time things between them would be a lot different physically.

After finally breaking their heated kiss to catch her breath, Rachel held his gaze seriously. "I've been waiting to do that since I saw you at my place." She breathlessly whispered to him, both her hands now roaming underneath his jacket along the top of his pants. The made their way around his waist and then descended lower and he almost choked when her right hand wandered down to cup the left cheek of his behind. He pulled back a bit from her to look her in the eyes and noticed dialated pupils and her direct, lustful look as she bit her lip.

Finn smiled predatorily. Oh yeah, Rachel was _**so **_turned on by him right now. Never before had he experienced her acting on such desires to _**this **_degree, but if this was her way of showing how things had changed between them, he wasn't about to argue it. He wasn't a _**complete **_moron.

She backed away a bit, and he almost protested the loss of contact between them until she turned to expose her back to him. Rachel gave him a sultry shimmy before turning her head around to regard him seductively. "Would you…unzip me, please?"

Finn bit back a soft groan of pleasure as shaking hands reached forward and slowly, deliberately, pulled the zipper of her dress down. He wanted to do nothing more than rip the dress off her, throw her on his bed and jump her bones cave-man style, but knowing how much she had spent on this dress for the dinner stilled his actions. Besides, they'd only been back together for a couple of weeks and there was a lot of time for such activities, and a lot of healing and rebuilding to go through between them.

But yeah, he totally brought his hands around overtop her dress and felt her up as his mouth descended on the skin of her neck.

Rachel let out a breathy sigh of contentment, her hand coming up to cradle the back of Finn's head as he stood behind her and lightly sucked on her pulse point while her other hand rested over top of his on her breast. But then, much to his chagrin, she gently pushed him away and wagged a finger at him. "Not until I'm out of this dress, Mr. Hudson. Trust me, what I'm changing into will be much more...accessible." She smiled again, grabbed her bag, and then went into Kurt's room, leaving Finn alone for the time being.

He grinned and pumped his fist to himself, unable to believe how lucky he was. He and Rachel were back together and going strong after two weeks. The night had been a wonderful success, even despite Rachel discovering that Wayfor had played her last month, and now they had a few hours to just unwind and watch a movie while _'cuddling'_ on the couch downstairs before she would be forced to the guest room and him back upstairs for bed. He so loved it when her parents were out of town and she was allowed to stay over. If only he could convince his Mom and Burt to let them share the same bed all night.

_Yeah, good luck on that one, Hudson! _He thought sourly. _You're lucky they even let her stay the night. Of course, the master bedroom and Kurt's bedroom _**do **_happen to be between your room and the guest bedroom downstairs, so it's not like sneaking by is even possible. _

Well, none of the rest of his family would be home soon. His parents said they'd be home sometime around three (a fact both he and Rachel conveniently forgot to tell her fathers) and Kurt was with Blaine, so who knew when the hell he'd wander in. He pulled loose his tie from his dress uniform, then quickly unbuttoned and pulled off his shirt, tossing both on his bed. Walking over to his dresser, he stood before it and opened it up, wondering which set of comfy clothes he should wear.

"Sorry, Finn, I forgot somethi-"

A sudden gasp of shock alerted him that his girlfriend was no longer across the hall. His eyes widened in fear and he stood up quickly from his bent over posture, suddenly very aware how exposed he was to her eyes.

Aware of how _**all **_of his upper body was exposed, including certain scars that couldn't be hidden.

He began to turn quickly. "Rach? I-"

"Do. Not. _**Move**_!" Rachel commanded in a voice so full of authority and anger that it rooted him directly to where he was. He closed his eyes and blew out a breath as his stomach dropped to his feet.

There was no way around this now.

He felt small fingers trace along the large patch of rough scar tissue on his back and underneath his left shoulder blade, all the while wondering what exactly was going through her mind. Unfortunately, his back was still to her and he couldn't read her facial expressions or body language, so he had no idea what she was thinking or how upset she might be.

Suddenly, he felt her hand fall away from his back and heard two soft footsteps move away from him. "What is that?" She asked in a voice that brooked no avoidance.

"Nothing, Rach. Just…just a training accident and-"

"Turn around."

He sighed a bit. "Rachel, it's nothing…it's just-"

"_**Turn around!" **_She yelled at him with barely contained rage seething through her voice.

He closed his eyes and accepted his fate. One way or another, this was going to be dealt with, and it would be dealt with now. Slowly and deliberately, he did as she commanded. He turned and he looked at her, noticing her eyes draw down to just underneath his left arm where a very obvious oval-shaped scar rested on his pectoral muscle. Her mouth dropped open and she stared at the scar, her breathing rapid and her eyes blinking furiously at the sight of it. Once again she stepped towards him, her hand coming up and lightly tracing the scar on his chest. Finn bit his lip as he felt her cool touch trace over his skin, deathly afraid of the hurt and disbelieving expression flashing across her face

"You… were you shot?" She asked in a small, quiet voice, her eyes darting to his as she took a half-step back from him.

"Rachel..." His tone pleaded with her, but to no avail.

"You were _**shot**_?"She yelled at him again, tears bursting from her eyes as pure, complete anger began overtaking her features and causing her tiny body to shake of its own accord. He noticed her cheeks and ears begin to grow red and her eyes had gone so narrow they were almost flat. "_**You were shot! And you didn't tell me?" **_

"Rach…I-"

She slapped him with what must have been every ounce of strength in her arm, and Finn felt his whole head move from the force of the blow, his cheek stinging in pain and his head spinning. He kept his eyes closed for a moment, allowing the shame of his lie to course through him and the guilt to settle into his stomach before accepting whatever might happen and turning to face her.

Her back was to him and sobs began to overtake her as she brought her hands up and gripped her hair. Angry guttural sounds were emitted by her mouth as the truth of what really happened seemed to affect her physically. She stomped a tiny foot on the floor and angrily turned back to him, eyes on fire.

"Do you know how many nights awake I lay in bed this summer? How many nightmares I had about this _**very thing happening?**_ Do you have any idea the amount of worry and sheer _**torture**_ you put me through? Any clue how relieved I was to see you safe and sound in Lima when school started?"

"I didn't mean any of that, Rachel." He took a step towards her to try and comfort her. "I just-"

She interrupted him by pushing him away hard on his chest. "Oh no you don't, Finn Hudson! Don't you _**dare **_stand there and say you didn't mean to hurt or lie to me. You don't have that luxury anymore. You knew exactly what you were doing. After everything we went through last year, and everything-" She almost seemed at a loss for words as she pushed her face in her hands for a moment, only to then pull her hands away and clench both fists at the side of her body as she looked at him with red eyes and furrowed brows. "_**How could you do this to me?**_"

"What?" Finn's look became incredulous as he stared down at her, his mouth agape as her last words swirled through his mind. "Do this to _**you?**_ You think I joined the National Guard just because of you? You think I put myself in harm's way because of _**you? **_You honestly stand there and worry about how me being shot and going through the shit I go through every day since then comes back to _**you? **_News flash Miss Berry, not everything about Finn Hudson relates to you, okay? Believe it or not, I can actually make decisions for myself that don't concern you _**at all!**_"

"Oh, I'll say. Yes, it's quite evident you can make those decisions, Finn. Like the decision to quit the Glee club our first year right before Sectionals. Was I part of that?" She took a step towards him, getting right into personal space and taking a confrontational stance. "How about your decision to dump me so you could play man-whore to Santana? Ring any bells for you? Or maybe the decision to just lay the entire blame for everything last year at my feet without even _**thinking **_about what you might have done wrong or why it happened. Yes, Finn Hudson, it seems clear to me you're just _**fine **_at making decision without _**ever **_considering _**me**_."

Finn spun away from her rolling his eyes. "Of course. Me, me, me. That's all you ever fucking think about-"

"Don't swear at me!"

"I'll say whatever I like in my own _**fucking **_room, Rachel." He pointed at her, his voice rising in volume. "And while we're on the subject, how often have your decisions included me, huh? Where the fuck was _**I**_ when you considered staying with Jesse after our first break-up? Did I factor into that? How about when you decided to play Jesse, Puck and I against each other for a stupid video assignment? Ever consider how I'd feel about that? Or when you dressed like Brittney Spears and flaunted yourself all over the school _**while dating me**_? How about when you gave me an ultimatum about quitting football?"

She spun back to him from looking away briefly, her voice shaking in anger. "I apologized for that-"

"Or when you found out about Santana, running to _**Puck?**_ To fucking _**Puck **_of all people? Knowing what happened with Quinn? Knowing how much that would hurt? Tell me, Rachel, where exactly was _**I **_in relation to all of that? Did you even think of me of _**one fucking second!**_"

She took a step towards him again and her voice lowered in volume, though her eyes flashed at him dangerously. "If you hadn't been so _**stupid **_as to even lie to me in the first place about Santana, none of that would ever have _**happened!**_" She pointed an accusing finger in his face. "Don't you think that _**hurt?**_ To think you'd rolled around in the sheets and willingly lost your virginity to that bitch of a walking mattress just to satisfy your own hormones? And then to keep it from me, your girlfriend, when _**everyone **_else knew? And you had _**no excuse! **_I told you about Jesse! I told you I lied! You had the perfect…perfect… _**fucking **_chance to tell me that same night and I would have understood, Finn. I would have understood why and it could have been talked about and accepted. But no, you had to keep me in the dark! You had to make me think we would lose our virginity _**together. **_I wanted to be your first _**so badly **_but you stole it from me."

Finn gaped at her. "I stole _**my **_virginity from you?"

Rachel rolled her eyes before angrily facing him. "Not your virginity, but my _**trust**_ that it would be _**me**_, Finn. You _**stole that from me! You stole my trust!**_" She walked up and punched him hard on his chest, almost right on top of the scar, causing him to wince. "_**And now you're stealing it again! **_I thought we were past all the secrets and the lies only to find out _**that you'd been shot!" **_She punched him hard again in the pectoral, causing him to flinch and back off a step.

Finn turned from her, clenching his jaw as he reached into his dresser drawer angrily and grabbed the first t-shirt he could yank on to cover himself up. "Yeah, you're right. I lied. I lied because I didn't want you to know I'd been shot, okay? I didn't want you to know what I'd gone through."

There was an eerie silence in his room and Rachel quickly wiped the tears and running mascara off her face as she crossed her arms, her face still scowling at him and her eyes full of fire and pent up rage. "Why? What's so wrong with me knowing what you went through?"

Finn shook his head as he closed his drawer. "Nevermin-"

"_**Tell me!**_" She commanded angrily, shoving him on the shoulder from behind, more tears of anger bursting forth. "What's so _**horrible **_about me knowing?"

He spun on her, his voice a growl. "Because frankly you _**suck **_at dealing with change, alright? You hate it, and every time, every single _**fucking**_ time a massive change happens around you, you get overdramatic and lash out in the worst _**fucking **_way possible. You find out Tina gets a solo, you quit and join the school play; I say we shouldn't date that first time, you run off and start seeing a douche from another glee club; you meet some exchange student who sings almost as well as you do, you send her to a fucking crack house; you find out I'm on the football team again, you tell me to choose between that and you; you find out I slept with Santana, you run off into the arms of a guy I already lost a girlfriend to; you find out I'm back with Quinn, you throw some drunken party and make out with a dude you _**know **_is gay. I accidentally break your nose and your first instinct is a fucking nose job! And when I finally come to my senses and recognize that no matter when, no matter what, there's a chain of fucking _**steel**_ tethering us to each other that'll _**never **_break and ask to be yours again, you run away and let me know _**again **_that no matter what and no matter when, your dreams and New York City are all you'll ever truly love and I'll always be fucking _**second**_ _**fiddle**_ to that." He chuckled without mirth at the last thought as he addressed the thin air in front of himself. "And to think, I'd actually have been okay with that. I'd have been okay, _**knowing **_I might lose you to Broadway and New York."

Finn turned towards her again, heedless of the volume of tears pouring from her eyes and stepped closer to her to emphasize his argument. Without thinking about it, he pointed again to his scar. "But this? _**This**_ change, Rachel? No. You never would have been able to handle this change if I'd told you. This change is too big. It's too much for you."

She seethed at him, staring into his eyes and took a step closer to him, her lips turning into a feral snarl. "It's too much? Too much for _**me**_? Should I go through the list of changes you haven't accepted well? How about Glee club to begin with and you wanting to quit _**a week**_ after we started? How about knowing there's a connection between us from the moment we kissed and running off with your tail between your legs to go back to little miss perfect Quinn? How about all the drama between you and Kurt in sophomore year just because your Mom was dating his Dad? How about setting Sam up for a shoulder injury just so you could be quarterback again?"

"That was _**not **_intentional and-"

"And how about the whole Santana thing, Finn? Did you even _**try **_to explain to me _**anything**_ about that? Did you try _**phoning**_ me on the weekend? Did you try leaving a _**letter**_ in my locker? Did you try even _**talking**_ in Ms. Pilsbury's office or even _**think **_of not breaking your promise to never break up with me?"

"As I recall, Rachel, you weren't exactly willing to _**listen**_. You were too busy inviting Puck up into your room!" Finn fired back, his voice venomous.

"Yes, I kissed Puck, Finn, and I swear I'll forever regret how much I hurt you until the _**day I die**_, Finn, but let's not forget who ran back to the girl who actually _**slept with your best friend and then tried to pass off her baby as yours! **_I was honest with you! I told you right away what happened, but no, you couldn't forgive me so quickly. Instead you forgive a girl who hurt you _**far worse!**_ How do you think that made _**me **_feel?"

"Hurt me worse?" Finn's eyes went wide at her, not believing what he was hearing, and his voice went up in volume yet again. "Hurt me worse? How could you possibly think that _**anything **_Quinn could do would ever hurt me worse than what you could do to me? I loved Quinn, yeah, but those feelings were a joke compared to what I feel for you. Can't you understand that? Compared to you, my feelings for her were absolutely _**nothing!" **_

"Well you certainly don't prove how much you love me by_** lying all the time!**_" Rachel cried out angrily, again shoving him with her tiny hands. "Come on, Finn. I'm so bad at taking change? Lay it out for me. What's the change? That you're more serious about your studies? That you have an idea of what you want to do after high school? That your life flashed before your eyes when you were shot and it included me, children and all? Come on, tell me. Tell the overdramatic Princess who can't handle it. Tell the overly sensitive diva who always does something irrational and can't do anything but get upset. Come on, do it Finn. Why so afraid?"

"Rachel, _**don't**_!" Finn said warningly, closing his eyes, trying to control the seething temper boiling close to a breaking point.

"Oh, there he is." Rachel taunted him, even as he turned away from her. "There's the Finn Hudson we all know and love. The Finn Hudson who likes to avoid his problems. The Finn Hudson who likes to keep it all inside and never reveal _**the truth **_about himself. Never reveal the truth to _**his girlfriend who he claims to love**_. Come on, Finn. Give it to me. I dare you." She shoved him again on the back of his shoulder. "_**I fucking dare you!**_"

"Ra_**chel**_." Finn again warned, walking away a couple steps across his room.

"That's right, Finn. Be a coward." She began yelling at the top of her lungs. _**"**__**Be a fucking coward and walk away again!" **_

"_**I KILLED SOMEONE, OKAY?" **_Finn exploded and turned, his arms going wide.

Stunned, Rachel stood rooted still, her taunting halted and an expression of complete bewilderment on her face, tear tracks staining her cheeks. "Wha-….What?"

"Yeah, that's right Rachel. You heard me _**exactly **_right. I _**killed **_someone. Enough for you? Like hearing the _**truth**_? Oh, let me say it again. I _**killed **_someone. Me. I _**killed **_someone. Finn fucking Hudson. I aimed my rifle, pulled the trigger, and fired a bullet right through the centre of some guy's chest and put him in the _**fucking morgue**_! He's dead because of _**me**_! _**He's dead!**_"

Rachel took a step back in shock, looking at him like he was a stranger and not someone she'd known the last two years. "You're…no…you…you couldn't have. I know you. You don't-"

Finn chuckled without mirth a second time, running a hand through his hair. "Oh, you know me, do you? You don't think I could do it? Guess what, Rach? _**I can! I have! **_I walked up to the guy's house, found out he'd been beating his wife to a pulp, and tried to arrest him only to have a nine millimetre shoved in my face. So there it was, me and him, trading bullets, only his aim was off and gave me this." Finn pointed to his scar under his left shoulder. "But mine? Oh no, mine wasn't off by even an inch. No, my aim was perfect. And I've been anything _**but **_perfect since then."

Finn advanced on her, causing her to back up with wide eyes at each step he took. "So tell me, Rachel, are you happy now? Happy you got me to tell you the truth? Do you like it? Like that you wheedled it all out of me? The truth that I'm actually a killer? That I've fired a weapon and sent some poor fucker into the afterlife? The truth that given the same circumstances I'd do it _**again?**_ Is that enough truth for you, Rachel? _**Tell me Rachel! TELL ME IF YOU'RE YOU HAPPY WITH THE TRUTH.**_" He roared at her, causing her to fall on his bed underneath him.

Rachel burst into a fresh set of tears and scrambled away from him, running out of his room and across the hall into Kurt's own bedroom, slamming the door closed on him, and he could audibly hear her sobbing the entire way. Finn collapsed to his knees, a wave of crying from anger, guilt and sadness consuming him also, and just stayed there, hoping the flood of fury and resentment they both just went through could subside.

All he wanted was to be at peace with himself while wrapped in her arms. Now, with Rachel discovering everything, he wasn't sure either of those things would ever happen.

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	25. Reconcile

**A/N - So, it comes down to this chapter and an epilogue that is written, but not yet edited. However, that should be out in a few days, and then we can move onto other stories. Thanks again to everyone who's taken this journey with me by reading, reviewing, and subscribing. I appreciate it all and am so happy this story found an audience amongst you. And BTW, the rating on the story has, as of this chapter, been changed to M. Fair warning. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, if necessary. **

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><p>A half hour.<p>

It had been a half hour since Rachel had pushed past Finn and secluded herself in Kurt's room. She was almost past the flowing tears, heaving sobs and endless use of Kleenex to blow her nose. Now, she simply laid on top of Kurt's bed, staring up at the ceiling without even seeing it, her argument – no, _**fight**_ – with Finn still swirling around through her mind.

She wasn't completely surprised they had exploded at each other; even during the horrible break-up last year they never had a really bad or super serious dispute with each other. Rachel wasn't deluded into thinking that loving couples didn't have quarrels. She knew her fathers loved each other very much and they could cause the walls to shake with some of the disagreements they'd had, their shouting voices echoing through the house. So no, the argument itself didn't surprise her.

The _**viciousness**_, however, completely floored her. Not so much from Finn as she had seen flashes of his temper in the last two years, and also realized how deeply hurt he must have been from her actions last year, as well as when she had turned him down in New York. It was never her intention to hurt him _**that **_severely either time. No, what shocked her more was how malicious her _**own**_ words and counter-arguments were. Rachel had prided herself on her ability to forgive and forget, giving people several chances to make amends with her despite prior hurts and grievances. It was why she and Quinn could now be said to be friends, it was why she and Kurt were all but inseparable, and it was why she was willing to listen to Jesse and at least _**consider **_reuniting before ultimately deciding she'd rather just be friends. Her heart would never let her consider anyone _**but **_Finn in that role.

Never would it have occurred to her she could get so angry and say such spiteful, hurtful things to the boy she loved. To bring up every single issue they'd gone through and throw each one in his face, highlighting everything he did wrong, was definitely _**not**_ the mature way to handle things. True, he'd done it as well, but she really thought if it ever happened she would be the voice of reason and steer things back into a constructive, problem solving discussion rather than succumb to taunts, shoves and punches.

How wrong she was. Every ounce of pain, worry, dread, fear, frustration and concern she'd ever held for the lumbering quarterback came out all at once. They'd matched each other back and forth, airing out all the dirty laundry from the last two years of near misses, stolen kisses, and unfulfilled wishes. It was surprising to her they were still together as a couple for all the crap they'd put each other through.

Then Finn landed the bombshell on her.

He'd been shot; not only had he been shot, he'd been forced to return fire and take someone's life. Finn was no longer the same sweet, innocent, naïve teenage boy she'd so fallen in love with. Now he was practically a man; a man who'd stared down death face to face and somehow lived to tell about it.

Everything regarding his behaviour since returning to McKinley immediately clicked into place. The more serious, studious demeanour, interest in military history, being more aware of his surroundings, unafraid to shed tears in Glee, and standing up to Bronson for her. His fearlessness regarding all of it could be traced back to this encounter of which he'd spoken. After such a harrowing, life-altering experience, she imagined nothing about high school would seem that daunting, not even confronting another six foot athlete throwing slushie facials and accepting his challenge to a fist fight.

But where did that leave her? Why could he face down such physical threats yet be afraid to inform her of such a monumental change in his life? Sure, maybe she would have had a hard time believing him at first, but the scar on his chest would be more than enough proof to verify his story.

A soft knock at Kurt's door alerted her to Finn's presence beyond the threshold. "Rach? Please answer me."

Rachel sighed and closed her eyes, turning her back to the door even though he couldn't see her. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk at that moment.

"Go away, Finn. I'm not done being _**selfish**_ and _**overdramatic**_ yet." She grabbed Kurt's extra throw pillow and hugged it to herself tightly to feel more secure.

"Rach, c'mon. I was mad and-" The petite brunette could hear a breath of exasperation escape and a sound like his hand hitting his leg, probably after running it through his hair. "I'm sorry, Rach. Honest, I am. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. We were arguing and I got carried away in the heat of it all and-"

"How could you _**hide**_ all of that from me?" She interrupted him through the door, controlling her voice though so that it didn't come across as harshly. "I thought I was your best friend; your confidante. Now I find out you were afraid to tell me what happened, especially when it was so _**horrible**_ for you?" She could feel tears collecting at the corners of her eyes again and cursed herself. Couldn't she just stop the damn crying already? "I thought you loved me."

"I do, Rach. I swear. More than anything." He sighed again and she heard a sound as though his head came into contact with the door. "I'd do anything for you, Rach. But that...that also means trying to protect you from the bad stuff. And this...this was the worst I've _**ever**_ gone through. I didn't want to burden you and-"

"But I _**need **_you to do that, Finn." She cried out, more frustrated than angry. "I need you to trust me and let me carry the burdens _**with**_you. How can I help you or be with you if you keep it all inside?I mean, what's next, Finn? _**What else**_ aren't you telling me? _**How much**_ aren't you telling me? How can I know you love and trust me enough for us to last if you hide all the important things?"

There was silence on his side of Kurt's door, and when she didn't receive an answer for over twenty seconds, she rolled her eyes and dropped her head back down onto Kurt's bed, hugging the pillow even tighter. Of course Finn wouldn't try to prove his love or trust. Of course he wouldn't fight her on this. Of all the times when she _**wanted **_him to stay there and convince her of how deeply his emotions ran, and that she was the only one for him, he went silent. It was so typical of Finn Hudson; when you can't defeat the problem, you ignore it, as though ignoring it would make it all go away. She was so tired of him constantly avoiding the issues. It's what got them into this whole mess to begin with. If he just faced things _**head on**_, like he had with Bronson, everything would be resolved much more quickly and with far less fall-out.

A sudden, strange crackling sound along the carpet caught her attention. Rachel frowned slightly as she turned to the door to determine what had caused it.

There, sitting on the floor about four or so inches from where it had been pushed underneath, was a red envelope.

As she examined it more closely, she noticed it was actually a _**mostly **_red envelope. The paper had somehow been soaked in a liquid dye before being given to her. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she stepped off the bed and carefully picked it up off the floor. She turned it over in her hands and her breath hitched in her throat.

On the front, written clearly in Finn's handwriting, was her name and address.

_It's a letter...addressed to me? What is he-_

"I...I wrote it the night before we were deployed, and it was in my inside pocket when I...when I...uh...well… when I was shot."

Rachel froze in alarm as his words echoed in her ears, staring at the envelope in her hand. It was obvious now after his brief explanation why it was stained red.

This letter, _**her **_letter, was soaked in his _**blood**_.

She swallowed as the implications of it all swirled in her mind. Finn had written this and had it on him when facing down his assailant, and the meaning was quite clear; even in that moment of life and death, she was never far from his mind. No matter what he went through this summer, through training and making new friends and performing his duties and even while deployed into the middle of a natural disaster, she was always in the forefront of his thoughts.

"I...I wanted to mail it in Joplin but we never got the postal units and the post offices were all closed down because of the tornado and..." She heard him sigh again and remain quiet. "It's all in there, Rach. Everything; how I feel, how I know it's you...just...please...just read it." With that, she heard his footsteps pad away from Kurt's door and suspected he'd returned to his room.

Her mouth was still open in shock, staring at the envelope in disbelief. For it to have been in his pocket during his deployment and written the night before meant he was going to send this to her at the same time she'd sent her own letter. It clicked in her mind that they had both come to the same conclusion of trying to re-establish their relationship at practically the same time.

If there was ever a metaphor for a relationship destined by fate, then surely two people deciding at the same time to write each other _**had**_ to count, didn't it?

With shaking hands she ripped open the envelope, careful to not damage the precious contents within. Gingerly she pulled the two folded pages out of the envelope and unfolded them, the fibres of the sheets stiff from the blood that permeated them. The ink, however, was hardly affected and still stood out against the page's colouring. Rachel sat down on the edge of Kurt's bed, took a deep breath and closed her eyes momentarily while trying to still her beating heart, tumbling emotions and somersaulting stomach. After a few more steadying breaths she opened her eyes and dropped them to the pages in her hand.

_**Dear Rachel**_...

**XXXXX**

Finn lay on his bed on his back with his eyes closed, refusing to wipe away the tear stains on his face. He wasn't the type of person who normally prayed, other than that whole misguided belief he had captured the attention of Jesus in his grilled cheese (and man, what the _**heck **_had he been thinking?), but right now he really _**was **_praying that Rachel would read his letter. Odd that he was so hopeful for it to occur when he'd gone for so long keeping the letter from her.

Their argument still replayed in his mind, and he couldn't believe he'd been so juvenile as to throw everything Rachel had done to hurt him back in her face. He _**knew **_bringing up the past was the worst thing people could do when trying to move forward together, but he was angry and upset and his mouth just ran away from him. On top of that he had already promised not to lie to her again, yet broke that promise months later by not revealing the true facts of his deployment. It was wrong to keep it from her in the first place but he'd genuinely thought she would sever all ties with him if she knew everything. Finding out he'd lost his virginity to Santana had her kissing his best friend in retaliation; who knew what she would be capable of upon finding out he was forced to take a life. The possibilities were frightening, and those were just the 'mild' scenarios that flashed through his mind.

Through it all though, Finn had to admit she had a point; he ran and hid far too often in life, always trying to avoid the tough issues or decisions facing him. Until his deployment, he'd never really dealt with something supremely difficult. Learning Rachel had made out with Puck last year _**had**_ been painful, but it didn't damage his personality or make him question his beliefs about himself. Discovering he was responsible for someone's death, however, had thrown his entire self-identity into question. How does one recover from such a crisis as not really knowing who they are to themselves anymore?

The sound of her dress rustling with her movements alerted him to her presence. His eyes snapped open quickly and he lifted his head to look at her. Rachel was still covered up in her unzipped dress, but a look of sadness and regret filled her eyes, even as the two pieces of blood-soaked paper hung limply from her hand. He sighed quietly, relieved that if nothing else she had, at least, read his letter.

Now it was a matter of finding out what happened next.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She asked softly.

Finn looked down and away from her eyes, ashamed. "I…I honestly didn't know if you could accept this about me, Rach. I…I'm kinda having a hard time accepting it myself." He barked a short laugh devoid of humour. "As if you couldn't already tell."

She swallowed but held her gaze. "Did you really believe I'd think less of you, knowing you were forced into such a horrible decision?"

Finn sighed shakily, shrugging. "You…you didn't think much of me last year for something a less worse, though. I mean, I totally get what you said. I know I have a lot to be blamed for last year with Santana. I never, _**never **_should have hidden that from you. The pain you must have…" He shook his head and swallowed again. "That was just for hiding my virginity. But this…this changed _**everything**_ about me, Rach. Who I was, how I saw life, saw myself, saw the people around me. It's like…like I was forced to grow up before I was ready; before I could even handle it. It changed so much, I…didn't know if you'd like me anymore, because I didn't even _**feel**_ like me. I mean, I was me, but not the me that _**you**_ knew."

He looked into her face to notice her biting her lip. Rachel regarded the letter once more before dropping it on the floor and coming closer to him, standing between his legs while he sat on the bed. They remained like that for a few seconds, their eyes searching one another's, and in a moment everything seemed to pass between them; love, forgiveness, understanding and acceptance was all rolled together and knowingly exchanged between them.

She leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, pressing a bit more firmly when his hands came up to grip her around the waist through her dress. He pulled away briefly. "God, Rach, I'm _**so **_sorry and-"

Her finger pressed to his lips and she nodded. "I'm sorry too." She whispered to him before shaking her head slightly. "No more words."

Finn wondered what exactly she meant when suddenly her hands gripped the bottom of his t-shirt and slowly pulled it up. His eyes questioned her intentions and she gave him a pleading look, causing him to relent. With a soft exhalation of breath, he allowed the garment to be pulled up his chest, around his shoulders and off his head and arms. Rachel dropped the shirt behind her, heedless of where it fell, and her eyes were drawn back down towards the oval scar on his pectoral muscle. Finn watched as she slowly descended and dropped herself to her knees, looking at the rough, oval shaped patch of skin at eye level. She traced its outline again with her fingers before smiling warmly at Finn, and then leaned in and kissed his scar softly, her lips grazing the tissue in a manner meant more as accepting than sexual. Turning back to him, she placed her whole hand on the scar and gazed into his eyes, and Finn knew in that instant that everything between them was fine.

She accepted him, _**all **_of him, without any further questions or conditions.

Everything for Finn suddenly became a blur as she hungrily moved in and captured his lips with hers, her hands no longer resting only on his scar and shoulders, but now freely roaming to touch everywhere as the two collapsed onto his bed with her on top of him. Hands, muscles, face, back, neck, each touch drove him crazy as her fingertips left paths of fire and tingling skin no matter where they roamed. He closed his eyes and revelled as her soft lips descended from his to trace his jaw and then suck on his pulse point, her left hand roaming downwards and feeling every muscle in his torso before slowly coming up and resting on his right pectoral muscle. He jerked a bit as her fingers found his nipple and began playing with it, teasing and hardening it with light pinches before using her soft palms and fingertips to alleviate the aches she caused. Her lips trailed down from his pulse point to kiss his shoulders and chest, and he couldn't help but buck his hips a bit when she scraped her teeth along his chest, nipping him lightly. After rolling her pelvis into his now noticeable arousal a couple of times, driving him insane in the best way imaginable, he watched as she sat up astride him and regarded him with ragged breaths, mussed hair and swollen lips.

"Rach-" He was about to ask if she was okay, but just as soon as he said anything her finger came against his lips again.

"No words." She repeated with a smile. He swallowed, nodding a bit, and remained stunned in place as she brought her hands up and slowly removed the top portion of her dress, leaving her in nothing but the dress billowing around his midsection and a strapless bra. Her breathing was still shallow and her skin flushed with their exploits, and she turned back to look at him sultrily.

Finn could have sworn he'd died and gone to heaven. Here was Rachel Berry, almost topless, sitting astride him with nothing more than a loose dress and strapless bra. Life really didn't get much better than this. He grinned at her and his eyes clouded with lust.

Then, in one fluid motion, her two hands reached back and unclasped her bra. Without hesitation, it fell from around her chest and was dropped on the floor, forgotten. She sat there revealing herself, her small breasts enticingly bare and nipples protruding in a manner that signified her own sexual arousal.

Heaven was suddenly looking _**a whole lot**_ more enticing.

Swallowing (and discretely pinching himself to make sure this wasn't just some fantasy dream that _**seemed **_real…he'd had them before), he slowly, cautiously, brought his hands around to her chest and gently caressed her left breast, marvelling in how soft and natural they felt in his otherwise clumsy hands. Sure, he'd touched them before, even bare, but not so openly and without other clothing, a snug shirt or bra, somehow impeding him. This time, nothing was restricting his movements (or hers) and he carefully stroked them the way he always imagined she'd enjoy; grazing the sides gently with his fingers before cupping them and gently squeezing.

The guttural, carnal moan that came forth from Rachel almost had Finn calling for the mailman, especially when her eyes fluttered closed and her arms came up above her head at the pleasure of it all. He squeezed a little more firmly, this time swiping his thumb over her nipples, and the gasp of pleasure she emitted coursed through him like fire. He repeated the action, causing Rachel's hips to grind down into his as her head rolled up and her back arched into his touch. After caressing them for a few more moments, Rachel dropped herself onto Finn and passionately kissed him, shoving her tongue into his mouth and moaning further as his right hand splayed across her bare back and his left hand continued to knead her right breast. He swiped her nipple again with his thumb, once more causing her to grind down against his building erection.

Their eyes met and exchanged gazes of desire and lust, and then, without thinking, Finn rolled Rachel over so that he was on top of her and his mouth descended on her neck. Another breathy release came from her as his lips, teeth and tongue traced down along her skin until soon he was softly kissing her breasts, slow and tantalizing, letting just the tip of his tongue tingle against her skin before he pulled away and repeated the action an inch closer to the centre. After feeling Rachel groan slightly, her fingers twitching into a light claw along the back of his neck, he carefully pulled a sensitive nipple into his mouth and lightly sucked it, flicking his tongue across the jutting nub.

The combination of escaping breath and moan all at the same time from Rachel made Finn even harder that he already was at that moment, and he felt her right hand everywhere along his back at once as though she couldn't feel enough of him. Meanwhile her left hand secured his head where it was, leaving no doubt that she was enjoying his ministrations. Her hips bucked into his as he finally released her breast and he moved up to give her a long, slow open mouthed kiss, swiping her tongue with his as his right thumb went back to tease her nipple, the left over saliva acting as a lubricant and causing yet another moan of pleasure to escape from her. With care, he tenderly pulled away from her mouth and proceeded to lathe her other breast and nipple with kisses and smooth caresses before also pulling it into his mouth and sucking lightly.

"_Yes!_" Rachel whispered in ecstacy, again securing his head where it was and arching her back into his mouth. Finn's right hand came down to her lower back and supported her so he could grind his hips into hers as he continued to suckle her breast. Once again, he finished and moved up to give her another long, slow and heated kiss, this time his left hand gently turning and caressing her breast's nipple.

Finn pulled away from the kiss to regard his beautiful girlfriend; her hair was mussed sexily, her eyes dilated and filled with lust, her cheeks red with swollen lips, and the nipples of her breasts erect and still moist from his attentions. She moved again against his hips, grinding into him in an age old carnal manner, then smiled impishly as she locked her legs around him and pulled him sideways off her so they could be side by side. Her hands again found his pectoral muscles and began stroking them as her lips wandered across his shoulders and down his arms to kiss each inch of skin along his biceps. Finn took the opportunity to inhale deeply and try to control himself, but he didn't think his girlfriend was allowing that as suddenly her hands descended to his belt and nimbly unbuckle it. Before Finn knew what was happening he was helping her discard the uniform pants and practically panting as Rachel's small hands came against his length outside of his boxers.

"Rach, I..." Finn gasped as he felt her hand squeeze around his manhood, but she silenced him again by pressing her lips against his, swallowing his breath and words with her mouth while her tongue danced against his. Slowly, gently almost, her hand stroked his rock hard erection, making Finn's breathing ragged and uneven. She cupped the tip in her hand and gripped him more firmly, and the tall quarterback felt himself shiver with bliss at feeling her small hand against him. Slowly, tantalizingly, she moved her hand up and down his length while maintaining her tighter grip and Finn thought he was going to come unravelled from the sheer slow torture of it all. Then Rachel cupped his cheek with her free hand and kissed him passionately again, increasing suddenly the speed with which she moved her hand until she was practically pumping him like a piston.

His hips bucked against her hand, and he was about to ask her to stop when he remembered (barely) her command of not exchanging words. Instead, he seized her wrist in his hand and gently pulled her away before turning her on her back and pushing down the remainder of her dress. She helped him along, arching off her hips to allow it to slide down past her legs, and then she kicked it onto the floor with as much care as she'd shown his clothing. Finn took a moment to appreciate the site of Rachel Berry lying almost naked in front of him, wearing nothing more than a thin pair of cotton panties. Her skin was flushed and her body was responding to all of his touches.

She glanced at him worriedly, her eyes questioning. "Am...Do...do you like..."

Before she could continue, he pressed his finger to her lips and held her stare lovingly. "No words." He whispered huskily at her as he dove in for yet another heated kiss that she eagerly returned, their hands tracing each other's skin everywhere they could and desperately clinging to each other as the kiss deepened. With no protests from her, his hands traced down the sides of her breasts, past the ribcage, across her hips and then settled on the centre of her womanhood, gently massaging overtop of her thin panties. Rachel's eyes closed involuntarily and her breathing increased in long, shallow breaths as he simply allowed the weight of his hand to rest there, moving his fingers only slightly to give her gentle massaging sensations. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, having never gone this slowly or sensually with a girl – _**woman**_ – before. He guessed when his fingers drifted lower between her legs to come in contact with the lips of her folds and causing her to buck her hips violently while uttering a moan of desire that he must have been doing something right. She grabbed his head roughly and again kissed him deeply, gripping him tightly enough he'd have trouble pulling away if he'd wanted, but he had no such thoughts. He kissed her and enjoyed each sensation of their lips and tongues colliding desperately with each other as his fingers and hands continued to manipulate her centre in any way he could think.

"God, Finn..._**please just-**_"

"No words." He gently reminded her as he kissed her yet again, speeding up and using just a bit more pressure to work her up. Then, with a carnal moan, Rachel suddenly pulled away from his long kiss and reached down to practically rip her panties off and throw them away absently. Before Finn could even appreciate the view, Rachel secured his large hand in her small one and replaced it to where it was before.

Finn nearly came right there as his fingers came into direct contact with her now wet womanhood, and he continued to caress and rub it every conceivable way. Swallowing, he gently tested to see if he could slip one finger inside of her, and was rewarded with a massive cry of pleasure as her hips arched off the bed, accepting the entire length of his digit inside of her. He circled her walls, tenderly moving in and out, and Rachel's nails dug into the skin on his back tighter as her breathing increased rapidly. Sensing or feeling that he might be able to use two fingers, he inserted another digit inside carefully, ensuring that what he was doing wouldn't be too much for her to bear. Instead, her left hand came down and gripped his forearm to guarantee he couldn't remove it. Again, he lightly began moving the two fingers in and out, ensuring he was changing the angles each time to provide maximum contact with her sensitive lips.

The moans of desire and look of blissful enjoyment on her face made Finn wonder _**how **_he had lasted this long without losing his control, especially when he could feel how tight and restrictive his boxers were in that moment. Rachel's verbal cues, however, seemed to be indicating she was close to release, even if she couldn't do anything but dig her nails further into the skin on his back and forearm. Thinking how much she seemed to enjoy it previously, he wondered what would occur if he leaned over and sucked on her breast while he continued to soothingly stroke her inside. He bent down and hungrily sucked one of her nipples into his mouth, lathering it with his tongue.

Rachel's reaction was immediate. She cried out his name, bucked her hips into his hand, curling up off the bed briefly, then flattened herself out and arched her hips to meet each stroke of his fingers. He deftly continued the process until she repeated the same actions, then brought her hands down quickly to still him, indicating he should cease. He glanced up to her face as her eyes fluttered open and she gasped deeply, trying to steady her breathing and post orgasm shivers.

She turned to him with eyes full of love and a beam of a smile, and Finn could swear he felt his own emotions increase tenfold for this beautiful woman in front of him. Rachel had shared the most intimate and vulnerable thing possible with him, trusting him enough to allow him to pleasure her as he had, and the sheer power of their connection seemed amplified by it. He gathered her into his arms to simply hold her and let her know, non-verbally, that he didn't take anything she shared with him for granted.

He soon learned, however, that Rachel would have none of that. She returned his embrace for a few moments, then leaned up and whispered breathlessly into his ear.

"Condom."

If anything would have shocked him more in that moment, he wouldn't have known what it was. In an instant his gaze locked in place with hers, and even though he could see the trust, care, and love in her eyes, he couldn't stop himself from trying to ask the question anyway; he _**really **_didn't want Rachel to make the same mistake about this he had. "Rach, are you comple-"

Again, in an instant, her lips secured around his, but this time the kiss was different. Not urgent and carnal, instead she gave him one that was decisive, knowing and full of love. After nipping at his lips with hers a few times, she pulled away only enough for him to see her nod.

It took two tries to secure one around himself (the first one tore in his hands when he tried to roughly rip open the foil package, causing Rachel to giggle at his enthusiasm). Swallowing, he gently lowered himself between her legs while her right hand drifted down to secure itself around his erection and help to guide him. They'd never done this before with each other, and neither knew what exactly to expect, but Finn kissed her as fervently and lovingly as he could, trying to convey in one gesture how incredible this was for him and how grateful he was to be sharing this with her.

He got the sense she was of like mind as she silently mouthed a single, soft word to him against his lips. _**Please. **_

Finn had read up on the subject, mostly in the _**Cosmopolitan **_magazines he borrowed from Kurt's room without his brother's knowledge. He knew the first time could be painful for a woman, so he made sure he entered into her only with as much force as she was guiding him. Her head arched up in sheer surprise and pleasure for the first couple of inches, but as he gently continued inside her tight, wet folds, he saw her face beginning contort in pain. When it didn't pass after a while he attempted to withdraw, but her legs clamped around his waist and her heels dug into his back, stilling him and actually pushing him further along until his entire length was deeply set inside. He could feel her shifting uncomfortably underneath and he tried to insist that he didn't want to hurt her, even at the sake of their first time. "Rach, really," He whispered, "we don't-"

"No words." She repeated in a whisper, adjusting herself some more as her eyes took on a faraway look, like she was concentrating on her comfort and this new sensation. Finn decided simply to remain inside of her without moving, allowing her to control what happened. Since Rachel had locked him still with her legs, he revelled for as long as possible the feeling of being so connected and intimate with this wonderful, determined young woman lying underneath him. Finn gently kissed her along the neck, cheeks and ears, and suddenly realized they had begun to move together in an instinctual, carnal dance. Each thrust of his pelvis moved in time to each lift of her hips. Her warm, tight centre completely sheathed him as he continued to move within her, letting his length draw slowly in and out. His hardened member pressed against the lips of her folds and seemed to send wave upon wave of pleasure through her as the pain etched on her face changed to desire and need. Her hands raked down the skin on his back even as his hands gripped her shoulders more tightly, and without speaking they increased their movements, his length beginning to pump more quickly in and out of her.

Although he hadn't needed to call the mailman as much since his summer training, the combination of Rachel's' tight, wet centre, her breathy moans against his chest and neck and surprisingly strong hands that wandered down and gripped his ass hard wasn't something the entire postal service could have helped him with. Emitting a carnal growl, his eyes squeezed shut and he spilled himself inside the condom, gasping in pleasure but continued thrusting, making love for as long as possible. Rachel made and incoherent sound and squeezed her legs around him even tighter only a moment after his own release, and the feeling of being inside her as she pulled him tight against her body and rode her orgasm around him almost made him lose control a second time. He thrust inside slowly a few more times before being too spent to continue. Finn buried his head into her neck, both of them breathing heavily from their lovemaking and tightly embracing each other.

"That was _**everything**_, Rach." Finn mumbled breathlessly into her neck and against her ear, feeling his erection fade but still seated inside of her. "Everything I wanted it to be; everything it _**should **_have been. All of it was there. It could only be there with you." He pulled back and regarded her, feeling like his love for this amazing woman had grown to limitless proportions. "I love you. There's nothing else I can say, no other word. You're everything I need. Everything."

"Even before you knew you needed it?" Rachel murmured to him with loving eyes, her hands still busy tracing the contours of his back and arms before coming to rest on his face. Finn nodded to her at the reference to his letter, and she squeezed her legs around his waist a little tighter, still not allowing him to withdraw.

"It was perfect, Finn," she murmured. "Everything I wanted my first time to be, and I _**always**_ wanted it to be with you." She kissed him again before leaning up and gently kissing his earlobe, whispering quietly. "Thank you."

He chuckled a bit and reluctantly withdrew himself, rolling onto his back. She allowed him to pull her along his side and rested her head on his chest, gripping him around his waist and hugging him closer. They remained there in each other's embrace, silently celebrating their new level of intimacy with soft strokes of fingers, light kisses and shared looks of love, affection, and complete trust.

**XXXXX**

After quickly disposing of his condom properly (and underneath some other garbage in the shared bathroom as he didn't need Kurt knowing what he and Rachel had done that night), Finn quickly washed his face and neck free of sweat before returning to his bedroom. He reasoned he and Rachel had about twenty to thirty minutes before the others started returning to the Hudson-Hummel complex. Kurt usually didn't get back until very late on weekends when out with Blaine, and his Mom and Burt had already said it would likely be around three a.m. (or later) before they got back from Columbus.

Disappointed Rachel would soon have to go to the separate guest room downstairs he expected to return to his room to find her getting dressed. Instead, he saw her sitting primly on top of the bed, naked and cross legged, having drawn the covers back up and actually _**making**_ the bed to hide any evidence of their sexual activities. She smiled warmly at him even as he leaned down to kiss her, but then pulled away a bit. "I want you to do something for me."

"I can think of _**several **_things I can do for you." Finn responded naughtily, his left hand trailing down from her neck to stroke across her breast again. Rachel's breath hitched in her throat, but she shook her head and gently pulled his hand away.

"No distractions." She wagged her finger in his face, even as she allowed him another kiss before patting the bed in front of her. "Please sit down in front of me, like I am."

"Uh...okay." Finn agreed, crawling onto the bed and sitting, naked and cross legged, in front of her but allowing his eyes to drift over every inch of her exposed form. Damn, he really did have the _**hottest **_girl in school with those small, perky breasts, neatly trimmed hair around her most intimate parts (he could appreciate that now that all he was doing was looking) and gorgeous toned legs whose appearance belied their length. And her ass? Well, he'd been appreciating that for well over two years, now. He'd probably be appreciating it forever.

"Please focus." She said, lifting his head up by the chin so that his eyes were in line with hers, even though her lips were spread in a favourable grin from his lustful looks.

He sighed, but knew when she had a certain tone of voice that she was being serious. He nodded and maintained eye contact. "Okay, okay. Focused. What can I do for you?"

She gripped both of his hands in hers, entwining their fingers and grasping them as though never about to let go. "This position we're now in, Finn, is a metaphor."

Metaphor? Those were _**really**_ important to Rachel. He perked up a bit, knowing he'd better pay attention to the next words she spoke. "It is?"

Rachel nodded. "We are sitting across from each other, completely naked, Finn. There's nothing about each other we do not know in a physical sense. I can see all of you, you can see all of me, and we now have very intimate knowledge of how we respond to each other sexually. "

Finn wasn't entirely sure what point she was going to make, but agreed with her and nodded. "Alright, I'm with you so far, I think."

"Physically, there are no longer any barriers between us, because we love and we trust each other and want to share that part of ourselves with the other. That's how I feel about you, Finn. Am I correct in believing you feel the same way?"

"You know I do Rach." Finn replied with a smile as his head motioned towards the letter she'd dropped on the floor before their lovemaking.

"In the same way, Finn, in a strong relationship, we need to share our _**emotional **_selves as well, by revealing and opening up our thoughts, our dreams, our beliefs," her eyes met his seriously, "but also our pains and our fears."

The tall quarterback sighed deeply but knew exactly where Rachel was now taking this conversation. Surprising himself, however, he found himself agreeing wholeheartedly with her, even if he dreaded revisiting the topic.

"I'm going to ask you again, and I really want you to tell me everything, in _**your own words**_. Not because I'm nosy, or because I'm right, or because I insist that I know everything about you. I want to know because I love you with everything I have, and that means I want to understand your pain as much as your joys and triumphs. So please...please tell me." She took a breath and squeezed his hands with both of her small ones. "What happened to you this summer, Finn?"

As it often did, as soon as Finn started seriously thinking about the life he'd been forced to take, a tear began to collect in the corner of his eye and soon it trailed down his cheek. He moved to swipe it away, but Rachel stilled his hand in hers and reached up to remove it for him, gently gathering the moisture on her fingertip before returning her hand back to his and again threading their fingers together. It was a simple action, but Finn recognized it as much more. He looked up into Rachel's eyes and knew, _**really knew**_, that no matter what he'd been through or what he'd done, there was a woman other than his mother who would never fail to love him or ever push him away because of it. And she was the same wonderful, beautiful, amazing woman sitting in front of him now, asking him to bare his soul for her, just as he'd bared his body.

He nodded to her, swallowing, and then let go of a shaky breath. Finally, he looked up into her eyes.

"We were sent into the suburbs to disseminate information..."

**XXXXX**

_**FIVE WEEKS LATER...**_

The nerves settled deep into his stomach as he sat in the waiting room, his hands and feet tapping out a complicated drum rhythm of their own accord as he continued wondering if this was a good idea. Beside him on his left sat his mother, calm and collected, reading an issue of some home decorating magazine she'd borrowed off the table in front of him. On his right sat Rachel, also busy flipping through a magazine, but this one about singing and music that she'd brought with her from home.

"Would you relax, please?" Carole Hudson muttered to him after being bumped by his left arm while he tapped out his drum pattern. For her part, Rachel's hand came up and stilled his right arm, even while she continued to read. After a second, she turned her eyes from her magazine and looked at him.

Finn huffed out a breath and stood up. "I'm just nervous, okay? I don't...I just...what if he thinks I'm crazy? What if there's no cure? What if-"

"You need it, Finn. And you _**know**_ you do." Rachel gave him a pointed look which made further arguments die on his lips.

Carole looked at him understandingly. "Finn, there's no 'cure' to be had here. Really, he's just a therapist. I've seen one, Rachel's seen one. He's going to listen to what's bothering you and suggest some advice, techniques and exercises to help you deal with the issue at hand. This happened in August. It's now January and you're still deeply affected by it."

"I'll always be deeply affected by it, Mom." Finn retorted.

"Of course you will be." Carole agreed, sharing an understanding glance with Rachel. "But I think Rachel's right about this, Finn. You're beyond the help of friends and family. We'll always be here for you, but you need to talk to a professional with actual training regarding this issue. He can help you see yourself the way you were before. He can suggest ways to not let this affect you so much in your everyday life."

"He was highly recommended by CISM." Rachel continued where his Mom left off, pulling out the pamphlet Finn had been given by his Sergeant. Although he'd tried to forget about it, she had discovered it under a stack of homework on his desk just a couple weeks prior. "This counsellor has specific experience and specialized training dealing with PTSD and survivor's guilt. He's been used by many Ohio and Indiana police forces to help officers who were forced into similar situations you went through."

Carole stilled Finn's pacing with a hand on his forearm as he tried to walk past. "Finn, please try this. I know you hate talking about what happened even with your family or Rachel, but like it or not, this isn't going to go away and you need to be able to deal with it properly."

"And _**not**_ trying to avoid it." Rachel put in pointedly. A concurring nod of approval was exchanged between the two women before they both turned back to give him imploring looks.

Finn groaned as he saw them agreeing with each other and turn towards him. Yeah, there was no way he was getting out of this, especially since he knew both his Mom and Rachel had him wrapped around their fingers and could probably get him to do whatever they wanted as individuals. When they combined forces? Absolutely no escape whatsoever. He was only eighteen but already it felt like the women in his family were ganging up on him. Well, he was pretty sure one way or another that Rachel _**would **_be his family someday. He didn't have many long term plans yet in life (though he'd started talking about it a bit more with Rachel) but one that _**was **_secure in his mind was his and Rachel's eventual marriage. To him it wasn't even a question, just an inevitable fact.

The door opened to the waiting area and an older lady in professional clothing came out with a file in her hands. "Mr. Hudson?" When Finn raised his hand a bit to indicate his presence, she smiled warmly. "Come on in. Dr. Greve will see you now."

Despite the joke being old since the day they made the appointment, Finn noticed Rachel giggle slightly at the name. She'd told him she found it 'hilariously ironic' that a doctor who specialized in survivor's guilt and post traumatic stress disorder had a last name sounding like 'grieve'. Still, she cast him a loving, caring gaze and squeezed his forearm as he got up and looked down to her.

"This will help, Finn. You can only get better from here, provided you open up about it all." She stood on her toes and pecked him on the lips. "And everyone wants you to get better."

Carole nodded and kissed Finn on the cheek. "Rachel's right, you know. You should listen to her. Lord knows you don't pay enough attention to me."

"Hey!" Finn protested quickly as both Carole and Rachel laughed. He knew it now beyond the shadow of a doubt; they were so _**totally**_ ganging up on him.

"We'll be in the coffee shop across the street. Come find us when your hour is finished, okay?" Carole and Rachel both hugged him once before nodding and leaving together out the main entrance. Finn watched them depart and then turned to the inside door by which the secretary was standing.

It would always haunt him that he had been required to kill someone; forced to make a decision that altered forever not only his life but the lives of so many others. But the past was in the past, and nothing could be done to change it. All that could be affected was the present and the future, and one thing Finn knew for certain was that he didn't want this weighing on his mind forever. He had friends, he had family, and he had Rachel to offer him support whenever he needed it, but the real change could only come from within. Just like at the beginning of the summer, he had to focus on himself to ensure the changes he wanted to make could be accomplished.

"Ready, Mr. Hudson?"

Finn sighed, squared his shoulders and nodded before proceeding into the office. He could do this.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>


	26. Epilogue: Show Choir

**A/N - This is it. The final chapter, the last stand, c'est tout and the end. Again, I'm thanking everyone for all of their support, help, suggestions, reviews, subscriptions, and anything else that contributed to me finishing this beast of a story. In case you're all wondering, yes, I will now be going back to finish TYM. I have it mapped out, just that my muse wouldn't let me work on it much and pushed me to finish this one instead. After TYM is complete, I do have another idea to work on, and if the mood strikes me, perhaps a couple of one-shots, but we'll see. **

**Disclaimer - See Chapter 1, in necessary. **

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><p>"They've <em><strong>got <strong>_to be kidding!" Finn disgustedly declared, ripping off his reading glasses and tossing them and the new script on his bedside table. He leaned back against the headboard and let out a breath of frustration while shaking his head. "Why did Mitch and I hire these writers?"

"Because critically the show was panned for the back half of last season," Rachel reminded him from where she stood in the ensuite bathroom, just finishing removing her makeup. She smiled a bit, then peered out the door and gave him a pointed look. "I told you putting Tim and Quanda back together wouldn't fly. It made no sense for either character, especially after everything that happened between them in the first season."

Finn held up his hands. "Hey, you're preaching to the choir, trust me. That was all Mitch's idea because he thought the other storyline was 'boring'!" Finn used air quotes and then shook his head again. "We spent all last year pushing Tim and Rita together, and in two episodes that Mitch promised would boost ratings we've destroyed any credibility for the characters involved. And we could have done so many things; Tim with a college tutor, or Rita with Barry who was thinking he's not gay but bi, but _**noooo**_, the execs wanted another bloody triangle to mimic the first season." He huffed out another loud breath. "This is gonna take forever to fix, and you just know who's gonna have to write those episodes."

She smiled and turned back to the mirror, wiping her hands on the hand towel. "Well, the series _**is**_ loosely based on your life, Finn. You _**are **_the one person who actually could fix it, aren't you?"

"I wrote the _**first **_season based loosely on my life, and Mitch's. I was kinda hoping to explore more creative territory this season. I had enough drama in high school." He shook his head again and leafed through the pages, still leaning against the headboard with his legs flat under the sheets. "At least the cheerleading coach isn't such a twisted bitch like ours was. Forcing the kids to choose between activities and thinking about how it'll affect their possible future in college, that part's good. But the relationship stuff…_**ugh!**_"

He was ranting, she knew. It was a way for him to release the stress of trying to produce and creatively direct one of the most popular shows in the U.S. right now. She grinned a bit at thinking about how far Finn had come up the ranks as a television producer.

He'd started off earning a degree in broadcasting, then moved into sports production, and somehow forged a strong friendship with another producer there, Mitch Tiller. They had gone out for drinks one night and exchanged old high-school stories, then discovered a common love for singing and performing. Finn recounted his days as male lead in the glee club, and Mitch surprised him by saying he had been the guitar player for his own school's glee club. After enough stories were shared and exchanged, Finn had drunkenly found his way home. He then woke up in the morning to realize (even hung over) that everything needed for a creative new series was right there at his fingertips. With Mitch's help, they quickly sketched in characters for the show and used their shared experiences to map out the first season. Two years later and after a lukewarm reception to the idea, the television studio decided to green light the first ten episodes of their new joint effort, '_**Show Choir'**_.

To say it had been well received by a television audience hungry for anything that wasn't another police drama, medical show or reality series, was an understatement. It had rocketed up to being in the top five shows of the year, and their network had quickly signed them for two more seasons. Finn and Mitch were moved over from producing sports shows to run the new series, and neither had ever looked back.

Finn and Mitch began to differ in their approach starting the second season. Mitch still wanted their characters to follow storylines based on their own experiences, whereas Finn was getting tired of mapping everything around his teenage years. Rachel knew it was mostly because these storylines struck a little too close to home for him, reminding him of decisions and mistakes he'd made that he'd rather forget. She bit down a laugh at wondering how a grown man in his late thirties still got embarrassed by things he'd done as a teenager, but Finn was hard on himself that way.

"Maybe Mitch is right." Finn lamented as Rachel came in from their ensuite and climbed into bed beside him. "Maybe all audiences want to watch are the relationships, but I really don't want to _**only **_focus on that. I mean, some high school relationships work out. Ours did. Mike and Tina are still married. What's the harm of exploring other sides to these characters? Make Tim single for a while. Have Rita question her ability to _**have **_a relationship and go back to pursuing acting."

Rachel listened patiently as Finn rambled and vented about his series. She mostly agreed with his vision rather than Mitch's since Finn's creativity with where he _**wanted **_to take the next episodes could lead to some very interesting storylines. She did once concede, however, during a double date with Mitch and his wife, that most of the best stories were based on real-life events or experiences. She could at least understand where Finn's producing partner was coming from.

"What does the network think?" Rachel asked him as she shifted in the bed to get more comfortable.

Finn shrugged. "They're pretty much indifferent. As long as the ratings stay the same or increase, they don't really care what's put on screen. If they could get 20 million people to watch potatoes grow in Idaho, they'd set up the cameras at the right time of day and arrange for satellite transmission." His hands came up behind his head and he looked up to the ceiling. "I dunno. I mean, Mitch has already told me he's gonna make sure Tim and Rita are together again in the second last episode of the season, but this whole thing with Quanda again…I mean, Tim isn't supposed to be as dumb as I was in high school."

Rachel cast him a disapproving look. "You weren't dumb, Finn. You lost your way. It took a while for you to find it, that's all."

"And a summer in army fatigues." Finn laughed a bit.

"Which you never got out of until we had kids." Rachel reminded him as she snuggled into his side and forced him to drape his arm around her shoulders. "Thought I do miss the uniforms."

"Hey, I gave over ten years to the National Guard units in Ohio and New York. I think I've done my time." He grinned at her devilishly. "Of course, if you like the uniforms _**that**_ much, I could always find a costume store and-"

"Ooooh – for the Halloween Ball?" Rachel grinned as she and Finn exchanged a deep kiss. Just as Finn was getting into it and turning towards her, though, a light bulb went off in Rachel's mind and she jerked away, causing Finn to protest in annoyance.

He caught her gaze and raised his eyebrows questioningly. "What?"

"That's how you do it, Finn!" She smiled even more as the wheels in her mind turned.

"Do what?"

"Fix everything, and maybe do it somewhat creatively. " Finn nodded at her to continue, and Rachel spoke again. "So, maybe let season two go the way Mitch has planned, and then in season three you can start with a bit of a mystery for Tim's character."

Finn frowned. "Mystery? It's a musical dramedey, though."

"But think of the possibilities," Rachel grinned. "It could be a storyline for both Tim and Rita. Don't bring them back together this year. Then, at the start of next season, Tim is suddenly more serious, studious, insightful, protective, and Rita has no idea why. You could take the audience on a journey with her as she uncovers what's happened to Tim."

Finn smiled a bit at her, propping his head up on one hand while his other hand caressed across her hip and leg. "Oh, so now I base Rita directly on _**your **_experiences, do I?"

"She's already kinda based on me, right?" Rachel waved away Finn's half-objection as she got more excited by the idea. "She could push, find clues, and uncover finally, by the mid-point of season three, that Tim had actually joined the National Guard and had to go through a traumatic event."

Her husband's face changed suddenly from appreciative to defiant. "You're _**not **_considering I have the character go through what I did, are you?"

Rachel knew this subject was still a bit of a sore spot for Finn. Biting her lip, she sat up and faced him directly, completely naked, as they had done so many times since their first night as lovers. She kept her voice smooth and neutral so as not to come across as antagonistic. After several years of off-off-Broadway shows, off-Broadway shows and finally Broadway shows where she had to deal with stubborn and overdramatic (even for her) fellow actors, directors, producers and the like, she'd become an expert in how to make her case without beginning arguments.

"Well, it has a lot of pros working for it." She began. "For one, Mitch likes basing storylines around experiences, and this would definitely fulfill that requirement. Second, it would add an element of mystery to the show for your two main characters and could generate interest again amongst your target demographic. Third, it's some drama that allows the two characters to interact without resurrecting another love triangle. Fourthly, when the truth about Tim was revealed, you could literally stun your entire audience. Well, stun those who don't obsessively troll online for any hints or spoilers they can about the show."

Her reasoning was sound, and she could tell it was because Finn was quiet for a long time, considering each and every debate in his mind. Finally, he sighed in a long and slow manner and then turned his eyes back to her. "The thing is…it would hurt, Rachel. Writing scripts and trying to revisit that whole period of my life for the sake of the show? It took almost two years of seeing a therapist once a month to finally feel like I had control and accepted what I'd gone through. Now you're suggesting I bring up all that pain and grief and put it out there for the masses to consume as entertainment?"

Rachel swallowed, but pulled his free hand from where it was resting on her knee and entwined their fingers while thinking about Finn's question a bit. An answer came to her by the time she'd squeezed his hand and he'd returned the gesture. "A boy once told me, back in my junior year of high school, something very wise beyond his years. In order to write a really great song, I had to dig deep and touch on those emotions, fears and pain I had buried in my heart. So I did, finally, and _**'Get it Right' **_was the result. That song not only helped us win Regionals, it's now won a Grammy after I retooled it for my album." She smirked at seeing Finn's head hang in defeat. "Do you see my point?"

Her husband rolled his eyes, even as he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. After another moment's thought, he blew out a breath. "I suppose the worst that can happen is I spend a few hours on a script and throw it away later. Or maybe turn it into a movie or something else down the road. And it beats the hell out of Mitch's boring 'What-do-I-want-in-life-now?' plot idea." He gave her a look of love and trust. "Thanks, Rach."

"Of course. I'm more than just a pretty face and voice, you know. And it'll be cathartic for you, I think." Rachel curled against his side and draped an arm around his waist. "It could be the perfect end to that chapter of your life; something horrible you had to experience now driving you and being the basis for something that will be positive and rewarding."

"Turning lemons into lemonade, in other words?" Finn grinned at her.

She smiled and kissed him on the lips. "Exactly. So go make your lemonade and see if Mitch and the networks would like some, too." She yawned sleepily and turned her head against his shoulder, as she often did when trying to fall asleep in Finn's arms. "Oh, Christopher and Patti are fast asleep in their rooms. I checked on them before coming to bed."

Finn smiled down at her. "You checked on them? Aren't they a little old for that at ten and eight?"

She shrugged, curling in a bit more at the feel of his large hand on her bare back. "I was busy with my show until last week. It's my job to take care of my family. And that means in all ways, including tucking them in even when I don't have to." She looked up at him. "Or suggesting they close the book on a part of their life's history."

Finn chuckled in good humour and nodded. "Okay, okay. I'll try it."

Rachel beamed at him. "Good." She kissed him lightly before turning her back to him and settling down into his embrace to sleep.

She squealed as she suddenly felt herself pulled up and roll over top of Finn until she was on the other side of their king bed with him over her, kissing her gently along her neck as his hands wandered down the length of her body in _**every single way**_ she enjoyed. After a searing kiss between them, their tongues playing with each other, he pulled back and grinned like a schoolboy.

"Are you suggesting we don't go to sleep yet, Finn?" She asked coyly, already knowing the answer.

He smiled against her lips as he kissed her again. "You've been so busy with your show that I think there are '_**parts' **_of me that now need some extra attention. And I might have one or two ways to reward you for it." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Rachel giggled, even as she clasped her arms behind his neck and rolled into his hips, causing him to groan at the friction between their naked forms. "Well, I _**did **_say it's my job to take care of my family. I suppose I can 'tuck you in', too."

**XXXXX**

_**Show Choir **_won five Emmy awards the following year, all of them related to the episodes Finn had written based on his experiences in the National Guard. Two of the awards had Finn's name inscribed on them, but Rachel always claimed that they were _**their **_Emmy's.

Finn always smiled and agreed wholeheartedly when she did.

**- FIN -**

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><p><strong>Reviews aren't just appreciated, they're encouraged! :) <strong>

**Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed "_Guarding the Heart"_.**


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